parenting

Parents Can Still Offer Guidance After Kids Leave the Nest

Focus on the Family by by Jim Daly
by Jim Daly
Focus on the Family | March 25th, 2018

Q: We have two kids -- twins who will be graduating from high school soon and spreading their wings. I'm having a hard time adjusting to the idea our influence as parents is almost finished. Is that a normal reaction?

Jim: Many Moms and Dads think their parenting responsibilities are over once their kids move out. But that's not always the case. In fact, the empty nest years can offer some of your greatest moments of influence as a parent -- if you're prepared.

Throughout their teen years, kids usually strive for more and more independence and often don't listen to their parents' instruction. But once they're old enough and leave home, reality hits. These newly christened adults are suddenly confronted with budget constraints, job challenges and relationship pressures --with no safety net from you. As life's pressure builds, young people often turn back to their parents for guidance. For Mom and Dad, it's an opportunity to share the wisdom their children probably rejected in high school.

But here's the catch. Your kids will only turn to you if you've maintained a strong relationship with them. In part, that means allowing them to find their way without constantly rushing in to offer your advice before they ask for it. Stay connected, encourage them and let them know you're available. Then be patient -- and wait. In time, they may seek you out, and you can experience a whole new level of connection and influence with your adult children.

Q: As a parent, I'm slightly uneasy about the way that companies like Netflix, Amazon, etc. are producing "original" shows that stream straight into our homes. It seems like there are fewer (if any) content restraints and something of an "anything goes" approach. Am I overreacting?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: Although I may be in the minority, I'm not a big fan of the current "we're doing our own original programming" craze. That's because here at Plugged In, we're finding that many of the shows we've reviewed would be rated R (even NC-17 -- or should be) if the MPAA rated television programs.

Last year, a record number of scripted series -- nearly 500 -- were aired. The majority of those shows would not be anywhere close to what we'd call "suitable for family viewing." In fact, many of them are what I would describe as outright pornographic. That concerns me greatly because I'm aware of the damage that sexual content on TV can cause -- to an individual and to a marriage.

A growing number of "direct distribution" outlets have no qualms about producing shows with explicit nudity and egregious sexual activity. It's more than just HBO (with "Game of Thrones" and "Westworld"). Some of the more obvious examples on streaming services include Hulu's "The Handmaid's Tale" and Netflix's canceled "Gypsy" as well as some episodes of "The Crown." Amazon's short-lived "adaptation" of "The Last Tycoon" portrayed sexual content that I doubt F. Scott Fitzgerald would've written. Personally, when reviewing Netflix's "Glow," I had to stop after about 30 minutes because the nudity and graphic sex were beyond the pale -- even for this seasoned entertainment critic.

All of this begs the question: How are these shows affecting children and teens who are watching (not to mention adults)? And yes, the young ones are watching. So you have a right to be concerned. Lots of the original content being produced by streaming services does indeed push all sorts of boundaries, and much of it can be "no holds barred." If you subscribe, most likely you'll at least find parental controls. But perhaps the best parental control would be not subscribing at all.

For a wide range of media reviews from a family-friendly perspective, see PluggedIn.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

parenting

Consider These Tips When Caring for an Elderly Family Member

Focus on the Family by by Jim Daly
by Jim Daly
Focus on the Family | March 18th, 2018

Q: What do we need to do to make our home as safe and as comfortable as possible for my elderly mom? She's not coping well on her own, so we're arranging to have her come and live with us. We're open to remodeling, if necessary. Can you offer any suggestions?

Jim: I've asked Focus on the Family's advisory Physicians Resource Council for input on this question. Here are some things to consider.

Given the effects of decreased mobility, oncoming deafness or diminished eyesight, even the most comfortable house can become hazardous for an elderly person. This is particularly true if the lighting is inadequate, there are too many stairs (or stairs are hard to climb), or the doorknobs and faucets are difficult to use. Some simple changes and minor remodeling can make a big difference in the safety, comfort and convenience of your home from your aging mother's perspective. Here are some ideas to consider:

-- Replace steps with ramps. Install ramps over doorsills or remove the sills altogether for wheelchair accessibility.

-- Install handrails on both sides of stairs or hallways.

-- Elevate toilet seats using an insert specially designed for this purpose. Install sturdy grab bars in the bathroom by the toilet, shower stall and bathtub.

-- To avoid tripping, remove area rugs and runners that slide.

-- Make sure that all lamp, extension and telephone cords are out of the flow of foot traffic. Incidentally, don't place electrical cords under furniture or carpeting, as this can cause a fire.

