Q: I've always wanted to be a positive influence on people. I used to have time to volunteer, but since my wife got sick last year, I just don't have the margin. How can I still make an impact when most of my energy goes to caring for her?

Jim: Let me emphasize that I think you are making an impact on others -- perhaps greater than you know.

After I broke my ankle in a motorcycle accident, I was in either my bed or my recliner for weeks. My wife had to help me with everything from glasses of water to navigating the stairs. Watching her, I discovered that even simple requests can become a burden when you feel like you're needed all day, every day. And I was only off my feet for 13 weeks.

That's why my heart goes out to those who take care of a spouse who's ill. Your love and commitment should inspire the rest of us. Every day you're honoring your vows that say "the two shall become one." You're taking on their struggles as your own.

You're also teaching us how to respond with love and grace when life doesn't go our way. No couple knows ahead of time what "in sickness and in health" will mean until one of you actually gets sick. You won't know what "for better or for worse" means until your spouse does something unlovable, and you choose to stay committed to your marriage anyway.

Sooner or later, we're all forced to answer the question, "What is my marriage really about?" The couples that last are the ones that say, "Marriage is about commitment when it counts and love put into action." So, thank you -- by caring for an ill spouse, you're reminding the rest of us what honoring marriage really looks like. That's a positive influence.

Q: Yesterday I overheard one of my son's friends say, "Text me on my burner phone." When I asked them what a burner phone is, they quickly changed the subject. Can you tell me what they're talking about?

Adam Holz, Plugged In: You may not know it, but if you've seen a spy movie recently, you already know what a burner phone is.

A burner phone is a cheap, low-tech mobile device with an anonymous phone number -- one that can't be tracked back to its user. Its cloak-and-dagger-sounding moniker comes from the fact that a burner phone can be casually disposed of -- "burned" -- if it's at risk of unwanted discovery. In other words, it's a disposable phone. Unlike smartphones with their big screens, sensitive personal information and expensive data plans, burner phones harken back to earlier days of more "primitive" cell phones, when mobile technology primarily focused on calling and texting others.

Today, these so-called "feature phones" (never mind that they're devoid of most features we now expect!) can be had for next to nothing. Buy a prepaid usage card for minutes and/or texts, and you're good to go. (Or, alternately, an old, discarded smartphone without a data plan can be used similarly anywhere there's a Wi-Fi connection.)

It's not hard to see why spies, drug dealers or other ne'er-do-wells might want a stash of such throwaway gizmos. On the home front, though, it's equally easy to see how a burner phone could be exploited by teens who want a secret mobile connection -- even if it's just for texting. Wondering why Jimmy or Jenny didn't pitch a nuclear-meltdown fit when you confiscated his or her smartphone? A secret burner phone may be the reason.

Kids today are often on the forefront of technological trends like this one. To stay up to date yourself, see PluggedIn.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I don't want much -- just a comfortable life. I work diligently and want to enjoy the fruits of my labor without hassle. Is it too much to ask for a simple existence without pain and hardship?

Jim: No other generation in history has enjoyed the level of comfort that we do today. But all that luxury comes at a high cost -- and I'm not just talking about dollars and cents. I'm talking about wisdom. Technology has made our lives so easy that we're losing it.

Comfort and leisure have become our highest pursuits in life. We chase them, and then we desperately cling to them once we get them. We'll do anything to avoid discomfort. And therein lies the problem. You see, past generations knew something that we're forgetting: Wisdom is more important than short-term comfort.

Look at the Book of Proverbs, the most popular collection of wisdom in history. It was written by a culture that believed that wisdom was the highest pursuit in life -- not money, not comfort, not luxury. The proverbs repeatedly tell us that wisdom usually requires a little pain. The path from here to there is never a straight line. You make decisions -- you get stuff wrong. Hopefully you learn from your mistakes and do better next time.

The trouble is that we want wisdom, but we don't want pain. I like nice things as much as anybody. But I don't want my desire for comfort to win out over my desire to do what's right. That's how you build a better marriage, become a better parent or make better career choices. You live with the courage to do what's right.

So enjoy your comfort -- but don't run from pain and difficulty. There's wisdom to be found there.

