Q. How should we handle the discovery that our teenager has been sexually active for the past several months? We're not happy about it, but we want to deal with the problem without alienating our child. What should we do?

Jim: It's obvious you're a caring and sensitive parent who understands that blowing up or lecturing is counterproductive. You're facing a significant family problem that deserves a loving and thoughtful response. It's normal to feel upset and disappointed, so I'd encourage you to pray and think before you react.

After you've sorted through these emotions, arrange a time to sit down and talk with your teen. Your goal is to contain the damage and encourage more healthy and rational decisions without driving a wedge into the parent-child relationship. Ask open-ended questions ("Can you tell me about your relationship with ...?") instead of judgmental ones ("How could you have done this?"). Then listen. Your response should put the emphasis on the big picture and explain how premarital sexual activity jeopardizes your teen's future goals and dreams. Although you'll want to take corrective action and consider appropriate consequences, don't tear down your teen's sense of self-worth with comments like, "I am so ashamed of you!"

On the practical side, be sure to get the necessary medical attention (i.e. testing for STIs and pregnancy) from a provider who supports your values. You may also need to have a candid conversation with your teen's partner and with his or her parents, while reassessing and restructuring future contact.

Finally, consider getting your teen (and yourself) into counseling. A wise counselor may be able to talk more candidly about sexuality and encourage your teen to remain abstinent in the future. Sexual activity may be a symptom of more basic problems that need ongoing work.

Q: Our 3-year-old son insists on sleeping with us every night. We've tried everything to keep him in his own bed, with the exception of disciplining him. What can we do?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Believe it or not, this is a winnable war. But it's critical that you and your spouse are unified and committed to reclaiming your bed, your sleep and your intimacy.

Once you're both "all in," success will depend on your ability to establish meaningful consequences and consistent follow-through. Make sure your son understands upfront both the expectations and the unpleasantries his noncompliance will bring. This could involve the removal of some privilege that's part of his bedtime routine. For example, if he's used to looking at a picture book or cuddling a stuffed toy, take them away until he obeys.

After you've put him to bed, be prepared to sit outside his door and intercept him immediately if he gets up. If he comes out, take him back to bed, repeating the process as many times as necessary. Be firm, but not angry or exasperated. Your job is to outlast him, no matter how long it takes. It's a matter of simple endurance. Once the battle's won, he'll probably live within the parameters you've established. If you surrender though, the next conflict will be even more difficult.

Meanwhile, don't forget to invest an equal amount of energy on the positive side of things. Here, as in so many other areas, it's important to "catch your child being good." When he has a good night, find some way to praise and encourage him. For example, you might put a marble in the jar every time he stays in bed without a fuss. Then, when the jar is full, you can celebrate by planning a fun family outing.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Focus on the Family counselors are available Monday through Friday between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. Mountain time at 855-771-HELP (4357). Focus on the Family's website is at www.focusonthefamily.com.

Q: How should I deal with the tension between my son and his dad over his participation in sports? Summer leagues are starting up again, and I'm dreading the inevitable fights between them. Our son is an excellent athlete, but he's never enjoyed playing, because of the pressure he gets to perform. What do you suggest?

Jim: As someone who grew up enjoying and benefitting from sports, I can understand your husband's eagerness to pass some of the same positive experiences on to your son. It's important to encourage children to pursue excellence and develop self-discipline, and with some kids sports can be an excellent vehicle for teaching these values. Even more critical, though, is for the parent-child relationship to be based on unconditional love and acceptance. Kids desperately need Mom and Dad to be their biggest cheerleaders, affirming them when they succeed and encouraging them when they fail.

If we as dads (or moms) are overly competitive, we can often make the mistake of basing worth on achievement and affirming our kids only when they succeed. That's a bad move. It may negatively impact our child's self-esteem for the rest of his or her life. It will also place an unnecessary strain on the parent-child relationship, preparing the way for major explosions when they reach the teen years.

