KION TV reported on Jan. 7 that a Salinas, California, family's Ring doorbell camera captured video of a man licking the doorbell for more than three hours. The homeowners were out of town during the encounter, which took place around 5 a.m., but their children were inside. Sylvia Dungan, who was alerted to the activity at her front door on her phone, said, "I thought, boy there's a lot of traffic. ... Who the heck is that?" Salinas police identified the man as Roberto Daniel Arroyo, 33. Arroyo also relieved himself in the front yard and visited a neighbor's house. "You kind of laugh about it afterwards because technically he didn't do anything," Dungan said, although police later charged him with petty theft and prowling. [KION, 1/8/2019]

Super Fan

Dale Sourbeck, 49, of Pittston, Pennsylvania, had football on his mind after his arresting start to 2019. In the early morning hours of Jan. 3, he used a hammer to break into the Rock Street Music store and helped himself to two guitars -- to start with, reported WNEP TV. Presumably realizing he was being watched by surveillance cameras, Sourbeck left and returned to the store wearing a mask and grabbed three more guitars. Police tracked Sourbeck down using the surveillance camera shot of his license plate and found the stolen guitars in his home. Upon his arrest, the only statement he made was "Go Eagles." [WNEP, 1/3/2019]

Special Delivery

Veterinarian Molly Kreuze of Springfield, Virginia, is planning to purchase an artificial Christmas tree next year after her natural one came with something extra: more than 100 praying mantises. Kreuze told WJLA-TV the leggy insects emerged from an egg sac under the tree's branches and were "crawling on the walls, crawling on the ceiling, crawling on the windows." Kreuze captured as many as she could and was hoping to find a new home for them, as it seems "people really like" the bugs. The Pennsylvania Department of Agriculture advised that people who find the egg sacs on their Christmas trees should clip the branch and take it outside. Otherwise, without their regular source of food, the newly hatched insects will start to eat each other. [WJLA, 1/6/2019]

That Reminds Me of a Movie ...

Eakins Oval, a Philadelphia traffic circle, was the scene of an ominous accident on Jan. 1 when a 21-year-old unnamed man tried to climb a monument to George Washington at the center of the circle. WPIV-TV reported that the man slipped while climbing and fell on the sharp antler of a large deer statue at the base of the monument, impaling his left side. He suffered lacerations and was admitted to Hahnemann Hospital nearby. [WPIV, 1/3/2019]

Unclear on the Concept

-- Three customers and staff of a Wells Fargo branch in Solana Beach, California, were stunned on Jan. 3 when 35-year-old Clint Gray entered the bank shortly after it opened and yelled, "This is a robbery! Everybody get on the ground!" a witness told The San Diego Union-Tribune. But Gray, who was unarmed, didn't follow through. Instead, he stripped down to his underwear and sat in a chair near the front door, asking bank employees to call law enforcement. He also kindly told one female customer that she could sit in a chair instead of lying on the floor. A sheriff's deputy arrived shortly, and Gray surrendered without resistance; he was later charged with attempted robbery. [San Diego Union-Tribune, 1/4/2019]

-- Students at a Fairfield, Ohio, middle school were subjected to an unexpected lesson on Jan. 8 when they reported suspicious behavior "taking place behind (the) desk" of substitute teacher, Tracey J. Abraham of Cincinnati. WHIO-TV reported that the school resource officer at Creekside Middle School received several complaints from students that the teacher was, eh, taking matters into his own hands, and he was removed from the room and building. Abraham was booked and charged with public indecency and ordered to stay away from all locations where there are children under 18 years old. [WHIO, 1/8/2019]

Smooth Reaction

A female jogger on the Goldenrod Trail in Oakland, California, used pepper spray on a dog that attacked her on the morning of Jan. 3, angering the dog's owner, Alma Cadwalader, 19. According to KPIX-TV, police said Cadwalader retaliated by tackling and punching the jogger multiple times, and finally biting the victim on the forearm, causing significant wounds. Police posted a surveillance camera photograph of Cadwalader and asked for the public's help in identifying her; she was arrested on Jan. 4. [KPIX, 1/4/2019]

