Q: I went through an ugly divorce earlier this year. It's been very painful for both of my children as well. They're angry and have been dreading the possibility that their dad might ask them at the last minute to spend some of their Christmas break with him. What can I do?

Jim: Coming from a broken home myself (before being orphaned), I know well that divorce doesn't just tear couples apart. It can drive a wedge between children and their parents as well. And there can be plenty of anger to go around, which impacts all concerned.

Here are a few ideas from our counselors. First, encourage your children to express their hurt or angry feelings. Don't try to correct them. Just give a listening ear. If they're uncomfortable speaking to you, help them find other outlets for their emotions, such as journaling, music or art.

The second idea could be the most important: Model genuine forgiveness toward your ex-spouse (easier said than done, I know). If you're angry, your behavior could be confirming every negative thought your children have. Try to communicate a tone about the absent parent that will make it easier for your kids and ex-spouse to draw closer instead of further apart. For the sake of your kids, if you must voice negative feelings about the divorce, express them to someone else, not the children.

Finally, if necessary, find a third party who can help your kids work through their feelings. If you're not capable of filling that role yourself, set up an appointment with a pastor or a counselor.

If you feel it would be helpful to speak with one of our staff counselors, call us at 1-855-771-HELP (855-771-4357). Or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com to find a therapist in your area.

Q: My wife and I got married last spring. We wanted to have our first Christmas as just us, and our families reluctantly agreed this time. But we just found out we're expecting. Once the baby comes, I'm sure every year will bring pressure from both sides (in different parts of the country) about where to spend the holidays. What can we do going forward?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I think any couple that's been married for any length of time has had some tension about where to spend Christmas. Should you spend it with her family or his?

Often, a lot of the pressure for this decision comes from the extended family members themselves. Her parents might insist on having their girl at home on Christmas morning. But his mom is fixing a huge dinner and says she'll be hurt if he isn't at home to share in it. And things can get downright ugly once there are grandchildren involved!

To help navigate this minefield, it's important to remember two principles: be fair, and be flexible.

When it comes to being fair, try to come up with a solution that works for both of your extended families. That might mean spending Thanksgiving with one family, and Christmas with the other, and then switching off the next year.

It's also important to be flexible and to think about what is in the best interests of those around you. Perhaps spending half the holiday in airports is not what your budget -- or your kids -- will handle well. Be realistic each year, and don't be afraid to tell your extended family if it's honestly not a good idea for you to travel.

The bottom line for husbands and wives is to engage in healthy communication on the subject of where to spend the holidays -- just like any other area in marriage.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My husband lost his job five months ago, and money has been really tight. We're agonizing about Christmas. Our kids understand the situation, but I know their friends will all be getting the latest toys, games, etc. I'm dreading seeing their disappointed faces on Christmas morning. What can we do?

Jim: My heart goes out to your family. It's always hard to deal with financial challenges, but somehow they seem worse this time of year. That said, you might be surprised by what your children really want from you for Christmas.

A few years ago, a viral Internet video showed 10 families who were asked to participate in a simple experiment. The children -- ages 4 to 9 -- were asked to write a letter to Santa, listing what they wanted from him for Christmas. Not surprisingly, the kids were excited and had plenty of ideas, asking for everything from video games to musical instruments. One little girl even asked for a unicorn.

But then the children were asked to write another letter, this one to their parents. The task was the same -- list the things they wanted from Mom and Dad for Christmas. This time the kids were more quiet and thoughtful, and their requests were quite different. "Play with me more," one said. "Have dinner with us," said another. And on it went: "Spend a whole day with me." "Read us a story." "Tickle me."

Children love to get presents at Christmas. And we Moms and Dads love to give our children gifts. But as much as our kids may want that new video game -- or even a unicorn -- what they really want is time with us. As one of the parents in the video said, "Imagine! You want to give your kids the best you can. And the best is yourself!"

