Q: I'm 19 years old and living with my parents while I attend college close to home. They're having a really hard time in their marriage. I'm trying to be supportive to both of them, but they try to put me in the middle of their arguments. If I don't take a side, then they are angry with me. I feel helpless. How can I help them see how it is affecting me?

Jim: My heart goes out to you. We often hear of the wounds a troubled marriage can inflict on young children, but your experience shows that it can happen to adults as well.

Author Sandi Greene has written about the pain she experienced as a result of her parents' divorce. I'm not suggesting your own parents are destined for divorce, but I think you'll find Sandi's advice helpful.

First, she recommends that you not become isolated. Do you have close friends nearby, or classmates, or a pastor to whom you can talk about your frustrations? Don't endure this situation alone.

Second, don't allow yourself to believe that the problems your parents are experiencing are your fault. You didn't cause them, and it's not your responsibility to fix them.

Third, don't be drawn into taking sides. You can't play referee, and you can't be expected to pit one parent against the other. When they try to draw you into the melee, walk away.

Finally, forgive your parents to the extent possible. It's wrong for them to manipulate you in this way, but try to understand that by drawing you into their arguments, they're attempting to deal with their own pain in an inappropriate manner.

Finally, talk openly and honestly with your parents about the pain this situation has caused. Urge them, as lovingly as possible, to seek counseling. This will help them work through their issues with an objective third party, and relieve you of the burden of trying to be their mediator.

Q: I just found out my wife has been having an emotional affair over the Internet. I'm devastated. She's having a hard time letting this other man go. I want to place some boundaries on her external relationships and gain trust again. How can we rebuild our marriage?

Dr. Greg Smalley, executive director of marriage and family formation: I'm sorry to hear about this painful situation. Certainly, your wife needs to decide whether she'll commit to you or continue contact with this other man. But until she makes that decision, you need to take care of yourself. Your real fight is to keep your heart open to her. And to do this, you need the support of close friends, a pastor or a counselor. You need to talk about your pain and emotions. These are not "gripe" sessions. Talking with trusted confidants will help you keep your heart open and think through your decisions.

Once own support network is in place, you'll be prepared to ask your wife a direct question: "Are you or are you not willing to work with me to save this marriage?" If she's willing, she has only one choice: to cut off all contact with the other man.

As you grapple with the fallout, make every effort not to give in to the extremes of "all my fault" or "all your fault" thinking. Don't insist on knowing why your wife has been having an affair. Instead, ensure that she's willing to start over.

Most importantly, you and your wife need to seek out an experienced counselor. Contact Focus on the Family for a free consultation with a licensed counselor, as well as a referral to a qualified professional in your area.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: My husband and I recently married. We both have children from previous marriages. It's hard to be fair and consistent in how we treat all of them. Do you have any ideas on how we can build strong relationships among all of us?

Jim: Congratulations on your marriage! Blending two families can be tough, but it's not impossible.

Ron L. Deal, an expert on blended families, has identified three positive relationship stages that you and your husband should consider:

1) The baby sitter role. Baby sitters have power to manage children only if parents give them power. Your husband should make it clear to his kids that he has granted you the power to manage them, and you should do the same with your kids. For a while, you will simultaneously be the primary parent to your own kids and the "baby sitter" to your husband's. But this arrangement will not work if you have one set of rules for his kids and another for yours.

2) The "uncle/aunt" role. An uncle or aunt is not a full-fledged parent, but carries authority as an extended family member. Stepparents can gradually gain respect that allows children to accept them as extended family members.

3) The "parent" or stepparent role. Eventually, as trust is built, some stepparents gain "parental" status with some children. Younger kids tend to grant stepparents parental status more quickly than adolescents.

For more, read Ron L. Deal's book "The Smart Stepfamily: Seven Steps to a Healthy Family" (Bethany House Publishers, 2006). It's essential reading for families in your situation.

Q: My son responds to discipline in a defiant manner. We have come up with clear consequences for certain behaviors. Even though he knows the consequences, when we apply the discipline (e.g., wash the dishes for a week) his anger gets out of control. Do you have any suggestions on how to help him respectfully respond when he has made the choice to disobey?

