parenting

Tips on Teaching Kids How to Stand Up to Bullying

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | October 17th, 2016

Q: Another kid calls my son names and pokes him in school. I told his fourth-grade teacher about the bullying. She said she would watch for this behavior, but suggested a website so I could teach him tips to defend himself. Isn't that the teacher's job?

A: Preventing bullying is everyone's job. That includes parents. The nation's schools make it a top priority through explicit policies, awareness campaigns, staff development, and parent and community outreach.

In most schools, teachers, students and school staff, from bus drivers to custodians, receive annual training in ways to handle bullying on the spot and reduce and deter future incidents.

Despite these laudable efforts, bullying is still very much with us, says Stephen Gray Wallace, the founder and director of the Center for Adolescent Research and Education (CARE).

"Studies make it clear that parents have an important role in helping their children deal effectively with bullies," he explains. "Your son's teacher wasn't passing the buck. She was offering tools to help him assert himself."

Wallace says kids bully in various ways: "It can be repeated aggressive behavior such as making threats, physical attacks or spreading rumors; attacking or excluding someone from a group on purpose. With kids' access to digital tools, we see bullying online, too, through texting, email and social media, so parents need to monitor those channels too."

Kidpower, a nonprofit organization that helps kids take charge of their own safety, offers these tips to help kids learn to deflect bullies:

-- Teach your son to walk, sit and act with awareness, calm, respect and positive confidence. This means walking with back straight, looking around, projecting a peaceful face and body, and moving away from people who might cause trouble.

-- Teach him to leave a threatening situation in a powerful, positive way. Coach your son to avoid being a target by assertively moving away with confidence from a bully's earshot or reach. Stepping out of a line, crossing the hallway or changing seats is often the safest choice. Sometimes saying, "See you later!" or "Have a nice day!" in a neutral, normal tone can diffuse a situation.

-- Coach him to turn, stand up tall, put his hands up in front of the body like a fence, elbows bent to be close to the body, palms out and open, and say loudly, "Stop!" and walk away.

-- Set boundaries about disrespectful or unsafe behavior. Remind kids that being cruel or hurtful is wrong, whether it happens in person, via social media, texting, online or in any other way. Set a good example by addressing any hurtful or prejudiced language or remarks. Speak up about disrespectful language by saying, "That didn't sound kind," or, "That sounds prejudiced."

-- Be persistent in getting help from busy adults. Kids who are bullied need to be able to tell teachers, parents, club leaders and other adults in charge what is happening in the moment. They need to be able to report clearly and calmly. Teach them how to report a situation using precise, polite, firm words and tone of voice -- even under pressure.

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. Find useful resources to raise awareness and guide your son at kidpower.org, stopbullying.gov and the Search Institute (search-institute.org).

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

School-AgeWork & SchoolFamily & Parenting
parenting

Be Aware of Changes to FAFSA When Filing for Student Aid

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | October 10th, 2016

Q: Our first child is a senior applying to college. We need all the aid we can get. The admissions officer at one university we visited advised of changes to the FAFSA. What are they?

A: FAFSA stands for the Free Application for Federal Student Aid. As a minimum, this federal form is required from undergrad and graduate students who seek grants, student loans and work-study jobs in a given academic year.

Along with other possible forms, the FAFSA helps determine the Expected Family Contribution (EFC), "a key figure colleges and others use to determine a student's aid eligibility," says Kal Chany, the president of Campus Consultants Inc., a New York City-based firm that helps families maximize financial aid. FAFSA requires student data, and if applicable, information from custodial parents or stepparents of a dependent student.

There are two big changes. One is the earlier start to the FAFSA filing period. It began Oct. 1 for fall 2017-spring 2018 aid. In previous years, FAFSA filing began Jan. 1.

The second change is that "prior-prior year" (PPY) income from 2015 will be reported on the 2017-2018 FAFSA. In the past, prior year income was used. "But," says Chany, "all other data will be as of the date your FAFSA is filed." This includes -- but isn't limited to -- asset values, household size and the dependency status of the student.

