A couple in Etobicoke, Toronto, left on an extended business trip in January 2022, CTV News reported. When they returned home months later, they were stunned to realize that their house had been sold and the new owners had moved in. Police said a man and woman impersonated the owners, hired a real estate agent and listed the property using fake identification. Police are still looking for the imposters. [CTV News, 1/5/2023]

Size Matters

Momo the lar gibbon, who lives at the Kujukushima Zoo and Botanical Garden Mori Kirara in Nagasaki Prefecture, Japan, delivered a baby in February 2021, which surprised zookeepers, since Momo lived in her own enclosure with no males around. She was very protective of the offspring, United Press International reported, so it wasn't until two years later that handlers were able to collect DNA from the youngster to determine who the father was. As it turned out, a 34-year-old agile gibbon, Itou, was the baby daddy. Zookeepers found that a partition between Momo's exhibit and Itou's off-display area had a perforated board with holes about 9mm in diameter, and they believe the two were able to mate through one of those holes. The perforated board was replaced with a steel plate, but Momo and Itou will be introduced properly to each other so that they may live as a family. [UPI, 2/3/2023]

That Rule Doesn't Apply to Me

On Jan. 16, Brazilian attorney Leandro Mathias de Novaes delivered his mother to the Laboratoria Cura in Sao Paolo, where she was scheduled for an MRI. Before they both entered the MRI room, the New York Post reported, they were asked to remove any metal objects from their persons and signed a form detailing the protocols, but Novaes opted to not remove, or disclose, his concealed weapon. When the MRI's magnetic field yanked the pistol from his waistband, it fired and struck him in the stomach; he was hospitalized for three weeks after the incident but died on Feb. 6. [NY Post, 2/9/2023]

Clothing Optional

Trevyn Wayne Hill, 21, of Las Vegas, let it all hang out on Jan. 28 when he approached another guest in a stairwell at the Des Moines (Iowa) Downtown Marriott, KCCI-TV reported. Court documents said Hill was naked and brandishing a toilet plunger when he yelled, "I'm going to (expletive) get you" while chasing the other person. Hill cruised around the hotel in his birthday suit, destroying a sprinkler system and pulling several fire alarms before finally being subdued by firefighters. Hill pleaded not guilty to assault, first-degree criminal mischief and disorderly conduct. [KCCI, 2/3/2023]

Least Competent Criminal

Early on the morning of Feb. 5, 20-year-old Lantz Kurtz broke into a gas station in Palm Coast, Florida, and stole multiple items. He exited via the front door, apparently unaware that he'd left a big clue behind: his debit card, Fox35-TV reported. Officers responding to the alarm found the card and tracked down Kurtz, who told them he had intended to come back to the store and pay for the items. But Sheriff Rick Staly wasn't having it: "Leaving a debit card behind does not absolve you from theft or committing a burglary," he said. [Fox35, 2/8/2023]

Crime Spree

Robert Powers, 37, managed to terrorize multiple citizens of Altoona, Pennsylvania, on Feb. 6, WTAJ-TV reported. He allegedly broke into four different homes, telling one woman as he covered her mouth, "I'm Batman." At the next home, he choked a man, went through his pockets and held him hostage with a pocketknife. Next, he turned the man's gas stove on and forced him into his truck, heading across town at speeds of more than 100 mph before crashing into a Jeep. Powers then kicked open the door of a nearby home and repeatedly asked, "Why'd you do this, mom?" as he walked through the residence. Finally, at the last crime scene, police were able to subdue Powers, who admitted he may have ingested meth or bath salts. [WTAJ, 2/7/2023]

Great Art!

