Doctors at Westmead Hospital in Sydney, Australia, documented a case in the British Medical Journal's Case Reports that has at least one nose out of joint. A 48-year-old former prison inmate had been suffering from sinus infections, nasal congestion and headaches for years, United Press International reported. Doctors treating the man performed a CT scan and discovered a rhinolith -- a stone made of calcium -- in his nasal cavity, which, when removed, was found to have formed around a small balloon with cannabis inside. The patient then recalled that when he was in prison about 18 years earlier, his girlfriend had smuggled in the balloon during a visit, and he had inserted it in his nose to hide it. But he pushed it too far in and assumed he had swallowed it. The unnamed man is surely breathing easier these days. [United Press International, 10/31/2019]

His Patriotic Duty

Astronaut and Neshannock Township, Pennsylvania, resident Andrew Morgan, who is currently aboard the International Space Station, cast his absentee ballot this Election Day from his perch 250 miles above the planet, the New Castle News reported. Ed Allison, Lawrence County's director of voter services, received Morgan's application for an absentee ballot and went the extra mile for the spaceman, coordinating with IT for a fillable, secure PDF file that Morgan could use to register his selections. "Astronaut Morgan got the ballot, voted it and sent it back," Allison said. "No problem at all. In the 11 years I have been here, it is certainly unique." [New Castle News, 11/4/2019]

Bright Idea

Brice Kendell Williams, 32, was hoping to avoid getting a DWI early on Nov. 3, CNN reported, so rather than driving his car from one bar to another in Houma, Louisiana, Williams stole a motorized shopping cart from Walmart and toddled more than a half-mile to his destination, according to authorities. He carefully parked the scooter between two cars in the lot and went inside, where officers from the Terrebonne Parish Sheriff's Office found him and arrested him for felony unauthorized use of a moveable. Williams' bond was set at $2,500. [CNN, 11/5/2019]

Rules We Didn't Know We Needed

North Carolina's Madison County Public Library system has had a loosely enforced rule against bringing pets into its branches. But on Oct. 8, Interim Director Peggy Goforth appeared before the county's board of commissioners to request a new policy that tightly restricts animals to only service dogs. Goforth felt she had to advocate for stricter rules after a man brought a bag full of snakes into the library, reported the Citizen Times. "He said, 'My pets are harmless. Here, let me show you,'" Goforth said. "And he poured them out on the front desk. They just wriggled everywhere." When told pets weren't allowed in the library, "He was really nice about it. He just bagged up all the snakes and left," she added. She said another man brought in an ant farm and took the top off to feed them, then forgot to put it back on. "The ants got everywhere." The library's new policy excludes all animal species except dogs that are trained to help a person with a disability. [Citizen Times, 10/22/2019]

Ironic

-- A passenger on New York's MTA train system noticed a couple of suspicious packages at the Metro-North New Rochelle station on the afternoon of Oct. 28 and did what any conscientious rider would do: alerted authorities, using the new Help Point intercom system in the station. It turned out the boxes contained more of the MTA's Help Point devices -- they just hadn't been installed yet. The alert only briefly shut down the station, WNBC reported, as police quickly removed the boxes. [WNBC, 10/29/2019]

-- In Crystal City, Missouri, police are on the lookout for a man who broke into a vending machine at the Twin City Coin Laundry on Oct. 22, pocketing about $600 in change. KSDK reported that he ought to be easy to find: He committed his crime in full view of security cameras, and he was wearing a T-shirt with the motto, "It's not a crime unless you get caught." [KSDK, 10/30/2019]

Dang

Talk about bringing down the room. Late on Nov. 2 in Hattingen, Germany, about 300 patrons of a swingers' club were interrupted mid-party when carbon monoxide alarms sounded and several began to feel unwell. Firefighters escorted the swingers, many clad only in bathrobes, to safety, with about 10 people requiring treatment, reported the Associated Press. However, firefighters could not detect any dangerous level of carbon monoxide once they arrived on the scene. [Associated Press, 11/3/2019]

