The Staten Island Zoo is weathering a storm of controversy over the prediction made by its resident groundhog, Staten Island Chuck, on Feb. 2 -- an annual event at the zoo. Chuck popped up on a Facebook "livestream" at the designated hour, on the designated day, but something seemed ... off. After hours of accumulating snow in the New York area, the New York Post reported, Chuck was seen to emerge into bright sunlight with no snow on the ground, his handlers wearing sweatshirts. "So there ya have it, folks, we're gonna have an early spring," announced zoo executive director Ken Mitchell. Viewers weren't fooled, one commenting, "Welppp this isn't live." Previous Groundhog Day celebrations at the zoo have also raised a ruckus. In 2014, a stand-in groundhog named Charlotte died after being dropped by Mayor Bill de Blasio, and in 2009 Chuck bit Mayor Mike Bloomberg's finger. [New York Post, 2/2/2021]

Least Competent Criminals

-- Edner Flores, 34, entered a PNC Bank branch in Chicago's Humboldt Park neighborhood on Jan. 27 and allegedly tried to rob it by handing a teller a note stating that he wanted $10,000, with "no die (sic) packs," and that he was armed, according to a federal criminal complaint. The teller activated a silent alarm and the man to fill out a blue withdrawal slip, which he did, then asked for his ATM card. The helpful Flores instead produced a temporary Illinois state ID card, authorities said. WMAQ-TV reported police arrived while Flores was still at the window, arrested him and found a knife in his jacket, according to a police report. [NBC Chicago, 1/28/2021]

-- Women changing in the locker room at Onelife Fitness in Stafford, Virginia, were unhurt on Jan. 30 when Brian Anthony Joe, 41, fell through the ceiling, according to the Stafford County Sheriff's Office, landing on one of them. Joe, who fell about 10 feet, the sheriff said, was also uninjured, and the New York Post reported the women held him there in the locker room until authorities arrived to arrest him on charges of burglary, vandalism and peeping. [NY Post, 1/31/2021]

Bright Idea

Drag queen Spar-Kelly and her neighbors in St. Johns, Florida, are tired of parents parking along their street during school pickup to avoid the traffic at the nearby Creekside High School. So she dressed in her finest and for three days held up a simple sign that read, "THIS IS NOT STUDENT PICK-UP, HONEY." "If what it takes is just me standing here and telling people to move along, I'll be a diva and I'll tell someone to move right along," she told WJXT-TV. On Jan. 27, her efforts paid off: A St. Johns County Sheriff's deputy showed up to patrol the street, and plans are being made to install new "no parking" signs. [WJXT, 1/28/2021]

Mountain > Molehill

Roger Broadstone, 67, was at home in Twining, Michigan, when state police officers arrived on Jan. 20 to investigate allegations of $1,500 worth of merchandise purchased with a stolen credit card, but he refused to let them in without a search warrant, WJRT-TV reported. When the troopers returned with the warrant, they found the illegally purchased items inside the house, but they also found that Broadstone had barricaded himself inside and allegedly set a booby trap and other items designed to harm the officers. Broadstone was charged with two counts related to the credit card transaction, and 16 counts related to the confrontation with authorities, including five counts of attempted murder and four counts of resisting police. He was being held on a $1.125 million bond. [WJRT, 2/2/2021]

Weird Science

Researchers have solved the mystery of how bare-nosed wombats, native to southeastern Australia, produce poop in cubes, reports the International Business Times. Wildlife ecologist Scott Carver of the University of Tasmania is lead author on a study, published Jan. 28 in the journal Soft Matter, that details the particular inner workings of the wombat's digestive tract that produce the square-shaped dung. "This ability ... is unique in the animal kingdom," Carver said. "Our research found that ... you really can fit a square peg through a round hole." [International Business Times, 1/29/2021]

Oh, That Old Thing?

