Q: Do you think it's wise to have loans among family members -- for example, brother to brother, adult to child, parent to child, etc.?

Jim: Financial counselor Ron Blue highlights one all-important point to bear in mind in any situation like the one you're envisioning: Whenever money is loaned, the relationship between the parties involved changes. It's no longer simply brother-sister, father-son or friend-friend -- it's borrower-lender. When you loan money to a family member, you've introduced another level of complexity into the relationship.

This would also apply in the case of cosigning on a loan for a family member -- in other words, putting yourself in the position of becoming a surety for that person's debt. This is, in effect, the same thing as lending the money yourself.

If a member of your family is truly in need, you may want to seriously consider the option of simply giving him the money. Giving generously, with no strings attached, is a commendable and positive virtue.

However, if you have reasons for believing that this would be impractical or unwise, then Ron Blue recommends that you take steps to establish a formal borrower-lender relationship with repayment terms and interest rates clearly defined. Both parties should understand and agree to these terms up front. Don't leave anything to uncertainty or chance (as in, "Oh, just pay me back when you can"). Those terms should be documented in writing so the expectations for repayment are plain to all concerned.

Again: However you approach the situation, lending to or borrowing from family members is a potentially dangerous thing to do precisely because of the way it changes relationships; it will almost certainly introduce tension at some point or other. I'm not saying that it's wrong to get into an arrangement like this, but it's something that needs to be approached with caution and discernment.

Q: I'm a stay-at-home mom and my husband works hard to support our family, but we're living on a shoestring budget. How can I give my kids the chance to try different activities and programs when we don't have much money? I don't want them to miss out on life-enriching opportunities.

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: The happiest, most well-adjusted children aren't those who are involved in a million different activities and who own every tech device on the market. Rather, the kids who thrive best are those who have committed, caring parents who spend time with them on a regular basis, and emphasize the importance of character over comfort and consumerism. So if you're feeling guilty because you can't buy your kids everything our culture says they need -- don't.

There are dozens of ways you can provide stimulating activities for your children that don't cost much money. A great place to start is your local library. Books and DVDs can introduce them to people and places they've never dreamed of before. If they're old enough, they can get their personal library cards and select their own materials to check out.

You should also take advantage of public museums, science centers and zoos in your area, most of which offer low-cost or free children's programs. If you live in a rural location, this may involve a special weekend trip once in a while, but it's well worth the time and effort.

Finally, don't overlook the world of music and drama. Many communities and universities offer concerts and theater productions for kids. There are also a number of classical radio stations across the country that produce educational programs aimed primarily at children (many of which stream over the Web).

These are just a few suggestions. I'm sure you can come up with many more ideas on your own, or from other moms.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My daughter is entering the tween years, and I'm concerned about her self-image. The other girls in her peer group are so focused on being thin and wearing the right clothes. But my mom always told me, "Pretty is as pretty does." How can I get that same message across?

Jim: Without question, our culture tends to define women by their appearance. Some of the worst offenders include popular music and movies. And ironically, magazines aimed at women and girls often send the message that a woman must be physically beautiful in order to have worth. Even relatively conservative publications airbrush the images on their covers.

In this toxic environment, it's up to parents to counter these damaging messages. It's all about finding a healthy balance between affirming your daughter's physical appearance and nurturing her character. According to author Vicki Courtney, little girls naturally want to be told they're pretty. If we don't tell them at all, they could end up having an unhealthy craving for male attention later on. But we don't want to go overboard and send the message that their worth is based on what they look like, either.

As daughters get older, parents need to emphasize virtue and character over appearance. "Pretty is as pretty does," indeed! When girls are exposed to negative stereotypes, we need to help them realize that images of models and celebrities who appear to have found the fountain of youth are not real. Most have been prepped by hair and makeup artists, Botox, plastic surgery -- and then airbrushed after the photos are taken.

Having a tween girl isn't easy. As you noted, many of your daughter's peers have already bought into the lie that appearance is all that matters. But with a little guidance and a lot of love, parents can defuse our culture's negative messages about femininity, and help their daughters develop a healthy self-image.