Marcelo "B-boy" De Souza Ribeiro of Sao Paolo, Brazil, is known as the most modified man in the world, with 1,500 tattoos covering his skin and now, a new transformation: a "devil hand." The Daily Star reported that Ribeiro did a lot of research before undergoing the procedure, which split his hand between the middle and ring fingers. "I began to see the possibility of making an opening ... through the middle where you can have opening and closing movements and a firmer folding of the hand," he said. Over the years, he's spent about $35,000 on his modifications, which also include a split tongue. Ribeiro said he thinks of his body as an "art exhibition." [Daily Star, 2/9/2023]

Bright Idea

Jose Ruben Nava, former director of the zoo in Chilpancingo, Mexico, is under fire after officials learned that he slaughtered four pygmy goats to serve at the zoo's year-end dinner, MSN reported. Fernando Ruiz Gutierrez, director of wildlife for the state's environment department, said serving the goat meat "put the health of the people who ate them at risk because these animals were not fit for human consumption." Nava is also accused of trading a zebra for tools. He was let go from his position in January after the death of a deer at the zoo. [MSN, 2/2/2023]

Irony

A 61-year-old butcher working at the Sheung Shui Slaughterhouse in Hong Kong died at the hands -- er, hooves -- of a pig he was trying to slaughter on Jan. 20, CNN reported. The unnamed man was knocked to the ground by the struggling pig, which had revived after a shot from a stun gun, and suffered a wound from a meat cleaver. Strangely, police said, the man's wounds were to his hand and foot; a cause of death had not been released. The Labour Department extended its "deepest sympathy to his family." [CNN, 1/21/2023]

Animal Antics

The Wyandotte (Michigan) Police Department opened an investigation in January after an officer was suspected of stealing another officer's lunch while he was out of the room. The "Today" show reported that Officer Barwig was called away from the break room to assist in the jail; when he returned, K-9 Officer Ice was seen licking his chops, and Barwig's sandwich was nowhere to be seen. "Officer Ice has invoked his Fifth Amendment right to remain silent and quite frankly is not cooperating with the investigation," the department posted on its Facebook page. Later, dozens of attorneys offered to represent Ice in court, but the department decided not to pursue discipline or criminal charges. [Today, 1/23/2023]

Can't Possibly Be True

Jesse and Deedee O'Dell of Tulsa, Oklahoma, normally spend around $10 for their Starbucks coffees, but on Jan. 7, their bill was considerably more, KOKI-TV reported. A few days later, when Deedee tried to use the same card at a mall, it was declined. That's when the couple discovered that Starbucks had given itself a $4,444.44 tip on their $10.90 bill. They contacted the district manager, who said there'd been an "issue" with the network, and they received two checks to cover the enormous gratuity -- but both checks bounced. While they wait for replacement checks, they've had to cancel a family vacation, "and the tickets are nonrefundable," said Jesse. A Starbucks representative said new checks are on the way and the mistake was caused by "possible human error." [KOKI, 2/7/2023]

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Jean Merritt of Philadelphia has a special knack for spreading goodwill. She writes letters. According to Philadelphia magazine, Merritt solicits mailing addresses and then responds with a handwritten ("in meticulous cursive") letter on captivating stationery. Her missive to reporter Victor Fiorillo mentioned that she has an overabundance of writing papers and postcards. "I've been writing letters since I was a little girl, and never stopped," Merritt said. Along with requested letters, she writes to people in nursing homes through Letters Against Isolation and to people in prisons. "My mother collected stationery, and I'm still using the stationery I found in her house when she died in 2011. ... I see stationery on clearance, and I can't resist it." Sadly, she said most people don't write her back. But, she noted, "Doing this is also just really good for my brain." [Philadelphia magazine, 2/2/2023]

Inexplicable

-- During the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, when students in Harvey (Illinois) School District 152 were learning remotely, the district provided meals that families could pick up. According to WGN-TV, food service worker Vera Liddell, 66, allegedly helped herself to some of that food -- to be specific, 11,000 cases of chicken wings. Liddell worked for the district for more than a decade. A business manager uncovered the plot during a routine audit, finding "individual invoices signed by Liddell for massive quantities of chicken wings, an item that was never served to students because they contain bones," prosecutors said. Liddell would place the orders, then pick up the food in a district van. They didn't reveal what Liddell did with the $1.5 million worth of wings. She was charged with theft. [WGN, 1/31/2023]

