Q: I'm a newlywed soon-to-be dad. I never knew my own father, so when I think about teaching my son to be "manly," I'm intimidated. What does "manliness" really look like?

Jim: I think a common misperception is that "manliness" equates to brute power and strength. But when it comes to being a good father and husband, I'd suggest something else. How about "sacrifice"?

"Sacrifice" is considered a weakness by a lot of guys. That's too bad, because when you look at healthy families you generally see a common trait: sacrificial men. These are the guys who go to their kids' soccer games even if they'd rather stay home and watch football. They're patient with their kids when a bike gets left in the rain for the umpteenth time. Men who sacrifice develop stronger, more loving family relationships.

It's a paradox, really. We're at our strongest when we lay down our lives, even in small ways, for our wives and children. It can be hard to do, and we don't always do it well. But that's why it's called "sacrifice."

As fathers, we have to challenge ourselves to sacrifice for our families. We should not only tell them we love them, but show them that they're the most important people in the world to us. It could be leaving work early for a special dinner with our wives. Or maybe it's staying patient and lovingly correcting your children when they're careless and scratch your car. Sacrifice will lead you to make significant choices. But being a dad is a significant experience.

For help with your fathering, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: Is there anything special we need to know about raising twins? We just became the proud parents of two precious children, and we'd like to get our family off to a good start.

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Apart from the fact that it's twice the work (and twice the fun!), raising twins doesn't differ significantly from the rearing of other children. Generally speaking, it's based on the same foundational principles of love, limits and close parental involvement. However, there are some special considerations to keep in mind, particularly if you've been blessed with identical twins (my father-in-law is an identical twin).

The natural closeness and identification between two kids growing up in this situation is a wonderful thing. But it can also tend to obscure the individual identities of the children involved.

There's nothing wrong with highlighting the similarities between your twins -- for example, by dressing them in identical clothes when they're small. But you should also be looking for ways to appreciate and emphasize their differences. Make a point of allowing both kids to be themselves. As much as possible, love and discipline each one individually, according to his or her own temperament and personality. Dozens of detailed studies, involving over 14,000 pairs of twins, have emphasized that each child is unique and needs a different parenting response.

As your kids grow older, check in with them from time to time to see how they're doing. Ask questions like, "How does it feel to be a twin in this family? What can we do to strengthen our relationship?" In short, do everything you can to ensure that the uniqueness of each child isn't overlooked.

In the meantime, don't neglect your own needs as parents and as a couple. Invest time and effort in building and maintaining a strong support system. Don't be afraid to request help from parents, relatives and friends. Plan regular date nights, and work to keep your marriage healthy and strong.

Raising twins is a big job, and it can be exhausting at times -- but completely worth it!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: How can I get involved with the effort to protect and rescue the innocent victims of exploitation? Recently I heard about human trafficking and sexual slavery right here in our own community!

Jim: It's true that human trafficking, sexual slavery and various types of bondage are going on all around us. Most of us go about our business blissfully ignorant of the suffering and tragedy that could be taking place under our very noses.

If you see someone you suspect might be a victim of trafficking, watch for evidence that he or she is being controlled. Signs include inability to move or leave a job, fear or depression, lack of identification or marks of physical abuse. If you have an opportunity to speak with such an individual in a non-threatening situation, ask questions like, "Do you want to be doing this work?" "Are you being paid?" "Can you leave if you choose to do so?" and "Where do you live and what are your working conditions like?" Should you come across evidence of trafficking in your neighborhood, call the National Human Trafficking Hotline at 888-373-7888.

On the home front, the best way to fight trafficking is to build strong relationships with your own children. Home should be the place where they get their strokes and their positive self-image. You can protect them against negative outside influences by forging a bond of mutual trust. Acknowledge that there are dangerous people in society, then make it clear to your kids that they can always come to you with their needs, problems and concerns. Children who get that kind of affirmation at home generally don't go looking for it somewhere else.

If you'd like to discuss this issue at greater length, feel free to call Focus on the Family's counseling department at 1-800-232-6459.