Social Media Fail

Game Warden Cannon Harrison, 24, is well known around his area in Oklahoma, so when he filled out a profile for the dating app Bumble, he didn't include his profession. But when he "matched" with a woman nearby in December, he was surprised when she messaged him that she had just bagged "a bigo buck." "I thought ... it was someone who was messing with me because they knew who I was," Harrison told The Washington Post. Deer season had ended, although hunting with a crossbow was still legal, so he decided to play along. He wrote back, "Hell yeah, get em with a bow?" When the unnamed huntress demurred, he asked her if she had been "spotlighting" -- an illegal technique that involves shining a light into the animal's eyes to stun it before shooting it, and she replied, "Yeahhhh." Next she sent Harrison a photo of herself with her trophy, and Harrison went to work. He tracked her down on social media, and the following morning, game wardens appeared at her door. The woman paid a fine and will avoid jail time -- and probably a date with Warden Harrison. [The Washington Post, 1/8/2019]

Oh, Florida

Heather Carpenter, 42, was charged with damaging property and criminal mischief in Sarasota County, Florida, after expressing in a particularly gross way her dissatisfaction with the principal of the school where Carpenter was substitute teaching. Phillippi Shores Elementary School Principal Allison Foster had been helping Carpenter with a professional issue, but Carpenter was unhappy with the way it was going, according to the Sarasota Herald-Tribune. So on Dec. 1, in a park where Foster was hosting a birthday party for her daughter later in the day, Carpenter -- whose own daughter was invited to the party -- arrived with human feces, according to a witness, which she spread on the grill and picnic tables. Carpenter pleaded not guilty, but the Sheriff's Office report stated that she admitted she "intentionally placed human waste and fecal matter on the tables at Urfer Park with the intent of disrupting the birthday party planned by Foster." [Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 1/7/2019]

Least Competent Criminal

An unidentified 39-year-old wannabe carjacker hit a bump in the road on Jan. 7 when he approached the driver of a Chevrolet Volt in San Diego, reported The San Diego Union-Tribune. The thief demanded the driver's keys and mobile phone around 6 a.m., according to San Diego police, and tried to drive off in the vehicle. But he couldn't figure out how to operate the hybrid car, and in frustration he ran away, discarding the phone and keys. Police located the carjacker a short distance away and arrested him on suspicion of carjacking and robbery. [San Diego Union-Tribune, 1/7/2019]

Rakhi Desai of Houston didn't think much at first of the gift she brought home from a white elephant party in mid-December -- a brown stuffed bear with a stitched-on heart. As she looked it over later, Desai noticed the words "Neptune Society" stitched on its foot "and then I started to feel, and it's almost like little pebbles or rocks" inside, she told KTRK-TV. That's when it hit her: The bear was filled with someone's cremated remains. The friend who brought the bear to the gift exchange got it at an estate sale, so Desai called the Neptune Society, hoping to reunite the bear with the family it belongs to, but the organization doesn't track the bears. However, there is a name on the bear's tag, and Desai is hoping to find the owner through that. "(T)his bear is very special to somebody and belongs in somebody's family," she said. [KTRK, 12/28/2018]

Weird Roundup

On Christmas Day, Deadspin.com shared a "verbatim" list from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission of emergency room visits paid by Americans who inserted items into various body parts, and shouldn't have. An edited sampling: Into the ear: "Popcorn kernels in both ears, 'feeds her ears because her ears are hungry'"; "Was cleaning ear with Q-Tip, accidentally walked into a wall, pushed Q-Tip into ear"; "Placed crayon in ear on a dare." Into the nose: "Sneezed and a computer keyboard key came out right nostril, sneezed again and another one almost came out"; pool noodle; piece of steak; sex toy. Into the throat: mulch; "Swallowed a quarter while eating peanuts"; plastic toy banana. And finally, into the rectum: "Significant amount of string"; cellphone; Christmas ornament ball; "Jumped on bed, toothbrush was on bed and went up patient's rectum." [Deadspin.com, 12/25/2018]

Likely Story

Vanessa Elizabeth Helfant, 38, of Knoxville, Tennessee, floated a "dog bites man" defense at her DUI hearing on Dec. 13, arguing that several parked cars struck her on March 25, 2017. The jury, however, didn't buy her story after hearing evidence: Witnesses at the scene followed Helfant to her destination, and when officers arrived and knocked on the door, Helfant called 911 to report people knocking on her door. WATE reported that she eventually admitted that she had drunk half a pint of vodka and smoked marijuana. Helfant, who had no prior offenses, was convicted and faces at least 48 hours in jail and her license will be suspended for a year. [WATE, 12/13/2018]

Which Witch?

