Q: I'm ashamed to say that I've done and said some hurtful things to my wife over the past couple of years. She's withdrawn from me emotionally, and I'm not sure how to convince her I've changed. How can I get her to forgive me?

Jim: Our own pride can often be the biggest hurdle in these situations -- so humbling yourself and acknowledging your failure is a huge step in the right direction. If you've confessed your faults to your wife and she's still having a hard time forgiving you, here are some things to bear in mind.

First, recognize that forgiveness is a process that involves emotion as well as deliberate choice. Perhaps your wife has made a rational decision to forgive you, but it may take some time for her heart to catch up with her head. This is especially true in cases of deep emotional hurt. You can't force this to happen -- and if you're impatient, it will only cause more pain.

However, that doesn't mean you can't take some proactive measures to help things along. Begin by demonstrating your trustworthiness, an understanding of how your actions have hurt her, and a willingness to fully accept the consequences. Show how you're actively taking steps to prevent the mistakes from occurring again.

Finally, pray for your wife -- and yourself. Ask God to show her your heart and heal hers. Throughout this process, make a special effort to be honest with yourself. It's easy to blame your spouse for failing to forgive when you're confident that your heart is genuinely remorseful. But there's a need for constant self-examination and correction.

It could be helpful (and advisable) to ask a professional therapist to walk you and your wife through the process. Our staff counselors are available by calling 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: Valentine's Day has become SO commercial. I dread it, and I think my wife feels the same. We're both turned off by the implied pressure to match other people's Instagram-perfect romantic gestures. Do you think we should just skip it?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: It seems that a growing number of couples feel the commercialism surrounding Valentine's Day has actually reduced the romance. There's something to that; we're losing something if we think love isn't legitimately expressed if it doesn't take the form of decorative red boxes or enormous bouquets of picture-perfect roses.

I think the key is trying to recapture the substance of the holiday. Start by giving careful thought to what makes your spouse feel loved. Maybe the traditional store-bought ideas really are the way to their heart. Or perhaps they'd prefer a cozy night by the fireplace sipping hot chocolate. Valentine's Day is an opportunity to show your sweetheart how much they enrich your life -- and it's never wrong to celebrate that.

That said, it's also vitally important that we make an effort to inject that same passion into our marriage on a regular basis. Husbands and wives have the opportunity to create romance every day of the year. I know it's not easy -- we all have busy lives. But if we're intentional about it, there are countless ways we can express our devotion. Maybe it's a date night, a nice card or just a quick message during the day to say, "I love you and I'm thinking about you." I can almost guarantee that something along those lines will mean more to your spouse in July or September than it does on February 14th!

Whatever you do, the important thing is to be intentional, thoughtful and heartfelt. Keeping the spark alive requires effort every day -- and it's worth it.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: Several years ago our daughter-in-law severed all contact with us, and we've had little contact since with our son or her. We've asked them many times to tell us how we've wronged them so we can make amends and maintain relationship, but there has been no response. What can we do?

Jim: My heart goes out to you. It could have been something you said or did -- real or imagined. It might be a problem with your daughter-in-law. It may be nothing more than an unfortunate misunderstanding. The important thing is to keep your hearts open and communicate your love as you're able.

Our counselors suggest four things you can do to preserve peace and sanity on your end and keep your conscience clear:

-- Honor the boundaries your son and his wife have set, no matter how harsh or unreasonable. If they've asked you not to call, don't call. If you cross these boundaries, you'll only reinforce their negative image of you.

-- Guard your own heart. It's easy to fall into anxiety or to beat yourself up and blame yourself for what has happened. Don't fall into that trap. Don't become bitter, and don't believe lies about your own worthiness. Do whatever it takes to stay emotionally healthy and keep yourself psychologically safe in spite of the circumstances.

-- If the situation allows for it -- and you know best if it does -- occasionally send your son and his wife a card with a brief message expressing your love and goodwill. It could be a couple of times a year, perhaps on birthdays and at Christmas. It's a small thing, but it will let them know that your hearts are still open toward them.

-- Keep praying.