Italian police arrested an unnamed 36-year-old in Naples on Jan. 16 on suspicion of receiving stolen goods and found a 500-year-old copy of Leonardo da Vinci's "Salvatore Mundi," a painting they returned to the museum it belonged to, surprising museum officials, who had no idea it had been missing. The painting is part of the Doma Museum collection at the San Domenico Maggiore church in Naples, where the room it had hung in "has not been open for three months," Naples prosecutor Giovanni Melillo told The Guardian. The copy was made by Giacomo Alibrandi in the early 1500s; da Vinci's original painting sold in 2017 for a record-breaking $450 million at auction and hasn't been seen in public since. [The Guardian, 1/19/2021]

Misinformed

Authorities in Essex County, England, received a tip on Jan. 16 and arrived at the Freemasons' Saxon Hall expecting to put an end to the illegal "rave" reported to be happening there, but instead of loud music and wild teenagers, officers found old people lining up to get their COVID-19 vaccines, Echo News reported. "Grumpy old men and grumpy old women were in abundance," confirmed Dennis Baum, chairman of the hall, with "wheelchairs, Zimmer frames and walking sticks." Baum said things got testy when the vaccine was late arriving: "It was absolute chaos ... The car park became chock a block with 80-year-old-plus drivers." Police remained to offer their assistance with the traffic. [Echo News, 1/19/2021]

Government in Action

Watertown, Massachusetts, recently installed new parking meters with updated technology to make payment easier, but the city is instead fielding complaints from residents who say the meters are too tall to use. "I'm 5'7," and I have to do a little tiptoe reach," Marianne Iagco told WBZ-TV, which reported Feb. 2 that the meters measure about 5 feet, 6 inches high. Assistant Town Manager Steve Magoon said public works employees will be lowering the meters to 48 inches in the weeks to come. "It's actually sort of refreshing to have a problem of slightly shorter stature than unemployment, COVID-19, no food and no money," commented optimistic resident Ken Pershing. [WBZ, 2/2/2021]

Lost and Found

Retired Navy meteorologist Paul Grisham, 91, of San Carlos, California, was reunited on Jan. 30 with the leather wallet he lost 53 years ago when his 13-month tour in Antactica ended and he returned home without it. The wallet had been found behind a locker during renovations at McMurdo Station and made its way back to him through the weeks-long efforts of a group of amateur detectives working to track him down. "I was just blown away," Grisham told The San Diego Union-Tribune. The billfold still contained Grisham's Navy ID, driver's license and an assortment of other items, including a recipe for homemade Kahlua, money order receipts from his poker winnings and a set of instructions on what to do in case of an attack. It did not contain any money because there had been nothing to buy at the station. [San Diego Union Tribune, 2/4/2021]

Recompose, a company in Kent, Washington, now offers an environmentally friendly alternative to traditional burial -- human composting. The Seattle Times reported that on Dec. 20, the first bodies were "laid in" -- placed in steel cylinders full of soil, where decedents rest for 30 days, covered with wood chips and straw. After that, they're moved to a "curing bin" to finish releasing carbon dioxide, and then remains can be returned to family or donated to an ecological restoration project near Vancouver. According to Recompose, the "finished soil is very similar to the topsoil bought at a local nursery." "This is a very controlled process, completely driven by microbes," explained CEO Katrina Spade. "It's fueled by plant material and monitored in a very rigorous way." The entire process costs $5,500 and includes an optional service. [Seattle Times, 1/22/2021]

Mistaken Identity

-- Lisa Boothroyd, 48, of Rugby in Warwickshire, England, got a shock when the handful of popping candies she ate turned out to be small novelty fireworks used as noisemakers instead. The box of Fun Snaps was shelved among other candies at her local Costcutter store, she told the Daily Mail on Jan. 18, and the packaging was similar, but the result was painful: Boothroyd reported chemical burns on her lips and gums and a cracked tooth. "That moment I crunched down was terrifying," Boothroyd said. "I felt explosions in my mouth followed by burning pain." A spokesperson for Costcutter said the Fun Snaps would be "(removed) from the confectionery section with immediate effect." [Daily Mail, 1/18/2021]

