Q: Everybody talks about Christmas joy and good cheer, but I don't feel it. I usually just fake it because all of my holiday memories are bad ones. How am I supposed to get in the "Christmas spirit"?

Jim: My heart goes out to you. For every joyful carol and festive party this Christmas season, there will be someone who barely makes it through for various reasons. And, sad to say, some won't make it through; unfortunately, depression and suicide are not uncommon this time of year.

For those suffering heartache -- loneliness, financial hardship, loss of a family member, etc. -- the Christmas season can lose its meaning and feel cold and empty. In fact, sadness and grief can quickly turn into despair when the rest of the world seems so happy and joyous.

If your dreams of a white Christmas feel cold and blue instead, I encourage you to reach out to someone. Spend extra time with family members or get together with a group of friends. It's important to let them know you're going through a tough time and could really use their support. If those types of connections aren't readily available to you, I hope you'll call a counselor or a pastor. They understand how tough this time of year is for many people, and they can help your holiday shine a little brighter.

Our counselors here at Focus would be happy to come alongside you. Give us a call at 1-800-A-FAMILY, or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com for information.

And a final note -- if you're reading this and doing OK yourself, try to think of someone who might not be. Maybe there's someone who you suspect will be alone for Christmas. Invite them to join you for dinner. It could make the crucial difference for a person who needs a friend.

Q: My wife and I have had a rough year relationally. Things are improving, though, and I want to give her something extra-meaningful for Christmas. I'm stumped -- any ideas?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I'm going to suggest something that may sound a little crazy. Write out a heartfelt card and include a "coupon" for 10 minutes of your time every day for the whole year (and then follow through).

Sound too easy? Dr. John Gottman, a widely respected marriage therapist, has published research that shows couples can dramatically improve their relationship if they devote at least 10 minutes throughout the day to one another.

What happens in those 10 minutes is where the magic happens. It's where couples "turn toward" one another. That means both husband and wife shift their focus away from work, kids and other distractions of the day and turn their attention toward their spouse. It could be a conversation over dinner. Additionally, look for connection moments throughout the day. It could be as simple as complementing your wife on her appearance or giving each other a kiss goodbye as you're both heading out the door. Even in brief exchanges like these, you're choosing to turn toward each other.

Believe it or not, it's not lavish vacations or extravagant gifts that best help relationships to thrive, but small, everyday acts. Happy couples take time to talk to one another, to laugh from time to time, and to pay close attention to what the other is doing or saying. Those seemingly insignificant actions are actually powerful moments that keep couples emotionally engaged and stoke the fire of romance and passion in a relationship.

No matter how busy you may be, never be too busy to "turn toward" your spouse on a daily basis. Ten minutes -- that's all you need to help move your marriage from "surviving" to "thriving."

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: With Christmas drawing near, I'm really NOT looking forward to getting together with family, because there's a lot of unresolved conflict just beneath the surface. Do you have any advice for handling an awkward situation?

Jim: The beautiful thing about family is the deep connection that binds members together through thick and thin. From the joys of childbirth to grief at funerals, the bonds of family will connect your worlds again and again throughout life.

But those ties can also have a dark side when conflict is involved. Family members can stew over even petty arguments for years. And it can be especially difficult to bring resolution to disagreements if neither party is willing to take a step toward peace.

Our staff counselors say the most challenging step is also the most pivotal: That's for you to take the initiative to try to rebuild a bridge -- before everyone is together. Even if you feel another family member is at fault, make the first move and show some love and grace. Try sending a card or email with something simple like, "I miss our friendship -- let's start over," or, "I'm sorry we've had tension in our relationship. What can I do to help resolve it?"

Even if they don't respond, you'll know you did your part to establish peace and goodwill this holiday season. If you'd like to talk to one of our counselors about your situation, call us at 1-800-A-FAMILY or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My middle school-age son has been begging for a gaming console, and I think Grandma is going to buy him one for Christmas. Most of the ads I see for video games seem violent and/or "rated M for Mature." Are there any good games out there that are suitable for a 12-year-old?

