Zen TV painter Bob Ross has been gone for 24 years, but his inspiration lives on -- at least at Madison Middle School in Abilene, Texas, where on Feb. 7, students in Brady Sloane's art class donned curly brown wigs, blue shirts and paint palettes for a "Flash Bob Flash Mob." Sloane's pre-Advanced Placement students were stressed about grades and projects, and she "wanted to find a way to reward them," she told the Abilene Reporter News. The students used music stands as makeshift easels, where they painted "happy little trees" and projected an episode of "The Joy of Painting" as parents memorialized the special day with photos and videos. [Abilene Reporter News, 2/7/2019]

Hangry

Asalene Branch, 29, was only defending her spot in a McDonald's drive-thru lane on Feb. 18 when she stabbed another woman in the head. Fox News reported that Branch and the other woman were waiting at a Memphis restaurant when a physical fight broke out over their places in the line; Branch took out a knife and assaulted the alleged victim, resulting in injuries that were not life-threatening. Branch was tracked down by police and charged with aggravated assault. [Fox News, 2/19/2019]

The Foreign Press

Valentine's Day is complicated in Japan. On Feb. 14, women traditionally give men chocolates: "giri choco," or "obligation chocolates," to their male colleagues, and "honmei choco," or "true feelings chocolate," to their boyfriends or husbands. (Men return the favor on White Day, March 14.) But according to Japan Today, Japanese women are rebelling against giri choco; 40 percent of workers see the custom "as a form of power harassment," and some companies have banned the practice. Women find giving chocolates to associates stressful: "Before the office ban, we had to worry about things like how much is appropriate to spend on each chocolate and where we draw the line in who we give the chocolates to," said one worker. [Japan Today, 2/5/2019]

People Different From Us

Looking for a new home? A newly listed suburban Philadelphia home offers something a little sideways from your typical basement rumpus room. The five-bedroom, 2 1/2-bath brick colonial in Maple Glen has three fireplaces, a gourmet kitchen -- and a sex basement. The finished lower level includes a bed-in-a-cage, complete with straps, whips and other accouterment for any buyer's "50 Shades of Grey" fantasies. Realtor Melissa Leonard stresses, however, that the basement "can be converted back to a typical suburban basement." Neighbors are shocked to find out what's been going on in their 'hood, but "I know it's a way of life for people," Leonard told Slate magazine. [Slate, 2/8/2019]

Government in Action

You think things are wild in the U.S. Congress? In Albania, Edi Paloka, an opposition lawmaker, was asked to leave the parliament hall on Feb. 14 and suspended for 10 days after throwing ink at Socialist Prime Minister Edi Rama. It all started when Rama scolded a fellow lawmaker for making accusations of corruption against the leftist government, according to Xinhua. A statement from the center-right Democratic party explained, "The action of ink-throwing is a rejection of the bullying exerted by the PM, which is witnessed by the public opinion." Apparently, Rama had repeatedly mocked Paloka during previous sessions of parliament. [Xinhua, 2/14/2019]

The Weirdo-American Community

A dispute over a box of Cheez-Its provoked a DeKalb County, Georgia, man to do the unthinkable on Feb. 12. As Jeremy Lamar Wyatt, 32, his brother and 61-year-old mother argued over the salty snacks, Wyatt went outside, locked his family inside the home, poured gasoline on the front steps and started a fire, according to WGCL-TV. Wyatt's brother was able to lower the mother down from a second-story window, and both escaped without injury. Wyatt, who had reportedly been enjoying some adult beverages with his Cheez-Its, was taken into custody at the scene and charged with arson and criminal damage to property. [WGCL, 2/13/2019]

News That Sounds Like a Joke

At Towson University in Maryland, an unidentified woman was reported wandering around campus just before Valentine's Day, showing coeds a photo of her son and asking if they'd like to go on a date with him. Awkward! The woman, thought to be in her 50s, staked out the Cook Library and the Center for the Arts in hopes of securing a love connection for her son, reported the Baltimore Sun. Towson police are hoping to identify her, not so they can arrest her, but to ask her to stop. [Baltimore Sun, 2/10/2019]

