Police in Sheboygan, Wisconsin, appealed to the public for help in late March tracking down a most unusual perpetrator. "Over the past year and a half," the department posted on its Facebook page, "someone has been clogging the women's toilet (at the Deland Community Center) with a 20-ounce soda bottle. This is very strange ... and gross." The Sheboygan Press reported that the string of more than 25 incidents began in 2016. Joe Kerlin, the city's parks and forestry superintendent, says the suspect is likely an adult male, based on security camera footage from outside the restroom. The city's resulting plumbing bills have totaled between $2,000 and $3,000. [Sheboygan Press, 3/21/18]

Oops

A man playing with a baseball on the roof of a parking structure in Honolulu on March 23 had to be rescued by firefighters after he fell into the space between two buildings and got stuck, KHON2 TV reported. Security guard Ray Rodrigues was dispatched to the roof to run the 55-year-old off, but found the man had fallen into a 7- to 9-inch-wide space between the cement walls. When pulling him out with a rope failed, firefighters resorted to using drills and saws to cut through the concrete to free him. He was taken to a hospital in serious condition. [KHON2, 3/25/18]

Questionable Judgments

-- Shoppers at the Miracle Mile Shopping Center in Monroeville, Pennsylvania, got more than they bargained for on April 8, 2017, as model Chelsea Guerra, 22, of Indiana Borough and photographer Michael Warnock, 64, of Point Breeze conducted a nude photo shoot around 11 a.m. According to the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, as Warnock took photos and families looked on, Guerra walked around and posed wearing only thigh-high black stockings and high-heeled shoes. In early March of this year, Guerra and Warnock pleaded guilty to misdemeanor disorderly conduct after other charges were dropped, and paid a $300 fine. "My nude modeling is honest work," Guerra said, "and I use it mostly to fund my college career." [TribLive, 3/5/18]

-- A dairy truck driver lost his job in early March after being caught on a surveillance camera urinating near dairy cows in a barn at Tremblay Farm in Highgate, Vermont. While no charges were filed, Monica Massey of the Dairy Farmers of America said the driver's behavior was unacceptable. "We saw the videos. What we saw was deplorable," Massey said told WCAX TV. Darleen Tremblay said she was "shattered" by what she saw on the video. "I couldn't move. I froze and I shook," she added. [WCAX, 3/2/18]

Bright Ideas

-- The Snell Family Park ficus tree, a sprawling giant that has shaded the park in Fort Myers, Florida, for more than a century, played the part of groom to several brides on March 24 as Karen Cooper and others tried to save it from being cut down. The News-Press reported that while its roots are on the park property, some of the limbs in the tree's 8,000-square-foot canopy extend to an adjacent property that is for sale, and potential buyer Jeff Romer was concerned about his liability for the tree's upkeep. In December, Fort Myers' public works officials approved the removal of the tree, prompting protests from Cooper and others. She got the idea of marrying the tree from women in Mexico who have been protesting deforestation. "I thought, 'Oh, we should marry the ficus tree' -- kind of giggle, giggle." A city spokeswoman said the city is moving ahead to save the newlywed tree, but Cooper is worried that the decision is not final. "If they cut down this tree, I'm going to be a widow." [The News-Press, 3/26/18]

-- Ruan Rocha da Silva, 18, was caught in late March trying to steal five cans of deodorant from a supermarket in Sao Paulo, Brazil. His prominent tattoo might have given him away: A year ago, after Silva tried to steal a bike from Maycon Wesley Carvalho, 27, and Ronildo Moreira de Araujo, 29, the two men forcibly tattooed Silva's forehead with the words "I am a thief and an idiot." The Daily Mail reported that Carvalho and Araujo were caught after filming themselves inking Silva's forehead and sending the video to friends; both were sentenced to jail time. Silva is out on bail, awaiting trial for shoplifting. [Daily Mail, 3/26/18]

