In the same week that a dog perished after a United Airlines flight attendant insisted it be stored in an overhead compartment on a flight from Houston to New York City, another family's pet was lost by the beleaguered carrier. Irgo, a 10-year-old German shepherd belonging to the Swindle family, was mistakenly sent to Japan instead of Kansas City, Missouri. When Kara Swindle and her children went to pick up their dog on March 13 after flying from Oregon, they were given a Great Dane -- whose destination was supposed to be Japan. The dogs got mixed up in Denver, where they both had connecting flights. Swindle was concerned that her dog wouldn't survive the long flight back: "He is a 10-year-old dog, and he's never been on a flight before," she told KCTV 5 News. However, United had Irgo checked out by a veterinarian in Tokyo and loaded onto a private charter to Wichita, Kansas, where he was reunited with his family on March 15. [KCTV 5, 3/14/2018]

I Am Not Dead Yet!

Constantin Reliu, 63, appealed unsuccessfully to a court in Barlad, Romania, in March to overturn a death certificate that his wife had obtained after not hearing from him for more than a decade. According to The Guardian, Reliu left Romania for Turkey in 1992 to look for employment, but neglected to keep in touch with his family. In 2003, Reliu's wife, believing he had died in an earthquake in Turkey, argued in court for a death certificate, which didn't come to light until Reliu was deported back to Romania because of expired papers in Turkey. Upon his arrival, immigration officers explained to Reliu that he had died in 2003. His appeal failed, as the court maintained he was too late, and the ruling is final, leaving Reliu in an odd state of limbo. "I am officially dead, although I'm alive," Reliu told Romanian media outlets. "I have no income and because I am listed dead, I can't do anything." [The Guardian, 3/16/2018]

Divine Intervention

-- In a recent interview on "60 Minutes Overtime," Oprah Winfrey said that if God wanted her to run for president, "wouldn't God kind of tell me?" Oprah may have gotten her answer in the form of a letter from Jesus Christ, an 83-year-old North Waterboro, Maine, woman who started a letter-writing campaign 50 years ago to spread a message of faith and peace -- around the same time that she changed her name. WGME-TV reported that Christ sent her letter to Winfrey on March 9, without knowledge of the media speculation, or Winfrey's wish for a heavenly sign, regarding her running for president. Christ said she sent the letter because she likes Winfrey, but "If she does (run), I'll vote for her -- that's for sure." [WGME, 3/15/2018]

-- Destiny Church in Columbia, Maryland, tried a novel approach to attract new members to its congregation. On March 4, the church gave away five used cars to "demonstrate God's unbelievable, no-strings-attached goodness," according to The Washington Post. The idea was hatched to increase attendance at the church's new location after several years meeting in a high school auditorium. "Who doesn't need a new car?" asked Sandy Dobson, who came with her son. "Different people have different things that bring them to Christ, to church. It doesn't always have to be traditional methods." Pastor Stephen Chandler added that Jesus himself taught that giveaways are guaranteed to draw a crowd: The biggest gatherings Christ preached to came on the two times he distributed free loaves and fishes. [Washington Post, 3/4/2018]

Animals With Issues

Louis, an 18-year-old male gorilla at the Philadelphia Zoo, appears to be something of a germophobe, according to the Associated Press. When he is carrying food, 6-foot-tall Louis walks on his hind legs, like a human, rather than leaning forward on his front knuckles, as gorillas usually do. Zoo curator Michael Stern says workers installed a fire hose over a mud puddle in Louis' yard, which he crosses like a tightrope to avoid getting his feet dirty. Stern says in the wild, gorillas may stand up on their hind feet to reach food or wade in a swamp, but only for a few seconds. [The Associated Press, 3/16/2018]

Restoring Faith in Humanity

The Rev. Alex Santora of Our Lady of Grace Church in Hoboken, New Jersey, called local police on March 14 when a suspicious package was delivered to the house of worship. But after officers from the Hoboken Police Department declared it to be safe, church staff found a surprising delivery inside: a baby Jesus statue that had been stolen from the church's Nativity scene about 90 years ago. WPIX-TV reported that an unsigned note inside the package explained: The statue was stolen when the note-writer's mother was a young girl, and it became a sort of heirloom in her family. When she died, it was passed on to the note-writer, who thought it should be returned. [WPIX-TV, 3/16/2018]

Ewwwww!