-- An unnamed 27-year-old man was arrested on Jan. 27 in Seattle after a homeowner returned to her house to find him in her bathroom, filling the tub with water. KOMO-TV reported that when police arrived, they discovered a smashed window and the burglar inside, "clothed but very wet, and the bathtub was full of water," reports said. The intruder would not provide a motive for his strange break-in and was charged with residential burglary. [KOMO, 1/28/2023]

Suspicions Confirmed

Varsity basketball coach Jahmal Street and assistant coach Arlisha Boykins were fired from their positions at Churchland High School in Portsmouth, Virginia, after Boykins, 22, came off the bench as a sub in a Jan. 21 girls' JV game, The Washington Post reported. The girl who was unavailable for the game was 13 years old. As a result of the incident, the team's remaining games were canceled. Churchland investigated and held meetings with players and parents. "Coaches always preach to kids about integrity ... so I was just shocked," the father of the absent player said. He said his daughter will not attend Churchland next year. [Washington Post, 2/1/2023]

Unclear on the Concept

Musa Hasahya Kasera, 68, has a problem, but he admits it stems from his own irresponsibility, Yahoo! News reported. The eastern Ugandan man has 12 wives, 102 children and 578 grandchildren. "At first it was a joke," he said, "but now this has its problems. ... Two of my wives left because I could not afford the basics like food, education, clothing." Most of the family live in a house with a rusting corrugated iron roof on a mere 2 acres of land. "I can only remember the name of my first and the last born, but some of the children, I can't recall their names," Kasera lamented. Now his wives are using contraception; "I have learnt from my irresponsible act of producing so many children that I can't look after," he said. Horse, meet barn door. [Yahoo! News, 2/2/2023]

Americans Abroad

American animal rights activist Alicia Day, 34, was arrested in Moscow, Russia, on Feb. 1, according to Reuters, after she paraded a calf through Red Square, shouting "Animals are not food!" In a Russian court, she was fined 20,000 rubles ($285) and sentenced to 13 days of "administrative arrest." Although Day is in Russia on a tourist visa, she explained in court that she had a driver bring the calf to Red Square so she could "show it a beautiful place in our beautiful country." [Reuters, 2/1/2023]

-- A 34-year-old California man was arrested in Florence, Italy, on Jan. 26 after he drove his rented Fiat onto the Ponte Vecchio, a stone bridge dating from 1345 that spans the Arno River and is now a pedestrian walkway and shopping destination. SF Gate reported that the unnamed driver told police he couldn't find parking and didn't realize he was on the historic bridge. He was fined about 500 euros. [SF Gate, 1/31/2023]

Awwwwww

The Rhode Island Department of Health played along with the Cumberland, Rhode Island, police department after it received a request from a little girl for DNA testing on a partially eaten cookie and some gnawed-on carrot sticks, the Associated Press reported. She was hoping for a conclusive match for Santa Claus, but alas, the department said it was unable to "definitively confirm or refute the presence of Santa" in her home. However, it did find DNA closely matching Rangifer tarandus, or reindeer, on the carrots. [AP, 1/24/2023]

Police Report

Murphy the ape statue was an "icon" at Design Emporium Antiques in Kensington, Maryland -- until he was stolen in the wee hours of Jan. 4, the New York Post reported. Murphy, made of cast iron and weighing 200 pounds, was hurriedly loaded into the bed of an "older model Chevrolet Colorado Z71," authorities said, as seen on a surveillance video. The suspect "pulled right up and had the bolt cutters ready" to cut the cable securing the sculpture. Shop owner Kristina Jamgochian said people would take selfies with Murphy. "It's my business and I feel violated," she said. A $10,000 reward awaits anyone who helps recover the gorilla. [NY Post, 1/31/2023]

Oops!

