The messages might start showing up on a social media account. Vulgar slurs and insults posted on Instagram, or embarrassing pictures sent through Snapchat, where photos and videos automatically delete after a few seconds.

For years, bullies have gone online to harass peers they want to target. Now that the vast majority of tweens and teens are constantly connected through their devices, a child being cyberbullied can feel relentlessly under attack.

This creates one of the most difficult situations for a parent to address. Parents say it seems like a no-win situation. A child being targeted will plead with them not to get involved for fear that it will make only make matters worse for them. School administrators may not get involved if the harassment is happening outside of the school day, or they may be unable to track down the perpetrators.

It’s a more common experience than many adults realize.

About 28 percent of the students surveyed by the Cyberbullying Research Center reported that they have been cyberbullied at some point in their lifetimes. About 16 percent admitted that they had cyberbullied others. Professors Sameer Hinduja and Justin Patchin, who direct the center, offer useful tips for parents about how to handle a cyberbullying situation. They say to take these incidents seriously, but not to freak out. Don’t minimize what your child is feeling, or assume that simply ignoring the abuse will end it.

Collecting evidence is key, they say.

“Print out or make screenshots of conversations, messages, pictures and any other items which can serve as clear proof that your child is being cyberbullied. Keep a record of any and all incidents to assist in the investigative process. Also, keep notes on relevant details like location, frequency, severity of harm, third-party involvement or witnesses, and the backstory,” their guidelines say.

They suggest refraining from contacting the bullies’ parents, who may become confrontational or defensive. Instead, they advise contacting the school and finding out the district’s policies about bullying and cyberbullying, which often go hand-in-hand. The school has an obligation to ensure a safe learning environment for all students. But even in situations when the school is slow or reluctant to deal with the situation, they offer other avenues to pursue:

-- Contact the service provider. Cyberbullying violates the Terms of Service of all legitimate service providers (websites, apps, Internet or cell companies). Regardless of whether your child can identify who is harassing them, you can file a report with the company about online abuse.

-- Contact the police when physical threats are involved. If your local department is not helpful, reach out to county or state law enforcement officials, as they may have more resources and expertise in technology-related offenses.

-- If the bullying is based on race, sex or disability, contact the Office for Civil Rights.

-- Seek counseling for your child, if necessary.

-- Set up privacy controls for every social media account to block the bully from contacting them.

There have been several high-profile, tragic cases involving students who had been bullied, including a 2006 case that led to a Missouri teen’s suicide. In the wake of Megan Meier’s death, an anti-bullying nonprofit was started in her name. Alex King, a program manager for the Megan Meier Foundation, has worked with parents for the past three years when they call seeking help for children being bullied.

“They are terrified,” she said. “They are frustrated.”

Often, they don’t know where else to turn and are worried something will happen to their children, King said. The foundation can help to intervene with the school district, share resources for parents and even provide free counseling for children being bullied.

King said they want the child to know it’s OK to ask for help and also involve them in solving the problem. They stress to the children they work with that the bullying is never their fault.

“This should not be happening to you,” she tells them.

Children can be cruel to one another. But adults shouldn’t tolerate it.

Matt McCain hasn’t felt the same about a close friend after reading what she posted about the Women’s March in D.C. two months ago. They used to talk about everything, and he had been a groomsman in her wedding five years ago.

McCain, who grew up in a small town in Texas but now lives in Austin, said he wasn’t upset by her political position, but rather by how she expressed it. He was surprised at how naive and closed-minded she came across. He hasn’t made an effort to see her since, doesn’t talk to her as much and feels uneasy toward her.

Many of us have had similar experiences lately. Part of the discomfort stems from being surprised by the views of someone we thought we knew well, or the disconcerting realization that your values differ radically from someone you care about.

We may have hoped that the country would be moving past the fractious politics that divided us so bitterly during the campaign. Instead, the wounds of this past election keep getting ripped open. President Donald Trump’s job approval rating has dropped to 37 percent, his worst since taking office two months ago, and 58 percent of Americans disapprove of his performance so far, according to a recent Gallup poll. His controversial proposals -- from the travel bans to repealing the Affordable Care Act to a budget that slashes funding for popular programs -- has elicited strong reactions. Sharing those reactions on social media has become one way for people to deal with unprecedented political circumstances.

As the environment gets more charged, it continues to test friendships and other relationships.

A friend recently asked a question on Facebook after seeing an offensive post from an acquaintance: When it comes to your friends’ beliefs, “is it better not to know?” She said she had previously tried challenging this casual friend’s misinformation, but gave up trying to talk to her after the latest post.

”I do miss the days when racists weren’t emboldened to express these views aloud,” she said.

McCain said even though one of his closest friendships has been tarnished, he would rather know what people in his life really think.

Those who are outliers in a politically homogenous family, neighborhood or city may opt to stay quiet about their views. But divisions can be extra painful in the most intimate relationships: spouses, parents and close friends.