Ravenna, Ohio, resident Nickolette Botsford was startled by what felt like an extra-hard cashew as she enjoyed some Planters nuts in early March. As she drove, she handed the object to her mom, who turned on the interior light in the car and realized it was a human tooth -- with dried blood on it. "I got very upset, I was crying, I threw up two or three times," Botsford told WOIO-TV. She went to a hospital, where doctors confirmed it was a human tooth and treated her for exposure to blood or bodily fluids. Botsford called Planters, and parent company Kraft Heinz sent a courier to pick up the tooth for testing. The company said it is investigating its manufacturing process and suppliers. [WOIO, 3/5/2018]

Spooky

A member of the Listowel Paranormal Society in Windsor, Ontario, Canada, was surprised when police arrived at his door on March 13, inquiring about a small black box with a red wire protruding from it that had been left at Mackenzie Hall in Windsor. The Windsor Police Explosives Disposal Unit was called to the hall to investigate the box, but determined it was "safe" and not explosive. Society members had used the box on March 9 at the historic building to sweep for spirits. Jen Parker, assistant director for the society, called the box an EMF (electromagnetic field) sensor and said each team member carries one when they're looking for ghosts. The society's spokesperson also told the CBC that there were strong signs of paranormal activity at the hall, especially in the old jail, dressing room and basement. [CBC, 3/16/2018]

Ferula!

Springville, Utah, resident Tiffany King has weathered devastating health problems. FOX 13 reported that she suffers from a condition for which the medication weakened her immune system. In January, she contracted pneumonia, which led to a blood infection, and complications forced doctors to amputate both her legs and arms. King, who is engaged, hopes to complete therapy and walk down the aisle with prosthetic legs and arms, which is where a unique fundraiser comes in: On March 17, King's friends announced "Phoenix Wing Productions Welcomes Harry Potter to Burlesque," a caricature of the blockbuster movies based on J.K. Rowling's books. All proceeds from the event on April 20 at the Utah Arts Alliance in Salt Lake City will go toward buying King's prosthetic limbs. "I'm going to work hard," King said, "because I have a family I need to get back to." [Fox 13, 3/17/2018]

Least Competent Criminals

Siblings Antoine Dorsey, 23, and Antoinette Dorsey, 27, of St. Louis cooked up a clever scheme to steal a car. The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported that on March 14, the two went to Joe-K Used Cars and asked to test drive a 2012 Dodge Charger. The salesman drove them off the lot, and the Dorseys asked him to drive to their apartment building so they could retrieve their IDs. In the parking lot of the apartment, Antoinette got out of the car, and an unidentified person drove up next to the Charger in a Volvo and got into the Charger, pulling a gun on the salesman and demanding he get out of the car. Then the man with the gun got back into the Volvo and drove away, while Antoine took off in the Charger. However, Antoine crashed and flipped the Charger, then was tracked down by police aided by witnesses to the wreck. Both siblings were charged with first-degree robbery. [St. Louis Post-Dispatch, 3/18/2018]

Wait times at emergency rooms are notoriously long, and Danny Konieczny's experience was no different on March 6 at The Villages Hospital in The Villages, Florida. The Lady Lake resident, 61, was at home earlier in the day when a neighbor called 911 to report Konieczny was drunk and suicidal. According to WOFL TV, first responders took him to the hospital, where he waited for two hours to see a doctor before getting exasperated and stealing an ambulance to drive home. Konieczny parked the ambulance in the driveway of the neighbor he thought had called the police about him, and when Lake County Sheriff's investigators tracked him down, they found Konieczny curled up in the trunk of his own car in his garage. Konieczny was put on no-bond status because he is still on probation from a 2017 drunk driving charge. [FOX5, 3/8/2018]

An Escalating Situation

Things went from bad to worse for 30-year-old Isaac Bonsu on March 6 when he was charged in Alexandria, Virginia, with felony hit-and-run involving an unlikely victim. Fairfax County Police pulled Bonsu over for an equipment violation, but he apparently forgot to put it in "park" before exiting the vehicle. Bonsu can be seen on police dashcam video running in front of the car and then being struck by it. Unhurt, Bonsu jumped up and kept running, but police were able to catch him. The Associated Press reported that Bonsu was charged with driving while intoxicated (his third) and possessing marijuana along with the hit-and-run. [Associated Press, 3/6/2018]

Awesome!