Least Competent Criminals

-- The moral of the story? If you're going to rob a bank in February, target Florida or Texas. Jason Mackenrodt, 37, was making his getaway after robbing the Bangor Savings Bank in Waterville, Maine, on Feb. 12. He scrambled across four lanes of traffic and into a restaurant parking lot -- where he slipped on the ice and sprawled on the ground, right in front of Maine State Police Special Agent Glenn Lang, who was sitting in his parked car. Lang didn't know the bank had been robbed, but he became suspicious when "the money and the gun he had stashed in his jacket pocket spilled onto the parking lot," Police Chief Joseph Massey told the Morning Sentinel. (The weapon turned out to be a BB gun.) Lang tackled Mackenrodt and took him into custody as police were responding at the bank. Mackenrodt was charged with robbery and terrorizing. [Morning Sentinel, 2/12/2019]

-- On Jan. 31, Julian R. Mitchell, 20, tried to use a debit card from a wallet he had stolen at a Nashville, Tennessee, bar, according to WZTV. But a fraud alert tipped off bar employees that the card had been lost or stolen, so they asked for photo ID. Mitchell fished out the Tennessee driver's license from the wallet, which, according to the Davidson County arrest affidavit, made it "plainly obvious" that the photo was not of him because of the difference in height. Mitchell, who strangely resembles a Ken doll, with blond hair, a red beard and black eyebrows, was charged with identity theft; officers found several other cards belonging to the same victim in the wallet. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 2/2/2019]

The Continuing Crisis

Passengers on an 12-hour Air France flight on Feb. 18 became alarmed when a man seated in the bulkhead row boarded the plane, then removed his pants and socks, settling into his seat in just his boxers and a T-shirt. Sitting across the aisle from him, passenger Lizzie Thompson took photos and posted on Twitter throughout the flight, reported The Sun. "Alerted the flight attendant. He offered to move me ... but just shrugged when I suggested he ask the man to put his pants back on," she wrote. Thompson also wrote that six hours into the flight from Paris to Los Angeles, the scantily clad passenger got cold, "so PUT ON HIS PUFFY JACKET." The man put his pants and socks back on after landing, much to Thompson's relief. "Nothing bonds a group of passengers like a man half naked in your section," Thompson wrote. [The Sun, 2/19/2019]

The Meth Made Me Do It

In Seattle, Douglas Braden Smyser, 21, boarded a plane on Feb. 13 on his way to Los Angeles and a drug rehab center in Malibu, but his behavior during the flight finally caused the pilot to land in Portland and have him removed from the plane. Smyser, from Bonney Lake, Washington, would not stay in his seat, tried to sit in first class and threw his backpack in the aisle. Passengers helped contain him until the plane could land safely. Smyser admitted later that he had eaten meth before boarding, which made him "suspicious and paranoid," reported KIRO TV. He also claimed to have a gun. He was charged with second-degree disorderly conduct and menacing, along with a federal charge of interference with a flight crew. [KIRO, 2/19/2019]

In Mumbai, India, 27-year-old Raphael Samuel, an apparent follower of antinatalism, is suing his parents (both attorneys) for giving him life. Samuel says he was conceived without his consent, so his parents should pay him for his life. "I love my parents, and we have a great relationship, but they had me for their joy and their pleasure," Samuel explained to The Print. "My life has been amazing, but I don't see why I should put another life through the rigmarole of school and finding a career, especially when they didn't ask to exist. ... Other Indian people must know that it is an option not to have children, and to ask your parents for an explanation as to why they gave birth to you." [The Print, 1/30/2019]

Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em

Pavlos Polakis, Greece's deputy health minister, did not take kindly to a recent reprimand from European Union Health Commissioner Vytenis Andriukaitis, who admonished Polakis for smoking in public. Andriukaitis was in Athens Feb. 4 to mark World Cancer Day, reported Reuters. He also complained that the health ministry smelled of cigarette smoke and that nobody wears ties. Polakis replied in a Facebook post about the casual dress: "That's a lie ... the security guard at the entrance wore one. I don't. It's the suits which passed through here who bankrupted our country." As for the scold about smoking, Polakis retorted: "I'll decide when to stop smoking, on my terms." Greece has the highest rate of smoking in the EU. [Reuters, 2/6/2019]