Entrepreneurial Spirit

-- Belinda Gail Fondren, 52, of Evans, Louisiana, was charged with filing or maintaining false public records on Oct. 23 after it was discovered that she was writing fake doctor's notes for high school students so they could get out of class. Fondren, who worked at a medical clinic, charged $20 for each excuse, Vernon Parish Sheriff Sam Craft told WTAP. He also said it was common knowledge among students that the excuses were for sale. Two students obtained excuses on 14 occasions, he said. Fondren's fraud came to light when someone from the Vernon Parish School Board called a doctor about the notes, which he denied having authorized. Her bond was set at $15,000. [WTAP, 10/30/2019]

-- Workers at a branch of Pinnacle Bank in Lincoln, Nebraska, were stymied on Oct. 28 when a man arrived hoping to open a checking account with a $1 million bill, the Lincoln Journal Star reported. Bank employees argued with him that it couldn't possibly be real (the largest denomination bill ever minted was for $100,000), and eventually he left, with his bill but without an account. Lincoln police are hoping to identify him from surveillance video so they can check on his welfare. [Lincoln Journal Star, 10/31/2019]

Awesome!

When Coco the shiba inu was hit by a car on Oct. 28 in Schenectady, New York, the driver stopped and noticed some damage to her car, but couldn't see what she had hit, so she drove on. About an hour later, Rotterdam Police Lieutenant Jeffrey Collins told WNYT, the driver stopped again when she heard noises. This time, she saw Coco, who was lodged in the car's bumper. "It was like the perfect fit," said Noella LaFreniere of the Hernas Veterinary Clinic where Coco was treated. "She ... came out alive, and it's shocking to us." Coco suffered a broken elbow but no other serious injuries. Police have located her owners. [WNYT, 10/31/2019]

Weird Weather

-- CNN reported on Nov. 6 that thousands of smooth, egg-shaped ice balls have accumulated on a long stretch of beach in Hailuoto, Finland, on the Baltic Sea. The icy balls form when turbulent water near the shore breaks up a layer of slushy ice. The ice sticks together, and as waves crash the shore, they spin the clumps of ice, smoothing them into balls. Sirpa Tero, a visitor to the beach, told CNN she's seen the phenomenon before, but never covering so much area. [CNN via CTV 11/6/2019]

-- Residents of Kansas City were puzzled by a foul smell in the air, similar to funky feet or manure, on the evening of Nov. 6, according to KSHB. Meteorologists at the National Weather Service came to the rescue with an explanation: A cold front that moved into the area from the north included a shallow mixing layer that had trapped the odors in Minnesota and Iowa. As they put it: "Strong winds ... transported in an 'agriculture' smell from farms north of here." [KSHB, 11/6/2019]

Mothers Lounge, a company catering to new mothers, has conceived some awkward conversations for women on the receiving end of a recent marketing campaign. The company sent out maternity congratulations cards signed by "Jenny B" that included gift cards and coupons for products attractive to pregnant women. The problem is, as the BBC reported, many of the recipients aren't pregnant. A woman in Memphis, Tennessee, tweeted: "Who the hell is Jenny B and why did she send me $245 in gift cards to my childhood home congratulating me on my pregnancy?! This is literally how my mother thought she was finding out that I was pregnant. I'm calling the FBI." Another woman's mother was "immediately so excited and freaked out ... I had to quickly tell her I am not in fact pregnant." Mothers Lounge spokesman Scott Anderson explained that a third-party marketing company provided the mailing list. Sounds like a false-positive to us. [BBC, 10/29/2019]

Awwwwwww

Faith the one-legged mallard duck, of Gardner, Maine, will soon have more than one leg to stand on, thanks to Loni Hamner. Faith lost her leg in a fox attack last year but has been making do, Hamner told the Bangor Daily News: "She has taught herself how to stand and balance on that one leg, [and] she can sort of hop and hobble around." But Hamner wants a better quality of life for Faith. "So I started doing some research and found an online post about someone getting a prosthetic leg and foot for a chicken [that] was made in a 3D printer," Hamner said. That led her to Paul Bussiere, 3D lab manager at the University of Maine Advanced Structure and Composites Center. Bussiere, a "pet-lover," has eight 3D printers at his home and promised Hamner he would make a prosthetic leg and foot for Faith in his spare time. Hamner is also working with Michael Anfang, whose Washington State-based company makes splints and foot prosthetics for ducks and chickens, along with a human occupational therapist who has offered to help develop a physical therapy regimen for Faith. Faith is a lucky duck! [Bangor Daily News, 10/27/2019]