Tiffany Butch, 33, of Timmins, Ontario, Canada, may go down in history not for her psychic gifts, but for being the last person ever charged in Canada with "pretending to practice witchcraft." On Dec. 11, Butch, whose nickname is the White Witch of the North, was charged under Section 365 of the Criminal Code for demanding money in return for lifting a curse. Two days later, that law was repealed. Marc Depatie, spokesperson for the Timmons police force, said Butch gave a customer "a sense of foreboding that a dreadful thing was about to happen to their family ..." But Butch denies the charge, saying other psychics framed her. "People proclaimed me a witch here and gave me a nickname, but I'm not a witch. I'm a psychic," she told CBC News. Butch is scheduled to appear in court on Jan. 22. [CBC News, 12/19/2018]

Weird Science

On Jan. 1, Camron Jean-Pierre, an 11-year-old Brooklyn, New York, boy, lost his life after apparently suffering an allergic reaction to the smell of the fish his family was cooking for dinner, reported the New York Daily News. His parents used an unspecified medical device to try to help him, but he lost consciousness and emergency services were called. Camron was taken to Brookdale Hospital, but he couldn't be revived. Scientists have noted that people with food allergies can react strongly to odors from food, and inhaling these odors can cause extreme asthmatic reactions. [NY Daily News, 1/2/2019]

People Different From Us

Asparagus is healthy and delicious. But for 63-year-old Jemima Packington of Bath, England, the columnar vegetable is much more: Packington is an asparamancer, a person who can foretell the future by tossing the spears into the air and seeing how they land. "When I cast the asparagus, it creates patterns and it is the patterns I interpret," Packington said. "I am usually about 75 to 90 percent accurate." In fact, out of 13 predictions she made for 2018, 10 of them came true. What's in store for 2019? Packington tells Metro News that England's women's soccer team will win the World Cup; "A Star Is Born" will win an Oscar; and fears over Brexit will be largely unfounded. Oh, and asparagus will see an all-time high in sales. [Metro News, 12/31/2018]

Overreactions

Alarmed neighbors in Perth, Australia, called police after hearing a child screaming and a man repeatedly shouting, "Why don't you die?!" on Jan. 1, according to the Evening Standard. Multiple units of officers arrived at the property, only to learn that the unnamed man, an extreme arachnophobe, had been trying to kill a spider. His wife confirmed to police that her child had been screaming, and her husband apologized to police for the confusion. The spider didn't survive. [Evening Standard, 1/2/2019]

Weapon of Choice

Rogelio Tapia, 26, was arrested in Des Moines, Iowa, on Dec. 31 after a dispute at a QuikTrip around 3 a.m. The store clerk and witnesses told police Tapia chased the clerk around the store and assaulted him with a banana after the clerk tried to intervene in a domestic situation. According to KCCI, Tapia caused about $1,000 in damage; he was charged with assault and third-degree criminal mischief. [KCCI, 1/1/2019]

Bright Idea

If super-sharp shears snipping near your ears isn't enough of a rush, you might want to visit Madrid, Spain, and the salon of Alberto Olmedo, who uses ninja swords and blowtorches to cut hair. Claiming his approach is inspired by Renaissance tradition, Olmedo told Euronews that swords allow a hairdresser to cut hair from both sides of the head at once, resulting in a more even finish. He started perfecting the skill when he became "disillusioned with scissors." Olmedo also offers a cut with claws worn on the ends of his fingers, and plans are in the works to bring lasers into his work. [Euronews, 12/30/2018]

Armed and Clumsy

Despite a flood of warnings from law enforcement about the dangers of shooting celebratory gunfire into the air on New Year's Eve, an unnamed Kansas City, Kansas, man just couldn't resist. As he prepared to head outside at midnight with his .22-caliber handgun, he "sat the gun down in the couch (and) accidentally shot himself in the stomach," tweeted Police Chief Terry Ziegler. The Kansas City Star reported Ziegler's department conducted a "tweet-along" during the evening, with multiple reports of shots fired -- so many that at 11:50 p.m., officers headed to a parking garage to take cover from the bullets that were expected to rain down at midnight. At 12:01 a.m., the department tweeted, "Gunfire EVERYWHERE." Thankfully, no injuries were reported in the city as a result of the merrymaking. [Kansas City Star, 1/2/2019]

Great Art!