Bob Waliszewski (Director) and Bob Hoose (Senior Editor), Plugged In: It's easy to understand why you'd ask this question. News sources and ads often underscore the darker, M-rated side of video gaming: the "Grand Theft Auto"-esque games packing hyper-violence, hyper-sexuality and a plethora of profanities. But families don't need to throw the digital baby out with the bathwater. There are hundreds of fun-to-play video games that don't contain objectionable elements.

Every video game platform has games that are suitable for the entire family. All three of the major console manufacturers (Nintendo, Sony and Microsoft) are gearing up to release brand-new console units in the coming year. At Plugged In, we've said a lot of positive things about the Nintendo Wii and its ability to get couch potatoes up and jumping around in active gaming. It's not the most powerful or flashy console, but it's still a very solid option with a pretty big list of kid-friendly titles to grab.

Whichever console you (or Grandma) choose, you can find lots of really fun titles in the strategy, role-playing, simulation and puzzle-solving categories being released all the time. Many of the titles that grabbed gamers back in the day are still available. Want to zap asteroids? Chase down escaping ghosts? You still can. "Pac-Man." "Donkey Kong." "Tetris." Yep, and lots more. And let's not forget the sports games. Car racing, football, soccer -- there's a lot of fun to be had if you just take the time to hunt around a bit.

Hopefully, you'll not think it self-serving when we recommend our own website for helping you pick out games. We review 'em all: the good, the bad and the ugly. But when they're good (and many are), we're more than happy to say so at PluggedIn.com. (Just click on the Games icon from the navigation bar.)

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: We're celebrating the first Christmas with our newborn twins. As they grow older, do you think we should let them believe in Santa Claus?

Jim: Our organization doesn't endorse any specific viewpoint regarding Santa, Christmas trees and other Western traditions. Some families enjoy these aspects of the Christmas season; others consider them detractions from the true meaning of the holiday.

I'll say this, though: If you choose to allow your children to believe in Santa Claus, just be sure to tell them about the real St. Nick.

St. Nicholas lived in Asia Minor in the fourth century and was well known for his compassion for those in need. He was also a humble man who relied on secrecy to avoid receiving praise for his actions. Tradition says he once rescued three young women whose father had no money for their dowry; at that time, girls who remained unmarried risked being sold into slavery. So one night St. Nicholas sneaked into the family's home and left gold coins in the girls' stockings, which were drying by the fireplace. That historic figure is, of course, where we get our modern version of the jolly fellow in the red suit who loads up stockings on Christmas Eve.

The original St. Nick is also a good reminder of what the heart of this season is all about. It really is about gifts, and not just the kind you put under a tree. It's a baby, born in a manger, given as a gift to all mankind. It's about each of us giving from whatever abundance we have to someone else less fortunate. It's about caring for people in need and making their world a little brighter.

Q: Our family loves Christmas! Our only concern is that our sons (ages 5 and 7) are at a stage where they focus on themselves and what presents they're getting. We'd like to help them learn to be less self-centered and to think about others. Any ideas?

Danny Huerta, Vice President of Parenting & Youth: Your kids are normal -- which isn't good! We all need encouragement to put others ahead of ourselves, year-round. The holiday focus on "getting stuff" provides context for teaching children to think about the needs and wants of others.

One great way to convey this lesson is through family activities. Doing even simple things together gives children an opportunity to consider "us," not just "me." Building a snowman, shoveling snow, making a craft or baking cookies together are great ways to highlight the importance of family and cooperation. Christmas-related traditions such as a family Advent calendar can build unity while teaching about the real reason for the season (for free Advent resources and activities, see ThrivingFamily.com/Advent).

You can shift the emphasis off of self through service to others. Talk with your kids about how the first Christmas wasn't about getting; it was about giving the world the perfect Gift. Then ask them to think about ways they can give selflessly to others -- like making cookies and delivering them to an elderly person, or helping to clear snow from someone else's driveway. Giving shows kids the sacrifice involved in what others give to them. This helps them develop gratitude.

You can also encourage each member of the family to make gifts for each other instead of buying something. The effort of handcrafting or baking something engages our minds and hearts in thinking about the recipient while we're doing it.

There's no better time than the holidays to teach the value of thinking of others more frequently than one's self. And that's a gift that will keep on giving!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.