Leon Wirth, executive director of Parenting and Youth: The main issue here is not your son's disobedience (you've already established reasonable consequences for that), but his angry and inappropriate outbursts when those consequences are enforced.

Author Shana Schutte suggests that parents not wait until their child becomes too angry to deal with the problem. Think about the last time you were really angry. Was it easy to reason with you? More than likely, the problem was resolved after you had a chance to cool off. In the same way, wait until your son is calm before addressing his anger. In addition, author Lynne Thompson suggests the following:

-- Show respect. Don't participate by calling names or getting physical.

-- Give your child words to express his anger. Say, "I know you are disappointed (or sad, or frustrated)."

-- Set positive limits. Instead of saying, "Don't you throw that toy," say, "After you put the toy on the table, we can talk about this."

-- Avoid power struggles. If your goal is to control, you will teach him to control others.

-- Provide a cooling-off period by reading a book together or going on a walk. Then calmly discuss what happened and make a plan for next time.

-- Finally, help your son find clarity about what is driving his anger. Is it the consequences? Is it guilt about getting caught in certain behaviors? He needs to learn what's in his heart that's driving his anger, not just focus on the surface of his angry actions.

Your son's outbursts might simply represent an attempt on his part to avoid the consequences (e.g., washing the dishes) of his original infraction. Even as you employ techniques to help diffuse his anger, make sure he follows through on washing those dishes!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: We're struggling to get our children to be organized and keep their rooms clean. Do you have any tips that would help?

Jim: As the father of two boys, I know how you feel! Every parent has his or her own method of handling such challenges. It's fair to say that "discipline" isn't usually the best way to deal with a situation like this. As a matter of fact, a hard-nosed approach could prove counterproductive. You could end up transforming thoughtless irresponsibility into premeditated rebellion.

We recommend you take full advantage of "natural consequences." Use masking tape to mark off a boundary at the doors of your kids' rooms, between their personal "messyzone" and the rest of the house. Then say, "Inside the messyzone, you can do as you please. But if you want anything that's been left on the floor outside the messyzone, make sure you pick it up before bedtime. After that, it will be confiscated and placed in quarantine until you have enough money to buy it back. The going price is $1."

If nothing else, this is a good way to reduce clutter in the house. It can also provide you with a handy fund for a family pizza night. The mess inside their rooms will likely disappear when they get tired of it and when they realize you're not going to hound them into doing the job.

If these strategies don't work, consider whether there might be something more serious going on. Our counseling team notes that there can be physical or emotional causes, such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), for a child's inability to follow through on simple tasks. In that case, you should see a family counselor who is trained to diagnose and deal with such conditions.

More than likely, your kids are just being kids. Best wishes as you help them take responsibility for keeping their rooms presentable!

Q: How can I find age-appropriate movies for my teens? So many movies are not family-friendly, and the current movie ratings can be misleading.

Bob Waliszsewski, director of Plugged In: I'm glad you asked! And I feel your pain. Here at Focus on the Family, we often hear from parents who feel "sucker punched" when they take their kids to a PG or PG-13 film, only to encounter content that is entirely inappropriate.

That's why nearly 15 years ago we began offering content-oriented reviews online. We believed (and still do) that parents needed more than MPAA ratings. They needed to know for themselves what's actually in a film, so they could make wise choices for their children. As such, our Plugged In website (www.pluggedin.com) can be your one-stop destination for anything playing at your local theater. Each review contains information about a film's overall themes and messages, as well as details about sexuality, crude language, violence, drugs and alcohol. There's also an archive of past reviews of movies that are now on DVD or streaming online. We offer similar evaluations of music, TV shows and video games.

From our website you can also access our blog, Facebook page, podcasts (available via iTunes) and other great tools. My favorite is the Plugged In app for iPhone or Android, which offers the same analysis in the palm of your hand.

I know it sounds like we're tooting our own horn here, but we're convinced this is an essential service for families. Your time and money are limited. Why waste them by attending a movie that ends up assaulting your senses with inappropriate content? We won't tell you whether to go or not (thankfully!), but Plugged In will equip you with the information you need to avoid those pitfalls.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.