Putting Off the Inevitable

Convicted bank robber and career criminal Michael Jauernik, 71, received a sentence of more than 12 years in prison in Germany on Oct. 7, but managed to stall his incarceration by delivering a five-day-long closing statement that included anecdotes about his career in crime and details about his fitness routine. Twenty hours into the soliloquy, the judge finally cut him off, saying she wished she had done so earlier in light of his "excessive digressions," The Guardian reported. Jauernik, who wore sunglasses throughout his trial, told the court, "I am more intelligent and clever than any employee of the criminal police agency, that much is sure." [The Guardian, 10/7/2019]

It's Hard to Find Good Help

After six years of litigation, six men were found guilty of attempted murder in late October in Guangxi, China, for participating in a chain of subcontracted murder-for-hire plots that never resulted in a death. Businessman Tan Youhui started the chain by hiring a hit man to "take out" a rival identified only as Mr. Wei, reported the BBC. That hit man then subcontracted a second hit man to do the dirty deed. Hit man No. 2 subcontracted with hit man No. 3, who then reached out to hit man No. 4. After getting the nod from No. 4, hit man No. 5, Ling Xiansi, decided on a different scheme: He contacted the target, Mr. Wei, and proposed they fake the murder and take the cash, which by this point amounted to 100,000 yen. Wei agreed, then reported the case to the police. Tan and the five hitmen will serve sentences ranging from 31 months to five years. [BBC, 10/22/2019]

Least Competent Criminal

Miguel Angel Reyes-Avila, 23, of Half Moon Bay, California, waited patiently until his neighbors took their dog for a walk on Oct. 6, then pounced, according to the San Mateo County Sheriff's Office. The San Jose Mercury News reports Reyes-Avila then allegedly entered their home through an open window and lifted about $4,000 worth of jewelry, plus the keys to their 2009 Mitsubishi. When the neighbors returned home and found their car gone, they called police, who asked neighborhood folks to share their security footage. Most helpful was the video from Reyes-Avila's own home, provided by another resident who was happy to help law enforcement. The camera caught a suspect driving away in the car, and sheriff's office spokesperson Rosemerry Blankswade said officers recognized Reyes-Avila from earlier incidents and arrested him on Oct. 10 on charges of felony burglary and grand theft auto. [San Jose Mercury News, 10/17/2019]

Precocious Pet

Archie, a French bulldog/Boston terrier mix who lives in Melbourne, Australia, with his human, Dee Borkowski, is in the doghouse after a fiery event on Oct. 16. As Borkowski watched Archie via her home security camera, he contentedly lounged on the couch, chewing on a cigarette lighter. Suddenly, United Press International reported, the lighter ignited, and her couch burst into flames. Borkowski called the fire department, and the 10-month-old puppy escaped unhurt, although her apartment suffered thousands of dollars of damage. Borkowski has changed Archie's Instagram handle to "Archie the Arsonist." [UPI, 10/28/2019]

Unconventional Sports

Housekeepers from The Venetian hotel in Las Vegas took first place in the Las Vegas Housekeeping Olympics on Oct. 23, beating out second- and third-place teams from The Mirage and Circus Circus, United Press International reported. The competition, which took place at the Mandalay Bay resort, included bed-making contests, vacuum races and a toilet paper toss. Mandalay Bay President Chuck Bowling said the Olympics are a way of celebrating overlooked workers in the hospitality industry. [UPI, 10/25/2019]

People With Issues

Residents of the Oakland neighborhood in Topeka, Kansas, called police just after midnight on Oct. 27 to report that someone was driving construction equipment around the area. The Topeka Capital Journal reported that when officers arrived, they found 46-year-old Shane Dee Funk behind the wheel of a loader, a piece of heavy equipment, driving it through yards and streets and damaging property. Police Capt. Colleen Stuart said Funk refused to stop for officers, and "numerous residences in the loader's path were evacuated for safety purposes." When Funk turned the loader toward police, they fired nonlethal bean bag pellets at him to disable him. Funk was treated at a hospital, then booked into the Shawnee County Jail on charges of felony theft, criminal damage to property, aggravated assault to a law enforcement officer and fleeing or attempting to elude law enforcement. [Topeka Capital Journal, 10/27/2019]