You've seen photo books and calendars depicting swaddled infants surrounded with flowers. In Irmo, South Carolina, on Dec. 29, photographer Stephanie Smith re-created the look using her high school friend Nicole Ham, according to FOX13 News. Ham, who is "336 months old," was swaddled in a pink blanket and wore a giant gold bow on her head as she lay within a circle of garland and flowers. A sign next to her read: "Loves -- champagne. Hates -- dating in 2018. Go Tigers!" "We couldn't keep a straight face," said Smith, adding that she and Ham are already brainstorming ideas for future funny photo shoots. [FOX13 News, 1/2/2019]

Mystery Solved

On Jan. 25, 71-year-old Alan J. Abrahamson of Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, went for his regular pre-dawn walk to Starbucks. What happened on the way stumped police investigators until March, reported The Washington Post, and on July 13 they made their findings public. Images from a surveillance camera show Abrahamson walking out of his community at 5:35 a.m. and about a half-hour later, the sound of a gunshot is heard. Just before 7 a.m., a dog found Abrahamson's body, lying near a walking path. Police found no weapon, no signs of a struggle; he still had his wallet and phone. Investigators initially worked the case as a homicide, but as they dug deeper into the man's computer searches and purchases over the past nine years, a theory developed: Abrahamson had tied a gun to a weather balloon filled with helium, shot himself, and then the gun drifted away to parts unknown. A thin line of blood on Abrahamson's sweatshirt indicated to police that "something with the approximate width of a string passed through the blood on the outside of the shirt," the final report says. As for the balloon, investigators said it would likely have ascended to about 100,000 feet and exploded somewhere north of the Bahamas in the Atlantic Ocean. [The Washington Post, 7/15/2018]

People Different From Us

Metro News reported on Feb. 20 that travelers "remained silent" for 20 minutes while a fellow passenger on a Ural Airlines flight from Antalya, Turkey, to Moscow used the air vent above her seat to dry a pair of underwear. Witnesses reported that the woman showed no shame and that "everybody was looking with interest and confusion." Debate raged later, however, after video of the woman was posted online, with one commenter speculating that "maybe the takeoff was sort of extreme, so now she has to dry those." [Metro News, 2/20/2018]

New World Order

Taisei Corp., a construction company based in Tokyo, announced in December 2017 that it would use autonomous drones called T-Frends to combat karoshi, or overwork death, reported The Independent. The drones hover over desks of employees who have stayed at work too long and blast "Auld Lang Syne," a tune commonly used in Japanese shops getting ready to close. A company statement said: "It will encourage employees who are present at the drone patrol time to leave, not only to promote employee health but also to conduct internal security management." Experts are skeptical: Scott North, professor of sociology at Osaka University, told the BBC that "to cut overtime hours, it is necessary to reduce workloads." [The Independent, 12/10/2017]

Wait, What?

-- Ikea took advertising in a whole new direction with its print ad for a crib. The ad, which appeared in the Swedish magazine Amelia, invited women who think they might be pregnant to urinate on the paper to reveal a discounted price. "Peeing on this ad may change your life," the ad read at the top of the page. "If you are expecting, you will get a surprise right here in the ad." Adweek reported that the agency behind the gimmick adapted pregnancy test technology to work on a magazine page. [Adweek, 1/9/2018]

-- Police in Mainz, Germany, responded to an apartment building after cries were heard from within one unit early on Feb. 17, The Associated Press reported. When they arrived, officers found two men, the 58-year-old tenant and a 61-year-old visitor, "hopelessly locked up" with a mannequin dressed as a knight and a large remote-controlled car. The men were too drunk to explain how they had become entangled, and one officer remarked that "the whole thing would have remained a funny episode" if the younger man had not become "more than impolite." He now faces a charge of insulting officers. [Associated Press via The New York Times, 2/17/2018]