-- Environmentalists decry all the debris washing up on beaches around the world, but a discovery in January near Perth, Australia, has historians thrilled. The Washington Post reported that Tonya Illman and a friend were walking along the beach when she spotted "a lovely old bottle." Inside was a damp note, tied with string. "We took it home and dried it out ... and it was a printed form, in German, with very faint German handwriting on it," she said. Experts at the Western Australia Museum have determined the note was 132 years old -- 24 years older than the previous record for a message in a bottle. The note was dated June 12, 1886, from a ship named Paula. Further study revealed that a German Naval Observatory program was analyzing global ocean currents in the area between 1864 and 1933, and an entry in the Paula's captain's journal made note of the bottle being tossed overboard. Thousands of other bottles were released into the sea as part of the program, and only 662 have been returned. The last one discovered was in January 1934. [The Washington Post, 3/6/2018]

-- It may not be the oldest ever found, but the message in a bottle found by 12-year-old Joseph Vallis of Sandys Parish, Bermuda, certainly traveled an impressive distance -- more than 1,000 miles. The Royal Gazette reported that Vallis and his Warwick Academy class were picking up trash around Bailey's Bay on March 10 when he came across a green bottle with a plastic bag inside. He and his father, Boyd, uncorked the bottle and found a note dated April 2014 that had been set adrift from a French sailing yacht crossing the Atlantic. The note included an email address and invitation to contact the authors, but as of press time, the Vallises were still awaiting a response. [The Royal Gazette, 3/12/2018]

The Stuff of Nightmares

Kayaker Sue Spector, 77, was out for a leisurely paddle on the Braden River in Florida with her husband and friends on March 4 when someone remarked, "Oh look, there's an otter." No sooner had the words been spoken than the mammal with a playful reputation jumped onto Spector in her kayak and began clawing and scratching her arms, nose and ear. "He wouldn't let go and I kept screaming. I kept beating him with a paddle," Spector told FOX13 News. She later required stitches, antibiotics and rabies treatment. It was the second otter attack in two days, and Florida Fish and Wildlife has now posted signs about the "aggressive otter" near the area. [FOX13 News, 3/6/2018]

The Litigious Society

Neldin Molina of Denver is dragging Hamburger Mary's restaurant in Tampa, Florida, to court with a $1.5 million lawsuit alleging she was injured there by a drag queen's breasts. According to WESH TV, Molina was visiting the restaurant in May 2015 with friends and family when a drag show began. Molina said drag queen Amanda D'Hod pointed at her and began to approach her, but Molina turned her back to signal she didn't want to participate in the show. The suit, filed in early March, alleges that D'Hod then walked in front of Molina, grabbed her head and shook it, pounding it violently against the performer's fake breasts. The complaint said Molina began to experience headaches and neck pain and later went to the emergency room at Memorial Hospital of Tampa. The lawsuit also notes the restaurant failed to notify patrons of possible danger from the drag show. [WESH-TV, 3/9/2018]

Oops!

The Carelse family of Lakewood, Colorado, picked up some groceries at the Walmart in Littleton on March 5, including a box of Quaker 100 Percent Natural Granola with oats, honey and raisins. When they sat down for breakfast the next morning, they told KMGH TV, Anthea Carelse noticed that the "best by" date on the box was Feb. 22, 1997 -- more than 21 years ago. Her husband, Josiah, ate his full bowl and didn't suffer any unpleasant consequences, but Anthea stopped after two bites. Josiah planned to return the box to Walmart. [KMGH TV, 3/7/2018]

Toot Your Own Horn

March 3 was a big day in Key West, Florida, as competitors sounded off in the 56th Annual Conch Shell Blowing Contest. For 70-year-old Mary Lou Smith of Panama City Beach, winning the women's division was topped only by a marriage proposal (which she accepted with a hearty honk from her shell) from fellow competitor Rick Race, 73, also of Panama City Beach. The Guardian reports that the large shells were used in the 19th century by seafarers as signaling devices, and dozens of entrants show off their skills each year at Key West's Oldest House Museum. [The Guardian, 3/6/2018]