Inexplicable

Eastern Michigan University student Andrew (who didn't give a last name), 22, wasn't making any kind of statement or protesting any government action (or lack thereof) on March 12 when he filled a pothole in Trenton with a whole box of Lucky Charms and a gallon of milk. Andrew then lay on the road with a spoon and ate the cereal out of the pothole. "I don't know where the inspiration came from, but when it hit me, I knew it was a good idea," Andrew told MLive.com. "It tasted great. If I was blindfolded, I wouldn't know if it was a pothole or a bowl." [MLive.com, 3/22/18]

International Relations

Italian chef Fabio Picchi has offered three American exchange students in Florence a four-hour cooking lesson after the women tried to cook pasta in a pot without water on March 18. The pasta burst into flames within minutes, and firefighters were summoned to put out the fire. "We thought it was cooked like that," one of the students told La Nazione. "They will have lunch in our restaurant with two of my extraordinary cooks," Picchi said. "I think this can be useful to them, but also to us. Understanding is always ... what is beautiful and necessary." [La Nazione, 3/19/18]

Weird Power

In Didcot, England, known as the country's "most normal town," one resident creatively tried to change people's perceptions with additions to road signs along local highway A4130. The prankster added destinations such as Narnia, Gotham City, Middle Earth, Emerald City and Neverland to roundabout signs, telling the BBC (on condition of anonymity): "To me there's nowhere that is normal, there's no such thing." He said he's been making "creative interventions" all over the country for about 20 years. The Oxfordshire County Council responded that while the additions were "amusing," they'll be removed as soon as the county's potholes are fixed. [BBC, 3/20/18]

Anger Management

Maghan LeGlue, 25, of Bridge City, Louisiana, shifted her rage into high gear on March 24 when she used her 2004 Ford Expedition to pin her 27-year-old boyfriend up against his Ford Crown Victoria, according to the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office. The Times-Picayune reported that the couple, who have three children together, had been arguing when LeGlue hit him, shattering his leg. Doctors performed emergency surgery on the victim. LeGlue was taken into custody and was held without bond. [Times-Picayune, 3/26/18]

Overachiever

It was lucky 13 for Hot Springs, Arkansas, resident Patricia Ann Clanton, 55, as she was charged with her 13th felony DWI on March 26. Garland County Sheriff's Deputy Richard Garrett stopped to check on a Chevrolet Monte Carlo parked in the lot of Buddy Bean Lumber Co. around 1 a.m. on March 26, reported the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. An assisting officer noticed a strong smell of intoxicants and asked Clanton and her passenger to get out of the car. Clanton refused a field sobriety test but agreed to a Breathalyzer, which registered her blood alcohol level at more than twice the legal limit. Nevertheless, she entered an innocent plea in Garland County District Court. Since 1994, Clanton has been convicted of driving drunk in various Arkansas jurisdictions and served jail time. [Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, 3/27/18]

In the same week that a dog perished after a United Airlines flight attendant insisted it be stored in an overhead compartment on a flight from Houston to New York City, another family's pet was lost by the beleaguered carrier. Irgo, a 10-year-old German shepherd belonging to the Swindle family, was mistakenly sent to Japan instead of Kansas City, Missouri. When Kara Swindle and her children went to pick up their dog on March 13 after flying from Oregon, they were given a Great Dane -- whose destination was supposed to be Japan. The dogs got mixed up in Denver, where they both had connecting flights. Swindle was concerned that her dog wouldn't survive the long flight back: "He is a 10-year-old dog, and he's never been on a flight before," she told KCTV 5 News. However, United had Irgo checked out by a veterinarian in Tokyo and loaded onto a private charter to Wichita, Kansas, where he was reunited with his family on March 15. [KCTV 5, 3/14/2018]

I Am Not Dead Yet!

