Q: It seems every kid on the block hangs out at our house. We have stricter rules than most parents on our street about where our grade-school children are allowed to go, so all the kids end up here. I'm pleased that they feel comfortable at our home, but sometimes it feels overwhelming. What should we do?

Jim: This issue has more to do with the grown-ups in your neighborhood than with the kids. Uncomfortable as it sounds, I'd encourage you to initiate some friendly, straightforward conversations with the other parents on your street. Explain that while you love having their kids at your home, it would be helpful if everyone could agree on some ground rules. For example, it would be a good idea if the kids brought along their own snacks -- or snacks to share -- rather than raiding your fridge every time they get hungry. You can also minimize some of the bathroom cleanup by suggesting that they make a habit of visiting the restroom at home before coming over to play.

When you're talking with the neighborhood parents, keep in mind that this can be a great time to learn more about them, their backgrounds, their perspectives on life, and their basic values. Discuss the limits you set for your kids' behavior and find out if they're on the same page. If they are, and if you feel confident that there's adequate supervision, there's no reason why you can't allow your kids to spend some time playing at their homes. That way, you can begin to spread this responsibility around the neighborhood a little more evenly.

While you want to protect your children from dangers and negative influences, it's also important for their growth and development to look for opportunities to lengthen the proverbial leash a bit whenever reasonable and appropriate.

Q: How do I train my 2-year-old to clean up after herself? She'll go into her sisters' room and destroy it, and won't help clean up unless I threaten to punish her. Then she picks up only a couple of things before getting distracted. Frankly, it's easier for me to clean it up myself. My older girls complain that they have to clean up, but their little sister doesn't. I know this isn't fair, but what else can I do?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: As any parent knows, the most challenging task of raising a toddler is setting boundaries. It is important to teach your youngest daughter that she has to clean up the messes she makes, but that might be an impossible task if the messes are too big. Part of teaching your 2-year-old responsibility is not allowing her to get into trouble or create messes that are too big for her to clean up.

To start with, limit her play areas. If she consistently trashes her sisters' room, make that room off-limits. Keep play spaces confined to her own room or a family room. And in those areas, limit the number of toys she has access to at a given time. For example, give her a choice between playing with the dollhouse or the blocks. Then show her how to clean up one thing immediately before she moves on to the next.

What she's capable of handling is going to grow with time. The lesson of cleaning up a few toys will transfer to greater responsibility in years to come. Resist the temptation to swoop in and clean up for her -- but remember that you need to model what cleanup does look like. The extra time and effort now will be well worth it as your daughter grows.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: How do I talk to my young children about the whole Bruce Jenner situation? These are things I'd prefer that they not be exposed to, but with the story being mentioned or discussed on practically every TV show and plastered on every magazine in the grocery store checkout line, it's impossible to avoid.

Jim: I'm right there with you. It's tougher and tougher to be a good and informed parent these days, isn't it? As a father of two rapidly maturing boys, what I wouldn't give for a softball question like, "Hey, Dad, where do babies come from?" Instead, we Moms and Dads are now fielding questions like, "What does transgender mean?" or, "Why is that man dressed like a woman?"

The truth is, these are questions most of us are unprepared to answer simply because we never dreamed we'd have to. Yet transgender issues are not only becoming more mainstream, but, as you've experienced, now dominate much of our popular culture.

On top of this, many children are encountering transgender topics in their schools. More and more we are seeing a growing acceptance and encouragement of transgendered children in schools -- in some cases involving those as young as age 5. Teachers might also be broaching the subject in class. A neighbor of one of our staff was recently asked by her first-grade son, "Mommy, will I be a man or a woman when I grow up? My teacher said I could choose."

You can find help to answer these challenging questions with a free online resource from Focus on the Family. "Talking to Your Children About Transgender Issues" (focusonthefamily.com/socialissues/sexuality/talking-to-your-children-about-transgender-issues) will help Moms and Dads explain this complex matter in a thoughtful and age-appropriate way. Additional resources are also available by calling us at 1-800-A-FAMILY. Please don't hesitate to get in touch.