-- Check stairways to make sure they are well lighted and equipped with non-slip strips.

-- Install night-lights in bedrooms, bathrooms and hallways. Place flashlights near your mother's favorite chair, beside the bed and in other convenient places. Consider purchasing a lamp that can be turned on and off with a simple touch.

-- Eliminate low furniture such as coffee tables and footstools that may present a tripping hazard.

-- Replace heavy dishes and glasses with lightweight, non-breakable dishware.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure when it comes to protecting your mother from dangerous falls and injuries. In addition to making physical and structural changes to your home, you can help promote safety by measures as simple as wiping up spills or wet places on the floor; encouraging your mother to have a physical therapy evaluation to assess her gait and determine the potential need for assistive devices such as canes or walkers; and providing her with physical assistance when rising from a reclining or sitting position.

If you live in a two-story house, you might want to think about rearranging the living environment so as to allow your mother to live on the first floor. Of course, this works best if there's a bathroom on this level, but there are special chair lift systems that can be installed on stairways to move your mother from one floor to the other. Some insurance policies cover the cost for these aids.

Finally, take advantage of the resources available from several helpful sources:

-- The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission website (cpsc.gov) includes a document entitled "Safety for Older Consumers: Home Safety Checklist."

-- The National Association of Area Agencies on Aging (n4a.org) encourages members to help older persons and persons with disabilities live with dignity and choices in their homes and communities for as long as possible.

-- The Caregiver Action Network (caregiveraction.org) educates, supports, empowers and speaks up for the more than 65 million Americans who care for loved ones with a chronic illness, disability or the frailties of old age.

-- The Aging Life Care Association (aginglifecare.org) is an organization of practitioners whose goal is the advancement of expert assistance to the elderly and their families.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

parenting

Difficult Toddler Stage Often Discourages Exhausted Parents

Focus on the Family by by Jim Daly
by Jim Daly
Focus on the Family | March 11th, 2018

Q: As soon as our daughter hit the "terrible twos," she became difficult to deal with. I've heard this is fairly common. We know it's "just a stage" and we'll get through it. But for now, it's exhausting and discouraging. What advice would you give for keeping the right perspective?

Jim: I'll share an example that's in my book "The Best Advice I Ever Got on Parenting." I heard it from singer Phil Joel and his wife, Heather. When the Joels' first son arrived, he slept through the night, loved to be held and routinely wore a big smile. Then he became a toddler, and his pleasant disposition vanished.

That's when the Joels realized parenting is a lot like gardening. The analogy illustrates that we plant seeds of love in our children, so their lives will grow and flourish. But as anyone who tends the soil can tell you, positive results don't happen overnight. Success requires consistent attention and labor, rain or shine. And it's not just the seeds you plant that sprout -- there are weeds to be dealt with as well.

As the Joels discovered, weeds can take many forms in our children's lives, from negative cultural influences to selfishness that screams, "It's all about me!" These things often choke out the positive seeds of love and encouragement we're trying to spur on toward growth. That's why we need to dig beneath the surface of an issue to see lasting change. If we ignore the weeds, they'll only grow deeper and become harder to uproot.

Raising children isn't always easy. But with your loving care -- and your willingness to confront the negative influences that threaten their well-being -- your kids can develop into adults of maturity and character.

For more tips to help your children thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My wife and I have enjoyed being part of a close-knit circle of friends for a number of years. But we feel like something's missing -- almost as if life has gotten somewhat stagnant. We'd like to branch out somehow and build new friendships, but we're not sure what to look for. What would you suggest?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I've heard that if couples are married long enough, they start to look like one another. I'm not sure if that's true, but I think couples do often look like the other couples they hang out with.

It may feel more comfortable to be friends with someone who's just like you, but you're depriving your marriage of a great chance to grow. Relating to someone in the same place in life as you, or who has common interests, is easy. You can empathize with each other about career challenges, share the highs and lows of parenting, or compare favorite music, movies, and hobbies.

But I'd humbly suggest another perspective. There's tremendous value in spending time with one or more couples who are different from you. An older couple can share their years of wisdom with a younger couple and help them develop some long-term stability in their marriage. And younger couples have a lot to offer, too. They can bring a sense of energy to the friendship, or help an older couple feel younger and more revived in their own relationship.

To add a deeper layer of richness to your marriage, try to build a friendship with another couple who doesn't see life the same way as you. Their different perspective can challenge you to grow. It just might create the spark you need to strengthen your marriage for years to come. And hopefully, you'll do the same for them.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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