Q: One of my friends was recently widowed, and someone in my extended family has been diagnosed with a serious (possibly terminal) illness. I see both of them fairly often and want to encourage them, but I feel awkward.

Jim: It's natural to want to ease a loved one's pain. But we've all stumbled through enough uncomfortable moments to know finding the right words can be tricky.

Still, you can offer something meaningful and truly comforting to a friend or family member who's struggling. To start with, don't try to avoid whatever dark emotion they're feeling. Be willing to enter into it. It's when you're running away from a person's pain that you'll tend to say something trite or insensitive.

Instead, connect with the person by saying, "I'm here for you." Then, stay engaged. You see, there may be moments along the way when everything in their life seems relatively back to normal. That's usually when most people minimize the ongoing crisis their loved one is experiencing. And it's why it's one thing to say you'll be there, but another to actually stay involved for what could still be a long journey ahead.

Another idea is to simply say, "You're in my prayers" (and really pray, of course). There may even be days when it's best to say nothing at all. Just offer a smile and a hug.

Remember, your challenge isn't to find that magic word that will take away someone's pain. Life doesn't work like that. Your role is to connect with them and let your consistent presence show you're with them throughout their time of suffering.

If you'd like to talk to our counselors and discuss these matters, I invite you to call 1-855-771-HELP (4357) or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: When I started graduate school, I decided I wouldn't get romantically involved until my degree was finished. I'm almost done now, but I feel rusty and out of practice dating-wise. I'm not even sure at this point what sort of person to look for; past relationships didn't turn out so well, and I want to avoid similar problems in the future. Any advice?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: When it comes to dating, many young adults rely on their feelings instead of thinking things through. And that's why a lot of them end up filled with remorse and regret down the road.

To avoid that outcome in your dating life, remember that the most important quality of any relationship is character. A person may have a charming personality, good looks or intelligence. But if there's no character behind the veneer, you'll find it hard -- if not impossible -- to forge a lasting and meaningful bond.

The way to get to know someone's character is to spend a lot of time together. Before becoming romantically involved with an individual of the opposite sex, you should do the hard work of building an authentic friendship with that person based on points in common. Over time, you'll discover the truth about each other's values and attitudes. That's a crucial step in deciding whether or not you want to take your relationship beyond mere friendship.

Don't misunderstand: The point of an approach like this is not to find someone who's perfect (nobody is). It's to get a sense of who that person truly is. Because in the long run, without good character that person will definitely not be a good dating prospect -- no matter how smart, successful or good- looking he or she may be.

By the way, Focus on the Family has an outreach addressing single life from a faith-based perspective; see Boundless.org.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: When our extended family gathered a couple of months ago, I felt overshadowed and inadequate around other women. My sisters and female cousins all have satisfying careers, but I'm just a mom. Sometimes I feel like a complete failure.

Jim: Mothers often have a way of seeing their own shortcomings and minimizing the role they play in their kids' lives. I don't believe those perceptions are accurate, but I can certainly understand what drives them. On the surface, there's nothing glamorous about chasing kids around the house, fixing meal after meal and stepping on toys scattered down the hallway.

But I agree with author Lisa-Jo Baker, who says mothers are modern day superheroes. Their capes may be a little tattered at the end of a long day of laundry and runny noses. Still, moms deserve superhero status for all they do for their kids.

That's because there is nothing ordinary about motherhood. Moms aren't simply changing diapers; they're molding character. That's what inspired poet William Ross Wallace to pen the verse titled "The Hand That Rocks the Cradle Is the Hand That Rules the World." His point is that beginning at birth, a mom's influence has profound impact on what any person -- and especially the "great and powerful" -- will eventually become. Every famous world-changer has had (and will have) a mother.

Directing the course of a child's life is no easy task. That's why on any given day a lot of mothers may feel like they're doing a terrible job. But remember this: Motherhood isn't hard because you're so bad at it. It's hard because -- like no other role in life -- it requires sacrificing your own wants and desires on behalf of others.

