For some folks, Disneyland and Walt Disney World are more than amusement parks. Take Jodie Jackson Wells of Boca Raton, Florida. In 2009, after her mother died, Wells smuggled in some of her ashes to Disney World and spread them on a favorite spot of her mom's along the It's a Small World ride. Later, she leapt over a barricade at Cinderella's Castle and flung ashes from both hands as she cavorted on the lawn. "Anyone who knew my mom knew Disney was her happy place," Wells told The Wall Street Journal. However, for the theme parks, the spreading of ashes presents a constant cleanup challenge, referred to by the code "HEPA cleanup" among custodians. (Other secret signals are Code V for vomit and Code U for urine.) Alex Parone of Saratoga Springs, New York, sprinkled his mother's ashes in a flowerbed, then boarded It's a Small World. "I was still crying. That song is playing over and over again, and there are those happy little animatronic things. I remember thinking, 'This is weird.'" But a Disney spokesperson said: "This type of behavior is strictly prohibited and unlawful," and the Anaheim Police Department confirmed that spreading ashes without permission is a misdemeanor. To add insult to injury, when cremation residue is found on rides, they have to be shut down (riders are told there are "technical difficulties") for cleaning. [The Wall Street Journal, 10/24/2018]

What Would Your Mother Think?

In what can only be described as a "shaking my head" incident, an unnamed employee of the U.S. Geological Survey invited malware into the government agency's computer system by visiting more than 9,000 porn websites on his work computer, according to an inspector general's report. The Washington Post reported on Oct. 30 that many of the websites were Russian, and the malware spread to the entire network at the USGS. The employee also saved images from the sites on a USB drive and personal cellphone, which also contained malware. The Office of the Inspector General made recommendations to the USGS about preventing future malware infections, and a spokesperson for the IG's office said the employee no longer works at USGS. [The Washington Post, 10/30/2018]

Who's Crying Now?

After the package bomb scares in New York and Florida, things were tense in Charlotte, North Carolina, in the early morning hours of Oct. 30 when mailroom employees at Duke Energy discovered a suspicious incoming package. They welcomed the Charlotte-Mecklenburg police and the bomb squad with "Open Arms," and the building and surrounding roads were evacuated as officials investigated. But WBTV "Faithfully" reported that the small, hand-addressed manila envelope was "Worlds Apart" from a mail bomb: It merely contained a cassette tape with songs from the band Journey. To which we say, "Don't Stop Believin'" in your fellow '80s music-loving humans. [WBTV, 10/31/2018]

Latest Religious Messages

If "Pokemon Go" has overextended your short attention span, up your game with the Vatican's "Follow JC Go," a new augmented reality mobile game in which players collect saints and other notable Bible figures as they move through the world. Pope Francis has approved the game, which asks players to answer questions about the characters and donate to charities to earn game currency. The Italian newspaper Corriere Della Sera reported on Oct. 21 that the app is available only in Spanish, but other languages are on the way. [Corriere Della Sera, 10/21/2018]

Bright Ideas

Two mothers are suing the Adventure Learning Center day care in St. Louis over an incident in December 2016 when teachers organized a "fight club" among preschoolers. According to Fox 2 in St. Louis, the idea was conceived as a way to entertain the kids while the heater was broken. The 10-year-old sibling of one of the preschoolers was in the room next door and captured video of the fights with an iPad, then texted the video to his mom, Nicole Merseal, who believes the fight was broken up only because she called the director of the center. The video shows one teacher jumping up and down in excitement as another one puts "Incredible Hulk" fists on the kids, and cameras at the center recorded more than 30 minutes of fighting. While the St. Louis Circuit Attorney's Office declined to prosecute, the teachers were fired and the center has been subject to increased inspections, resulting in 26 violations. The lawsuit is scheduled to go to trial in December. [Fox 2, 10/29/2018]

Ewwwww

Construction workers in Valdosta, Georgia, were rattled on Oct. 30 when they tore down a second-story wall in a turn-of-the-20th-century building to find about 1,000 human teeth secreted inside. The T.B. Converse Building, constructed in 1900, was originally home to a dentist, Dr. Clarence Whittington, reported the Valdosta Daily Times. In 1911, Whittington was joined by Dr. Lester G. Youmans. Ellen Hill, director of Valdosta Main Street, said two other Georgia towns have had buildings, also home to dentists' offices, where teeth have been found in the walls. "I'm not sure if it was a common practice" to deposit extracted teeth in the walls, she said. Valdosta police said there was no evidence of a crime. [Valdosta Daily Times, 10/31/2018]

But, Why?