Q: My son just lost his job. While they get back on their feet, he and his family will be moving in with us starting next month. We're excited to have them around for a while -- but also a bit apprehensive. How can we maintain good relationships during this time?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I'm sorry to hear about your son's situation; I know that can be hard on everybody. The biggest area for potential problems centers on unclear expectations by both parties -- you and your spouse on one hand; your son and his wife on the other. So you should try to be as clear as possible going into the situation.

First, you and your spouse need to be unified and agree on any house rules prior to having your guests move in. Decide if there will be any rent involved, a tentative timeframe for the arrangement, and how to handle cleaning, chores, buying food, cooking, babysitting, etc. You also need to be sensitive to the fact that as parents, your son and his wife have the right to make decisions regarding their children (your grandkids). You must respect their parental authority and support it, even if they don't do things the way you would.

Then, sit down with your son and daughter-in-law in a relaxed setting to talk about these issues. Discuss their expectations. Discuss your expectations. Come to a consensus on the house rules, especially involving your grandkids, and how to handle disagreements or broken rules.

Finally, and for the benefit of all concerned, put something into writing -- a sort of mini-contract that defines all of these parameters.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: How can we teach our daughters to be more discerning about relationships with friends? I realize girls are more relational than boys, but sometimes I worry that my two tween girls are over-the-top and out of control in this area. Should I be concerned?

Jim: You probably don't need to be overly concerned. Girls at this age do tend to be more relational than boys, and soak up friendships like a sponge. As with the onset of puberty, it's something that happens whether parents like it or not. You should, however, be prepared to guide and moderate it appropriately as necessary.

I'd suggest you encourage your daughters to cultivate their bent for relationships in positive ways. Teach them to be kind, inclusive and welcoming to those who aren't part of their circle of friends. Emphasize the Golden Rule -- and impress upon them the importance of keeping a compassionate eye out for kids who've been marginalized by the "popular crowd." Remind them that thoughtful, caring people are nicer to be around. Encourage them to choose friends of solid character.

At the same time, you'll want to alert them to potential pitfalls. Tell your daughters to beware of any girl or boy who wants to "own" them or who tries to assert an exclusive right to their loyalties. Teach them that true friendship is liberating and open-ended, not demanding or binding.

You should also warn them about the dangers of cliquishness and the meanness of character it tends to foster. There's nothing wrong with having a group of special friends, but it shouldn't be an elite and impenetrable inner circle. As long as it remains porous -- open to outsiders and newcomers -- a group of this kind can provide girls with lots of opportunities for healthy and enriching social interaction.

Q: I've been hearing about the potential impact of electronic media on health, learning and interpersonal relationships. Should I be concerned? If so, should it affect the limits I put on my kids' consumption?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged-In: A few years back, a "Zits" comic showed teenager Jeremy vacationing with his parents at the Grand Canyon. The joke was that instead of enjoying the breathtaking scenery, Jeremy was in the back of the car playing video games. It was a humorous commentary on a very sad and real problem.

According to the latest report from the Pew Research Center, 24 percent of teens say they're online "almost constantly." Another 56 percent report logging on several times a day. Of course, surfing the Web is just one aspect of today's digital world. We also have to consider movies, TV, music and video games. All of these have their place -- and can even be beneficial when used wisely. But there's increasing evidence that today's media also puts kids at greater risk for depression, obesity, attention problems, sexual promiscuity, poor grades, drug and alcohol use, anxiety and low self-esteem.

In view of this, I would say, "Yes. You have many good reasons for placing limits on your kids' consumption of electronic media."

Putting the genie back in the bottle may not be pleasant. But as you know, being a responsible and loving parent sometimes means doing the hard thing. This may include gathering cellphones at bed- and mealtimes, setting one day a week as a "screen-free day," or even taking a screen-free vacation where electronic devices get left at home. Just as important is to fill the void with fun and meaningful activities. Also, inviting your kids' input as to what that might look like can go a long way in easing the transition.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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