These are not people you can mute, unfollow or de-friend with the click of a button.

In relationships that can’t be easily severed, many people deal with differences with good ol’ fashioned avoidance. This is the preferred approach in many families: Steer clear of any topics likely to create tension or conflict. But some who successfully used the avoidance strategy during the contentious campaign season say the tension has only been building since Election Day. One woman said she has avoided asking her husband of 30 years who he voted for. But his unwillingness to be critical of anything Trump has said or done has pushed her to the brink emotionally.

“There have never been two things harder to reconcile, ever,” she said. “This man I love, and this man I loathe. And both such a part of my daily life.”

Rachel D’Souza-Siebert of St. Louis says it’s important for her to know her close friends’ political beliefs in order to have authentic relationships. She describes herself as a liberal and has friends who are politically conservative.

“On some issues we agree and on some we don’t, but at the end of the day we respect each other,” she said. “That being said, I have had some friendships and relationships end over politics, and I’m OK with that.”

Kandi Gregory of St. Louis describes herself as a very conservative Christian, and has unfollowed some of her Facebook friends. But one of her closest friends in real life is a “very liberal Jewish lady.” She says they have had many discussions on issues ranging from abortion to religion.

“I think by listening to each other, it has opened me up to different things,” she said.

The keys to maintaining a relationship despite fundamental differences? Respect and a willingness to hear the other point of view.

Whether a person decides to confront, avoid or completely disengage from loved ones with different views, everyone who responded to the Facebook query -- about whether it’s better to know -- said that it was.

Maybe it’s best that some relationships fall apart when tested, because the foundation wasn’t as strong as we’d imagined.

Or perhaps being aware of the minefields helps us avoid explosions.

When Isabella Blanchard designed her bedroom, she carefully considered the look she wanted to create before finalizing the drapery, bedding and paint colors.

She was 7.

“I let her pick out everything -- the wall color, the bedspread,” said her mom, Kris Blanchard of St. Louis. The finished project features purple walls, pink glittery curtains and a gauzy princess canopy hanging from the ceiling.

“I didn’t have so much say at that age,” Blanchard said. But like many other modern parents, Blanchard has embraced the idea that a child’s room is his or her space, and should express the kid’s individual style.

When today’s parents were kids, the design liberties they were allowed were often limited to picking the posters they wanted to hang on their bedroom walls. And even those had to meet certain criteria of tastefulness, in some homes. But this generation is growing up curating and exploring their aesthetic in a digital world saturated with images.

The most popular social media sites for young people -- Instagram, Tumblr, Snapchat -- trade in visuals. Tweens can create Pinterest boards that hone what appeals to them visually. Businesses way beyond Pottery Barn Kids have recognized this market. There are designers who cater to guiding younger clients, empowered by their parents’ pocketbooks.

Walmart offers a $15 “Design Your Dream Room” kit that allows kids to “decorate the room of your dreams” with an interior design portfolio. Different activity sections let the child experiment with patterns, colors and layout.

There’s even a new party-concept store in a St. Louis-area mall, called My Room Rocks, that gives customers a box to decorate as a room -- sort of a design diorama.

Isabella, now 8, recently celebrated her birthday there with a group of girls, creating elaborate models of rooms complete with miniature furniture, wallpaper, valances and bedding. She decided to go with a modern black and white theme in this room, including a “Star Wars” bedspread and accents of purple, her favorite color.

Mary Sittler, creator and owner of the store, says she remembered how her own now-grown daughters would customize and build rooms for their dolls. She sees the store as another form of creative expression for children. There is an entire wall with more than 50 different fabric options for bedding, pillows and window treatments to customize each cardboard box “room.” The store hosts lots of birthday parties, but boys and girls also drop in to create individual projects.

Not everyone is sold on the idea that young children should have complete artistic control over their bedrooms before they’ve mastered making their beds. The Wall Street Journal ran a pro and con piece on the question of whether parents should allow kids to design their own rooms.

Proponents argue that it gives children a sense of ownership and imparts a sense of security. It’s best if parents provide a few pre-approved choices from which a child can choose. On the other side, designers cautioned parents that children can be “capricious, which can lead to overspending and truly bad decor.”

In the case of the Blanchards, everyone was pleased with the final product. Isabella’s mother ordered the furniture, while Isabella chose the colors and accessories. Isabella originally wanted a princess-themed room, but her mother wanted something that could last longer than a passing interest in fairy-tale royalty. And if she does tire of the purple walls, luckily paint is a fairly inexpensive change for do-it-yourselfers.

Now, Isabella has her eye on an unfinished attic in the house she would like to convert into a craft or play room one day.

“I’ve been thinking about stuff,” she said. “Pink and purple and a big glass chandelier.”

Before she takes on her next design project, however, she needs to graduate second grade.