-- A woman in Cajeme, Mexico, identified only as Leonora R., faces charges of domestic violence after repeatedly stabbing her husband when she found photos of him having sex with a younger, thinner woman on his phone, according to police. Local media reported the husband was eventually able to disarm his wife and clarify that it was HER in the photos, which were taken when they were dating. The New York Daily News reported on Jan. 26 that police responding to neighbors' calls for help arrived and arrested her. [NY Daily News, 1/26/2021]

News You Can Use

Japanese entrepreneur Shota Ishida, 30, has zeroed in on a way to relieve the anxiety felt by a narrow niche of people: the roughly 1% of the population, he says, who worry about body odor. "It's something they can't bring up with friends or family," he told CBS News, so they turn to his company, Odorate, for a scientific analysis to determine whether they are emitting offensive odors. Customers create a smell sample by wearing a plain white T-shirt enhanced with odor-absorbing activated charcoal for 24 hours, then mail it to Ishida's lab north of Tokyo. For about $150, Ishida will subject the sample to GC-MS analysis (a technology used to identify unknown chemicals) and produce a report, which can include such descriptions as "old-age smell" or "onions starting to rot." He says about half of his customers are given the all-clear, with no obvious offensive odors. "Getting the facts is a huge relief for (clients)," he said. [CBS News, 1/25/2021]

Weird Science

In a first for paleontologists, the perfectly preserved anus of a dinosaur has been found in China. Psittacosaurus, a Cretaceous-period relative of the Triceratops, was about the size of a dog, and researcher Jakob Vinther of the University of Bristol in the United Kingdom described the discovery as "unique" to Live Science. "It's like a Swiss Army knife of excretory openings," used for pooping, peeing, breeding and egg laying. It was not clear to the researchers whether the dinosaur was male or female. [Live Science, 1/19/2021]

Antisocial Skills

Trevor Savok, 20, is suspected of stealing underwear and AirPods on Jan. 17 from a group of young women staying at a Las Vegas area hotel, and leaving behind a note illustrated with a hand-drawn heart in one of their bags reading, "Text me if you want your panties back," according to court documents. The women contacted Savok, who said he would return the underwear if they sent pictures of their private parts, KTNV-TV reported. Police arrested Savok, who worked at the hotel, and are asking the public's help in finding more possible victims. [KTNV, 1/22/2021]

Least Competent Criminal

As paramedics in Houston responded to a call on Jan. 21, Renaldo Leonard, 36, jumped into their Houston Fire Department ambulance and drove, emergency lights flashing, about 4 miles to a Jack in the Box, where he got in the drive-thru lane, according to police. The Smoking Gun reported the ambulance was tracked to the restaurant, and Leonard was arrested and charged with felony theft of the vehicle, which is valued at more than $150,000. [The Smoking Gun, 1/22/2021]

Creepy

Monica Green noticed a few things out of order when she returned to her home in Rockhampton, Queensland, Australia, on Jan. 18: The back door was open, the air conditioner was running and a half-cooked meal of chicken nuggets was left in her kitchen. Green called police, who discovered an attic opening was partially removed, but instead of finding someone hiding up there, they determined someone had been living there, perhaps for some time, News.com.au reported. "I felt shocked, terrified, scared," said Green, a mother of three children. "Being alone in the home scares me." Green said she had noticed food missing and her security camera disabled in the days before the discovery, but she thought they were just coincidences or her imagination. Police have not caught the intruder. [News.com.au, 1/21/2021]

Oops

The Monroe Township (Michigan) Fire Department launched a rescue mission on Jan. 26 after receiving a call about a goose or duck possibly injured and in distress on the frozen River Raisin. Firefighters suited up and headed out on the ice, WXYZ-TV reported, but realized upon closer inspection that the bird was just a hunting decoy. "It ended up being a good training session, actually," said Chief Mark Cherney. "In the end, we can sleep well at night. A bird is not suffering." [WXYZ, 1/27/2021]