Q: My wife and I try to take regular date nights. The last couple have turned awkward because we ended up arguing over issues we've been facing. Should we just forget date nights until we get things sorted out?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Letting conflict invade your recreation is like throwing a red shirt into the washer with white clothes. Even though it's just one small shirt, it can destroy an entire load of laundry by turning it pink (I might have some personal experience in this area). Likewise, even though you may be discussing just one tiny issue, if it's allowed to enter into your relaxation, the entire experience can be damaged.

Conflict can be destructive to your fun times, because it intensifies negative emotions. Painful memories flood into your awareness, and you both may become frustrated. As this happens, it becomes virtually impossible to relax and enjoy each other. If this pattern repeats too often, your mate may lose the desire to do fun things because the experience ends up turning "pink."

Before your enjoyment is destroyed, interrupt arguments or sensitive discussions by agreeing to talk about the issue at a later time. Reschedule the conversation when you can provide the necessary attention it deserves -- and when it won't mess up the fun time you've got planned. Simply say, "Let's not do this right now. How about we talk about that issue later when we're back at home?"

The key is that you must deal with the conflict issue later, or your spouse won't trust that you'll ever talk about it again. Instead, she'll express those negative feelings during your date -- because her past experience has been that it'll be the only opportunity.

By not allowing conflict to harm your recreation, you're sending a very important message: "Our relationship is more important than impulsively arguing about a problem."

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I have a lot of big dreams. But sometimes I get almost paralyzed mentally and overwhelmed by the size of the things I want to accomplish in life. How can I keep my focus and momentum?

Jim: I recall a time I was watching a television broadcast of the U.S. Open -- one of professional golf's biggest tournaments. As leaders for the final day were teeing off to get their rounds underway, somebody asked golfer Paul Azinger what the players needed to focus on to play well and have a shot at winning. Azinger replied: "If you want to achieve big things, you have to dream small."

Paul Azinger knows a thing or two about achieving big dreams: He won 12 tournaments on the PGA Tour, including two championships, and has followed his active playing career by becoming a highly successful broadcast analyst. What he meant by "dream small" was that golfers need to play their game one shot at a time. If they get too far ahead of themselves, they'll lose focus on the shot right in front of them.

That's good advice no matter your profession. Baseball players take games one pitch at a time. For football players, it's one play at a time. In marriage and parenting, it's one day at a time, one decision at a time, one moment of connection at a time. You can wait for your marriage to be better "someday," or you can take action and make it better today. Go ahead and plan for your kids' future, but take advantage of opportunities to invest in their lives right now.

Whether it's winning a golf tournament, building a successful career or creating a marriage and family that thrives, if you want to achieve big things, you have to dream small.

Q: How can I help my son get ready for the physical, emotional and psychological changes that adolescence brings?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: I'm impressed that you want to be proactive in your son's life. There's a big difference between the kind of influence you're considering and a one-time sex education talk. As your son approaches puberty, it's helpful to talk about identity, healthy friendships and relationships, the amazing and important differences between male and female, the way his body is changing and why all these things are important.

Along with hormonal and sexual developments, there will be rapid growth of bone and muscle. As a result, an eighth-grade gym class may contain skinny boys with alto voices who are sharing a locker room with peers who are hairy and muscular --and may seem intimidating. Remind your son that whatever the particular timing may be in his case, the transition to his adult body will eventually be complete. He can't control the timing, but he can smooth the process by exercising, getting rest and eating well.

It's also important to talk to your son about his increasing interest in the opposite sex. This is an important time to review specific guidelines -- and some basic wisdom -- about relationships and the progressive nature of sexual interest and contact.

Ideally, you should plan on having a series of foundational conversations with your preteen son, perhaps at age nine, ten or eleven. Some parents plan a special weekend away from home in order to have undistracted, one-on-one time during which these discussions can take place. Others stretch them out over longer periods.

Focus on the Family has just released a new video-based resource that's specifically designed to help parents and kids work through these conversations during this exciting (and sometimes confusing and difficult) transition. It's called "Launch Into the Teen Years." You can find out more at FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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