Q: My wife and I generally get along great, but I'm surprised how much we argue about little chores around the house. Is this normal?

Jim: When couples are asked about stress points in marriage, things like kids and finances usually come up first. But studies show that household chores rank third on that list!

It's easy to understand how something as simple as housework can fuel conflict in a marriage. Life gets busy for couples. Before long, they're each focused on the tasks they care about, while forgetting the burdens their spouse is carrying. The next thing you know, they're locked in power struggles over who does more and who works harder.

I'd encourage you to try to change your mindset, and remind yourselves you're on the same team. The household chores should benefit your relationship, not tear it down. In fact, instead of arguing over who does more, what would happen if you each tried to "out-serve" one another?

There are also practical ways to avoid conflict. Say a particular chore is your spouse's responsibility. Don't dictate how and when they do it just because that's when you think it ought to be done. And don't forget to leave some room for individual preferences. Even though you'd prefer the bed be made each morning, is that really an issue important enough to come between you?

As with any other area of your marriage, sorting out the housework is all about connection and communication. I encourage you to prioritize honoring one another and finding some common ground.

Q: As a first-time parent of a very bright child, I want to encourage her creativity as she grows up. Do you have any suggestions?

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting & Youth: Every child is born with creative potential. Creativity is essential in art, science and business, and also allows us to express ourselves in constructive and beautiful ways -- playing an instrument, cooking a meal, building furniture, etc. Helping our kids develop imagination, original thinking, and innovative problem solving is one of the greatest privileges of parenting. Here are just a few ideas:

-- Let them play. Some structured activity, like a team sport, is healthy. But, especially as she gets older, leave room in the schedule for your child to exercise her imagination and experience wonder at the world around her.

-- Nurture curiosity. A toddler's favorite question is "Why?" But inquisitiveness can get quashed as children get older. Use open-ended questions in your conversations -- from practical ("How could we clean up all these toys faster?") to abstract ("What do you think that cloud looks like?"). Focus on the Family's conversation-starter app, "Make Every Day Count," provides lots of fun and thought-provoking questions.

-- Don't be afraid of boredom. Children don't have to be constantly entertained, and definitely shouldn't resort to electronic devices every time they're bored. You'll be surprised how quickly imagination kicks in with just a few simple tools for creative expression.

-- Don't micromanage creativity. Some creative people color inside the lines, some don't. Let expression be about creating, not about yielding a perfect product.

-- Allow for messes. Developing creative problem-solving skills can sometimes be messy. Find a safe, appropriate place, and then let your child experiment!

-- Encourage "failure." Let your child attempt things without the pressure of doing everything perfectly. If she is taught to fear making mistakes, she's less likely to engage the world creatively and take a confident approach to life.

-- Create alongside your child. Pursuing creative interests with your child -- piano lessons, baking, photography, etc. -- allows for fun interaction and strengthens relational bonds.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: Our family always seems to be in a reactive mode -- it seems like there's some small but stressful crisis every day. My husband and I are both tired of this pattern, and how it's affecting us and our kids, but we feel stuck. Are there any strategies we can use to help?

Jim: Since it's football season again, and as a former quarterback, I'd like to share an analogy and tactic from the game that works well off the field, too.

One football scheme that translates well into real life is called the "hot read." Here's the setup: The defending team typically rushes the quarterback with three or four players. But sometimes, the defense will blitz using extra players (five, six, even seven) to put extra pressure on the QB. To counter that, the quarterback will run a "hot read" -- when he sees the blitz, he immediately passes to an alternate receiver before the charging defenders can get to him.

But here's the key: For that strategy to work, everyone on the offense has to understand what to do before the pressure comes, and what their responsibility is if certain defenders blitz.

That same principle works well in life, too. Challenges drop into our lives without warning from all directions. Maybe it's a car that unexpectedly breaks down or the sudden loss of a job. Creating a "hot read" plan ahead of time can help families keep their bearings when unexpected pressure hits: If "X" happens, then we do "Y."

Take some time to "huddle up" with your spouse and discuss how everyone in your family reacted to past unforeseen crises. Then talk through what you'll do differently when another one happens. With a little advance planning, you'll be better prepared to handle the next blitz life throws your way.