While the process is complicated, make the effort. "Assume your child is eligible. Don't rule out any college because you think it's too expensive. The higher the cost, the more aid you may receive," says Chany, who is the co-author of "Paying for College Without Going Broke" (Princeton Review, 2015). He offers these tips:

Decide how your family is going to file. You can file online, which is preferred; you can fill out paper forms; or you can print out a downloadable PDF. Go to fafsa.ed.gov to explore your options. Call 1-800-4-FED-AID to request a paper copy, if desired.

Know your deadlines. Each college and state grant agency calls the shots. Make a chart to track the various aid forms and deadlines for each college. Make sure to include your home state's grant deadlines and requirements -- they may be earlier than the colleges' deadlines.

"Contrary to conventional wisdom, the early bird doesn't necessarily get the worm -- just make sure you file in the appropriate time frame," urges Chany.

Figure your EFC before applying. Use worksheets in financial aid guidebooks or online to calculate what the college will estimate you can afford to pay.

"Check for the most up-to-date information, as formulas change every year," Chany cautions.

Maximize your student's eligibility. Consider making appropriate adjustments to your assets, debts and retirement provisions before you apply.

Decide when to file. "Ten states award grant assistance for residents on a first-come, first-served basis. A small number of schools award aid that way, too. If either apply, file the FAFSA and other required documents ASAP," advises Chany. "Otherwise, file by the earliest school's priority filing deadline (or your home state's priority deadline, if earlier) for the particular form involved."

Don't forget to proofread. The forms are complex. "You'll get rewarded by paying attention to detail," says Chany. "Parents often make costly mistakes that can cost thousands of dollars."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

TeensWork & School
parenting

Daughter's Stuttering Has Parent Worried

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | October 3rd, 2016

Q: I worry that my daughter, who is in preschool, may have a stuttering problem. She repeats syllables. Her preschool teacher says it's normal and she'll outgrow it, but I don't want to take that chance. Should I get her tested?

A: When deciding whether or not to have your child evaluated by a speech therapist, the first step is to become well informed. One good place to start is The Stuttering Foundation's website, stutteringhelp.org.

There you'll find explanations for speech characteristics of mild to severe stutters, practical tips and risk factors. The website lists the following:

-- Family history.

-- Age of onset: Kids who stutter before age 3 1/2 are more likely to outgrow stuttering.

-- Time since onset: Between 75 and 80 percent of all children who stutter will begin to show improvement within 12 to 24 months without speech therapy.

-- Gender: Girls are more likely than boys to outgrow stuttering.

-- Other speech and language factors. Does your daughter make frequent speech errors such as substituting one sound for another or leaving sounds out of words?

Your daughter may be what experts call "normally disfluent" -- in other words, she's learning to use new words and building her oral language skills. Many children work through periods of normal disfluency in their preschool years.

Experts with The Stuttering Foundation advise that you should observe patiently, model slower and relaxed speech (think Mr. Rogers), and give your daughter focused, one-on-one time daily to build her confidence in speaking.

These disfluencies occur most often between the ages of 1 to 1 1/2 and 5, and they tend to come and go, says Jane Fraser, president of The Stuttering Foundation and co-author of "If Your Child Stutters: A Guide for Parents" (The Stuttering Foundation, 2010). "If disfluencies disappear for several weeks, then return, your daughter may just be going through another stage of learning.

"We always counsel early intervention as the best treatment for stuttering. If you are very concerned about your child, put your mind at ease by visiting with a speech-language pathologist trained in working with children who stutter."

Fraser advises parents not to be upset or annoyed when stuttering increases. "Your daughter is doing her best as she copes with learning many new skills all at the same time. A patient, accepting attitude will help immensely."

Reassurance often helps. "Some children respond well to hearing, 'I know it's hard to talk at times ... but lots of people get stuck on words ... it's OK,'" says Fraser. "Other children are reassured by a touch or a hug when they seem frustrated."

If your daughter stutters on more than 10 percent of her speech, stutters with considerable effort and tension, or avoids stuttering by changing words and using extra sounds to get started, she will profit from having therapy with a specialist in stuttering, advises Fraser.

To find a therapist in your area, visit the following: stutteringhelp.org/referrals-information.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Baby & ToddlerFamily & Parenting

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