Lost at Sea(l)

When researchers at the National Institute of Water and Atmospheric Research (NIWA) in New Zealand thawed out some frozen leopard seal excrement in January, which they use to study the animals' health, they discovered "deep inside the scat" a USB stick containing vacation photos from Porpoise Bay. Reuters reported the defrosted poo had been placed in the freezer in November 2017, and the USB stick was left to dry for a few weeks before volunteers tried it out. The only clue to its owner is the nose of a blue kayak shown in one of the photos. Should the owner want it back, NIWA has a request: more leopard seal poo, please. [Reuters, 2/5/2019]

Awesome!

Exterminators were called to the Rogers County (Oklahoma) courthouse on Feb. 4 after an attorney appeared in a third-floor courtroom with bed bugs falling out of his clothing. "Hard to imagine someone doesn't know ... bed bugs are crawling all over them, certainly in abundance," remarked Sheriff Scott Walton to KJRH TV. Courthouse officials met and decided to close the building at noon until exterminators could eliminate the pests. "I was told the individual that had them also shook his jacket over the prosecutor's files," Walton said. The buggy attorney, however, seemed unfazed by his parasitic companions, and it was not clear who would pay for the extermination. [KJRH, 2/5/2019]

People With Issues

The Harlem Romantic Depot lingerie store in New York City was the target of a vandal's political rage on Jan. 26. In surveillance video, the man can be seen pacing up and down in front of the store window, where two mannequins were on display: one of President Barack Obama dressed as a prince, and one of President Donald Trump, dressed as a princess and wearing a MAGA hat. Taking a brick or stone from a nearby construction site, the man used it to smash through the window, store owner Glen Buzzetti told the New York Daily News. Next, he yanked the Obama mannequin out of the window and threw it on the ground. A member of the store's security team was able to chase the man down the block and catch him, Buzzetti said. But Obama fans in the street weren't happy with him, either. "We had to protect him from the crowd," Buzzetti said. "He could have been killed. We had women trying to kick him in the head." He said the man kept repeating that "he hated Obama" and that "the (Obama) mannequin was looking at him bad." [Daily News, 2/5/2019]

Police Blotter

-- When firefighters responded to a house fire Feb. 5 in Altoona, Pennsylvania, resident Holly Williams, 37, was happy to tell them how it started. She and Michael Miller, 38, keep their car fuel in a container in the house, and they were arguing (about his drinking), and he was trying to take their car, so she flushed the gasoline down the toilet, reported the Altoona Mirror. Miller threw a lit cigarette in the toilet and as flames spread, Williams ran out of the house and called 911. Miller was arrested for arson, risking catastrophe and recklessly endangering another person; later Williams was charged, as well. [Altoona Mirror, 2/14/2019]

-- Phillip Lee, 27, was arrested Feb. 4 on charges of simple robbery and simple battery after his attempt to take cash from a New Orleans Popeyes restaurant went south. The Times-Picayune reported that Lee arrived at the restaurant around noon and tried to steal money, but he couldn't get the cash register open. So instead, he took some fried chicken and fled. Police caught up with him later, and the judge set his bond at $13,500. Popeyes is good, but wow. [New Orleans Times-Picayune, 2/6/2019]

Least Competent Criminal

Richard J. Betters Jr., 44, of Schenectady, New York, has encountered police detectives in nearby Rotterdam before, which explains why he had one officer's phone number in his contacts list. So on Feb. 6, The Daily Gazette reported, when a detective mistakenly received a text from Betters offering drugs, it was a law enforcement slam dunk. The detective played along with Betters, offering to meet him at the Taco Bell in Rotterdam, where he arrested Betters for criminal possession of a controlled substance (Oxycodone pills). He was held on $20,000 bail. [Daily Gazette, 2/6/2019]