Many parents simply don't have the money to buy their children the latest toys and electronic gadgets. The good news is that to make a child's upbringing rich and meaningful, none of those are necessary. A little thought and creativity can go a long way.

So what I would suggest is that when your children open their (simple) gifts this Christmas, they find a wide range of personalized coupons for various times and activities with Mom and Dad. An afternoon at the park. Playing catch in the backyard. A game night at home. Make coupons that your kids can "redeem" at times of their choosing throughout the year, as well as planned events on specific dates.

Most communities have a number of fun opportunities to choose from. You can take advantage of museums, science centers and zoos in your area, most of which offer low-cost or free children's programs. (They generally advertise special days well in advance, so you can plan your schedule and coupons.) Many universities offer classical or children's concerts and Saturday morning theater productions for kids.

Every few weeks, go to the public library together. Check out books and DVDs that will introduce all of you to people and places you've never dreamed of before, and explore on a rainy or snowy day.

Try giving your children simple (or elaborate!) coupons for designated activities like these, as well as generic times like "an uninterrupted hour with Dad" or "baking with Mom."

You may have to get creative, but take heart! The happiest, most well-adjusted children are not those with every new toy that hits the stores. The kids who thrive best have committed, caring parents who take a genuine interest in their lives. So this Christmas, and throughout this next year, give your children the best gift of all -- you!

For more encouragement to make this season meaningful, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: We moved into a new (larger) house this year. So for the first time at Christmas, the entire extended family will be under one roof: ours. What can we do to manage the stress of hosting?

Jim: This should be the most joyous time of the year -- but often it's the most stressful. I think a big reason is the amount of expectation we pour into the holidays.

We put expectations on ourselves and our family members, and they have expectations for how they want things to go as well. It's a special time of year, and we want the house to be perfect, the gifts to be perfect, the meals to be perfect. Everything must go off without a hitch.

The trouble is, holidays rarely work out as perfectly as we'd like because there are too many variables that can go wrong. And the moment our expectations get dashed, then stress, disappointment and conflict aren't far behind.

The most obvious solution is to lower your expectations. Of course, that can be a little tricky because we often don't realize just how high our expectations really are until it's too late. The best way to defuse that problem is to talk about everything ahead of time.

So as you're finalizing your Christmas get-together this year, talk with your spouse or other family members about how you hope things will go. And then proactively discuss how you can adapt if (when) necessary. It may not seem like much, but conversations like that can make a big difference. They'll help you put things in their proper perspective. And those lowered expectations can create just enough wiggle room for you to stay calm when things go differently than you expect.

Q: My 10- and 13-year-old kids have been pushing me to let them watch PG-13 movies. Most reviews I find don't tell much about aspects of the films' content that concern me as a mom. I'm afraid my older kids' attraction to these movies will influence my younger ones (ages 5 and 8). Help!

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: A crucial task of parenting is guiding our children in areas where their thoughts and character are being impacted. Ultimately, we don't just want our kids to exhibit right behaviors; they need to internalize the right principles that then direct those actions and attitudes.

Sadly, the values portrayed in popular media are often not the best ones for children to adopt, so we've got to pay close attention to what they're taking in. Since they'll be making more and more of their own choices as they get older, it's vital that they learn to exercise discernment for themselves regarding entertainment.

The good news: You are the most influential voice in your children's lives. Take time to discuss your family's values and compare/contrast them with those in popular entertainment. Remind your kids that their choices impact not only their thoughts, life and character, but also the mental processes that influence those thoughts and character. Help them take ownership of their minds, their decisions and their lives.

On that note, talk about personal freedom -- not just the liberty to choose what they want to watch, but the ability to choose well. Highlight that their choices affect not only themselves, but also their younger siblings, who are looking up to and being influenced by them -- for good or bad.

One helpful tool in teaching (and exercising) wise media discernment is PluggedIn.com, where you can read detailed reviews of movies, television programs and music. Take time to discuss the reviews together.

Teaching entertainment discernment requires time and effort, but you can do it and it's worth it!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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