Q: Is it OK for married persons to have friends of the opposite sex? While my husband was away on a weeklong trip, I had a male friend from work come over to help me care for our 18-month-old daughter. After she fell asleep, we hung out watching movies together. I told my husband about it, and now he's upset and feels that I've betrayed him. Do you think he's overreacting?

Jim: I'm afraid you won't find my answer very reassuring. While your motives may have been innocent, it's my opinion that inviting over a male co-worker while your husband is out of town oversteps appropriate boundaries. Obviously, many married people enjoy healthy, non-romantic friendships with individuals of the opposite sex. But it's important to handle these relationships wisely and to be on guard against hidden pitfalls. If you want to preserve the health of your marriage, it's critical to place protective "boundaries" on these relationships.

The truth is that it's far easier than you may think to cross the line from a platonic friendship into a seemingly "harmless" romance. The danger is especially high when you and the other person have a lot in common. If these shared interests and compatible temperaments lead you to entertain "innocuous" thoughts such as, "This person understands me far better than my spouse," you're already treading on treacherous turf.

I imagine your marriage is very important to you. If so, I'd encourage you to talk things through with your husband. Acknowledge that you made a mistake and reassure him of your love. If he's unable to let it go, it may be because there are some deeper trust issues that the two of you need to work through. Our Focus counselors would be happy to help you, so please give them a call.

Q: My 13-year-old son has a real penchant for irresponsible and selfish behavior. I took off early from work the other day so he could audition for a local community musical production. When I arrived at the school he was nowhere in sight, but his friend told me he was goofing off with a bunch of his classmates in the band room. After trying to reach him by phone and waiting 15 minutes, I headed back to work. He missed his audition and had to wait for me after school until I finished my workday. I thought I'd done the right thing, but other parents have suggested I was a bit harsh and now I'm starting to wonder. What do you think?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Personally, I'd love to give you a standing "O" and shake your hand. What you did was courageous, and a huge favor to other parents who need the benefit of your inspiring example.

Sadly, we've witnessed an unfortunate trend in recent years that has seen moms and dads "over-functioning" for their kids. This is typically displayed in parents doing things for their children that they should be doing for themselves, or in refusing to let their children experience character-building instances of discomfort and inconvenience. Often what is considered "helping" is instead stunting, in terms of equipping their children to become responsible and independent adults. Regrettably, when parents over-function, they usually end up raising under-functioning adults.

So stick to your guns! You did the loving thing by allowing your son to suffer the natural consequences of his poor choice and selfish behavior. Keep it up, and chances are he'll thank you for it someday.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Focus on the Family counselors are available Monday through Friday between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. Mountain time at 855-771-HELP (4357). Focus on the Family's website is at www.focusonthefamily.com.

Q: How can we get a break from the kids once in a while? Ever since they came along, we can't even find two minutes to sit down and have a meaningful conversation.

Jim: This is a common challenge for most parents, and it probably won't surprise you that the biggest hurdles are typically time and money. Although these are real concerns, a little outside-the-box thinking and expectation adjustment can go a long way toward getting around these obstacles.

For instance, you may not be able to afford a baby sitter or dinner at a restaurant once a week. If so, you might choose one night a week to get the kids in bed early, put a pizza in the oven, and enjoy each other's company. Many couples are avoiding this roadblock by sharing baby-sitting responsibilities with other young parents. One couple goes out while the other cares for both sets of kids; then, the following week, they trade places. This is just one of the ways you might get creative about finding child care in order to free yourselves up for regular "dates." If the cost of a night out on the town is prohibitive, pick up some fast food and head for the park. Relaxing and meaningful time together doesn't have to be expensive.

If you're wondering whether it's worth the hassle, think back to the time you had with your spouse before your first baby arrived. My guess is that you'll recall some special moments you'd forgotten about that brought the two of you closer together. Even if you can't find the same time you once enjoyed, take whatever you can get. The main thing is to consciously and regularly look for any and all opportunities to be a couple again. You'll be glad you did.

Q: Several times you've suggested that pornography is detrimental to individuals who engage with it. I can understand if you want to make this a moral issue, but personally I don't see how it negatively impacts the person who consumes it. Where's the harm?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: The most obvious evidence may be seen in the increase in sexual addictions that has accompanied the digital age and its corresponding easy access to and proliferation of porn. Sexual addictions of every kind have become widespread, affecting men and women, boys and girls, from every age group and all walks of life.