-- A 66-year-old female patient at the Glen Oaks Alzheimer's Special Care Center in Urbandale, Iowa, had suffered a slow decline and was moved into hospice care in late December. On Jan. 3, CBS News reported, the woman was pronounced dead, and the funeral home was called. She was placed in a body bag and transported to the Ankeny Funeral Home and Crematory, where workers unzipped the bag and got a shock: They "observed (the resident's) chest moving and she gasped for air," a report from the Iowa Department of Inspections and Appeals detailed. Responding EMS workers were able to get a pulse and monitor breathing, but she had no eye movement or verbal response. She was returned to the care facility, where she died two days later with her family at her side. The home is facing $10,000 in fines. [CBS News, 2/2/2023]

-- In New York City, last week included the unveiling of the Long Island Railroad's new Grand Central Madison terminal, which was built to the tune of $11 billion. But, NBC New York reported on Feb. 1, the new facility is marred by a spelling mistake -- etched in stone. A carved quote from artist Georgia O'Keeffe sports a misspelling of her name, with only one F. "We clearly F-ed this one up and it's being fixed," said MTA Communications Director Tim Minton. However, he couldn't say when the edit would be complete. [NBC New York, 2/1/2023]

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Sure, your fancy SUV may have ventilated seats and Wi-Fi, but does it have electrified door handles? The Guardian reported on Jan. 25 that a new vehicle has hit the market targeted at the particularly fearful driver -- the Rezvani Vengeance. Costing up to $499,000, the Vengeance has bulletproof glass, strobe lights, wing mirrors that emit pepper spray and no back windshield -- instead, the driver can monitor a live video stream of what's going on behind the car. Sure to win you a popularity contest in the pickup lane at your kid's school, the Vengeance also has a loudspeaker so you can call to little Timmy without leaving the safety of your seat. Extras include bulletproof vests, helmets and gas masks. The Irvine, California, company teases potential buyers on the website: "Vengeance is yours." Wow. [Guardian, 1/25/2023]

Dream Job

Five lucky participants will clear a cool $1,000 to do what they wanted to do anyway: Eat cheese before bedtime. Fox5-TV reported that Sleep Junkie, a mattress review website, hopes to test the legend that eating cheese before bed causes nightmares, so they're asking "dairy dreamers" to consume a wide variety of cheeses, log their sleep and provide feedback about sleep quality, energy levels and bad dreams. The best part? Participants will be reimbursed for the cheese! The catch: You have to sleep alone. [Fox5, 1/20/2023]

Police Report

A 31-year-old woman was charged with two counts of robbery and possession of a weapon (ahem) on Jan. 22 in Winnipeg, Manitoba, after a puzzling attempt to steal a pizza, the CBC reported. Around 3 a.m., she allegedly entered a crowded restaurant and demanded a pizza, brandishing a firecracker as a threat. She was denied the pie, so she lit the firework and ran off with a pizza. Outside the restaurant, she got into a cab, but the driver asked her to get out because she was being belligerent. When the driver stepped out of the car, she jumped into his seat and took off, dragging the 54-year-old several meters down the street. Officers caught up with the stolen cab and caught the pizza thief when she became stuck in a snowbank. [CBC, 1/23/2023]

That Rule Doesn't Apply to Me

A dump truck driver in Contra Costa County, California, either couldn't read or didn't care when he barreled through a road closure barricade on Jan. 23, KTVU-TV reported, and ended up with his front left wheel in a sinkhole. The "road closed" sign was found beneath his vehicle, and the driver escaped without injury. Excessive rains have caused "flooding, mudslides, sinkholes and other issues" in the area, county officials noted. [KTVU, 1/23/2023]