If your husband has difficulty parenting this way, you may want to get a copy of Dr. Tim Kimmel's insightful book "Grace-Based Parenting" (Thomas Nelson, 2005) and study it together. Then spend some time discussing the changes that one or both of you may need to make in your interactions with your son. I'd also invite you to give our licensed counselors a call at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: My daughter is married to a good man, but she can be very unkind and disrespectful to him. I want to talk with her about this, but I'm not sure that's best. It embarrasses me when she's like this. What should I do?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: You're wise to tread lightly here. It's important to not shy away from confronting destructive behavior, but in every scenario it should be approached with prayer, honesty and humility. If not, it can result in further harm instead of healing. The pitfalls in your case could be the alienation of your daughter, or an unintended wedge being driven in their relationship if your daughter thinks you're taking sides. Your actions could also have the effect of "neutering" your son-in-law in the eyes of his wife if she thinks "Mother" has to fight his battles.

Honestly assessing your motives will help you avoid these undesirable outcomes. Be open to the possibility that your interpretation of things may be influenced by experiences from your family of origin, or those in your own marriage. That you find your daughter's behavior "embarrassing" might indicate that you're concerned how it reflects on you.

Keep in mind, too, that it can be difficult for an adult child to accept "reproof" from a parent. It may be a matter better addressed by a non-family member. You might pray that God would embolden a trusted friend or bring along a couple mentor.

If you decide that your relationship is strong and secure enough to have this conversation, voice your concerns thoughtfully. Use "I" statements, and resist judging or blaming. Instead of using absolutes (i.e. "You are ..."), speak in tentative terms (i.e. "It appears that ..."). Remember: Your goal is to listen, rather than to try and fix things. You might encourage her to find help from a counselor, including our Focus staff of therapists. If we can assist, please give us a call.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Focus on the Family counselors are available Monday through Friday between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. Mountain time at 855-771-HELP (4357). Focus on the Family's website is at www.focusonthefamily.com.

Q: I married my husband purely for pragmatic reasons. As a single mom, I believed he'd make a great father to my child. Now I realize that I never really had romantic feelings for him. Is there hope for our relationship?

Jim: The short answer to your question is yes. Why? Two reasons: First, in cultures where marriages are arranged, we know that couples often learn to love one another deeply, even though their relationships weren't originally based on romantic feelings. This isn't to say that feelings have no place in marriage. They absolutely do. But in this case, the feelings generally follow in the wake of intentional, deliberate actions, growing out of commitment, perseverance and hard work.

In your situation, there's even more reason for hope. Though you're not sure how to make it happen, you want to fall in love with your husband -- otherwise, you wouldn't have asked your question. To put it another way, you're dissatisfied with the status quo and willing to make a change. In a very real sense, then, you've already taken an important step in the right direction.

You can build on this foundation by asking yourself what it was that first attracted you to your husband. At some level, the two of you felt an emotional connection and there was something that led you to believe that life with him would be better than life without him. That spark may have diminished over time, but it can still be found and fanned into a flame if you're willing to put forth the effort.

A resource that may help is Emerson Eggerichs' book and CD series "Love and Respect." Our Focus counselors are also available for a free consultation and would love to speak with you. They can be reached at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: I know there are Internet-filtering products that can block inappropriate websites on our home computer. But I'm just as concerned about protecting my children from the kind of destructive content they can pull up on their smartphones and mobile devices. Is there anything out there that can help?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: You're wise to be aware of this potential threat to your kids' well-being. With more and more information being accessed via mobile devices, it's no longer enough to just equip your PC with the best filtering software. You also need to safeguard your family's phones from harmful Web content.

Focus on the Family has partnered with Net Nanny in an effort to help make families aware of its effective Internet-blocking software for home computers. I'm pleased to say that you can find this same reliability through a Net Nanny app that's been designed for Android smartphones. (This app is also available for iPhones, but due to Apple's regulations, it isn't as robust as the Android version.) The tool is effective because Net Nanny becomes your child's default Internet browser and blocks other browsers from launching on his or her smartphone. Net Nanny also manages the apps your child can access on the device. Plus, as the parent, you can manage your child's phone settings, view reports and much more.

How? Simply download the app, follow the installation instructions and create a user profile for your child on his or her device. You can use one of Net Nanny's pre-defined age-based user profiles, or you can customize the profile to include your own designated categories or specific sites you want to restrict. Another great feature of the app is that it categorizes webpages in real time, including brand-new websites and sites with user-generated content such as comments or posts.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.