parenting

New Year's Resolutions to Help Calm Stressed Kids

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | December 30th, 2013

Q: My New Year's resolution is to help my boys, ages 8 and 10, find the fun in learning. Tests have teachers so stressed that they're passing the worry to kids. What can parents do to help kids keep their chins up and enjoy school?

A: Kids should not see each school day as an endless series of tests, trials and new material. Try these tips from one of the nation's top parent coaches, Maryland educator and retired principal Shirley Harden.

-- Create a "Proud Parent" gallery. Find a spot to showcase your boys' school work, art, family photos and cartoons. One Texas mom turned her kitchen wall into a combined bulletin board/chalkboard. She says it "serves as our center for scheduling, homework checking, posting kids' work, new words and fun facts.

"The wall sends a message: Our family time is important. Your school work matters. We all enjoy learning something new each day."

-- Reflect and take stock. Kids live very much in the now. A perceived slight or a poor test grade can take on meaning that is disproportionate to its significance and ruin an otherwise good day. Adults must help kids learn to step back and gain perspective.

Take time each day to talk about school. Draw out worries and reinforce positives with questions: "What surprised you today in school?" "What did you do you were proud of today?"

Help kids see their progress. "If one son is learning to manage anger," says Harden, "compliment him by saying, 'I like the way you handled that problem. It was much more mature than your response in November.'"

Always celebrate the end of a testing week or a marking period. Go to a movie; make a favorite meal. Show kids that steady effort over the long haul leads to good results.

-- Connect school with success in life. "It's important for student to link success in school with having a fulfilled life," says Harden. "Point out these connections. If you're at the dentist with your boys, point to the diplomas and ask the doctor what she had to study to become a dentist. If you see a program about an astronaut fixing the International Space Station, Google the astronaut to learn how he became a scientist. On weekends, visit places that will spark kids' imaginations (museums, zoos, nature trails, planetariums), and make the link between school and cool careers. It's never too early to talk about the path to college."

-- Boost kids' mental energy. In today's overscheduled world, kids often arrive at school drained by the stress of getting there. Make key decisions the night before. With younger children, lay out their clothes; gather their backpacks, books and assignments; decide if the kids are buying or taking lunch. With teens, double check the daily planner and homework. Schedule a nightly wind-down time just before bed. Discuss concerns so no one goes to sleep with a worry list.

-- Each morning tell your boys: "I love you and I know you'll do well today. You'll learn something new and you'll tell me about it tonight."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

parenting

Monitor Social Media Activity Before Applying to Colleges

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | December 23rd, 2013

Q: My daughter, a high school senior, is a heavy social media user. She has a long Facebook history, some of which is not so flattering. She's applying to colleges, and her counselor suggested that she clean up immature postings because colleges check them. Is that true? If so, should we pay a service to scrub her online footprint? She's got good grades and hopes for a scholarship. We don't want to hurt her chances.

A: Yes, college admission officers may go online to check out what their applicants are posting on social media, says Rob Franek, a Princeton Review college admissions expert.

The New York Times recently reported findings from a Kaplan Test Prep survey that indicated "30 percent of the admissions officers said they had discovered information online that had negatively affected an applicant's prospects."

This is a sobering statistic for students with active social media accounts. "A student could have earned great SAT scores, gotten good grades and submitted stellar essays, but all of that hard work may be negated if he or she has an offensive, immature or inappropriate online presence," says Franek, author of "The Best 378 Colleges, 2014 Edition" (Random House/The Princeton Review, 2013).

If your daughter has a less-than-ideal online presence, don't panic, but do clean up those unflattering past posts. "Hiring a professional to do that may be a necessity if you or your daughter don't know how to manage this properly or don't have the time," Franek advises. "But taking steps to correct this will be very important and give each of you a little peace of mind."

Franek suggests ways you and your daughter can do damage control: First, your daughter should put her privacy settings on the highest level of security. Make sure that she does not come up on searches by checking on a different browser after updating the settings.

Block apps on Facebook so that her name isn't associated with those either. "This may frustrate some teens who think it will limit their ability to interact with friends online, but ultimately it will be worth it," says Franek.

"A friend may know that your daughter's quirky tweet or photo was intended as a joke, but the person deciding whether to admit her to her dream school may not. Make all accounts private. It'll keep the strangers out. One can still control who one connects with online when one's privacy settings are on high."

Once your daughter has made all her accounts private (including Instagram), have her go through each account and delete all posts that represent her less-than-proudest moments. There may be posts that she has completely forgotten about, or that appear inappropriate when taken out of context.

Remind your daughter to be responsible when posting new items. "After college, when job searching, prospective employers may check her online profile as well," says Franek. "When it comes to social media posts, it's best to err on the side of being conservative and always to remember to put one's best 'selfie' forward."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

parenting

Field Trips, Volunteering Good Ways to Spend Holidays

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | December 16th, 2013

Q: My kids' cousins, ages 6 to 11, will visit over the holidays, and I don't want them all glued to video games. We need some educational and inexpensive -- but fun -- things to do. Do you have any suggestions?

A: The following activities won't feel like school; they will make a batch of good memories and offer a lot of learning:

-- Plan family field trips. "Every corner of our nation has a few special spots kids love -- it might be a museum, a science center, historic area, or a natural area -- that are part of our heritage and worth knowing well," says Naples, N.Y., educator Greta Love.

"In our area, kids love places like the Corning Glass Museum, where they see glass made, the Rochester Museum and Science Center, or natural areas, such as the High Tor preserve to see bald eagles."

Noted Florida ornithologist Elizabeth Hailman says her grandkids love the Loxahatchee National Wildlife Refuge, which encompasses more than 220 square miles of the Everglades.

"Visitors walking on dikes can see many water birds, some land birds and alligators," she says.

Family field trips represent informal learning at its best, says Jamie Stuve, president of the Jupiter Inlet Lighthouse and Museum in Jupiter, Fla. Kids who visit the iconic 1860 lighthouse get to know a site that has been inhabited for 5,000 years.

"They don't realize they're learning geography, history, anthropology, ecology ... The list goes on," Stuve says. "When they take this information back to their classrooms, it makes them more powerful readers and writers."

Field trips don't need to break the bank. Many government-run natural areas are free or charge by the car. Check online for free or "on sale" days for children at local museums and science centers.

-- Celebrate your family history, says Maryland educator Shirley Harden. With cousins visiting, it's a good time to "decorate the family tree. Have kids interview older family members to preserve traditions, anecdotes, recipes and cherished memories.

"Kids love to hear ancestor stories. It's important to remember that Great Aunt Mia immigrated to the U.S as a young woman with a handful of family recipes and started a successful restaurant. Publish a digital or paper archive to give to family members near and far as a New Year's gift."

-- Teach the joy of giving. Volunteering as a family develops a positive service habit that stays long into adulthood, says Karen Bantuveris, founder and CEO of VolunteerSpot, a resource that helps people coordinate volunteer opportunities.

Follow these guidelines: Choose volunteer activities kids can relate to, such as collecting blankets and food for a local animal shelter or raising money for a food pantry. Discuss why your effort will make a difference. Help kids see the impact of their work by delivering the blankets to the animal shelter or giving a check representing funds collected to the food pantry. Make sure children are welcome and can do the work. (This often rules out soup kitchens.)

Talk about your family's service experience, says Bantuveris. "Discuss what you did, why you did it, how it felt and what you learned. Build on your kids' enthusiasm and right then choose your next service project together."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

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