WPVI-TV in Philadelphia reported on Oct. 30 about a new fashion accessory: the Skin Heel. These thigh-high boots feature moles, hair and uneven skin tones, and the shoes are meant to look like surgically altered feet, with toes and long, realistic-looking skin-colored spikes on the heels. Conceived by Montreal, Canada, designers Hannah Rose Dalton and Steven Raj Bhaskaran, the creepy footwear will set buyers back $10,000. Fortunately, they've produced only one pair so far. [WPVI, 10/30/2018]

Animal Antics

In the spirit of "be careful what you wish for," a monkey in Vrindavan, Uttar Pradesh, India, shimmied down a wall and stole a venomous cobra from a snake charmer at the Barbanki temple on Oct. 26. The man had just removed the snake from a basket when the monkey grabbed it and ran back up the wall, according to United Press International. The snake charmer tried to climb on a vendor's cart to chase the monkey, but it got away. No word on the monkey's fate. [United Press International, 10/29/2018]

Recurring Theme

Doctors at the Hai Duong Hospital in Hai Duong Province, Vietnam, treated a man who arrived complaining of pain in his ear. Using an endoscope to look inside his ear canal, they found the cause: a live cricket digging around in the duct. United Press International reported on Oct. 26 that the doctors were able to successfully remove the cricket. [United Press International, 10/26/2018]

Awesome!

When October Books, a shop in Southampton, England, got ready to move just up the street into a new building on Oct. 28, about 250 people showed up as volunteers to form a human chain, handing the shop's more than 2,000 books 160 yards from one location to the other. "It's amazing. The power of community coming together and achieving something like this," said Jani Franck, who participated in the chain. October Books was forced to move after a rent increase in its old building. "It was a tremendous show of support ... and we're moved and incredibly touched by it," Clare Diaper, who works at the store, told the Guardian. [The Guardian, 10/29/2018]

Halloween won't be quite so frightening for residents of Nottinghamshire, England, now that a "killer clown" has been apprehended and sentenced to 11 weeks behind bars, plus 18 weeks that had previously been suspended, according to the BBC. Damien Hammond, 29, is a homeless and jobless man who has taken on the persona of Heath Ledger's The Joker from "The Dark Knight Rises." He admitted to what police called a "crime wave" of offenses, including terrorizing staff in retail stores, waving a gun-shaped cigarette lighter while standing in traffic, and striking a police officer. He arrived at Nottingham Magistrates' Court on Oct. 10 with bright green hair, and as he was led to jail, he shouted: "See what you have done. I will kill today!" adding that he would stab police officers and fellow inmates. He has also been banned from central Nottingham for three years. [BBC, 10/10/2018]

Government in Action

The District of Columbia's Department of General Services fell victim to a scam in July when officials there wired almost $700,000 to a hacker posing as a city vendor. The fraudsters gained information from a vendor's computer system, reported The Washington Post, then created a fake email address by changing just one letter, from which they requested electronic transfers from the D.C. government. David Umansky, a spokesman for the district's chief financial officer, told the Post that since then the city's protocols for making vendor payments have "been modified to require additional confirmation before changing bank information." None of D.C.'s money has been recovered. [Washington Post, 10/22/2018]

News That Sounds Like a Joke

In Ouachita Parish, Louisiana, chicken owner Stephanie Morse told KNOE-TV on Oct. 18 that she is not going to be deterred from dressing up her chickens for Halloween, even in light of the warning from the Centers for Disease Control about exposure to salmonella. More than 90 people in 29 states have been infected with an antibiotic-resistant strain of the bacteria after coming into contact with raw chicken products. Dressing up live chickens might also cause people to be exposed to the germ. "Don't kiss your birds or snuggle them," the CDC warns. But Morse clucks back: "I just like to put a sweater on them to keep them warm and comfortable." [KNOE, 10/18/2018]

