parenting

Son Weighed Down by Heavy Middle-School Workload

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | September 17th, 2012

Q: My son, Cameron, started middle school and his homework load is huge. He's floundering. I'm a working mom who can't spend all night urging him to "get it done." He's not organized. Help!

A: The transition to middle school can be a shocker for students used to lighter homework. You'll need to coach your son in how to organize, manage time and focus on goals. By establishing guidelines and making a specific plan to get the work done, you'll teach Cameron skills that will serve him throughout his life, says Virginia educator Ann Dolin, author of "Homework Made Simple: Tips, Tools, and Solutions for Stress-Free Homework" (Advantage, 2010).

Dolin's tips for homework success:

-- Set aside a weekly half-hour to plan the upcoming week. Sunday evenings work well. Preview extracurricular activities and long-term assignments to eliminate last-minute surprises.

"Often, it's what's not due the next day that throws you for a loop," says Dolin.

Plan for upcoming projects, book reports and tests by recording them in his assignment notebook. Do a "clean sweep" and clean out his binders, folders and backpack. Make sure that completed assignments aren't lost in a forgotten compartment!

-- Establish a daily homework start time.

"There are three good times to start: right after school, after a 30-minute break and before dinner," says Dolin. "Don't wait until after dinner or before bedtime to start: Kids aren't as productive then.

"Elementary students often need downtime after school or extracurricular activities -- about 30 minutes is usually sufficient. Although each start time might be different due to scheduling, keep the routine of starting 30 minutes after returning home. For older students, consider a policy that homework always starts before dinner, not after, to reduce late-night stress."

-- Use after-school care to your advantage. If Cameron participates in aftercare, encourage him to complete the easiest homework assignment before leaving for the day.

"Many kids either cannot focus or do not want to do homework in aftercare, but they are capable of completing a simple task," notes Dolin.

Then, by the time Cameron arrives home, at least one piece of work should be out of the way.

-- Use "home alone" time. If Cameron arrives home before you do, call him daily at a specified time to "go over his prioritized homework list, ranking work from easy to hard. His job is to complete the simple work early; you can assist with harder assignments later if needed," says Dolin.

Have him check off finished work so that you know what is left to do. Check the school's online portal to verify the homework load.

-- Get a study buddy. Ask Cameron to identify classmates he feels comfortable contacting with questions regarding homework. Keep their information in his homework area.

-- Monitor homework regularly and step back a bit, but not completely, after the first quarter.

"Praising Cameron's effort is a powerful tool when it comes to homework," Dolin advises. "It motivates kids to keep trying, even when the going gets tough!"

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

parenting

Be Specific and Consistent When Giving Kids Chores

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | September 3rd, 2012

Q: I'm having a hard time with my children (ages 10, 14 and 16). They "chilled" all summer, and now that school's in session, they push back on everything. I have to nag to get them on the bus! It was so easy when they were young.

A: It's time for a refresher in boundary-setting. Albuquerque, N.M., parent/educator Jane Bluestein, Ph.D., hears this question a lot after a summer of "anything goes."

Bluestein, author of "Parents, Teens and Boundaries: How to Draw the Line" (Health Communications Inc., 1993), suggests you focus on "positivity, clarity and follow-through, the three biggest problems most parents face when establishing limits."

-- First, think positive. "Many parents confuse boundaries with threats," says Bluestein. "'If you don't do your homework, you're not watching a video' isn't really a boundary; it's a threat."

Threats provoke resistance, passive-aggressiveness or flat-out defiance. Switching your emphasis to a positive consequence avoids a negative reaction or a competition for power. Reframe your goal positively, she advises.

"'Of course you can watch the video -- as soon as your homework is finished.' This is a tiny, simple shift that changes the energy in the contingency," Bluestein says. "It allows parents to retain authority without disempowering kids. It builds responsibility and accountability and honors their need for autonomy. They now have the power to get what they want by doing what you've asked."

-- Clarity is important. It's hard to cooperate if you don't know what the other person wants, so be specific. What do you mean by "a clean room" or "a reasonable hour"? When you ask your kids to do their chores, is your mental list the same as theirs?

