Q: Our fourth-grade son's teacher is strict and he's having a hard time. I admit Jeremy doesn't always listen and often acts impulsively. My husband thinks it's good for him to be reined in, but I don't want Jeremy to feel like a failure. Should I ask the principal to switch teachers?

A: Why would you do that? To protect Jeremy from having to learn how to deal with a world that doesn't always run according to his whims?

Unless there is a severe personality conflict between the teacher and your son -- and you offer no evidence -- don't think about changing teachers.

Instead, be grateful for the wake-up call. Now is the time to work closely with Jeremy's teacher to foster character, responsibility and emotional development.

"Every school year is important, but fourth grade is pivotal for mastering the habits of mind that make or break students from here on out," says Bill Laraway, a fifth-grade teacher at Silver Oak Elementary in San Jose, Calif. "I can tell the first week of school which students will soar and which will struggle because they lack these skills."

"By the end of fourth grade, students should have learned organization, self-regulation and how to schedule time and assignments," says Laraway. "They should know which study skills are most effective for them and be accountable for their work. Mom shouldn't run interference for Jeremy.

"Nor should Dad put the burden of 'reining in' on the teacher. Instead, they should support the teacher in helping Jeremy build character, grit, impulse control and work habits."

While students entering Laraway's class might call him strict, "by the end of the year they're proud of what they've accomplished. Students regularly come back to visit -- one recently after getting her Ph.D. -- to tell me they were grateful I didn't cut them any slack.

"Students benefit from being held to high expectations."

Compelling research shows the benefits of moderate childhood stress, setting the bar high, how praise kills kids' self-esteem, and why grit is a better predictor of success than SAT scores, says Joanne Lipman, co-author of "Strings Attached: One Tough Teacher and the Gift of Great Expectations" (Hyperion, 2013).

Lipman cites the work of Stanford researcher Carol Dweck on the demotivating effects of overpraising students; University of Pennsylvania researcher Angela Duckworth on the importance of "grit" and tenacity in school success; and University of Nebraska psychologist Richard Dienstbier, who pioneered the idea that dealing with routine stresses -- such as having a tough teacher -- can make students stronger.

"When it comes to doing well in school, learning to set goals, manage time, prioritize assignments, focus without being reminded and take responsibility for one's actions are key," says Laraway. "Parents do kids a disservice when they want to solve every problem and smooth every wrinkle in their lives."

For more insights, check out Dweck's book, "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success" (Ballantine, 2007), and "How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character," by Paul Tough (Mariner Books, 2013), which explains Duckworth's work.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: My son Rashan got into a new, accelerated STEM program at a magnet middle school. He was excited until he and some other STEM students were taunted for "acting white." He gets ridiculed for reading on the bus. I called the principal -- she just seems overwhelmed. My husband tells him to "toughen up" because the world is full of bullies. While Rashan likes the program, he misses his elementary friends (who are stuck in a really bad middle school). I want him to stay in the STEM program to pursue his dream of becoming a doctor. Any advice?

A: While your husband has a point, school bullying and harassment threaten students' safety and emotional well-being and shift their focus from learning to self-protection. Being taunted for wanting to achieve can erode a student's confidence and decrease motivation to excel in school.

Over the last decade, much effort and money has been spent to help the nation's schools create a positive and supportive climate for all learners. This principal needs to get her middle school on board.

There are several concrete steps you (and other parents) can take to put a stop to this behavior, says Marissa Gehley, a California youth counselor and founder of KNOW (Kids Need Our Wisdom).

-- Educate yourself. "There are great resources, such as casel.org, Stopbullying.gov and search-institute.org," says Gehley. A little research will show you and your husband ways to help Rashan deal with bullying and give you important information when working with the school.

-- Be a squeaky wheel. The principal's overwhelmed? Meet with a counselor, assistant principal or Rashan's adviser. Ask about the school's anti-bullying and harassment policy. What programs are in place to discourage this behavior? What are bus drivers' responsibilities? Join your school's parent group to raise awareness. "The more folks in the loop, the easier it is to change school culture for the better," says Gehley.

-- Keep lines of communication open. "This is key! It's great that Rashan is talking with you about it," says Gehley. "It means he trusts and values your advice. Check in with him often -- about friends, schoolwork and activities. Don't make bullying the only thing you talk about." Encourage him to develop a trusting relationship with an adult at school, such as a teacher, counselor or coach, who he can turn to for advice.

-- Teach Rashan to deal with bullies. "Using humor, saying 'stop' with conviction and directness, ignoring or simply walking away are often effective techniques to stop a bully," says Gehley. "Discuss and practice techniques that fit Rashan's personality. He has to feel comfortable with them to be effective."

-- Support Rashan in doing what he loves. "Pursuing activities, hobbies and interests can help him make new friends and can boost his confidence," notes Gehley. "There's strength in numbers, so encourage him to invite new friends from the STEM program to your home. Since he wants to be a doctor, find an area mentor and role model who can help him keep his eye on the prize."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: Vocal parents in our district are fighting the Common Core State Standards. Some say it's federal government intrusion; others worry they're too hard for kids. Our school board (I'm a member) believes that these standards are a good thing. How can we get parents on board?

A: First, address misconceptions about the Common Core State Standards (CCSS). They were created by the states -- not the federal government or U.S. Department of Education -- using private dollars. The standards and assessments are voluntary.

The Common Core is the result of a 20-year process initiated by state governors to improve college and career readiness of U.S. students. The public was invited to participate in the development. Thousands of parents, teachers, researchers and subject-area specialists, along with business, civic and policy leaders across the political spectrum, weighed in.

The result should appeal to "anyone who thinks our kids might learn more than they've been learning and that the bar on our education expectations should be raised," says Chester E. Finn Jr. Finn is the president of the Thomas B. Fordham Institute and a veteran observer and evaluator of "standards-based" reform. "The Standards' content and skill expectations for grades K-12 in English language arts and math are, by almost everyone's reckoning, about as rigorous as the best state-specific academic standards and superior to most," he says.

States (and districts, schools and teachers) "can tailor their own curriculum to the Common Core, make their own instructional preferences; they can add to the Common Core," Finn explains. "And if there's stuff there they don't like, they can disregard it. Moreover, states that have adopted the Common Core are free to drop it if and when they come up with something better."

Second, get folks to read and discuss the standards. Finn says, "I've yet to meet anyone who actually looks at the standards and finds anything there they don't think kids would be better off learning. When parents look at Common Core's expectations, grade by grade, I'll be surprised if they don't come away impressed." (Find them at corestandards.org/the-standards).

Third, compare the Common Core to your current curriculum. For example, parents in a New York district were happy to learn that the Common Core includes phonics, which the district had abandoned, and requires elementary students to know their math facts "cold," waiting until upper grades to introduce calculators.

Fourth, discuss the advantages of comparability and continuity. As Finn puts it, "CCSS opens the door to comparing student, school and district performance across the land on a credible, common metric -- and gauging their achievement against that of other countries on our shrinking and ever more competitive planet. Plus, the Common Core brings the possibility that families moving around our highly mobile society will be able to enroll their kids seamlessly in schools that are teaching the same things at the same grade."

Finn says he has yet to meet anybody who is "truly satisfied with the college and career readiness of today's U.S. high school graduates. Anyone content with the education status quo should by all means resist every kind of change," he says.

For articles and more information, go to Common Core Watch at edexcellence.net.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)