parenting

Marie Curie Prepares to Throw Down With Barbie

Parents Talk Back by by Aisha Sultan
by Aisha Sultan
Parents Talk Back | July 21st, 2014

(Caption for ptb140721.jpg: Toy startup Miss Possible hopes its Marie Curie doll will inspire girls to pursue science.)

The disruption in the pink aisle is about to become an all-out revolution.

A newly minted female engineer and one in the making have developed a successor to last season's groundbreaking GoldieBlox, the engineering kits geared toward girls.

Supriya Hobbs and Janna Eaves, both 21, met through the engineering program at the University of Illinois. They came up with a line of dolls that they hope will change the way girls think about pretend play, and more importantly, about their place in the world.

Their Miss Possible line of dolls combines the appeal of American Girl with the skill development of GoldieBlox.

These young women have left Barbie so far behind.

The first doll will be the childhood version of Marie Curie, the Nobel Prize-winning chemist and physicist whose research led to breakthroughs in the understanding of radioactivity. The second in the production line would be Bessie Coleman, the first African-American female aviator and first American to hold an international pilot's license. The third woman they've chosen in their doll lineup is Ada Lovelace, known as the world's first computer programmer.

Each doll will come with a smartphone app with a set of experiments and activities the child can do in the spirit of the doll's namesake. The Marie Curie app will have instructions on making a compass, creating a chemical reaction with Elmer's glue and experimenting with magnetism. It's like a digital science kit using materials typically found in the house. The app also delves into the biography of the woman.

Toys can be powerful tools, letting children imagine a narrative of what's possible in their own lives. But they've become increasingly gendered, pink, superficial and sexualized since today's parents were children.

Would you rather have your daughter imagining she's a princess who finds her Prince Charming or a pioneer who finds a cure for cancer?

"There's something really powerful of having a real person behind it," Hobbs said. "This is one woman. This is the story of her life."

They are seeking crowdfunding for Miss Possible through Indiegogo.com and will let their financial backers pick which real-life female hero to immortalize in doll form after Lovelace. They decided on childhood representations of these women because they wanted the focus to be on their extraordinary accomplishments, not on the depiction of the body.

The founders of GoldieBlox captured our imaginations through viral marketing videos, won airtime during the Super Bowl and raised enough money from donors to begin to take space in the toy aisles away from princesses and put it in the hands of future engineers. Hobbs reached out to GoldieBlox employees, and said they helped mentor this young dynamic duo.

"I was surprised how much they were willing to help us," Hobbs said. "We're all sort of working toward the same thing. That makes it more of a collaboration than a competition."

Miss Possible has a five-person team of college-aged women working on all aspects of their product, from the design to web development and marketing. Hobbs has been working 50 to 60 hours a week on the plans since graduating this summer, even though she already has a job lined up starting next month.

Eaves and Hobbs know their career choices will put them in the minority in their fields, and that's what they are hoping to change. Even though women represent half of all college-educated workers in this country, they made up only 28 percent of science and engineering workers in 2010.

Typical engineers. They spotted a problem and came up with a way to address it.

Hobbs and Eaves researched and found a factory in China to produce their dolls, which they will sell for $45 apiece. The month-long Indiegogo campaign will hopefully help them raise the $75,000 they need to fund the factory's minimum order of 5,000 dolls.

Both of Hobbs parents are chemists, and Eaves' are engineers. The young women never learned to doubt their own abilities in male-dominated STEM fields. They want their dolls to spark that same confidence in the girls who may one day play with them.

"If you look at Marie Curie, you can't say, 'I can't be like that.' You can. Because she was," Hobbs said.

Friends & NeighborsEtiquette & Ethics
parenting

When Pet Parents Pamper Their Fur-Babies

Parents Talk Back by by Aisha Sultan
by Aisha Sultan
Parents Talk Back | July 14th, 2014

A man who used to occasionally dine on duck learned to dine with ducks when he fell in love with a duck-obsessed pet parent.

But co-parenting a pampered pooch, duck or ferret isn't always so easy.

The new childhood belongs to the dogs. Literally.

Baby boomers began elevating the status of pets decades ago. No longer were pets simply there to serve a utilitarian purpose, such as protecting the house or providing companionship; they were part of the family. The longer couples wait to have children, the more childlike their pets have become to them. Empty-nesters replaced the children in the center of their orbit with furry companions -- ones much less likely to talk back and slam doors.

Lisa Tucker, executive producer for "Spoiled Rotten Pets," which aired on Nat Geo Wild, says she watched pet culture become more luxurious and indulgent years ago in Los Angeles and New York.

"Of course, there are doggie weddings and 'bark mitzvahs,'" she said. "You see people pushing dogs in $200 strollers pretty regularly in New York City." But she was surprised to see that it wasn't just cats and dogs that got the best of their owners' love. The show featured women who knitted clothes for their ferrets; a woman who painted her ducks' feet, made outfits for them and took them on bike rides in a basket; and a couple who took their two pot-bellied pigs to a day spa and installed a doorbell at snout level for them at their house.

"You would think a lot of the indulgence came from people who had the money and time," Tucker said. "But that wasn't necessarily the case."

And spoiled pets can be found throughout the land, from the smallest town in the heartland to the reddest of red states.

Owners have pushed pet industry expenditures to more than $58 billion annually, according to the American Pet Products Association. The figure has risen every year through the Great Recession, with more than a 20 percent increase in the past five years.

There are times when family members draw the line. One reptile-lover's home was divided into two levels at the wife's request: reptiles downstairs, humans upstairs. No boa constrictors allowed in the bedroom.