Inexplicable

The University of Kansas Cancer Center just wants its colon back. The $4,000 giant inflatable colon, used to educate the public about colon health, was stolen from the bed of a pickup truck on Oct. 19. The Kansas City Star reported it was scheduled to appear at a run/walk event at a local park the next day. Kansas City Police are hoping the public will help find the 150-pound, 10-foot-long colon and return it to its owners. [Kansas City Star, 10/19/2018]

Extreme Reaction

Helen Washington, 75, of Brooklyn Center, Minnesota, faces charges of second-degree assault with a dangerous weapon after she ran out of patience on Oct. 12 with her grandson, who continued to put his teacup on her furniture even after she repeatedly asked him not to. After dumping his tea out, the Minneapolis Star-Tribune reported, Washington left the room, apparently to get a gun. Meanwhile, the grandson had made a new cup of tea and put it on the furniture. The argument resumed, and Washington pulled out the .38 Special, shooting her grandson in the leg. She told officers at the scene she didn't think she should go to jail; a judge ordered an evaluation to see if she's competent to stand trial. [Minneapolis Star-Tribune, 10/18/2018]

Who's a Good Boy? You're a Good Boy!

Beagle Brigade K-9 officer Hardy probably thought he'd hit the jackpot when U.S. Customs and Border Protection agents discovered an unusual item in a passenger's luggage at Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson airport on Oct. 11. Fox5 reported that something smelled suspicious (and delicious) to Hardy, so agents opened the bag of a traveler from Ecuador to find a cooked pig's head. "This seizure at ATL illustrates the tremendous expertise of our four-legged K-9 partners in protecting the United States," gushed Carey Davis, CBP area port director of the Port of Atlanta. No doubt to Hardy's distress, however, the pig's head was removed and destroyed. [Fox5, 10/16/2018]

Creative Weaponry

-- When Denver Broncos backup quarterback Chad Kelly wandered into a suburban house in Englewood, Colorado, early on the morning of Oct. 23, he didn't appear to pose much of a threat, according to ESPN News. He sat down on the couch next to the female resident, who was holding her young child, and began "mumbling incoherently," police records showed. But the man of the house, thinking quickly, shooed the 24-year-old Kelly out with nothing more than a vacuum hose. Kelly, who had been at a Halloween party with teammates, was later found sitting in his car about a block away. He was arrested on suspicion of criminal trespass, but the real shame is how Kelly hosed his own career: On Oct. 24, the Broncos released him. [ESPN News, 10/25/2018]

-- Atif Masood, 42, an employee at a Tesco supermarket in Thornton Heath in south London, is suing the store over the harassment and racial discrimination he says he suffered when a fellow employee broke wind in his face. The Sun reported Masood claims he was targeted because he is Muslim, saying the "unwanted conduct ... had the purpose or effect of violating his dignity." Tesco dismissed Masood's complaints in February, saying it found no evidence of racial discrimination. Masood's hearing will take place in 2019. [The Sun, 10/19/2018]

Above and Beyond

Judge R.W. Buzzard got a free pass on doing his cardio on Oct. 16 after two inmates appearing in his courtroom at the Lewis County Courthouse in Chehalis, Washington, made a break for it. The Daily Chronicle reported that Tanner D. Jacobson, 22, of Onalaska, and Kodey L. Howard, 28, of Winlock, were being escorted out of the courtroom by a deputy when they turned and ran out the public door of the chamber. Judge Buzzard stripped off his black robe and set off in hot pursuit, grabbing Howard as he followed Jacobson down the steps. Jacobson was caught a few blocks away. Both inmates were charged with felony second-degree escape. [Daily Chronicle, 10/19/2018]

Insert Stereotype Here

Police officers in Clearwater, Florida, shared their good fortune on Oct. 16 after they recovered a stolen van filled with Krispy Kreme doughnuts, reported the Tampa Bay Times. The van was stolen almost 200 miles north of Clearwater, in Lake City, where the store manager donated the sweet cargo to the officers, who shared their treats with local homeless people. Evidently the resulting sugar coma impaired the officers' ability to hunt down criminals, as the doughnut thief is still on the run. [Tampa Bay Times, 10/17/2018]

Ewwww!