God has designed us with a basic human craving for relationship, and all of us are wired with the need to connect. Unfortunately, pornography offers a counterfeit and distorted form of intimacy and attachment. In fact, Juli Slattery and Linda Dillow, co-founders of Authentic Intimacy, report that married couples younger than 30 years of age are facing intimacy challenges that previous generations never had to confront -- and a common, significant factor is pornography.

Many of today's young men have been "raised" on porn and have become accustomed to the instant sexual gratification it provides. As a result, they often don't know how to build an authentic sexual relationship with their wives. Or they may not want to invest the effort needed to achieve true physical intimacy, especially since women generally require time to respond, and men can interpret it as personal failure when they don't. That's not to mention the sense of rejection and betrayal experienced by a wife or husband whose spouse is hooked on porn.

Recovery isn't easy, and it takes time and hard work to develop healthy relationships. But help is available. Our Focus staff of licensed therapists would be happy to talk with anyone who may be struggling. Please give them a call.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Focus on the Family counselors are available Monday through Friday between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. Mountain time at 855-771-HELP (4357). Focus on the Family's website is at www.focusonthefamily.com.

Q: After decades of looking forward to retirement, I find that the promised carefree lifestyle isn't quite what I expected. I worked hard to attain this goal, and now I'm struggling with discontentment. What do you suggest I do?

Jim: Restlessness and discontent are often spawned by false hopes and unrealistic expectations. We've been conditioned by advertisers and marketers to picture retirement as an endless existence of leisure and luxury. The problem is that most of us never make it to this "paradise" -- and even those who do sometimes find it leaves a sour taste in their mouth. Perhaps your dissatisfaction stems from your experience not matching up with the hype.

If retirement isn't delivering what you really want out of life, I'd encourage you to shake up the status quo. Start by taking an honest inventory of who you are and what you desire. It's quite possible that you're a person who, more than anything else, wants the opportunity to keep giving of yourself. In fact, Focus on the Family has been blessed by the invaluable contributions of retirees who volunteer their skills and experience to help us in our outreach.

If you feel something like this might provide the fulfillment you've been lacking, I can assure you that there is no shortage of organizations needing your help. You might start with your church or local school district -- they always need mentors or teaching assistants. And many nature preserves, museums and fine art centers are searching for docents.

That said, it's also possible you may be struggling with depression that sometimes accompanies a major change in life. If you think this may be your situation, I'd invite you to call our Focus counseling staff. They would be privileged to help you work through this transition, so you can embrace this new season to the fullest.

Q: I know I'm supposed to love and honor my wife, but there are times when she's incredibly rude and unkind to me, our kids and even family and friends. How can I "honor" her when she's behaving badly?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: There are many ways a husband can honor his wife. Admittedly, that's a lot easier when we're happy and the relationship is peachy. But unkind and selfish behavior is something we've all been guilty of, and it's how we respond to our spouse when we're on the receiving end that's the key. Here's an approach I've found helpful.

-- Separate the person from the behavior. As someone created in God's image, your wife is of value and worthy of honor regardless of her behavior.

-- Recognize that your perception of your wife is affected by her behavior. It's easy to "switch lenses" when you're frequently hurt or frustrated by her. Consequently, you may be tempted to see everything through a lens that accentuates the negative and eliminates the positive. Psychologists call this "confirmation bias." The remedy is to flip the lens and begin actively looking for the positives.

-- Consider how you might be distorting the problem. Is it possible that you have a hot button, a pet peeve, an old wound or an issue in your past that makes a particular behavior loom large in your mind?

-- Finally, confront the negative behavior, not the person, using healthy conflict-resolution tools. It's critical to do this in the spirit of honesty and humility versus anger and pride. This, ultimately, is how you will honor her.

For help on navigating conflict in a respectful, appropriate and effective way, check out my book, "Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage" (Howard Books, 2013), or call our Focus staff of counselors.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Focus on the Family counselors are available Monday through Friday between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. Mountain time at 855-771-HELP (4357). Focus on the Family's website is at www.focusonthefamily.com.