So, please, give yourself some grace. Laying down your life for your children takes more than "just a mom." It takes a superhero.

Q: My wife left me last year, and our divorce was recently finalized. I have custody of our young daughter; she dreads going to see her mom now, but I know it's necessary. What can I do?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: After a marriage ends this way, one of the challenges that may arise is a child's visit to the other parent's home. Anger or other factors can create this fearful reaction from a child. But it's not always easy to sort out, especially with young kids. Children often don't understand the complexities involved in divorce. As a result, they may feel like they must choose one parent over the other.

You can do several things to help your daughter face her worries about visiting. First, listen and take her feelings seriously, even if you don't fully understand yet. Is she upset at her mom for leaving? Is there something else problematic about their relationship? Are there issues with your ex-spouse that create safety concerns? Your child's fears will lessen with reassurance that you've heard what she has to say, you have her best interests in mind, and you want her to feel secure.

If feasible, respectfully let your ex-wife know how your child is feeling and recommend they get some help to repair their relationship. And let your daughter know that you're always available for a phone call home if she wants it.

The unknown and the unfamiliar can be fearful for children. Work on your relationship by listening and making time for your daughter, while encouraging her to try to have a good relationship with her mom. Reassure her that you're doing what you need to cope with what's happened.

Our staff counselors are available to help in situations like this; call 1-855-771-4357 or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: I've been married for almost two years. My husband and I want to start a family, but we're not sure when. Is it wise to wait until we're better established?

Jim: Choosing when to have children is a very personal decision, and couples wait for a lot of reasons. But many family experts agree that waiting for the "perfect time" may not be the best decision.

I've known couples who elected to finish their education or to get their career and a steady income established before they had kids. I can relate to both of those concerns. My wife, Jean, and I waited until we had earned our college degrees and had good careers underway before we started our family.

So there's something to be said for stability. But many couples seem to be after perfection. They're waiting for the right salary, the new home and for every other detail of life to be perfectly in place.

The reality is there may never be a perfect time. Life will always present challenges of one kind or another. In fact, parenting itself creates inconvenience. Parenting is all about looking outside yourself and acting sacrificially on behalf of another. That means children will always challenge our budget, our time or our confidence as a parent.

But that's certainly not the whole story. Children bring a new dimension of joy and fulfillment to a couple's lives that can't be experienced in any other way. Working through the challenges and joys of parenting draws you together as husband and wife. Watching and helping your little ones grow will quickly become the most satisfying investment you'll ever make.

So I would suggest you take a deep, honest look at why you're waiting to have kids. Once you and your spouse weigh the various factors involved, it wouldn't surprise me if you decide that there's no better time than right now.

For more information on how your family can thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: Whenever I try to give my wife constructive feedback about something in our marriage or around our home, she gets irritated and doesn't respond well. Can't I just call it like I see it?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: If there's one thing you can count on, it's that sooner or later your spouse will fail to measure up to your expectations (and vice-versa). When that happens, do you become an encourager or a fault-finder?

According to author Dr. H. Norman Wright, many marriages are sabotaged by what he calls "fault-finders." That's a spouse who acts out of a critical spirit and is quick to point out a partner's shortcomings. Their attitude basically communicates: "I don't accept you for who you are. You're not good enough for me." Ironically, fault-finders dish out criticism, but they take offense when discussions pop up about how they hurt the marriage. It's an unhealthy dynamic that'll throw a couple's relationship into a downward spiral.

Be honest with yourself. If you've been a fault-finder, and you can see the damage it's causing your marriage, why not try another approach? Learn how to become your wife's biggest cheerleader instead. Encourage her and praise her for her good qualities. Highlight your wife's potential, and believe in your marriage for what it can become -- not just what it is right now.

In other words, work at replacing your critical spirit with a positive one. Then, when circumstances arise that require you to face your own faults, you'll be able to deal with them from a place of deep trust and goodwill -- and without the defensive attitude that makes a bad situation worse.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.