Least Competent Criminal

On March 12 in Northumberland, England, a car thief making a getaway in a Mini Cooper S discovered the small car was not small enough to navigate a narrow stone staircase in Carlisle Park. Northumbria police were called to the park around 11:30 p.m. where they found the car and its unnamed 31-year-old driver both wedged tightly between the staircase walls. Area residents speculated to Metro News that the driver might have been trying to re-enact a scene from "The Italian Job," a 1969 movie. "I'm sure the older Minis would have got down no problem," said Chris Stoker. [Metro News, 3/13/2018]

Wait, What?

An unnamed Russian woman stunned tourists and onlookers March 10 when she walked into the Red Sea and, with the help of a doctor and her partner, gave birth. From the balcony of her uncle's apartment in Dahab, Egypt, Hadia Hosny El Said photographed the events, as the doctor carried the newborn and its father walked alongside with the still-attached placenta in a plastic bowl. After a few minutes, the mother emerged from the sea to join her family, including a toddler, on the beach. El Said told The Daily Mail the doctor is Russian and specializes in water births. [The Daily Mail, 3/13/2018]

A co-ed dormitory at Hunter College in New York City has become the site of a dispute between the college and 32-year-old Lisa S. Palmer, who won't vacate her dorm room despite having discontinued her classes in 2016. Palmer, who works for an architecture firm, has "racked up a staggering $94,000 in unpaid residence hall charges," a lawsuit filed in Manhattan Supreme Court noted. The New York Post reported on Feb. 28 that in June 2016 and fall 2017, she received eviction notices, but she won't budge. Palmer admitted that dorm life is "really lonely. I feel very isolated." Palmer was moved into a wing of the dorm that's occupied only by a middle-aged nurse, whom the college is also trying to evict. In fact, Hunter is working on removing nine nurses, who were given rooms in the building when it was owned by Bellevue Hospital. [New York Post, 2/28/2018]

Only in Texas

Ana Lisa Garza, a Starr County district judge in south Texas, is running for a state House seat in District 31. Garza has received almost $90,000 in contributions to her campaign, but more than $50,000 of that has been in a most unusual currency: deer semen. Deer breeder Fred Gonzalez, treasurer of the Texas Deer Association, said breeders often donate semen "straws" instead of money: "Semen is a very common way for us to donate. One collection on a buck could lead to 60 straws sometimes. If you have a desirable animal, it's a way to bring value without breaking the bank." A campaign finance report valued each straw donated at $1,000. Gonzalez told the Dallas Morning News that the semen donated for Garza's campaign went into a tank sold in one lot, the proceeds of which will go to the campaign. [Dallas Morning News, 3/2/2018]

Oops

-- Kenny Bachman, 21, had a rude awakening when he racked up a $1,636 Uber fare on Feb. 23 following a night of partying with high school friends in Morgantown, West Virginia. The Charlotte Observer reported that Bachman and the friend he planned on staying with stopped at a convenience store during the evening. The friend told Bachman to wait outside as he went into the store, but Bachman was gone when the friend emerged. He had summoned an Uber to take him home -- to Gloucester County, New Jersey. Bachman was passed out for most of the nearly 300-mile trip, which was subject to surge pricing, doubling the fare. Bachman challenged the charge but ended up paying the full fare; "I feel like there's very little I could have done to reverse it," he said. [Charlotte Observer, 2/28/2016]

-- Miami resident Luce Rameau didn't know what hit her on Feb. 28 as she lay in bed, talking on the phone. She thought a bomb had gone off as wood and debris fell on her bed. "I kept screaming, 'What happened? What happened?'" Rameau told the Miami Herald. It wasn't a bomb; an 80-pound inflatable raft had crashed through her roof after becoming untethered from a Royal Canadian Air Force search-and-rescue helicopter that had been conducting an offshore training exercise nearby. David Lavallee, a spokesman for the RCAF, said the accident is being investigated and the air force intends to help "the resident with accommodations and other support." Rameau suffered only minor injuries. [Miami Herald, 2/28/2018]

