Q: My third-grade son would rather play video games than read. He's motivated by his allowance, so we're thinking of giving him a dollar for each book he gets through. Is there any research that shows this works?

A: Save your money. The research shows that extrinsic rewards aren't effective in developing a love of reading. In his book, "Punished by Rewards: The Trouble With Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise and Other Bribes," educator Alfie Kohn shows how "a reward buys us a behavior -- in this case, the act of checking out a book and reading it. But at what price?"

He says that quality learning declines significantly when kids are extrinsically motivated.

We want children to be motivated to read because they love to, not because they might get a reward, says Pat Johnson, co-author with Katie Keier of "Catching Readers Before They Fall" (Stenhouse 2010). Keier says that when we reward students for the number of books they read, they often choose books well below the difficulty level of what they could be reading.

Students' motivation to read is influenced by four interrelated factors, says reading expert Linda Gambrell, distinguished professor of education at Clemson University. They are:

-- Their experience with books: If kids have struggled or view books as something they only use in school, they're more likely to "hate reading."

-- Their access to books.

-- Their social interactions about books: Do they see that books can bring pleasure or more knowledge about topics they're interested in?

-- Their ability to choose the books they read.

"Letting your son choose his reading is very important," says Carl Harvey, library media specialist at North Elementary School in Noblesville, Indiana. "Start with what interests him. Check out an armful of books; don't worry if some selections look like junk to you. Work with your children's librarian to find a book with characters like those in a favorite video game or a series with a hero your son identifies with."

Children's author Bill Doyle thinks boys often choose games over books because the titles on recommended lists often lack "the action boys look for in games -- bad guys and battles, and descriptions of technological derring-do."

Doyle's humorous "Scream Team" series features werewolves, vampires and zombies.

"At bedtime," he says, "let boys read stuff that doesn't exactly lull them off to sleep. We want them to keep turning those pages."

Another Doyle series, "Behind Enemy Lines," a collection of true adventures from military hotspots like those in the Middle East, "gets a lot of fan mail from young boys, including those whose parents are deployed in these wars," he says.

"Think beyond books," Harvey reminds parents. Point out the many ways we use reading each day, he advises, "whether pulling up directions on your phone, finding a blog about a new video game your son might like, or sharing a 'Star Wars' comic."

Show your son that reading isn't just about school -- that it informs us, entertains us and connects us to people and ideas that make our lives richer. In time, he'll see that those are priceless rewards.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: My son's fifth-grade teacher says he's been lying to me about school. I'm devastated! He's always been honest with me. I'm trying hard to instill trust and good values in him. How can I teach him not to lie?

A: It's an ongoing process, and you're wise to focus on it now.

"Fifth-graders approaching middle school are moving slowly from an external locus of control -- where significant adults in their lives chart their path -- to an internal one, where they take the wheel and navigate decision-making, covering all sorts of critical life events, including those connected to health and safety, such as underage drinking and other drug use," says Stephen Gray Wallace, a school psychologist and director of Susquehanna University's Center for Adolescent Research and Education (CARE), in Selinsgrove, Pennsylvania.

In truth, your son has probably lied for several years. Studies show "that by their 4th birthday, almost all kids will begin lying to avoid getting in trouble," says Wallace. "Research shows that many kids learn to lie by observing their parents lie or at least shave the truth. Some parents encourage children to tell 'white lies' to avoid hurting someone's feelings."

What can you do establish truth and trust?

Express disappointment, not "devastation," says Wallace.

"Getting emotional gives your son's lies too much power," he says. "Behavioral therapist James Lehman's studies show that some kids will lie because of the excitement factor."

Don't call your son a liar; distinguish between the person and the behavior. Labeling him puts him in a corner.

Establish and enforce consequences for lying that make the child uncomfortable in some way.

"This discourages future lying," says Wallace.

For many families, an apology is one effective consequence.

"If he's been lying to you about homework, have him pen a note to you and one to his teacher promising to be forthcoming in the future," Wallace adds.

Communicate that consequences are about enforcing family rules, not morality. "Make it clear that lying is wrong, but make enforcement about meeting behavior standards you expect," says Wallace. "It's more effective to say: 'You broke a law we have agreed you will follow. When you break rules, there are consequences.'"

Make time to talk often. Listen without being judgmental.

"Kids are more likely to tell you the truth if they're not afraid you'll overreact," says Wallace.

If your son knows that you do not ever want him to smoke, for example, "You have to be willing to listen calmly when he tells you that a friend's older brother is offering him e-cigarettes," says Wallace. "This kind of listening takes patience and time."

To set the stage for listening, "One mother frequently picks up her 12-year-old from school, rather than have him ride the bus," notes Wallace. "She takes a long way home to hear what's on his mind. It gives them opportunities they rarely have at home."

As your son becomes more independent, Wallace says these conversations continue to be important.

"When you aren't there to listen or react, you want to be able to trust that he will make safe choices and be personally accountable for his actions," he says.

For more, visit eCAREforkids.org.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: One of my partner's and my New Year's resolutions is to become more involved in our kids' school. Our work makes it impossible to volunteer or attend meetings during the school day. What other activities make a difference in helping them succeed?

A: It's useful to have met with your children's teachers at least once during the school year, preferably early so you can build a relationship. But the most important things you can do to boost your children's school success happen within your family -- in the attitudes you foster and activities you pursue with your kids on nights and weekends.

"Research gives us new ways to think about parent involvement," says Bill Jackson, founder and CEO of GreatSchools.org, a national organization dedicated to guiding parents in getting a great education for their children.

"What this couple should resolve is more involvement in their kids' education," he says. "There's a difference. There's nothing wrong with active parental participation at school, but the real drivers of school success are the things parents do outside of school -- the standards you set and the beliefs you hold about achievement."

Jackson outlines the drivers that matter.

-- Prepare children for learning. "This means making sure that kids get good nutrition, exercise, quality sleep, are on time for school and have good attendance," says Jackson. "You can't learn if you're absent. This may seem like a no-brainer, but there's a lot of learning lost when kids are tired or hungry in class."

-- Partner with teachers. Solve problems collaboratively. Don't automatically accept your child's version of every issue.

"Seek out great teaching, too. It's OK to request the best teachers," Jackson advises.

-- Support literacy and numeracy development. "There's not enough time for adequate math and reading skills practice in class, so supplement at home," says Jackson.

Cultivate key skills early. Read and talk with children daily. Engage in number talk and problem solving. Ensure math-fact mastery. Guide kids to higher-level math.

-- Build knowledge. "This means model curiosity; talk about new information, books and ideas," says Jackson.

"Make connections to topics children are studying. For example, use the spelling list to build vocabulary by spotting the words used in various contexts. Discover and feed kids' interests. Do they love 'Star Wars' movies? Take them to NASA.org to explore past and future Mars expeditions. Show your kids that learning is fun by being a lifelong learner yourself."

-- Build character. Help kids become emotionally intelligent and resilient.

"Promote enduring values kids can fall back on," suggests Jackson. "Foster a growth mindset, the belief that our most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work -- that brains and talent are just the starting point. This keeps kids from giving up and thinking, 'I'm just not good at that.'"

-- Advocate for excellence; choose great schools. "Speak up for high standards," advises Jackson. "Know school strengths and weaknesses. Choose high-performing, good-fit schools for your kids."

-- Put college on your kids' radar early. "Talk about post-secondary pathways," says Jackson. "Set the expectation as early as elementary school that they will go to college. Don't wait until they're freshmen and discover that they should have worked harder at algebra."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)