Q: My fiancee and I are having a disagreement. Her family abstains from alcohol because of a past history of abuse, but my family enjoys drinking in moderation. She's asked me to give up alcohol completely in order to make her family happy. If I compromise on this issue, what else might they ask me to do? What advice can you give me?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: You've raised an important question -- one that really has little to do with alcohol, and much to do with deeper issues like power, control, humility, selfishness, sacrifice, marital independence, healthy boundaries and loving others. Regardless of where folks stand on the ethics of alcohol consumption, I'd suggest the more pertinent matter to consider is whether we allow any part of life (alcohol or anything else) to consume us.

The first thing I'd advise is to sort out what's actually going on: Is this a demand your fiancee's family is trying to impose on both of you? Or is it an independent request that she is making? If it's the former, or if your fiancee is asking out of a need to please her family, you may be encountering some unhealthy control dynamics that you'll need to confront (possibly with the help of a counselor), no matter what you decide about alcohol.

If, on the other hand, your betrothed is simply concerned for her family's well-being, you'll need to ask yourself how willing you are to sacrifice your own pleasures in order to demonstrate your love to your future wife. After all, this is what marriage is all about.

Keep in mind that the solution here needn't be an all-or-nothing proposition. A reasonable approach you and your fiancee might consider would be for you to respectfully forgo alcohol when you're with the in-laws, while enjoying an occasional drink when they're not around. This represents a win-win for everybody.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My husband is a workaholic -- he spends very little time with our sons and me, but when I approach him, he simply says, "Things will be better soon." Do you have any suggestions?

Jim: Men are wired to provide for our wives and children. But because we're imperfect human beings, that natural, God-given desire can sometimes become distorted. Some men become so focused on their role as provider that they end up neglecting the emotional and relational needs of their wives and kids. Far too many dads in our society fit this description.

Your husband needs love, support and encouragement in order to feel good about himself not only as a provider but as a husband, a father and a person. But remember that none of us respond well to nagging or demands.

I'd suggest planning a dinner out with your husband on a weekend -- get a sitter, go to a nice restaurant, etc. Put aside your frustration and reinforce how much you love him and appreciate his work ethic and his dedication to his role as family provider. At the same time, be honest and let him know that his job seems to be taking precedence over his family. Tell him you value his involvement as a father, and ask him if he'd be willing to examine his schedule and work together with you to make some changes.

If you can deliver this message in a spirit of love and concern rather than bitterness and anger, you may be surprised at how positively he responds -- although don't expect complete change overnight. But if he denies there's a problem, it may be time to seek professional help. You can start by contacting Focus on the Family's Counseling Department Monday through Friday between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. (MST) at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: You always encourage parents to keep tabs on their kids' music and to have regular conversations with them about the lyrics. Your advice assumes that lyrics have a strong and lasting influence on kids, but frankly I've seen little evidence of that. Can you convince me that all this isn't a waste of a busy parent's time? I'm skeptical.

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged-In: For years when asked this question, I appealed to common sense, making the case that musicians were "instructors" of sorts, and just as a teacher in the classroom can mold and shape students' beliefs and behaviors -- isn't that why schools hire them? -- so, too, can recording artists.

But I wanted solid research to back it up. Fortunately, in 2006 the Rand Corporation published a study of 1,461 adolescents, finding that those who frequently listened to sexualized music lyrics were almost twice as likely to engage in intercourse within two years after being surveyed as their peers who seldom listened to such songs. This was the first of many research projects that came to similar conclusions.

I'll note one more because it was quite comprehensive. After examining 173 other studies, researchers at the National Institutes of Health (working with Common Sense Media) found that 80 percent of those projects linked media -- defined as music, TV, movies, video games and the Internet -- to a number of adverse outcomes for children including smoking, drug and alcohol use, obesity, sexual activity, attention problems and poor grades (nyti.ms/1JiV0yS).

Beyond research, let me add testimonial evidence: I interviewed school shooter Jamie Rouse (Lynnville, Tennessee, 1995), who directly told me -- and others -- that he was influenced by music lyrics to commit murder. I also spoke extensively with the parents of Elyse Pahler (Arroyo Grande, California, 1995), who explained how lyrics influenced three teen boys to torture and kill their 15-year-old daughter.

Bottom line: There are plenty of solid reasons to set healthy lyrical boundaries in your home.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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