Recent Alarming Headlines

Police in Rome, New York, responding to an animal cruelty complaint on Jan. 13, arrived at a home to find a man cooking a canine on an outdoor grill, police said. The unnamed man cooperated with police, saying the animal was a coyote -- which would be legal in New York, as hunting and trapping the canines is allowed with a license, WNBC-TV reported. Animal control officers took the carcass to Cornell University for testing to determine its species. [WNBC, 1/20/2021]

The Continuing Crisis

Authorities who pulled over a pickup truck in Elsberry, Missouri, soon discovered the vehicle had been stolen, KMOV-TV reported on Jan. 25, so they headed to the owner's home, where they found skeletal remains in another vehicle in the garage and a ransacked house. Lincoln County Sheriff Rick Harrell said the body may have been there since last summer and "a group of criminal opportunists ... had just ransacked the residence and taken many items. We've recovered stolen vehicles, stolen firearms and tens of thousands of dollars in other related items." The scavengers would have had to walk right past the body for months as they removed items, he added. Prosecutors are working to bring charges against 25 suspects, and there may be more, authorities said. Investigators have not yet identified the remains or determined exactly when the person died. [KMOV, 1/25/2021]

LEAD STORY -- Too Hot to Handle

The Sun reported on Jan. 18 that a woman in the United Kingdom suffered an "inferno" in her living room after a candle exploded as she was lighting it. Jody Thompson, 50, won the candle, labeled "This Candle Smells Like My Vagina," in an online quiz from Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop website. "The candle exploded and emitted huge flames," Thompson said, "with bits flying everywhere. The whole thing was ablaze and it was too hot to touch." Thompson and her partner "eventually got it under control and threw it out the front door." [The Sun, 1/18/2021]

In Plane Sight

On Jan. 16 at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport, two employees of United Airlines approached a man and asked for his ID. Aditya Singh, 36, of Orange, California, produced an employee badge, but it was not his: Another employee had reported it missing on Oct. 26, the Chicago Tribune reported. Authorities said Singh had arrived at O'Hare on Oct. 19 from Los Angeles and was too afraid to fly back home because of COVID-19, so he hid in a secured area of the airport for three months, living off food given to him by strangers. Singh is unemployed but has a master's degree in hospitality and doesn't have a criminal background. He was charged with felony criminal trespass. [Chicago Tribune, 1/17/2021]

The Devil Made Them Do It

Members of Poughkeepsie, New York's Church of Satan are down in the dumps this week after someone torched their gathering place, known as "Halloween House," on Jan. 14. According to the Poughkeepsie Journal, video footage shows a person carrying two gas cans, splashing liquid on the front porch, lighting it and running away. Two people who were inside at the time escaped unharmed; the arsonist has not been caught. "Sadly there are some 'people of faith' who are intolerant, and typically ignorant, of other belief systems," noted Church of Satan high priest Peter H. Gilmore. Church member Isis Vermouth called the arson a "terror attack. Whoever did this is going to be hexed by all of us," she said. "I just don't understand why anyone would want to piss off Satanic witches. 'Cause now there's going to be hell to pay." [Poughkeepsie Journal, 1/19/2021]

Unclear on the Concept

Nicholas Debetes, 18, was finally placed in handcuffs in Titusville, Florida, on Jan. 14, after Brevard County officers chased him as he drove "at an extremely high rate of speed" to his mother's trailer. Debetes, Click Orlando reported, had a unique excuse: "If I would have tried to stop quicker I would have crashed the vehicle," he told police. He went on to say that his mother wanted him home for an unknown reason. Debetes had an outstanding warrant and was driving a stolen Hyundai Elantra. [Click Orlando, 1/18/2021]

