Q: My two preteen daughters spend weekends with my new wife and me. While my wife loves the girls, she's quick to criticize them and corrects their mistakes immediately. My ex and I have our differences, but we think kids need room to make mistakes to become independent. My wife says that's asking for trouble as the girls head into their teenage years. Who's right?

A: Don't think of this as an either/or situation. There are times to correct a child on the spot, and there are times to allow the situation to play out.

"Effective parents vary their responses depending on the situation. Some poor decisions require immediate feedback; others present genuine learning opportunities that may allow the child to make a better decision the next time," says Dr. Jane Bluestein, a New Mexico-based educator and author who has advised thousands of parents, teachers and children over the past 40 years.

If one of your daughters makes a choice that puts her in danger, intervene right away.

"Discuss safer options and help her connect those choices to more positive outcomes," says Bluestein.

But if her science project fails, it's no biggie. Talk about how experimentation is part of the scientific process. Discuss how "mistakes" can lead to unexpected discoveries. Albert Einstein inspired students by telling them that "a person who never made a mistake never tried anything new."

Bluestein adds: "The most constructive way to help a child learn from mistakes is to shift your focus from what's wrong or undesired to the behavior you want."

For example, say your daughter uses a snarky or defiant tone with you. Telling her that she's being disrespectful is less effective than saying, "I want to hear what you have to say when you're willing to talk to me in a more respectful voice."

If your child's mistake is a result of a lack of understanding, explain what she needs to know. Don't play the blame game. If you say, "Too many sodas can cause an upset stomach," that's more validating than, "You're sick because you drank too many sodas, even though I said not to."

If your daughter makes a mistake while trying to achieve an unclear goal, help her focus on what she's trying to accomplish. Ask, "How did you want this to turn out? What was supposed to happen?"

Avoid expressing disapproval or disappointment. Instead, try, "That's interesting!" or, "That wasn't what you had in mind, was it?"

Get your daughters to reflect on their mistakes. Once the dust settles, ask them what they might do differently next time. Can they guess possible outcomes of a different approach?

Never shame kids or call them stupid.

"I disagree with 'tiger' parenting advice that condones humiliating children or calling them names in order to motivate desirable behaviors or academic achievement," says Bluestein. "There's a big difference between making a mistake and being one."

Encourage your wife to fight the temptation to fix the girls' every misstep. "It's always better to guide kids to a solution by helping them rethink their approach, strategy or goal," says Bluestein.

(For more advice, go to janebluestein.com.)

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: Our second-grade son's teacher sent home a note saying he was receiving "Response to Intervention" support for math. She asked for a meeting to discuss it. I've looked it up but am still confused about it. Does it mean he needs special education?

A: Not at all. Response to Intervention (RTI) is a process intended to help a child catch up in a skill area before he could end up in special education. RTI has been used in reading for more than a decade. While used less frequently in math, the fact that your son's school employs it is a good sign.

"We know a lot more today about tackling early reading and math struggles than we did 30 years ago, and many classroom teachers have the tools to help kids. The whole point of RTI is to identify and remedy problems in early elementary school, when they are easiest to correct," says Dr. Michael Milone, a New Mexico-based educator and researcher who consults with school districts. "RTI is a comprehensive, multi-step assessment process intended to help children before they might be placed in a formal special education program."

RTI emerged from well-intentioned policies that, over the years, have frustrated many parents and educators and left many children without services when they needed them most. "A diagnosis that would qualify a child for special education could take years, allowing that student to fail while awaiting a change in instruction. Or worse, students might 'fail enough' to get into special education, but not get the appropriate instructional interventions that could help them move forward," says Milone.

Federal legislation passed in 2004 to align IDEA (the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) with No Child Left Behind allows for intervention immediately after a disability or skill weakness is suspected.

There are reasons a second-grader might struggle with math that have nothing to do with a learning disability. "Math learning builds. You have to nail one concept before moving on to another," says Milone. "If a child lacks key mathematical and numeracy concepts early on, it can adversely impact later learning."

Here's how RTI can help your son catch up, says Milone: "The RTI process identifies at-risk students using a range of screening assessments and provides their classroom teachers with plans for intense instruction and ways to monitor progress. If the students respond to the intervention, they are returned to regular instruction. If they don't, they get additional, more intense instruction. If they still don't respond favorably, they are referred for formal special education assessment. We hope that RTI will reduce the number of kids going into special ed as the result of inappropriate instruction."

Milone suggests asking these questions at your meeting: What screening procedures, interventions and instructional programs will be used? How long does an intervention continue before determining whether he is making progress? How will his progress be monitored and communicated to us? How can we help at home? Will you put his intervention plan in writing? At what point are students who are suspected of having a learning disability referred for formal evaluation?

For more information, see "Questions to Ask Your School about RTI" at understood.org.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: With a daughter entering kindergarten, and a son not far behind, we recently bought a house near a school loved by parents and hyped by the real estate agent. When we started house hunting, the school had a rating of 9 on GreatSchools.org. The website now rates it a 7. Parents still like the school, and our daughter seems happy, but should we worry?

A: Do some digging and ask questions before you put this on your worry list. In most states, GreatSchools compiles a rating using publically available data that reflects how well students do on standardized tests compared to other students in the state. The rating is on a 1-to-10 scale, where 10 is the highest, 1 the lowest.

"While test results give you a good sense of how well students are performing at a given school, they only offer a limited snapshot of school quality," says Mike Gallaher, a senior analyst at GreatSchools.org.

That's why a growing number of states are making more data available to parents, such as attendance, information on how much students learn in a given year, how prepared they are for college work or an assessment of the school's learning climate.

GreatSchools is currently focused on three aspects of academic quality, says Gallaher: "One is student achievement -- how well students at a school do in academics, measured as the percent of students meeting state standards based on state standardized tests."

No. 2 is student growth -- how much students are actually learning in a year, rather than how much they already know.

"A school with high growth could be a school with students that started behind grade level and have now caught up," notes Gallaher.

No. 3 is college readiness. "With high schools," says Gallaher, "we look at school graduation rates and performance and participation on college entrance exams (such as the SAT and ACT) as indicators of how well students are prepared for life after high school in college or careers."

Schools in states that have rolled out the Common Core State Standards (CCSS) and are testing children on those standards may see a drop in their GreatSchools rating if the tests and instruction aren't yet closely aligned.

"This is worth asking," says Gallaher. Other things to ask: What measures does the school use to track academic progress if not state tests? Has there been a change in leadership? Is there high faculty turnover? Is there any change in the student population, with new students needing extra support to catch up? What is the school's rating history?

Look at other factors, too, such as parent and community comments, what programs the school offers that are important to you, such as arts, music, after-school enrichment and so on.

"Take this opportunity to walk through all the data with the principal," suggests Gallaher. "At GreatSchools, we're willing to answer questions about how a school's rating is derived."

There may be very good reasons for the drop in score, or the school's leadership may not be aware of it and will welcome your advocacy on behalf of academic excellence.

For more, go to greatschools.org/about/ratings.page.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)