Compelling Explanation

An unnamed resident of the Wilson Lane apartments in Elkins, West Virginia, told police she left her home for a few minutes on Oct. 18, returning a short time later to find a neighbor, Ronald L. Thorne Jr., 52, “standing in her apartment eating her lasagna from the refrigerator.” He went on to tell her he “just wanted to talk and maybe more,” and then he returned to his own apartment, carrying the lasagna and one of her forks, according to the police report. The Inter-Mountain reports the woman also told Randolph County Sheriff’s officers that her home had been ransacked and $20 was missing from her purse. When officers confronted Thorne, he told them he “had been sleepwalking and had woke up standing in his neighbor’s apartment,” the complaint stated. The officers also noticed a pan of lasagna on his table, and Thorne told them “she could have it back.” Thorne was arrested and charged with burglary; as he was being processed, a $20 bill was found in his wallet. [The Inter-Mountain, 10/22/2019]

Smooth Reaction

In Shelbyville, Kentucky, on Oct. 28, a female customer picking up her food at a KFC drive-thru became angry when she realized she didn't have a fork and a napkin, witnesses told WLKY, so she pulled out a gun and shot out the drive-thru window. KFC released a statement expressing gratitude that no one was shot, and Charlene Witt, the manager of the Subway restaurant across the street, is using the incident as a teaching moment in her own store: "If someone comes in irate, just give them what they want. ... [G]et them out of the store as quick as you can." Police are still searching for the woman. [WLKY, 10/28/2019]

Fans of fright this Halloween may want to travel to Summertown, Tennessee, to see if they can become the first visitor to make it all the way through the haunted house experience called McKamey Manor. The rewards are compelling -- along with notoriety, a person who completes the tour will receive $20,000. But the demands are great, too: Along with bringing a bag of dog food for owner Russ McKamey's dogs, you need to be at least 21 years old, watch a two-hour video of other contestants failing, complete a sports physical with a doctor's letter, pass a background check, bring proof of medical insurance, sign a 40-page waiver and pass a drug test. WFLA reports McKamey doesn't allow cursing during the visit; if you utter a curse word, he'll subtract money from the $20,000 prize. But don't despair: McKamey does have a "safe" phrase for those who want to bail out: "You really don't want to do this." You're right. We don't. [WFLA, 10/22/2019]

Recent Alarming Headline

The San Diego Humane Society was summoned to a convenience store parking lot in Del Mar, California, on Oct. 8 after law enforcement officers responded to calls of concern about a van parked there, near one of San Diego's toniest neighborhoods. Officers found a woman living in the van with more than 300 pet rats. Humane Society Capt. Danee Cook told The San Diego Union-Tribune, "This was not a cruelty case. This was a relinquishment." The unidentified owner said she had started with two pet rats, but the situation had gotten out of control, and she agreed to surrender all of them, many of which were juveniles or pregnant. Officers spent several days tearing the van apart and recovered 320 animals, about half of which were put up for adoption. Meanwhile, the woman has found a place to live with the help of a GoFundMe page. [San Diego Union-Tribune, 10/17/2019]

The Name Game

You probably thought Tupac Shakur died in 1996 in Las Vegas. Little did you suspect there's ANOTHER Tupac A. Shakur walking the streets -- or pacing the jail cells -- of Washington County, Tennessee. Shakur, 40, was arrested Oct. 19 after he threatened Johnson City police officers with a knife, Fox News reported. Police were able to wrestle Shakur to the ground; they also found a syringe and bags of methamphetamine and charged him with aggravated assault, resisting arrest, and simple possession of meth and unlawful drug paraphernalia. It is unclear whether Shakur's name was his from birth or whether he changed it to match the rapper's. [Fox News, 10/21/2019]