Recurring Theme

It's happened again. In Fairhope, Alabama, 2-year-old Ezra Ingersoll visited Rotolo's Pizzeria with his family for dinner and game-room fun on Jan. 4. Soon, his sister alerted mom Kelsey that Ezra was in the claw machine. Ezra, hoping to get a toy, had crawled through the opening, but the flap inside wouldn't swing the other direction, so he was stuck. AL.com reported that police and firefighters responding took the machine apart to free the tyke, who received a free toy for his trouble. [AL.com, 2/5/2019]

Technology Update

And you thought smartphones were cutting edge! Samsung's Family Hub smart refrigerator offers a new app, Refrigerdating, that works something like Tinder. Instead of uploading a profile pic of yourself, according to United Press International, you lure mates with a photo of the inside of your fridge. "Let the world know what kind of person you are," the app's website suggests. "Refrigerdating will then hook you up with a variation of fridges, of different tastes, to pick and choose from." It even offers a little philosophical advice: "Remember, it's the unexpected mixes that make the three star restaurants." [United Press International, 2/6/2019]

Cabin Fever

As the polar vortex unleashed its cold fury on the middle of North America in early February, doctors switched from warning people about the cold to warning them about the dangers of flinging boiling water into the air to watch it freeze. The Chicago Sun-Times reported on Feb. 6 that eight people trying the boiling water challenge, ranging in age from 3 to 53, ended up at Loyola Medicine's Burn Center. "We strongly warn people not to perform the boiling water challenge," said Loyola burn surgeon Arthur Sanford. "There is no safe way to do it." [Chicago Sun-Times, 2/6/2019]

In a whole new twist on stomach pumping, doctors in Quang Tri, Vietnam, saved 48-year-old Nguyen Van Nhat's life in January by transfusing 15 cans of beer INTO his stomach. As Dr. Le Van Lam explained to the Daily Mail, alcohol contains both methanol and ethanol, and the liver breaks down ethanol first. But after a person stops drinking, the stomach and intestines continue to release alcohol into the bloodstream -- even if the drinker has lost consciousness -- and alcohol levels continue to rise. In Nhat's case, upon arrival at the hospital, his blood methanol level was 1,119 times higher than the appropriate limit. Doctors administered one can of beer every hour to slow down his metabolizing of methanol, which gave them time to perform dialysis. Nhat spent three weeks in the hospital before returning home. [Daily Mail, 1/16/2019]

Names in the News

Your giggle for the week: During a Jan. 17 special program on ITV Westcountry in the United Kingdom about how police forces are suffering under budget cuts, a certain officer interviewed for the show got more attention for his name than for his opinions about the budget. PC Rob Banks has undoubtedly heard clever remarks about his name all his life, reported Plymouth Live, but Twitter users from as far away as Australia found it newly hilarious. [Plymouth Live, 1/18/2019]

Try the Decaf

Officers in Madison, Wisconsin, were called to a home on Jan. 20 by an unnamed 34-year-old male resident who went on a spree of destruction when he thought his wife had destroyed his prized collection of action figures. Madison Police Chief Mike Koval wrote in his blog that officers arrived to find an ax buried in the windshield of a car. The man explained to them he had overreacted and used the log-splitting ax to chop up a TV, TV stand, laptop computer and other items in the house before going outside to attack his car, chopping off both side mirrors and breaking out the windshield, reported WMTV. He admitted to officers that he had also been drinking too much, and he was charged with disorderly conduct and felony damage to property. [WMTV, 1/21/2019]

The Entrepreneurial Spirit

A 19-year-old man from Nice, France, has received a four-month (suspended) sentence for a clever plot he hatched in September. The man, known only as Adel, removed a PlayStation 4 from a supermarket shelf on Sept. 17 and took it to the produce aisle, where he weighed it and printed out a price sticker for fruit. Then he used the self-checkout line to pay and left the store with a $389 piece of electronics for about $10. Adel sold the PlayStation for $114 to buy a train ticket. The next day, he tried the same scheme, but police caught him in the act. He will only have to serve his sentence if he re-offends, reported Kotaku.com. [Kotaku.com, 1/29/2019]