Armed and Frustrated

Linda Jean Fahn, 69, of Goodyear, Arizona, finally succumbed to a frustration many wives suffer. On Dec. 30, 2017, as her husband sat on the toilet, she barged in and "shot two bullets at the wall above his head to make him listen to me," she told Goodyear police when they were called to the scene. Fahn said her husband "would have had to be 10 feet tall to be hit by the bullets," ABC15 in Phoenix reported, but officers estimated the bullets struck about 7 inches over the man's head as he ducked. She was charged with aggravated assault. [ABC15 Arizona, 1/8/2018]

News That Sounds Like a Joke

In Turkmenistan's capital, Ashgabat, drivers of black cars faced high costs to repaint their cars white or silver after President Gurbanguly Berdymukhammedov banned black vehicles because he thinks the color white brings good luck. Police began seizing dark-colored vehicles in late December 2017, and owners had to apply for permission to repaint and re-register them. The average wage in Ashgabat is about $300 a month (or 1,200 manats); one Turkman told Radio Free Europe that he was quoted 7,000 manats for a paint job, but was told that the price would rise within a week to 11,000 manats. "Even if I don't spend any money anywhere, I will be forced to hand over pretty much my entire annual salary just to repaint," the unnamed man said, adding that his black car had already been impounded. [Radio Free Europe, 1/8/2018]

Just. No. Words.

If you've been wondering whatever happened to Barney the Dinosaur, the Daily Mail had the answer for you. David Joyner, 54, romped inside the big purple suit for 10 years on the 1990s "Barney & Friends" show on PBS. Today, he's a tantric sex guru in Los Angeles who says he can unite a client's body, mind and spirit through tantric massage and unprotected sex. Joyner credits his tantric training with helping him endure the 120-degree temperatures inside the Barney suit. While "surprised," Stephen White, former head writer on the show, said he sees Joyner's new vocation as the "'I love you, you love me' deal, but different. I don't judge or anything, but that's a side of David I didn't know." [Daily Mail, 1/23/2018]

Compelling Explanation

A woman claiming to be on a mission from God led a Kentucky State Police trooper on a chase at speeds up to 120 mph on Feb. 10, stopping only when another trooper pulled in front of her car. According to the Elizabethtown (Kentucky) News-Enterprise, Connie Lynn Allen, 52, of Goodlettsville, Tennessee, told officers that she was Mother Mary, en route to pick up Baby Jesus, and that God had given her permission to speed. She also said that she had died six years ago. She was charged with several offenses and is being held in Hardin County. [News-Enterprise, 2/12/2018]

Want to Get Away?

Many citizens of the world are weary of the war and strife that seem to be consuming the news, and nearly 300,000 of them have already signed up to put it all in the rear-view mirror by becoming citizens of Asgardia. This coming-soon colony on the moon is led by Igor Ashurbeyli, a Russian engineer, computer scientist and businessman who was inaugurated as its leader on June 25 in Vienna. Asgardia's parliament plans to set up "space arks" with artificial gravity in the next 10 to 15 years, where its projected 150 million citizens can live permanently, Reuters reported, and Ashurbeyli hopes settlement on the moon will be complete within 25 years. Asgardia is named after Asgard, a "world in the sky" in Norse mythology. Its leaders hope to attract a population from among the "most creative" in humanity, perhaps using "IQ tests," according to Ashurbeyli. [Reuters, 6/25/2018]

Hey, It's Florida

Indian River County (Florida) sheriff's officers stopped Earle Stevens Jr., 69, on June 27 after another driver called 911, complaining that Stevens' Mercury Grand Marquis kept tapping her bumper in a McDonald's drive-thru lane. The officers noted "a strong odor of alcoholic beverage emitting from his breath ... His speech was slurred and his eyes were red and glossy." He also had an open bottle of Jim Beam bourbon in a brown paper bag on the passenger seat. Stevens, of Vero Beach, struggled to produce his ID and said he's never had a valid Florida driver's license, according to Treasure Coast Newspapers. Stevens argued that he hadn't been drinking while driving, but when the officer asked where he had been drinking, Stevens said, "Stop signs." After failing several field sobriety tests and a breath test, Stevens was charged with driving under the influence and driving without a license. [Treasure Coast Newspapers, 7/12/2018]