Q: My wife and I don't fight that often, but when we do, it seems to escalate quickly. I think we're both at fault. One of us says something snide, and the other responds with something that's a bit angrier and a bit louder. Then back and forth it goes. How do we nip this in the bud?

Jim: I think most couples know exactly what this is like; you don't necessarily mean to escalate things, but it happens. A few years ago, I interviewed a relationship expert for our radio broadcast, and he called this "climbing the crazy ladder."

Fighting as a couple is like racing up an emotional ladder. The thing about ladders is you can go up fast, but coming down quickly is a lot harder. In other words, once a disagreement has escalated into a heated argument, it's much more difficult to calm things down.

Also, it's really unstable at the top of a ladder. The problems between a husband and wife don't get easier to resolve when a disagreement escalates into a heated argument.

As couples, we not only need to stay off the crazy ladder for the sake of our marriages, but we also need to do it for our children if we have them. There's plenty of research that shows children suffer lifelong repercussions when they're exposed to chronic, poorly handled conflict.

The best advice is not to go up the crazy ladder in the first place. Learn how to stay calm, discuss your differences rationally, and resolve your problems in a way that strengthens your marriage instead of weakening it. The first step might be the willingness to say, "Honey, we're climbing the crazy ladder again." We have many resources to help at FocusOnTheFamily.com. You can even contact our staff counselors for advice and assistance.

Q: Our two daughters (ages 13 and 7) fight and bicker all the time. We've talked many times about the need to be kind, loving and forgiving. They always promise to do better next time, but nothing ever changes. How can we help them overcome this sibling rivalry?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: I think most families deal with sibling conflict at some point. It happens with my children -- usually at the most inconvenient times! Overcoming sibling conflict takes consistency, focus and time, so keep these three things in mind:

Stay calm: This is difficult when children are bickering; it's "ninja level" parenting. Breathe deep and remember that you're teaching them how to handle relationships and resolve conflict -- skills we all need as we mature. Take time to understand each of your daughters' perspectives. Their age and personalities factor in, as well.

Listen and Teach: Carefully listen to your children, help them identify the real issue between them, and involve them in finding solutions and setting consequences. The agreement in our home is, after five minutes of fussing, the kids have hired me for $1-a-minute to help them sort the conflict. We work on taking turns listening, practicing empathy ("What's it like to be with me?") and asking, "What do I really want?" They're learning to self-reflect and put themselves in the other person's shoes. It's not always perfect, but this is an unnatural skill for all of us.

Provide consistent limits: If the children are rude, mean or physical, you have to intervene with consequences. I know several families who do this: Whoever is being a bully must clean the toilets, signifying that the issue needs to be flushed out of the home. There are many other options for consequences, from time-outs to losing privileges or toys (with the opportunity to earn them back).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: We have two kids -- twins who will be graduating from high school soon and spreading their wings. I'm having a hard time adjusting to the idea our influence as parents is almost finished. Is that a normal reaction?

Jim: Many Moms and Dads think their parenting responsibilities are over once their kids move out. But that's not always the case. In fact, the empty nest years can offer some of your greatest moments of influence as a parent -- if you're prepared.

Throughout their teen years, kids usually strive for more and more independence and often don't listen to their parents' instruction. But once they're old enough and leave home, reality hits. These newly christened adults are suddenly confronted with budget constraints, job challenges and relationship pressures --with no safety net from you. As life's pressure builds, young people often turn back to their parents for guidance. For Mom and Dad, it's an opportunity to share the wisdom their children probably rejected in high school.

But here's the catch. Your kids will only turn to you if you've maintained a strong relationship with them. In part, that means allowing them to find their way without constantly rushing in to offer your advice before they ask for it. Stay connected, encourage them and let them know you're available. Then be patient -- and wait. In time, they may seek you out, and you can experience a whole new level of connection and influence with your adult children.

Q: As a parent, I'm slightly uneasy about the way that companies like Netflix, Amazon, etc. are producing "original" shows that stream straight into our homes. It seems like there are fewer (if any) content restraints and something of an "anything goes" approach. Am I overreacting?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: Although I may be in the minority, I'm not a big fan of the current "we're doing our own original programming" craze. That's because here at Plugged In, we're finding that many of the shows we've reviewed would be rated R (even NC-17 -- or should be) if the MPAA rated television programs.