William Friedman, 68, of Franklin Township, New Jersey, told police officers when he was apprehended that his weird practice of dumping his grandson's used diapers around town "almost became a game." Friedman had been disposing of the soiled nappies along several roadways over the past year, until an officer spotted him at 3:15 a.m. on Oct. 21 making another deposit. Not only is the littering disgusting, but officials told the Associated Press that a motorcyclist crashed in June after running over a diaper Friedman had allegedly thrown out. He was charged with interference with transportation and faces up to $1,000 in fines. [Associated Press, 10/24/2018]

The Way the World Works

Krissa White of Pensacola, Florida, planted a butterfly garden in her front yard six years ago. Since then, she's nurtured monarchs through their life cycles, offering them a safe refuge from mosquito-targeting chemicals. But her yard has been the source of much discussion among neighbors, and in early October, the Crown Pointe Property Owners Association charged that White's butterflies violate the community's covenants against breeding or raising animals, such as livestock or poultry, on the property. Dogs, cats or other household pets are exempted from the rule. WEAR-TV reported on Oct. 19 that White may be charged $25 every day for harboring the butterflies. [WEAR-TV, 10/19/2018]

Some people can get pretty territorial about their food. So it appeared in Colleton County, South Carolina, on Sept. 29, when Ryan Dean Langdale, 19, warned his 17-year-old cousin not to eat his salt and vinegar potato chips. "Do not touch my chips, or I'll shoot you," Langdale told his cousin, according to a sheriff's incident report. The Charleston Post and Courier reported Langdale then went into another room, retrieved a rifle and "the rifle went off," according to the sheriff's document. Langdale summoned help but told police his cousin had accidentally shot himself while cleaning the rifle. Officers didn't think the story held up: The pathway of the bullet through the victim's chest was "impossible" if he had mistakenly shot himself, said sheriff's Maj. J.W. Chapman. Sure enough, when the victim was questioned after undergoing surgery, he told officers the savory snacks were at the center of the dispute. Langdale surrendered on Oct. 10 and was charged with, among other crimes, attempted murder. [Charleston Post and Courier, 10/10/2018]

Compelling Explanations

Yury Zhokhov, 41, a factory worker in Donetsk, Russia, was found kneeling in a field in early October with a knife handle sticking out of the top of his head. Zhokhov was conscious, and when questioned by police, he revealed he had stuck the 8-inch blade in himself. He was having trouble breathing through his nose, he explained, and hoped to make another hole he could breathe through. But the knife became stuck, and he couldn't remove it. Odditycentral.com reports doctors at the local hospital were afraid to touch the knife for fear of killing Zhokhov or causing brain damage. "It was horrific," a hospital spokesperson told local media. X-rays showed the blade "exactly between the two hemispheres of the brain." Specialists were called and Zhokhov survived the surgery without apparent brain damage, although surgeons are concerned about infection. [odditycentral.com, 10/9/2018]

Just Kidding

An alert (or nosy) passerby called police on Oct. 10 after seeing staff through the window of a Natwest bank in Birmingham, England, hiding and cowering under their desks. Officers arrived at the bank in hopes of catching a robber red-handed, but instead were told the workers were participating in a team-building game of hide-and-seek. West Midlands Police Chief Inspector Dave Keen tweeted that, although the incident was a misunderstanding, the citizen made "the right call," reported Metro News. [Metro News, 10/10/2018]

Weird Science

In Olympic National Park in Washington, the mountain goat population has baaa-llooned to an unnatural 700 or more animals. The park is also becoming more popular with humans, which has led to an unsavory consequence: In their constant quest for salt and other minerals, the goats have developed a strong taste for human urine and sweat left behind by hikers and campers. Goats will lick clothing and paw at the ground where people have urinated or disposed of cooking water, making them a nuisance, according to the National Park Service. Popular Mechanics also reports that the increased likelihood of human-goat interactions has park officials worried, especially since a goat gored a hiker to death in 2010. The answer: Park officials are tagging, blindfolding and airlifting mountain goats to nearby Mount Baker-Snoqualmie National Forest, which should be more hospitable to their needs. [Popular Mechanics, 9/28/2018]