Bright Idea

If you're looking for a crafty project for 2023, the online shop Savor has you covered, Slate reported. For the low, low price of $46.95, you can put together your own "In Case I Go Missing" binder, which Savor says "makes it super easy for the true-crime obsessed to record their key stats for their loved ones." Those facts include medical and financial information, fingerprints and lists of "hangout spots." One woman said she added "a hair sample just in case they need it for DNA testing." Elizabeth Jeglic, a professor at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice, soothingly says, "The majority of adults will not go missing or be kidnapped." Her colleague Patrick McLaughlin offers some ideas for the kit, though: recent photos, the unlock code for your phone, pics of tattoos, scars or birthmarks, handwriting samples -- but he warns that such binders might not be admissible as evidence. [Slate, 1/22/2023]

That Guy

Dennis Garsjo, 73, of Glasgow, Montana, may not know your name when he greets you on the street, but he'll call out to you anyway, using your birthday. "Top of the morning to ya, April 11," he might say, according to KRTV. Garsjo has memorized more than 3,000 birthdays and says he came by the talent naturally. "My mother remembered all our relatives' birthdays before she started getting dementia," he said. "I don't think my talent is all that special. I'm more impressed by musicians who can play a song from memory on the piano." Still, residents of Prairie Ridge Village, where he works, enjoy The Birthday Guy, as he's known, and he loves surprising people with their special day. [KRTV, 1/26/2023]

Clothing Optional

-- Brittney Marie Reynolds, 35, entered St. Mary's Cathedral in chilly Fargo, North Dakota, on Jan. 24 and was seen on security camera footage knocking over a potted plant, then approaching a large statue of Jesus on the wall, according to KMOV-TV. She ripped the statue from the wall and threw it to the floor, then headed back out -- all while topless and shoeless, in temps under 20 degrees. Rev. Riley Durkin called police, who caught up with Reynolds as she bolted across the street. Officers noted that she wasn't able to answer questions and appeared to be under the influence of a substance. [KMOV, 1/25/2023]

-- Meanwhile, in willful disobedience of every mother's "wear clean underwear" edict, Timothy O'Rourke of Danville, New Hampshire, crashed his car on Jan. 25 and ran from the scene, wearing nary a stitch of clothing. WHDH-TV reported that officers found O'Rourke "running behind Main Street homes wearing no clothes and coated in his own blood." He was charged with DWI and resisting arrest, and presumably given some jail garb to wear. [WHDH, 1/25/2023]

Awesome!

Vanyar, one of the equine competitors in the Tokay Stakes race on Jan. 22 in Nagoya, Japan, crossed the finish line first. However, Oddity Central reported, Vanyar was missing one thing, which led to his being disqualified: a rider. Vanyar's jockey fell off as soon as they left the gate, and the second-place horse's jockey couldn't catch up to the riderless horse (although they were the technical winners). After crossing the finish line, Vanyar coolly slowed down and sauntered off toward the exit. [Oddity Central, 1/24/2023]

News You Can Use

KFC Thailand has partnered with perfume experts during the Lunar New Year to create what every finger-lickin' good fan wants: fried chicken incense. Oddity Central reported that the incense sticks look good enough to eat and smell even better. Alas, you can't buy them: The incense will be awarded through a raffle on KFC Thailand's Facebook page. [Oddity Central, 1/20/2023]

Special Delivery

During a basketball match between Duquesne University and Loyola Chicago in Pittsburgh on Jan. 25, officials briefly stopped play at the 16:10 mark of the second half, TribLive reported. At that moment, a man in a yellow hoodie walked onto the court and approached Loyola player Philip Alston, but apparently without malice: He had a McDonald's bag in his hands, and a video recording caught him yelling, "DoorDash?" Commentators, officials and players seemed stumped about who ordered the food, but someone finally claimed the delivery. A Duquesne official said he believed the event was staged, and sure enough, a closeup of the delivery guy reveals a microphone clipped to his T-shirt. [TribLive, 1/25/2023]

Send your weird news items with subject line WEIRD NEWS to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.