Q: My daughter just entered a "cliquey" suburban high school, and she's having a hard time fitting in. She came from a small K-8 school where she was popular and everyone was "family." Do you have any suggestions on how she can make the adjustment to her new school?

A: Transitions often present challenges for young people -- and adults, too! Starting high school is no exception.

"The additional hurdle of tackling a completely alien environment only adds to the stress she feels," says Stephen Wallace, associate research professor and director of the Center for Adolescent Research and Education (CARE) at Susquehanna University in Selinsgrove, Pa., and author of "Reality Gap: Alcohol, Drugs and Sex -- What Parents Don't Know and Teens Aren't Telling" (Union Square Press, 2008).

He suggests these ways to offer constructive support:

-- Relax your rescue reflex. All kids this age are confronted with three difficult, but important, developmental tasks: establishing an identity all their own (Who am I?); becoming more independent from their parents (I can do this on my own!); and establishing more adultlike relationships with their peers (I have support outside of my family.).

"It's important to provide empathy and emotional support," says Wallace, "but let your daughter begin to navigate her own way down this new path."

-- Serve as a sounding board. Do more listening than talking.

"Listen to what your daughter has to say about her new environment and peer group, then ask open-ended questions," says Wallace. "In doing so, you help her clarify what types of activities and friends she is looking for and practice approaches to finding them."

-- Share your stories. Young people don't necessarily have the "institutional knowledge" that helps them see the light at the end of the tunnel. By letting your daughter know about some of your own social struggles and how you persevered, you will help her to find the confidence she'll need in this new situation.

-- Encourage her to find an adult mentor. Making a strong connection to a teacher, coach or administrator is a big plus during the high school years. A mentor can be instrumental in guiding her to specific courses and extracurricular activities and offer helpful advice when it comes to college applications.

-- Support her involvement in the school community.

"Schools are like small towns," says Wallace, "and things run more smoothly when people get involved. Young people want to make a difference in the lives of others. Encourage her to join groups or clubs that contribute to the community."

-- Stay close. In study after study, teens say their relationships with their parents make them feel good about themselves.

"While this may surprise some parents, a majority of teens say they want to spend more, not less, time with their parents. And that's a really good thing!" says Wallace. "Research shows that teens who spend time with their parents, talk with them and feel close to them are overwhelmingly less likely to drink or use other � HYPERLINK "http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/psychopharmacology" �drugs� or become depressed than those who don't."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: My 5-year-old is doing work in kindergarten that my 8-year-old son did in first grade. At Parents' Night, the teacher explained that the school is implementing new Common Core State Standards. When I asked how to help him succeed with this harder material, she said, "Read with him 15 minutes a night." That's all?

A: Reading at home is still important -- so much so that Gaithersburg (Md.) Elementary School abolished homework altogether, replacing it with reading at least 30 minutes a night. When the faculty analyzed assignments, a lot was going home that "didn't match what we were doing instructionally in the classroom," says principal Stephanie Brant. With the new policy, Brant thinks students are motivated to read more and standardized test scores have remained steady.

Reading with your sons nightly helps them develop a love of reading. But leading education reformers, such as Secretary of Education Arne Duncan, College Board President David Coleman and GreatSchools.org founder Bill Jackson, encourage parents to focus on developing key character traits.

"The insight from research that schools should share with parents is this: It isn't how much information we cram into kids' brains from the earliest ages that turns kids into successful learners," says Jackson. "Sure, content knowledge matters, but the character traits they develop matter as much or more.

"At GreatSchools.org, we encourage parents to think in terms of helping their kids grow as students in three domains."

-- The first is skills. "These include reading, math, science, social studies, research, communication, problem formulation and interpretation, which is what the Common Core State Standards are all about," says Jackson. "For parents, this means making sure by communicating with the school that students are on track in mastering these subjects and intervening with the school if children are falling behind."

-- The second is character. "New studies show that when children develop early on those character traits that are the foundation for success in life, they quickly reap the benefits in school," says Jackson. "There is a great impact of such traits as curiosity, self-control, kindness, grit, citizenship, optimism, gratitude and leadership on academic success.

"The results are so compelling that the KIPP (Knowledge Is Power Program) Charter Schools -- where the motto is 'Work hard. Be nice.' -- stress the development of these traits in their approach."

-- The third is purpose. "It's a parent's role to help kids cultivate their children's passions and sense of purpose," says Jackson. "You do that by encouraging a budding entomologist to collect and catalog specimens, taking a family field trip one Saturday a month to develop curiosity, or watching the progress of the Mars Rover with your young 'Star Wars' fan. Alert your child's teacher to his passion, so she can build on it and ask him to be the class expert on it.

"With a strong sense of purpose, young people begin to imagine how they can use their talents to benefit themselves and the world."

For more information on the Common Core Curriculum, go to achieve.org.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: My son is a third-grader in a new school and his teacher suggested we get him tested for attention issues. His second-grade teacher never mentioned them. While I can see what she means, I think he's a typical boy and if tested, he'll be put on meds. How do I know if he should be tested?

A: "It sounds like a number of important issues are at play," says Dr. Sheldon Horowitz, an expert on learning disabilities (LD) at the National Center for Learning Disabilities. He offers this advice:

"First, adjusting to a new school can be hard for any child. What might be 'normal' for children who are becoming emotionally comfortable with new people and surroundings could be misconstrued as features of ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder)."

Second, third grade isn't too early to identify ADHD. Your comment, "I can see what she means," suggests that you may have noticed some of the same behaviors that are of concern to his teacher, says Horowitz.

"Children who have ADHD," he says, "often share many of the same characteristics as those with undisclosed learning disabilities."

Third, "no one is just putting anyone on meds," reassures Horowitz. "The decision to begin a trial of medication doesn't rest in the hands of the school; educators can and should provide input, but the decision is between you and your child's physician."

There is no harm in having your son tested. Schedule an appointment with a medical provider who is familiar with these disorders, advises Horowitz.

"You and school personnel will have to complete questionnaires, and you will be asked to provide a detailed account of your child's medical and developmental history," he says. "Take to the appointment report cards, work samples, notes from parent-teacher meetings, and be prepared to share examples of any worrisome behavior. Be prepared to talk about any family members who have had similar struggles in school, at home or in the workplace. (For more information, go to www.ncld.org/types-learning-disabilities/adhd-related-issues/adhd.)

"Whether or not ADHD is diagnosed, this process will help you discover what your son needs to achieve success and enjoy learning," says Horowitz. "Ask lots of questions and don't be afraid of medication, if indicated by the M.D. "Medication may 'level the paying field' in terms of helping to focus attention, but once that happens, the real work of teaching and learning begins, so it is very important that you and your child's pediatrician work with the school to put specific types of learning supports in place."

"Be assertive," says Dr. Jennifer Trachtenberg, a fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics. "It's absolutely within reason to ask your child's pediatrician to write a letter or join in a phone call with teachers, the school psychologist or other personnel. Speak up and set forth clear and actionable next steps."

To connect with referral resources, go to ncld.org's Resource Locator Tool.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)