Least Competent Criminals

-- Caught red-handed: Leahman G.R. Potter, 48, neglected to conceal the evidence after he stole a pot of meatballs from a neighbor's garage in Hazle Township in Pennsylvania. The meatball owner returned home Feb. 26 to find Potter outside his garage, covered in red sauce, and his meatball pot missing, according to United Press International. When Pennsylvania State Police arrived shortly afterward, they found the pot in the street and Potter at his home, where he was charged with burglary, trespass and theft. [United Press International, 2/28/2018]

-- KTAR News in Phoenix reported that Peoria Police Department officers were called to a gas station Feb. 23 in response to a shoplifting. When they arrived, suspects Marwan Al Ebadi, 28, and Salma Hourieh, 29, set off on foot before hopping over a fence -- directly into a secured parking lot of the Peoria Police Department. Hourieh tried to hide beneath a bench outside the station, while Al Ebadi jumped back over the fence and was stopped in the street. Both were arrested and charged with shoplifting. "You should never run from the police," said police spokesman Brandon Sheffert, "and if you do, do not run into a secure parking lot of a police station." [KTAR, 2/28/2018]

Awesome!

Name recognition won't be a problem for the Libertarian Party challenger for eastern Arkansas' 1st Congressional District seat: Elvis D. Presley. The Associated Press reported that the King impersonator from Star City, Arkansas, who legally changed his name to match the rock 'n' roll icon's (although the "real" Elvis' middle initial was A), filed campaign paperwork on Feb. 26. Presley works as an auto refinish technician at Camp's Custom Paint in Star City, but his political ambitions aren't new: He's also run for governor, land commissioner and state legislature. [AP via KFSM-TV, 2/26/2018]

If It Ain't Broke ...

Republican State Sen. John Ruckelshaus of Indianapolis is the proud sponsor of a new measure in Indiana that bans eyeball tattooing. According to the proposed law, passed by both the Senate and the House, tattooists would be prohibited from coloring the whites of a customer's eyes, with a fine of up to $10,000 per violation. The Associated Press reported that Sen. Ruckelshaus admitted he's not aware of any problems with eyeball-tattooing in Indiana. The legislation was on Gov. Eric Holcomb's desk for his signature on March 1. [The Associated Press, 3/1/2018]

Unclear on the Concept

Even before it opened last year, Apple's spaceship building in Cupertino, California, presented a transparency problem: Its glass walls couldn't be distinguished from its glass doors, and since moving in on Jan. 2, several workers have been injured after walking into them. The San Francisco Chronicle reported three people suffered head injuries severe enough to summon emergency responders. Apple's vice president of real estate and development, Dan Whisenhunt, told the local Rotary Club in January there hadn't been any problems with birds flying into the glass. "Now the humans on the inside, that's a different story," he said. "That's a problem we are working on right now." Architects have added black rectangular stickers to the glass panes, which seem to be helping. [San Francisco Chronicle, 3/2/2018]

Last Chapter

Houston detectives were finally able to close a case in January that had been vexing them for 30 months. Mary Stewart Cerruti, 61, the last holdout in a neighborhood being bought up for redevelopment, was reported missing in August 2015 by a friend, who described her as shy and frail, the Houston Chronicle detailed. However, police had no leads, and her home was foreclosed on after payments stopped. Eventually, the home was cleaned out and sold, and new renters moved in. On March 4, 2017, a 911 call reported a human skeleton "between two of the walls" in the home. When police arrived, they found a hole in the attic floorboards and down below were the bones, clothing and shoes that had been discovered' an investigation found no evidence of foul play. On Jan. 23, the Harris County Institute of Forensic Sciences confirmed the remains were those of Cerruti. [Houston Chronicle, 1/237/2018]

Full Disclosure

Linda Fein and her husband thought they had found their dream home in Paradise Valley, near Phoenix. They offered $1.8 million for the house and 1.3-acre lot, but then found out the house belonged to Kevin and Sandra Otterson and was the setting for their pornography website, Wifey's World, founded in 1998. "I just can't make Thanksgiving dinner on counters where a porn star has been lounging around," Fein told the Arizona Republic. In late February, the couple rescinded their offer on the four-bedroom home. "I certainly believe there are people out there who wouldn't care about the house being used for those purposes," Fein explained. "I'm just not one of them." [Arizona Republic, 3/1/2018]