parenting

Holiday Bonding Ideas for a Blended Family

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | December 15th, 2014

Q: I don't look forward to this holiday break. Our four preteens from a newly blended family like the structure of school, but fall apart on weekends: bickering and competing for attention. In January, they have state testing, so I plan to do some homeschooling during vacation. Are there any good online test prep sites?

A: You want to turn the holidays into a study hall? You'll get the Grinch of the Year award!

"I understand the desire to replicate successful routines during stressful times, but practicing math facts over Christmas is likely to backfire," says Marissa Gehley, founder of KNOW (Kids Need Our Wisdom). "Kids need a breather, so forget the test prep. Focus on family-building activities. Everyone will be emotionally stronger and go back to class in a fresher frame of mind."

Develop new family traditions: Rituals add joy and structure to holidays. Since you're a newly blended family, create new traditions to observe. For example, the family might decide to create a holiday recipe book and add to it each year. Or have a family movie night, enjoying classics such as "Elf," "The Polar Express," "The Muppet Christmas Carol," "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," "Miracle on 34th Street," "It's a Wonderful Life" and "Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer." Discuss the themes and lessons in these movies.

Create a New Year letter: When two families come together, there's news to share. Let kids create the family's holiday greeting. It could be an email, an annotated slide show posted online for friends, or a printed card. Ask everyone to contribute an original piece of writing, art or a photo.

Give back: There are plenty of opportunities for families to volunteer this time of year, from collecting for Toys For Tots to stocking food pantries. Check doinggoodtogether.org to find a good fit. Or use the search tool at networkforgood.org to find projects for families.

Make a 2015 family resolution: What can the family do together to foster enjoyment and take the stress out of everyday life? It might be planning a family pizza and movie night each month; check commonsensemedia.org for reviews. Alternatively, "you might decide as a family to train for and participate in a 5K run or a bicycling event for a charity you all can support," says Gehley.

That resolution might also include scheduling regular family dinners. What kids really want, says Gehley, is more time with their parents. Meals are a good place to find it. Studies show that when families regularly eat dinner together, kids eat better, have fewer eating disorders, get better grades and are less likely to abuse alcohol and drugs.

"Dinner-table conversations give parents opportunities to check in on academic, behavioral or physical changes. You gain more insight than simply asking, 'what happened in school today?'" says Gehley. "Whatever activities you choose to enjoy together over the holidays, your newly expanded family is likely to be grateful for the opportunity to learn, grow and play together. Nothing allows the brain to work at full capacity like a loving, healthy and engaged home environment."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

parenting

Are Tablets Ok for Preschoolers?

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | December 8th, 2014

Q: My husband wants to get our preschooler her own tablet. We've read to her on ours since she was a baby. Our pediatrician is concerned. We thought reading to her was a good idea. What does it matter whether we read on a screen or on paper?

A: Experts are divided on this. While the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) strongly encourages parents to read to children from birth, they recently issued recommendations advising parents to "minimize or eliminate altogether" any screen exposure (tablets, phones, TVs) for children younger than 2, citing research on brain development. For older preschool children, the AAP suggests limiting screen time to less than two hours a day. (For more, go to healthychildren.org.)

There is research suggesting that too much screen time has negative effects on kids, from increased childhood obesity and behavioral problems to poor sleep patterns.

There is less research on children using screens to learn to read. "I don't know why the AAP decided it's smart to ban screen time," says Dr. Marilyn Adams, one of the nation's foremost reading researchers. "How about banning time with 'bad' screens?"

Adams says it's the quality of the content and interaction that matters. She's less concerned about whether kids turn a paper page or swipe a tablet page and more concerned that parents understand the benefits of reading to their children "early and often."

Researcher and educator Dr. Michael Milone says that the two key elements associated with reading to kids are joint attention (both of you focusing on the same thing) and the nature of the interaction (talking, pointing, explaining and such).

"There are qualitative and quantitative differences in both elements," says Milone, "when the text is a book versus a digital device.

"In the traditional view of comprehension, the book is probably superior. But we're entering a different world, one in which traditional comprehension isn't as highly valued as before. If you can write code or analyze data to predict a change in the price of natural gas, you will be successful, even if your favorite reading is a series of tweets."

Because digital devices are convenient and entertaining, "they will become dominant, if they are not so already," says Milone. "It may be comparable to the change that took place when writing and books became dominant over memory and the oral transmission of information. It's going to happen, so we have to adapt to it."

If you decide on a tablet, choose a device and content that will enhance your daughter's emotional and cognitive development. Many educators and parents rely on Children's Technology Review (www.pickyteacher.com). Its Children's Technology Review Exchange, or CTREX, is a database of education software and hardware that helps parents quickly determine which apps, games and digital media are best suited to their kids. You can browse online in guest mode, or you can subscribe and get full reviews and rating details for $59 a year.

CTREX is for people who are tired of gimmicky review sites with outdated information, says Dr. Warren Buckleitner, the founder of Children's Technology Review and an editor.

"There are no suspicious ratings, affiliate links or social agendas," he says. "Subscribers can learn about a new product the day it's released."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

parenting

Some Tips on Giving to Teachers for the Holidays

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | December 1st, 2014

Q: My kids love their teachers and want to give them each a holiday gift, even though the PTO discourages individual gifts because not all families give. What would be appropriate? For example, is it insulting to give a gift card to an office supply or discount store?

A: What to give or whether to give a gift to a teacher is a perennial parent puzzler prior to the holiday break.

Some schools issue guidelines, ranging from no gifts at all (or nothing more than a certain dollar amount) to encouraging a gift from the whole class, where one parent collects whatever each family wants to contribute toward it. That way, no child feels left out.

Other schools leave it to families. A recent survey of A-Plus Advice Teacher Advisers suggests that gift cards are the way to go. Teachers have more mugs, totes and apple paperweights than they'll ever use. Avoid books, candy, foodstuffs, beverages or personal items such as colognes, lotions and spa services. Also, don't re-gift something you'll think they'll just love.

Teachers value gestures of appreciation, from a handwritten note or a homemade greeting card to gift cards they can use easily, says Illinois elementary teacher Pam Evans.

"While gift cards may seem impersonal, teachers often use them to purchase supplies," she says.

Evans has also enjoyed gift cards to movies, local eateries and bookstores.

"Giving gift cards to a store like Target lets teachers decide whether to spend the gift on themselves, the classroom or both," says California teacher Bill Laraway. "Unless you know the teacher would enjoy it, a gift card to an office supply store may not be perceived as personal enough."

Virginia teacher Jill Warner says, "Any gesture that recognizes us is always greatly appreciated. A gift card to a local drive-through, coffee shop or favorite hangout says so much more than a travel mug."

Laraway adds, "What really matters to me is receiving a card with a handwritten personal message, whether or not there's a gift card inside. I really appreciate it when someone takes the time to write a note of thanks.

"If you choose to offer a gift card, don't just fill in the 'to' and 'from' lines. Include a note; it makes the gift more meaningful, rewarding and memorable. Teachers can re-read it and reflect upon it."

You don't have to spend money to show appreciation. "I teach in a low-income middle school, so rarely do I receive gifts, but I cherish the handwritten notes I get from students because I know they come from the heart. I read them over and over again after a tough day," admits Kansas teacher Valerie Snyder.

Artfully bundling together expressions of appreciation can touch a teacher's heart. "Last year, a parent asked families to submit things for a tribute book -- a letter, story, poem, photos or drawings," says Sally Hawks, a New York educator. "She created it online and then had it printed. It gave me a chance to reflect and share my joys and success with my family. I still look at it often."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

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