Constantin Reliu, 63, appealed unsuccessfully to a court in Barlad, Romania, in March to overturn a death certificate that his wife had obtained after not hearing from him for more than a decade. According to The Guardian, Reliu left Romania for Turkey in 1992 to look for employment, but neglected to keep in touch with his family. In 2003, Reliu's wife, believing he had died in an earthquake in Turkey, argued in court for a death certificate, which didn't come to light until Reliu was deported back to Romania because of expired papers in Turkey. Upon his arrival, immigration officers explained to Reliu that he had died in 2003. His appeal failed, as the court maintained he was too late, and the ruling is final, leaving Reliu in an odd state of limbo. "I am officially dead, although I'm alive," Reliu told Romanian media outlets. "I have no income and because I am listed dead, I can't do anything." [The Guardian, 3/16/2018]

Divine Intervention

-- In a recent interview on "60 Minutes Overtime," Oprah Winfrey said that if God wanted her to run for president, "wouldn't God kind of tell me?" Oprah may have gotten her answer in the form of a letter from Jesus Christ, an 83-year-old North Waterboro, Maine, woman who started a letter-writing campaign 50 years ago to spread a message of faith and peace -- around the same time that she changed her name. WGME-TV reported that Christ sent her letter to Winfrey on March 9, without knowledge of the media speculation, or Winfrey's wish for a heavenly sign, regarding her running for president. Christ said she sent the letter because she likes Winfrey, but "If she does (run), I'll vote for her -- that's for sure." [WGME, 3/15/2018]

-- Destiny Church in Columbia, Maryland, tried a novel approach to attract new members to its congregation. On March 4, the church gave away five used cars to "demonstrate God's unbelievable, no-strings-attached goodness," according to The Washington Post. The idea was hatched to increase attendance at the church's new location after several years meeting in a high school auditorium. "Who doesn't need a new car?" asked Sandy Dobson, who came with her son. "Different people have different things that bring them to Christ, to church. It doesn't always have to be traditional methods." Pastor Stephen Chandler added that Jesus himself taught that giveaways are guaranteed to draw a crowd: The biggest gatherings Christ preached to came on the two times he distributed free loaves and fishes. [Washington Post, 3/4/2018]

Animals With Issues

Louis, an 18-year-old male gorilla at the Philadelphia Zoo, appears to be something of a germophobe, according to the Associated Press. When he is carrying food, 6-foot-tall Louis walks on his hind legs, like a human, rather than leaning forward on his front knuckles, as gorillas usually do. Zoo curator Michael Stern says workers installed a fire hose over a mud puddle in Louis' yard, which he crosses like a tightrope to avoid getting his feet dirty. Stern says in the wild, gorillas may stand up on their hind feet to reach food or wade in a swamp, but only for a few seconds. [The Associated Press, 3/16/2018]

Restoring Faith in Humanity

The Rev. Alex Santora of Our Lady of Grace Church in Hoboken, New Jersey, called local police on March 14 when a suspicious package was delivered to the house of worship. But after officers from the Hoboken Police Department declared it to be safe, church staff found a surprising delivery inside: a baby Jesus statue that had been stolen from the church's Nativity scene about 90 years ago. WPIX-TV reported that an unsigned note inside the package explained: The statue was stolen when the note-writer's mother was a young girl, and it became a sort of heirloom in her family. When she died, it was passed on to the note-writer, who thought it should be returned. [WPIX-TV, 3/16/2018]

Ewwwww!

Ravenna, Ohio, resident Nickolette Botsford was startled by what felt like an extra-hard cashew as she enjoyed some Planters nuts in early March. As she drove, she handed the object to her mom, who turned on the interior light in the car and realized it was a human tooth -- with dried blood on it. "I got very upset, I was crying, I threw up two or three times," Botsford told WOIO-TV. She went to a hospital, where doctors confirmed it was a human tooth and treated her for exposure to blood or bodily fluids. Botsford called Planters, and parent company Kraft Heinz sent a courier to pick up the tooth for testing. The company said it is investigating its manufacturing process and suppliers. [WOIO, 3/5/2018]

Spooky

A member of the Listowel Paranormal Society in Windsor, Ontario, Canada, was surprised when police arrived at his door on March 13, inquiring about a small black box with a red wire protruding from it that had been left at Mackenzie Hall in Windsor. The Windsor Police Explosives Disposal Unit was called to the hall to investigate the box, but determined it was "safe" and not explosive. Society members had used the box on March 9 at the historic building to sweep for spirits. Jen Parker, assistant director for the society, called the box an EMF (electromagnetic field) sensor and said each team member carries one when they're looking for ghosts. The society's spokesperson also told the CBC that there were strong signs of paranormal activity at the hall, especially in the old jail, dressing room and basement. [CBC, 3/16/2018]

Ferula!