Unclear on the Concept

Andrew Blackwell, 25, has his sights set on a particular home in Salt Lake City, Utah, and apparently will stop at nothing to make it his own. Since late August, Blackwell, a neighbor of the property, has been repeatedly entering the home, according to court papers, even after being told by police that he does not have authority to do so. He has been doing work around the house, including removing trees and shrubbery, installing new locks and telling other neighbors he had bought the house. Blackwell told police he offered the elderly owner of the home, who lives elsewhere, $90,000 for her property, which has a market value of $363,000. Court documents state that after the owner refused the offer, he told her he would "forge any document needed to get the property from her," according to KUTV. Finally on Oct. 18, police issued a warrant for Blackwell's arrest, on charges of burglary, forgery, stalking, theft, three counts of criminal trespassing and criminal mischief. [KUTV, 10/20/2019]

Questionable Judgment

On-air reporter Angel Cardenas with KMAX TV in Sacramento, California, was fired on Oct. 21 after a bizarre incident at the Sacramento International Auto Show the day before. During a broadcast before the show opened, Cardenas climbed on at least two of the privately owned show cars and dinged another when he opened a door against it. "No one is out here to tell me which car I can't go in ... so I'm just gonna live on the wild side," he told viewers before posing atop a Ford Thunderbird. "I feel like a kid in a candy store," he said, according to Fox News. The producer of the auto show contacted the general manager of the TV station and was told Cardenas had been terminated. [Fox News, 10/21/2019]

Overreaction

Truck driver Cesar Schmitz of Eneas Marques, Brazil, was just trying to make his wife happy when he launched an effort to rid their backyard of cockroaches. "She ... begged me to destroy their nest under the ground once and for all," Schmitz, 48, explained. After chemicals failed to do the job, The Daily Mail reported, Schmitz decided setting fire to the hole would work, so on Oct. 18, he poured a capful of gasoline into the hole and tossed in a lighted match. After a couple of misfires, caught on his home's security camera, a match landed, and Schmitz and his dogs are seen ducking for cover as the resulting explosion sends turf and lawn furniture flying through the air. The gasoline itself had ignited but it had also set off the highly combustible methane from the bugs' venom that had accumulated in an air pocket under the grass. "I wish I'd thought this through," Schmitz said. He admitted it made a huge mess, but said, ultimately, his scheme was a success: The cockroaches are gone. [Daily Mail, 10/22/2019]

Wait, What?

Twenty-year-old Cody Christopher Meader of St. Petersburg, Florida, entered a Pinellas Park Target store on Oct. 22, where he sought a large Olaf stuffed doll from the Disney movie "Frozen," the Smoking Gun reported. Meader placed the doll on the floor and climbed on to have his way with poor Olaf, according to the criminal complaint. After finishing, he returned the character to the shelf and proceeded to the toy department, where he "selected a large unicorn stuffed animal" and repeated his offensive behavior. Meader was detained in the store and later charged with criminal mischief. Meader's father told police that his son "def has a history of this type of behavior." Meader posted bond and was released from custody. [Smoking Gun, 10/23/2019]

Inexplicable

Stacey Wagers, 45, of Tampa, Florida, is suing the Don CeSar Hotel in St. Pete Beach over an incident that happened in November 2018. She and a friend were celebrating her birthday at the hotel's Maritana Grille when they observed a waiter pouring a liquid over a nearby table's dessert that made it "smoke." They commented to the waiter that the effect was cool, and he poured liquid nitrogen into their water glasses -- which they then drank. "Of course I didn't think it was dangerous at all," Wagers told NBC News. "He had just poured it on a dessert." But the lawsuit filed Oct. 11 says Wagers immediately fell ill, eventually having to have her gall bladder and parts of her stomach removed where the chemical had burned the tissue. Her attorney says she will have lifelong digestion issues. [NBC News, 10/13/2019]

Least Competent Criminal

A quick-thinking employee of a Boost Mobile store in Philadelphia helped police catch a thief on Oct. 22. According to CBS3, the employee was in the store alone when a 19-year-old man entered, pulled a gun and demanded money. "Can you wait a few minutes?" the employee responded. "I give you money. I have another employee outside and he took the key but after that I give you," he explained. The robber agreed, and the employee left the store, locking the door from the outside and trapping the criminal inside until a SWAT team arrived. The frustrated suspect shot his gun through the glass door, but no one was hurt. [CBS3, 10/23/2019]