Smooth Reaction

On Oct. 12, an Air India Express pilot guided a Boeing 737 up and away from Tiruchirappalli International Airport in Tamil Nadu, India -- but not ENOUGH up and away. As the plane took off shortly after midnight, it hit the top of a 5-foot-tall perimeter wall and destroyed a small landing guide tower. The Washington Post reported that, despite the audible collision, the pilot told the airport director the plane's systems were functioning normally and he was continuing toward Dubai, across the Indian Ocean. "But we found some parts of the plane, like an antenna, on the ground," the director said. Finally, about two hours into the flight, ground control convinced the pilot to return to India, where the plane landed in Mumbai. Indeed, there was a huge gash in the plane's underbelly, and mesh fencing was wrapped around the landing gear. All 130 passengers arrived unharmed and were booked on other flights, and the pilot and co-pilot have been grounded pending a review. [The Washington Post, 10/13/2018]

Questionable Judgment

Hatam Hamad, 56, a Palestinian and American dual citizen, made a name for himself on Oct. 10 as he flew from New Orleans to Heathrow Airport in London, reported Fox News. Six hours into the flight, after swigging five servings of wine, Hamad approached New Orleans TV executive Joel Vilmenay, who was sitting with his wife and two children. "This man had his penis out and exposed within 3 inches of my face," Vilmenay said in his statement to the Uxbridge Magistrates Court prosecutor, Wendy Barrett. Vilmenay said he stood up and asked Hamad what he was doing, whereupon Hamad "responded by grunting" and exposed himself to another passenger. At that moment, Hamad "slapped (Vilmenay) in the chest with some force." The cabin crew were alerted, and Hamad was removed to the back of the plane, where he was guarded for the remainder of the flight. Hamad, who has no previous convictions, at first denied having assaulted anyone, but later admitted his guilt, saying he had not drunk alcohol for three months but was a nervous flyer. His prison sentence was suspended, but he was ordered to pay Vilmenay $789. [Fox News, 10/14/2018]

The Continuing Crisis

In an apparent attempt to destroy what little brainpower he had left, 26-year-old Brandon McVay of Council Bluffs, Iowa, ate a Tide Pod, prompting a trip to the hospital. But while he was being treated in the critical care unit, McVay went on a rampage early on Oct. 4, causing thousands of dollars of damage to medical equipment, according to the Omaha World-Herald. A nurse told the responding police officer that McVay "was yelling loudly" as he broke objects in his room before proceeding to the hallway. Keyboards, computer monitors and glass valued at more than $7,500 were found littering the hallway, where McVay was subdued by security before police arrived. McVay was arrested and held at the hospital on charges of second-degree criminal mischief and disorderly conduct in a place of business. [Omaha World-Herald, 10/12/2018]

People Different From Us

West Virginia MetroNews reported that, for Jackie Fullmer, 37, of Fairmont, West Virginia, Oct. 9 started with trying to steal car keys from a woman at knife point. When police caught up to her, she ran toward their car with a hatchet and knife, prompting a deputy to shoot her with a stun gun. Fullmer turned to verbal attacks while being transported to the Fairmont Police Department, warning officers she was going to stab them in the neck and watch their "blood drain as she drank it" -- which, as it turns out, she could have done, because she had a knife hidden between her buttocks. That weapon was found during booking, and Fullmer admitted she had slashed the seat belt in the police cruiser with it before threatening to slit the officers' throats. She was charged with threats of terrorist acts and attempted robbery. [West Virginia MetroNews, 10/9/2018]

People With Issues

As Hermes Callijas-Gasperin's mother cooked his dinner on Oct. 8 in Bradenton, Florida, she accidentally bumped into her 22-year-old son. That's when he lost it, the New York Post reported, pelting her with the sausages she was frying and putting his hands on her neck. The Manatee County Sheriff's Office said Callijas-Gasperin told officers he just wanted his mom to apologize, but he was arrested and charged with misdemeanor domestic battery. [New York Post, 10/13/2018]