Springville, Utah, resident Tiffany King has weathered devastating health problems. FOX 13 reported that she suffers from a condition for which the medication weakened her immune system. In January, she contracted pneumonia, which led to a blood infection, and complications forced doctors to amputate both her legs and arms. King, who is engaged, hopes to complete therapy and walk down the aisle with prosthetic legs and arms, which is where a unique fundraiser comes in: On March 17, King's friends announced "Phoenix Wing Productions Welcomes Harry Potter to Burlesque," a caricature of the blockbuster movies based on J.K. Rowling's books. All proceeds from the event on April 20 at the Utah Arts Alliance in Salt Lake City will go toward buying King's prosthetic limbs. "I'm going to work hard," King said, "because I have a family I need to get back to." [Fox 13, 3/17/2018]

Least Competent Criminals

Siblings Antoine Dorsey, 23, and Antoinette Dorsey, 27, of St. Louis cooked up a clever scheme to steal a car. The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported that on March 14, the two went to Joe-K Used Cars and asked to test drive a 2012 Dodge Charger. The salesman drove them off the lot, and the Dorseys asked him to drive to their apartment building so they could retrieve their IDs. In the parking lot of the apartment, Antoinette got out of the car, and an unidentified person drove up next to the Charger in a Volvo and got into the Charger, pulling a gun on the salesman and demanding he get out of the car. Then the man with the gun got back into the Volvo and drove away, while Antoine took off in the Charger. However, Antoine crashed and flipped the Charger, then was tracked down by police aided by witnesses to the wreck. Both siblings were charged with first-degree robbery. [St. Louis Post-Dispatch, 3/18/2018]

Wait times at emergency rooms are notoriously long, and Danny Konieczny's experience was no different on March 6 at The Villages Hospital in The Villages, Florida. The Lady Lake resident, 61, was at home earlier in the day when a neighbor called 911 to report Konieczny was drunk and suicidal. According to WOFL TV, first responders took him to the hospital, where he waited for two hours to see a doctor before getting exasperated and stealing an ambulance to drive home. Konieczny parked the ambulance in the driveway of the neighbor he thought had called the police about him, and when Lake County Sheriff's investigators tracked him down, they found Konieczny curled up in the trunk of his own car in his garage. Konieczny was put on no-bond status because he is still on probation from a 2017 drunk driving charge. [FOX5, 3/8/2018]

An Escalating Situation

Things went from bad to worse for 30-year-old Isaac Bonsu on March 6 when he was charged in Alexandria, Virginia, with felony hit-and-run involving an unlikely victim. Fairfax County Police pulled Bonsu over for an equipment violation, but he apparently forgot to put it in "park" before exiting the vehicle. Bonsu can be seen on police dashcam video running in front of the car and then being struck by it. Unhurt, Bonsu jumped up and kept running, but police were able to catch him. The Associated Press reported that Bonsu was charged with driving while intoxicated (his third) and possessing marijuana along with the hit-and-run. [Associated Press, 3/6/2018]

Awesome!

-- Environmentalists decry all the debris washing up on beaches around the world, but a discovery in January near Perth, Australia, has historians thrilled. The Washington Post reported that Tonya Illman and a friend were walking along the beach when she spotted "a lovely old bottle." Inside was a damp note, tied with string. "We took it home and dried it out ... and it was a printed form, in German, with very faint German handwriting on it," she said. Experts at the Western Australia Museum have determined the note was 132 years old -- 24 years older than the previous record for a message in a bottle. The note was dated June 12, 1886, from a ship named Paula. Further study revealed that a German Naval Observatory program was analyzing global ocean currents in the area between 1864 and 1933, and an entry in the Paula's captain's journal made note of the bottle being tossed overboard. Thousands of other bottles were released into the sea as part of the program, and only 662 have been returned. The last one discovered was in January 1934. [The Washington Post, 3/6/2018]

