parenting

Reining in Kids' Use of Screen Time During Summer Break

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | June 20th, 2016

Q: My grandkids are coming for a week and my daughter has asked me to keep them "off the grid," except for emergencies. The kids (11 and 13) are glued to their phones and she feels their health is at risk. (She wasn't concerned last summer when they arrived with their noses buried in tablets!) Is she overreacting?

A: Many experts don't think so. Educators, athletic coaches, children's counselors and doctors are beginning to link decreased attention spans, inability to stay focused, and irritability when devices are shelved with kids being unable to put the things down.

Ophthalmologists are concerned about increased eyestrain in young people who overuse screens. Viewing a digital screen often makes the eyes work harder.

You daughter isn't the only parent worried. One Texas mother emailed me, "When I was a kid, I'd ask friends to come over to play. When my daughter invites friends, it's like she's said, 'Come over so we can silently look at our phones together.' It's just crazy."

A recent poll from Common Sense Media reveals that half of teenagers surveyed "feel addicted" to their mobile devices. Fifty-nine percent of their parents said they agree.

The results suggest that parents and kids are concerned about the impact mobile devices have on day-to-day life. Seventy-two percent of teens and 48 percent of parents feel the need to immediately respond to texts and other notifications; 69 percent of parents and 78 percent of teens check their devices at least hourly.

One-half of parents and one-third of kids polled said they very often or occasionally try to reduce the amount of time they spend on devices. Approximately one-third of both parents and teens said they argue about mobile device use daily. Sixty-six percent of parents and teens said mobile devices are not allowed at the dinner table.

"Mobile devices are fundamentally changing how families go about their day-to-day lives, be it doing homework, driving or having dinner together," said James Steyer, founder and CEO of Common Sense. Usage "is causing daily conflict in homes," while "families are concerned about the consequences. We also know that problematic media use can negatively affect children's development and that multitasking can harm learning and performance."

Common Sense has issued a white paper with survey results and recommendations. "Technology Addiction: Concern, Controversy and Finding Balance" discusses -- among other things -- how multitasking and toggling between multiple screens can impair children's ability to lay down memories, learn, focus and work effectively.

It also addresses technology's impact on conversations. Michael Robb, Common Sense's director of research, said that this is "really important for social and emotional development. We need better long-term measures of how device use is impacting people's ability to empathize."

Instead of relying on devices, enjoy going off the grid with your grandkids. Get outside; go camping; have conversations; try a new sport; cook up a storm; engage in painting or sculpture; volunteer where you're needed (would a preschool like a mural repainted?); visit local attractions; take the kids to lunch with interesting people. Stuck at home on a rainy day? Teach them a challenging card game or chess. Catch a movie at the multiplex. Your daughter won't mind; the screen is big and the movie is sure to start some interesting conversations afterward!

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Family & Parenting
parenting

Use the Summer Break to Improve Daughter's Writing Skills

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | June 13th, 2016

Q: My 10-year-old daughter, Marilee, can text up a storm, but can't write a book report or a two-paragraph description of an event. She's a pretty good reader, but her teacher says her writing skills need improvement. Are there fun ways to practice writing that work?

A: There are, and you can both enjoy them. Young writers need to learn many skills that are intuitive to most adults. They need to articulate the purpose of the writing; organize ideas, think about spelling, punctuation, grammar and word choices; then edit and revise. And do all this while staying on topic. It's not easy!

First, do some reading on how schools teach writing. Most use "the writing process," which has five steps: prewriting (brainstorming, deciding purpose and goals); writing (getting that first draft down); revising and editing (clarifying); rewriting (typing or writing the final draft) and publishing (reaching an audience). That audience might be her aunt receiving a letter or her Girl Scout troop that reads a report she's written on badge completion. Learn more at ReadWriteThink, an online resource for teaching reading and writing: http://tinyurl.com/22novvv.

Write for a reason: Make Marilee the family communications director. Get her a business card and notepads with that title. Make it her job to write all family communications this summer: invitations for parties, lists and instructions for a campout, thank-you notes and birthday cards to family and friends and so on. This will help her think about purpose, message and audience.