Last year, a record number of scripted series -- nearly 500 -- were aired. The majority of those shows would not be anywhere close to what we'd call "suitable for family viewing." In fact, many of them are what I would describe as outright pornographic. That concerns me greatly because I'm aware of the damage that sexual content on TV can cause -- to an individual and to a marriage.

A growing number of "direct distribution" outlets have no qualms about producing shows with explicit nudity and egregious sexual activity. It's more than just HBO (with "Game of Thrones" and "Westworld"). Some of the more obvious examples on streaming services include Hulu's "The Handmaid's Tale" and Netflix's canceled "Gypsy" as well as some episodes of "The Crown." Amazon's short-lived "adaptation" of "The Last Tycoon" portrayed sexual content that I doubt F. Scott Fitzgerald would've written. Personally, when reviewing Netflix's "Glow," I had to stop after about 30 minutes because the nudity and graphic sex were beyond the pale -- even for this seasoned entertainment critic.

All of this begs the question: How are these shows affecting children and teens who are watching (not to mention adults)? And yes, the young ones are watching. So you have a right to be concerned. Lots of the original content being produced by streaming services does indeed push all sorts of boundaries, and much of it can be "no holds barred." If you subscribe, most likely you'll at least find parental controls. But perhaps the best parental control would be not subscribing at all.

For a wide range of media reviews from a family-friendly perspective, see PluggedIn.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: What do we need to do to make our home as safe and as comfortable as possible for my elderly mom? She's not coping well on her own, so we're arranging to have her come and live with us. We're open to remodeling, if necessary. Can you offer any suggestions?

Jim: I've asked Focus on the Family's advisory Physicians Resource Council for input on this question. Here are some things to consider.

Given the effects of decreased mobility, oncoming deafness or diminished eyesight, even the most comfortable house can become hazardous for an elderly person. This is particularly true if the lighting is inadequate, there are too many stairs (or stairs are hard to climb), or the doorknobs and faucets are difficult to use. Some simple changes and minor remodeling can make a big difference in the safety, comfort and convenience of your home from your aging mother's perspective. Here are some ideas to consider:

-- Replace steps with ramps. Install ramps over doorsills or remove the sills altogether for wheelchair accessibility.

-- Install handrails on both sides of stairs or hallways.

-- Elevate toilet seats using an insert specially designed for this purpose. Install sturdy grab bars in the bathroom by the toilet, shower stall and bathtub.

-- To avoid tripping, remove area rugs and runners that slide.

-- Make sure that all lamp, extension and telephone cords are out of the flow of foot traffic. Incidentally, don't place electrical cords under furniture or carpeting, as this can cause a fire.

-- Check stairways to make sure they are well lighted and equipped with non-slip strips.

-- Install night-lights in bedrooms, bathrooms and hallways. Place flashlights near your mother's favorite chair, beside the bed and in other convenient places. Consider purchasing a lamp that can be turned on and off with a simple touch.

-- Eliminate low furniture such as coffee tables and footstools that may present a tripping hazard.

-- Replace heavy dishes and glasses with lightweight, non-breakable dishware.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure when it comes to protecting your mother from dangerous falls and injuries. In addition to making physical and structural changes to your home, you can help promote safety by measures as simple as wiping up spills or wet places on the floor; encouraging your mother to have a physical therapy evaluation to assess her gait and determine the potential need for assistive devices such as canes or walkers; and providing her with physical assistance when rising from a reclining or sitting position.

If you live in a two-story house, you might want to think about rearranging the living environment so as to allow your mother to live on the first floor. Of course, this works best if there's a bathroom on this level, but there are special chair lift systems that can be installed on stairways to move your mother from one floor to the other. Some insurance policies cover the cost for these aids.

Finally, take advantage of the resources available from several helpful sources:

-- The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission website (cpsc.gov) includes a document entitled "Safety for Older Consumers: Home Safety Checklist."

-- The National Association of Area Agencies on Aging (n4a.org) encourages members to help older persons and persons with disabilities live with dignity and choices in their homes and communities for as long as possible.

-- The Caregiver Action Network (caregiveraction.org) educates, supports, empowers and speaks up for the more than 65 million Americans who care for loved ones with a chronic illness, disability or the frailties of old age.

-- The Aging Life Care Association (aginglifecare.org) is an organization of practitioners whose goal is the advancement of expert assistance to the elderly and their families.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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