-- It may not be the oldest ever found, but the message in a bottle found by 12-year-old Joseph Vallis of Sandys Parish, Bermuda, certainly traveled an impressive distance -- more than 1,000 miles. The Royal Gazette reported that Vallis and his Warwick Academy class were picking up trash around Bailey's Bay on March 10 when he came across a green bottle with a plastic bag inside. He and his father, Boyd, uncorked the bottle and found a note dated April 2014 that had been set adrift from a French sailing yacht crossing the Atlantic. The note included an email address and invitation to contact the authors, but as of press time, the Vallises were still awaiting a response. [The Royal Gazette, 3/12/2018]

The Stuff of Nightmares

Kayaker Sue Spector, 77, was out for a leisurely paddle on the Braden River in Florida with her husband and friends on March 4 when someone remarked, "Oh look, there's an otter." No sooner had the words been spoken than the mammal with a playful reputation jumped onto Spector in her kayak and began clawing and scratching her arms, nose and ear. "He wouldn't let go and I kept screaming. I kept beating him with a paddle," Spector told FOX13 News. She later required stitches, antibiotics and rabies treatment. It was the second otter attack in two days, and Florida Fish and Wildlife has now posted signs about the "aggressive otter" near the area. [FOX13 News, 3/6/2018]

The Litigious Society

Neldin Molina of Denver is dragging Hamburger Mary's restaurant in Tampa, Florida, to court with a $1.5 million lawsuit alleging she was injured there by a drag queen's breasts. According to WESH TV, Molina was visiting the restaurant in May 2015 with friends and family when a drag show began. Molina said drag queen Amanda D'Hod pointed at her and began to approach her, but Molina turned her back to signal she didn't want to participate in the show. The suit, filed in early March, alleges that D'Hod then walked in front of Molina, grabbed her head and shook it, pounding it violently against the performer's fake breasts. The complaint said Molina began to experience headaches and neck pain and later went to the emergency room at Memorial Hospital of Tampa. The lawsuit also notes the restaurant failed to notify patrons of possible danger from the drag show. [WESH-TV, 3/9/2018]

Oops!

The Carelse family of Lakewood, Colorado, picked up some groceries at the Walmart in Littleton on March 5, including a box of Quaker 100 Percent Natural Granola with oats, honey and raisins. When they sat down for breakfast the next morning, they told KMGH TV, Anthea Carelse noticed that the "best by" date on the box was Feb. 22, 1997 -- more than 21 years ago. Her husband, Josiah, ate his full bowl and didn't suffer any unpleasant consequences, but Anthea stopped after two bites. Josiah planned to return the box to Walmart. [KMGH TV, 3/7/2018]

Toot Your Own Horn

March 3 was a big day in Key West, Florida, as competitors sounded off in the 56th Annual Conch Shell Blowing Contest. For 70-year-old Mary Lou Smith of Panama City Beach, winning the women's division was topped only by a marriage proposal (which she accepted with a hearty honk from her shell) from fellow competitor Rick Race, 73, also of Panama City Beach. The Guardian reports that the large shells were used in the 19th century by seafarers as signaling devices, and dozens of entrants show off their skills each year at Key West's Oldest House Museum. [The Guardian, 3/6/2018]

Least Competent Criminal

On March 12 in Northumberland, England, a car thief making a getaway in a Mini Cooper S discovered the small car was not small enough to navigate a narrow stone staircase in Carlisle Park. Northumbria police were called to the park around 11:30 p.m. where they found the car and its unnamed 31-year-old driver both wedged tightly between the staircase walls. Area residents speculated to Metro News that the driver might have been trying to re-enact a scene from "The Italian Job," a 1969 movie. "I'm sure the older Minis would have got down no problem," said Chris Stoker. [Metro News, 3/13/2018]

Wait, What?

An unnamed Russian woman stunned tourists and onlookers March 10 when she walked into the Red Sea and, with the help of a doctor and her partner, gave birth. From the balcony of her uncle's apartment in Dahab, Egypt, Hadia Hosny El Said photographed the events, as the doctor carried the newborn and its father walked alongside with the still-attached placenta in a plastic bowl. After a few minutes, the mother emerged from the sea to join her family, including a toddler, on the beach. El Said told The Daily Mail the doctor is Russian and specializes in water births. [The Daily Mail, 3/13/2018]