Q: I've got a big problem in how I speak to my wife and children; too often, I fly off the handle and yell at everybody. I desperately want to be a better husband and father, and I need to change my behavior. Do you have any suggestions?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: You've taken an important first step by realizing that you have a problem with anger and verbal abuse. In a very real sense, that's more than half the battle, and I commend you for it.

You can start moving in the right direction by getting some intensive counseling with a pastor or a professional marriage and family therapist. This might involve extended sessions (up to three hours each) for several days in succession. There are a number of therapists in the field who specialize in brief intensives. Focus on the Family's Counseling Department can help you with referrals to qualified practitioners in your area; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

As you go forward, remember that anger is often fueled by feelings of fear, hurt and shame (a sense of not being good enough). Counseling will help you identify these triggering patterns. It will teach you new coping skills and help you practice more effective communication techniques. It will also uncover underlying wounds and highlight "re-enactment behaviors" resulting from unfinished business with your family of origin and/or difficult life experiences. This, in turn, will enable you to avoid the reactionary type of language that can take such a devastating emotional toll on the people around you.

A book that can help jump-start the process is Robert McGee's "The Search for Significance," which addresses the fear of failure, rejection, punishment and shame that is often the source of the kind of anger you've experienced in your family relationships. It can be ordered online and found in most bookstores.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: I vividly remember exactly where I was 15 years ago when I heard about the World Trade Center and Pentagon attacks. My son was just an infant then; now he's reading about significant events like 9/11, the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami and Hurricane Katrina. Yesterday, he asked me how people respond to these tragedies. What's your take?

Jim: The biggest challenge we all face may be to live every moment focused on what truly matters. For example, each time a natural disaster occurs, I listen to the wisdom of those who survive. These good folks stand in the rubble of their lives and, almost without exception, share the same perspective about what's really important. Though they've lost everything from a material standpoint, they express deep gratitude that their loved ones are safe.

That type of reaction makes sense. After all, tragedy has a unique way of bringing clarity into our lives. But I'm troubled that it often takes a crisis for us to see clearly. We get distracted, and family priorities soon begin to erode. For example, studies have shown that on average, fathers spend less than 60 seconds in daily conversation with each of their children!

Our culture constantly offers a skewed idea of what's valuable, and we buy into that hype far too easily. Parents work longer and harder in a never-ending quest for bigger houses, newer cars and the latest technology. Eventually, the "stuff" of life overshadows what really matters, while time with our family dwindles away.

When disaster rocks our lives at a foundational level, we need something to comfort us that goes even deeper. There are only two things in life that we can count on to do that -- the love and support of family and friends, and, most importantly, the bedrock of faith. Nothing besides love and an eternal perspective can reach into our suffering and bring us true comfort.

Q: It seems there's always another tragedy being reported -- even live-streamed. I'm concerned about how such things impact my kids. Do you have any advice?

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting & Youth: This world can be a scary place. Media is constantly filled with bad news -- from natural disasters to acts of violence and terrorist threats. It's tough enough to deal with these tragedies as adults, let alone talking to our children about them.

While parents shouldn't draw attention to every troubling event in the news, some are so widely publicized they can't be avoided. In those circumstances, it's a good idea to proactively talk to your kids using age-appropriate language. In as simple terms as possible, explain that hurt and pain are a part of our world. But strongly reassure them that you'll always do everything in your power to protect them. Remind them that dedicated people (first responders, law enforcement, military) stand ready to support and defend us. Most of all, model faith and hope in God.

Keep in mind, too, that physical touch is an important part of these conversations. When children are feeling uncertain, a parent's hug can go a long way toward calming their fears.

It's important to invite your kids to share what's in their heart as well. Allow them to question or comment, but don't overload them with information. Be sure to limit exposure to ongoing coverage, particularly graphic video images.

Finally, remember that various personality types and ages handle such events differently. Many children want to know how it all applies to their own lives, if they are safe and what they can do to help.

Helping kids navigate troubling news isn't easy, but caring, faithful parents can be a key source of strength, comfort and security. For more, see FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.