Review what you love: It's fun to read reviews; it's often more fun to write them. Have Marilee review books, movies, music and games. Find good models by TIME For Kids kid reporters at timeforkids.com. Have her share her reviews with family and friends.

Connect with pen pals: Find them through Student Letter Exchange (pen-pal.com), one of the world's largest pen pal organizations. For a deeper experience, sign up for PenPal Schools, an online interactive community that connects learners across cultures to discuss global issues while practicing language skills during six-week sessions on different topics. While designed for schools, parents can get a class code. Go to penpalschools.com.

Get writing coaching online: Students enrolled in Brain Chase, a fun online summer program, can sign up for its Creative Writing Challenge and get weekly grade-level feedback from credentialed writing instructors. Go to brainchase.com.

Learn from a best-selling writer: Newbery Honor-winner Patricia Reilly Giff, author of many popular children's books, walks young readers through the process of writing compelling fiction using examples from her work in "Writing With Rosie" (Holiday House, 2016), arriving in bookstores later this summer.

Start a summer scrapbook: To improve storytelling and reporting skills, encourage Marilee to create a scrapbook (digital or paper) about events, neighborhood observations, vacations and so on. Add photos with descriptive captions. Many kids prefer paper. There's something uniquely satisfying about leafing through pages of memories -- ticket stubs and other regalia included -- at the end of the summer.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

School-Age
parenting

Stepparents Must Align Different Ideas About Kids' School

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | June 6th, 2016

Q: We have a newly blended family thanks to a recent marriage. My husband and I have different views about school for our teens. I'm casual. He's strict, causing family tension. The school counselor suggests we work over the summer to "better align" our expectations. Where should we go for help?

A: Blended families are filled with joy -- and usually challenges. It's confusing for kids when parents and stepparents have differing expectations.

"Generally speaking, the issues are rarely either/or black or white," says Stephen Gray Wallace, author and founder of the nonprofit Center for Adolescent Research and Education (ecareforkids.org). "It's not a question of whether to have expectations for each other's children with regard to schoolwork; it's about having the right ones."

Make a list of your differing expectations: Do you differ on how much screen time the kids get? Whether to take them out of school for long weekends? To demand A's or accept C's? Talk them through with each other, then with your teens to try to strike a balance.

"It is also important to remember that doing well in school is but one metric of success we generally hope for our children," says Wallace. "Don't get hung up on whether this assignment was handed in, or who studies with the TV on. What matters most is daily face-to-face conversation. I call it 'serve and return' parenting that allows teens time and space to talk with you and surface things that may be bothering them."

To get a broader perspective, Wallace suggests three books:

-- "Teach Your Children Well" by Madeleine Levine (Harper Perennial, 2013). Levine's view is that "while we all hope that our children will do well in school, we hope with even greater fervor that they will do well in life. Our job is to help them ... be resilient in the face of adversity, to approach the world with zest ... and to hold a deep belief that they have something meaningful to contribute to the world."

-- "Love That Boy: What Two Presidents, Eight Road Trips, and My Son Taught Me About a Parent's Expectations" by Ron Fournier (Harmony Books, 2016). The author identifies distinct styles of parenting: indulgent, authoritarian, authoritative and uninvolved. "Each differs in the extent to which it is 'demanding' and 'responsive,'" says Wallace. "Authoritative parents tend to fare best in eliciting the types of behavior they seek because they are clear about their expectations, but also engage their children in dialogue so that they can understand the rationale behind the rules."

-- "Age of Opportunity: Lessons from the New Science of Adolescence" by Laurence Steinberg (Mariner Books, 2015). The book spells out clearly the new research on how adolescent brains work and suggests ways to instill self-control and responsibility during teenage years.

You might ask your pediatrician to direct you to a family therapist or marriage counselor who can help sort out differing expectations, says Wallace.

"A couple I know took this route with their blended family of eight," he explains. "The parents learned techniques to steer the new 'ship.' While it took longer for the kids to get on board, they did and are all successfully launched in their adult lives now."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Family & Parenting

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