Least Competent Criminals

-- Oh, those pesky surveillance cameras. Alexander Goldinsky, 57, had a bright idea for collecting some cash, but it was just so 1990s. While working as an independent contractor at a Woodbridge, New Jersey, business, Goldinsky scattered some ice on the floor in the company's kitchen area, then carefully arranged himself on the floor as if he had slipped and fallen, according to United Press International. Then, as the security cameras rolled, he waited to be discovered. He was arrested in January on charges of insurance fraud and theft by deception, after the Middlesex County Prosecutor's Office said Goldinsky filed a false insurance claim for an ambulance ride and treatment at a local hospital. [United Press International, 2/1/2019]

-- For David Rodriguez, 28, it was his disguise of choice that tripped him up as he robbed a 7-Eleven store in Fort Myers, Florida, on Feb. 2, according to the Lee County Sheriff's Office. Rodriguez donned a gray hoodie and a wig before approaching the counter at the store, showing a gun and demanding cash, reported the Miami Herald. When officers arrived, they got a detailed description, including the wig, and "additional witness information" led them to a nearby apartment. Inside they found Rodriguez, and "in plain view, a gray hooded sweater, several wigs and a large amount of wadded up cash." Bingo! Rodriguez was charged with robbery with a firearm. [Miami Herald, 2/3/2019]

Inexplicable

-- For UNC-Greensboro student Maddie (no last name provided), there really was a monster in the closet. Or at least a guy named Drew. After returning to her apartment on Feb. 2, Maddie heard strange noises coming from her closet. She put her hand on the door and said, "Who's in there?" "My name's Drew," answered the intruder, according to WFMY TV. Maddie continued talking with him, and when she opened the door, Drew was sitting on the floor of the closet, dressed in her clothing. He also had a bag full of her clothes, shoes and socks. Andrew Clyde Swofford, 30, begged her not to call police, and she chatted with him for another 10 minutes, "everything about his life and basically how he got in my closet," she said. Swofford left when Maddie's boyfriend arrived, and police caught up with him at a nearby gas station, where he was arrested for misdemeanor breaking and entering. Maddie told reporters she thinks Swofford has been in her apartment before: "We always joke that there's a ghost in here because I've been missing clothes since I've been living here." She signed a lease for a new apartment a few days later. [WFMY, 2/5/2019]

-- Sharisha Morrison of Albuquerque, New Mexico, and her neighbors have been the recipients since Jan. 1 of an odd gift: plastic grocery bags with slices of bread and bologna inside, delivered by an unknown man. At first, Morrison told KOB TV, she thought the food deliveries were acts of kindness, until she opened the bag and smelled the contents. "It smelled like urine," she said. Morrison said she can watch the man on her surveillance camera. "He'll just walk up and drop it on the little doorknob and walk away," she said. "I just want it to stop." Police have told her they can't do anything unless they catch him in the act. [KOB TV, 1/29/2019]

The Way the World Works

Residents of the small town of Hilgermissen in northwestern Germany voted decisively on Feb. 3 against naming the community's streets. Currently, addresses are a house number and the name of one of the former villages that combined to create Hilgermissen in the 1970s, reported the Associated Press. Officials had hoped that street names would ease the jobs of emergency services and delivery drivers, but 60 percent of the 2,200 citizens rejected the council's plan. The recent result will be binding for two years. [Associated Press, 2/3/2019]

Thieving With Style

A BP gas station in Swansea, South Carolina, was the setting for a reprise of at least one iconic moment from 1984's "The Karate Kid," according to Fox News. On Jan. 26, as surveillance cameras looked on, an unidentified man struck Mr. Miyagi's signature Crane Technique pose -- twice -- before stealing a purse from a parked car nearby. The Swansea Police Department posted the video to its Facebook page, and with the public's help, officers were able to identify the man and issue warrants for his arrest. [Fox News, 2/2/2019]