"Write down the list of chores or the definition of a clean room," says Bluestein. "The more specific you can be, the more likely you'll get what you want."

-- Follow-through is key. Kids won't take you seriously if you're wishy-washy and inconsistent about consequences.

"If you say 'no TV or video games until all assignments are done,' then cave when your kids whine or threaten, you're teaching them, 'This is how you can get what you want.' Be prepared for more of the same," Bluestein warns. "By the same token, if you only allow access to the TV, game console or computer after a specific task is done to the criteria you have made clear to them ahead of time, then you're teaching kids the importance of earning -- and maybe even appreciating -- the privileges they have."

-- Communicate boundaries before a conflict occurs. Bluestein says to spell it out. For example: "You may go to the mall as long as you've finished your report by Saturday noon," or, "You may ask Caitlyn for a sleepover once you've finished the chores that are your responsibility, and I've checked to see that they are done properly." (For more examples, advice and boundary-setting tips, go to www.janebluestein.com.)

Before next summer rolls around, create a plan with your kids to add structure, home responsibilities and jobs to the break. Letting them "chill" another summer does them a disservice.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

parenting

Daughter's Nightmares Interfere With School Performance

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | August 27th, 2012

Q: Our kindergarten-age daughter has nightmares. When she wakes up from one, it's so disruptive that we let her stay in our bedroom. Her teacher reports that she dozes in class. (There are no naps.) We try to schedule eight hours of sleep, but she's hard to settle at bedtime. Will she outgrow this pattern?

A: A change in routine, such as going to full-day kindergarten, can cause sleep disruptions. Most kids don't simply grow out of poor sleep patterns, so be proactive.

"Sleep problems are rarely (with few exceptions) part of a normal phase that must be waited out," says Dr. Richard Ferber, author of "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" (Fireside, 2006).

First, recognize that healthy sleep has a big impact on school performance. Studies show that sleep-deprived kids have trouble with focus and memory and may be more aggressive and prone to obesity. Think about sleep this way, suggests Dr. Marc Weissbluth, author of "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" (Ballantine, 2005).

"Sleep is the power source that keeps your mind alert and calm," he says. "Every night and at every nap, sleep recharges the brain's battery."

Second, establish a longer sleep schedule and stick with it seven nights a week. The National Sleep Foundation (sleepfoundation.org) suggests that 5- to 12-year-old children need 10 to 11 hours of sleep each night to function well at school.

Third, prepare your daughter for quality sleep. Limit caffeine and chocolate before bed. Make sure the bedroom is comfy, peaceful and the right temperature. Remove distractions, such as TV. Wind down with a bedtime story.

Fourth, tackle nightmares head on.

"These fears are very real to a child," says Sharon Cramer, author of "Marlow and the Monster" (B&F Publishing, 2012), a tale that helps kids cope with imaginary creatures.

Cramer's suggestions for curtailing nightmares include: eliminating violent books, movies and cartoons; putting the mattress on the floor if your daughter is afraid of what's under the bed; keeping a soft light on and having a lit path to the bathroom; and making sure your daughter is surrounded by her favorite stuffed animals. Tack a sign on the door that says "Only Nice Monsters Allowed," and enjoy stories that debunk traditional monster fears, like "James and the Giant Peach."

"My granddaughter and I watched 'Monsters, Inc.' several times until she reframed in her mind what a monster is: a cuddly creature that protects little girls," says Cramer.

Fifth, try not to invite your daughter to your bed, advises Cramer.

"Stay with her in her bedroom until she's comforted and back to sleep," she says. "Letting her retreat to your room sets a bad routine that is hard to break and only reinforces that her own bedroom is to be feared. Next morning, tell her about what scared you as a child and how you learned it was your imagination and not real."

Teachers surveyed by University of Virginia cognitive scientist Daniel Willingham say that if they could magically make parents do one thing to help children succeed academically, it would be to make sure they come to school having had a good night's sleep.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

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