Q: I know I've been overly critical of my husband in the past, and as a result we're now basically living separate lives under the same roof. How can we turn this situation around and move forward in our marriage?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: An anger cycle is set in motion when a perceived need doesn't get met. In this case, your husband likely feels his need for respect has been violated; your hurtful comments have stirred a strong emotional reaction within him. Once established, this bitterness builds on itself and only becomes worse.

The good news is that it only takes one person to slow the cycle. And real intimacy can be re-established if both parties are willing to take responsibility for their own feelings and behavior. As the offender, you're in the best position to make the first move in that direction.

You can initiate a positive dialogue by citing particulars. For example, you can say, "I realize I hurt you when I said ..." Once you've taken that step, be as honest as you can about the negative emotions that are continuing to keep you and your husband apart. You might tell him, "When you sleep in another room, I feel lonely and unloved." It's OK if his first response isn't all that you might hope; it's simply an indication of where he's at emotionally. You can move forward by asking him what he heard you say. Then clarify what you meant, and invite him to express his own feelings in greater depth.

Counseling is an important aid in your efforts to get to the heart of the problem. A professional therapist will be able to help you identify destructive relational patterns and avoid them in the future. Our counselors can give you a list of referrals to therapists in your area. You can reach them at 1-800-232-6459.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I'm a single adult who is deeply concerned about the plight of orphans in this country and around the world, and I'd like to do my part by adopting a child who needs a home. What is your advice?

Jim: I applaud your selfless attitude and your willingness to welcome a needy child into your home; the need for more adoptive parents is huge.

That said, Focus on the Family remains committed to the ideal that the two-parent home -- founded on a loving marriage relationship between one man and one woman -- is the optimum environment for every child. This is our Creator's design for the family, and we're convinced that it's the best arrangement for all concerned. Studies overwhelmingly demonstrate that children do best in all measurable ways when they're in stable homes with a mother and a father.

That's why -- and as most single moms and dads would be the first to confirm -- single-parenting is a stiff challenge even under the most favorable circumstances. So I would counsel anyone who is considering this option to proceed with great care.

Furthermore, moms and dads are innately different. Academic research has demonstrated the importance of a father's protective influence, especially for boys. Mothers provide nurturing and emotional comfort that brings security. Both gender roles are of immeasurable significance, and an individual must consider how to address these concerns in a creative and intentional way as he or she evaluates whether to become a single parent.

It's also important to make a careful assessment of your resources. Are you financially capable of providing for a child's material needs? Will you have the support of friends and extended family? Have you thought about education, values training and child care? Are your current living quarters large enough to accommodate another person?

Our staff counselors would be happy to talk with you about these issues and any other concerns you may have. Please call them at 1-800-232-6459. I wish you the best.

Q: I'm trying to educate our 14-year-old daughter about "best practices" for social media before we let her create her own account(s). I like to get input from various sources. What would you suggest?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: First, I commend you for being intentional to educate your daughter on how best to navigate today's social media. I compiled a list that I've entitled "The Top-10 Social Media Rules" for all ages, but most are especially applicable for teens:

1) Always be kind -- treat others the way you want to be treated.

2) View social media as a way to give; consider how things you post can benefit others.

3) Set privacy settings, including location.

4) Don't chat/message someone you don't personally know in the "real" world.

5) Please, no sleaze! Modesty trumps "likes" when posting photos. (And remember that everything you post will be available for future "significant others" -- and employers -- to see.)

6) Nothing should be truly private. Know your children's passwords and convey that you'll be friending them and reading their posts. Be sure your kids can read yours, too.

7) Refuse to share a post that you haven't personally verified; that free dinner may just be a scam.

8) Limit your social media consumption/posting to just a few times per day, with parental input.

9) Avoid crudities, vulgarities, profanities or symbols for such. Don't say it online if you wouldn't say it to someone's face.

10) Re-read carefully before you post -- without facial expressions and personal contact, the best-intended post may be misinterpreted.

I'd suggest cutting out this list and discussing each guideline with your daughter, then placing it somewhere visible for reference.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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