Pampered pooches have entire bakeries and gourmet lines devoted to their treats.

Kathy Caton, owner of a St. Louis Three Dog Bakery, has catered a dog wedding (Jose and Lily's), baked numerous gourmet birthday cakes and hosted "doggie nights out" at local restaurants with a specialized, pup-friendly menu. She says as people have become more conscious about the quality of the food they consume, they want the same organic, healthy standard for their pets. I have a friend who drives to an organic dairy to purchase raw milk for his cat, who eats organic Cornish game hens and wild-caught salmon several days a week.

Lab mix Maggie wandered around Three Dog Bakery in a blue sequined tutu, purple pedicure on her paws. Her daddy got her ready this morning for her puppy playdate and didn't even need any coaching to pull her outfit together.

"I can't believe I'm walking a dog with a skirt on," Steven Davis, 31, thought to himself, that morning. By way of rationalization, he said: "Everyone thinks she's a boy if I don't."

"She's got bows in her hair," Maggie's mama, Faronda Davis, 30, said.

The Davises, owners of a children's cooking school, exhibit some of the typical divisions that can come up in a pet-centered home. They have a human daughter, Ayla, 11, and they rescued Maggie, now 4 months old, when she was 7 weeks. Allegedly, they got the puppy for their daughter.

"I do want to have a birthday party for her," Faronda said.

"We are not doing that," her husband said.

"She's sweet. She deserves it."

"I think it's crazy," he said, to no one in particular.

Maggie looked unfazed. A smart pup, she had a fair idea who would win this battle.

When her family goes on vacation, she stays in a plush doggie hotel.

"Honey, be honest," Faronda said, to her husband. "You wanted to put her in that horrible kennel. I said, 'No way is she staying in a kennel.'"

"I really have no say," Steven finally admitted.

It's a familiar scenario to Steve Tharp, who works part-time as a pet photographer. He says pet owners are willing to spend as much on dogs as they do on children's portraits, if not more. He's had clients spend anywhere from a few hundred to more than $2,500 on a dog portrait package. There's usually a negotiation between the "parents" about how much to spend.

Typically, the wife wants to spend a little more, and the husband comes to the digital viewing of the photos to put a check on things, Tharp said.

"The woman usually wins," he added. There have been tears shed in some of the photo preview sessions.

But don't worry if Fido picks up on tension between mommy and daddy.

You can always hire a pet therapist.

Marriage & DivorceAddiction
parenting

Risky Middle-School Popularity

Parents Talk Back by by Aisha Sultan
by Aisha Sultan
Parents Talk Back | July 7th, 2014

It was, of course, a popular mean girl who made my life miserable in middle school.

She made a point to ask me, in front of whatever audience she could rally around her, if I had attended the big party over the weekend. (I never had.) If I had found a boyfriend. (Nope.) If I even had a clue about the fantastic life that she and her friends led. (Not really.)

While her needling seemed like the end of the world when I was 11 and 12, it taught me to have a great deal of compassion for the marginalized as I grew up. I've wondered what happened to my young tormentor as the years passed. A new study out of the University of Virginia suggests she should have been nicer.

Published last month in the journal Child Development, it followed the "cool kids" from middle school for a decade. It's true what they say about peaking too young: The socially precocious teens in middle school fell lower on the social hierarchy by high school. And in their early 20s, they had more problems with drugs and alcohol, more trouble with the law and were less competent in their friendships.

What's surprising is that the middle school "fast-track," as measured in this study, seems tame compared to the images put forth in current pop culture. One of the markers identified middle schoolers who reported becoming seriously romantically involved at this age, as in making out with a boyfriend or girlfriend, but not going further than that.

"Some people might see that as normative at age 13, but that's actually very precocious," said Megan Schad, a co-author on the paper. The other measures looked at whether the teens had gotten in trouble for such things as skipping school, shoplifting, sneaking into movies or participating in minor vandalism. Lastly, those who cared a lot about appearances -- surrounding themselves with just the pretty ones -- and who expressed an extreme desire to be popular scored high on the study's scale. All of these behaviors were aggregated into one measure to gauge later outcomes.

The cool kids from the Virginia study, when compared with their peers at age 23, had a 45 percent greater rate of troubles with alcohol and marijuana use and a 22 percent greater rate of adult criminal behavior.

When children do things at 13 that would seem more age-appropriate for 16 and 17, that's a red flag for future problems that parents ought to take seriously, Schad said.

This type of risk-taking and look-at-me behavior may lead to a sort of "pseudomaturity:" an extreme desire to appear older and impress others without actually learning how to connect with them, she explained. It makes sense that teens who are preoccupied with appearances, rather than being a good friend, are likely to have trouble with friendships later in life.

"The majority, or the 'normal kids' from middle school, have outcomes in the long run that are healthier," she said. "If you got ignored during middle school, it's probably not a bad thing."

Fortunately, I was spared crushing isolation during those difficult years because I grew up with cousins who were my best friends. Plus, my parents enrolled me in weekend Islamic school, where a tight group of friends understood the cultural and religious restrictions my immigrant parents placed on my nonexistent social life. Those peers endured the same.

The study should serve as a warning to those who want their middle-schoolers to be popular. It may make those dark and angsty years easier to bear, but at what cost down the line?

As my own daughter ventures into the middle school abyss this year, I've reminded her: The most interesting people you meet as adults are typically survivors of a tortured middle-school experience.

Work & SchoolAbuseFamily & Parenting

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