Police Report

In Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, Curtis McCoy, 46, and his husband of 10 years got into a spat "that escalated since they have been drinking alcohol" on Jan. 17, police reported. The argument got out of hand when McCoy "brought up how the victim has only one testicle which caused the victim to get upset," according to The Smoking Gun. When the victim pointed his finger at McCoy, he grabbed and twisted it, "causing him pain." McCoy was arrested for domestic violence; his criminal history includes shoplifting, disorderly conduct, assault, larceny and other offenses. [The Smoking Gun, 1/19/2021]

Irony

Esequiel Robles, 40, was caught after a traffic stop in Williston, North Dakota, with methamphetamine and drug paraphernalia on Jan. 14. The Smoking Gun reported that Robles was on probation for narcotics possession at the time, following a 2019 conviction for meth possession. Notably, however, when Robles was arrested, he was wearing a T-shirt with the message, "Don't Do Drugs." Do as I say, not as I do. [The Smoking Gun, 1/15/2021]

Least Competent Criminals

-- On Jan. 7, police received a call from a 7-Eleven store in Lehi, Utah, where earlier in the day a man wearing a "sheriff's deputy" jacket stole a doughnut, then left in a white pickup truck. KUTV reported that Lehi police examined surveillance video and tracked the truck to a nearby motel parking lot, where they knocked on the door of 47-year-old Daniel Mark Wright, who was staying there. As officers spoke with Wright, they saw a Salt Lake County Sheriff's jacket hanging in the room's closet. They arrested Wright for impersonation of an officer and theft, along with receiving or transfer of a stolen vehicle in relation to the truck. Wright, his companion, Christian Olson, and another accomplice are also under investigation for racketeering. [KUTV, 1/18/2021]

-- Leobardo Hernandez, 32, of Pomona, California, went to extraordinary lengths on Jan. 16 to evade police after allegedly stealing a car. As Hernandez ran from officers, he entered an apartment complex and found an unlocked door, the Daily Bulletin reported. The apartment residents were not at home, so Hernandez moved right in, shaving his face, changing clothes and even cooking tortillas to make it seem as if he lived there. Unfortunately, he also burned the tortillas, summoning the fire department. Hernandez eventually surrendered and was charged with burglary and possession of a stolen vehicle among other offenses. [Daily Bulletin, 1/18/2021]

Awwwwww

Russell Jones of London couldn't figure out why his dog, Billy, was favoring one of his front paws while walking. He took the pet to the veterinarian to have X-rays, United Press International reported, but the vet found nothing wrong. Jones, however, had recently broken his own ankle and was wearing a cast and limping. At the $400 vet visit, the doctor suggested that Billy was simply imitating his owner. Man's best friend, indeed. [United Press International, 1/19/2021]

What's in a Name?

Before social distancing and masks became the world's norm, CBS News reported on Jan. 12, Paul O'Sullivan of Baltimore was noodling around on Facebook one night, searching for other Paul O'Sullivans. Several of those he found accepted his friend request, which was when he noticed that some were musicians, as he was. Baltimore Paul, as he's known, reached out to others, and eventually he and three others formed the Paul O'Sullivan Band. Manchester Paul plays bass; Pennsylvania Paul is the percussionist; and Baltimore Paul and Rotterdam Paul play guitar and sing. They recorded a single at the beginning of 2020, but when COVID hit, they thought it was a great opportunity to make a whole album. "It feels great to be able to contact people on the other side of the world when you're in lockdown because you don't feel alone at the moment," commented Rotterdam Paul. "If you learn to play an instrument, it can help you through some dark times," said Manchester Paul. [CBS News, 1/12/2021]

Government in Action

Bigfoot hunters in Oklahoma will be happy to know that their pastime could get its own season, KOKH reported. State Rep. Justin Humphrey introduced a bill on Jan. 20 asking the Oklahoma Wildlife Commission to establish a Bigfoot hunting season, "set annual season dates and create any necessary specific hunting licenses and fees." Southeastern and south-central Oklahoma is infamous for Bigfoot sightings, including a large festival (canceled this year because of COVID-19). If passed, the bill would become effective in November. [KOKH, 1/20/2021]