Our counseling staff would be happy to provide a one-time free consultation if you'd like; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: I want to help my child learn to have a more positive outlook. Do you have any advice?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: The most important factor is to model a positive outlook yourself. We've all seen cartoons where what's going on in a character's mind is portrayed in "thought bubbles." That's a great visual representation of what's actually happening inside each of our brains.

My own thought bubbles can get filled with negative stuff -- especially when I'm worried or anxious. Negative thoughts are common because our brains are poor at making predictions. Instead of making accurate forecasts including good outcomes, we often project our worries onto the future. One of our goals as parents is to manage our own thoughts and thus be effective models for our kids.

Here are three ways our thinking can mislead us, especially in times of stress, insecurity and fear:

1. Catastrophizing. We can easily become convinced that The Worst is going to happen. Seek accurate perspectives and fix your thoughts on the present ... not some vague, fearful future that likely won't happen.

2. Discounting the positive. Sometimes our filters screen out positive input. If someone compliments you on being a great parent, it might be easy to say, "Well, you don't see me every day." Don't deflect affirmation! Accept the positive.

3. Personalizing. You might assume circumstances are personal to you. For instance, when a friend fails to return a text, the immediate assumption might be discouraging. "Did I do something wrong?" We can train our brains to look at other possibilities: "My friends might be busy, or they might be spending time with their family right now." Don't assume everything is about you.

Thoughts are contagious. The better you become at corralling your own, the better you'll be able to model this for your children -- and you'll see the difference in their "thought bubbles."

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: I'm a single woman. I've been wondering if I should have a will and/or estate plan. Is this something I should be concerned about?

Jim: I'd say: it depends. Under most circumstances it's advisable for anyone to have a will, but the precise course of action you should follow will be determined by the specifics of your situation.

For instance, if you're a divorced or widowed mother of dependent children, having a will is crucial. This spells out not only how your children are provided for financially, but also who has responsibility for caring for them in your absence.

If you're single with no children, a will may still be important. For instance, if you own property of any kind, having a will ensures that it will be distributed as you wish. The more assets you accumulate over the years, the greater the need for a testamentary document of some kind.

When you don't have a will prepared, you place the burden of distributing your property on someone else -- who may or may not understand your desires and values. That's why it's wise to make your plans now. As an example, a single person without dependents can often make a significant impact through charitable giving with a wisely constructed estate plan ... but only if they have specified their wishes ahead of time.

Many people procrastinate when it comes to making provisions for the orderly transfer of their resources. Frankly, we all gravitate toward easy and routine actions rather than the difficult and important ones. We're also intimidated by the emotions that can be brought to the surface by open discussion of a subject like death. Those feelings are understandable -- but they don't change the fact that we're all responsible to steward the resources entrusted to our care in the wisest manner possible.

Q: Every night my husband comes home from work and goes straight to the television or computer. He seems obsessed with video and online games; on weekends he devotes hours on end to gaming. I'm very concerned about his behavior. Is this an addiction?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Well, addiction can involve anything that becomes such a priority to a person that he or she is willing to neglect family, friends, faith, responsibilities and even physical health to pursue it. Electronic games certainly can produce this kind of addictive behavior -- but that's also not a label we'd want to use lightly.

So, first, I would encourage you to do an honest assessment of the situation and how you feel it is impacting you. Is it a lack of time together? Do you believe that your husband's behavior is truly neglectful or irresponsible? Is he open to talking about this, or does he become defensive? The best course, if possible, would be an honest heart-to-heart talk -- or several -- where the two of you can discuss these matters and find some win-win adjustments so you can move forward well as a unified team.

If you're unable to reach a resolution yourselves, the next step would be seeking professional assistance. A trained and objective counselor can guide you in working through these issues respectfully with a clear goal in mind. Focus on the Family's Counseling department can help you with referrals to qualified therapists in your area; call 855-771-HELP (4357) or see FocusOnTheFamily.com/get-help/counseling-services-and-referrals.

In the event that a professional diagnosis determines that your husband's affinity for gaming actually has become an addiction, there might eventually be a need for a careful (and prayerfully guided) intervention involving people close to him. If that's the case, you'll need the continuing support of family, friends, church and a caring therapist. I wish you the best.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.