Police in Mainz, Germany, responded to an apartment building after cries were heard from within one unit early on Feb. 17, The Associated Press reported. When they arrived, officers found two men, the 58-year-old tenant and a 61-year-old visitor, "hopelessly locked up" with a mannequin dressed as a knight and a large remote-controlled car. The men were too drunk to explain how they had become entangled, and one officer remarked that "the whole thing would have remained a funny episode" if the younger man had not become "more than impolite." He now faces a charge of insulting officers. [Associated Press via The New York Times, 2/17/2018]

People Different From Us

Metro News reported on Feb. 20 that travelers "remained silent" for 20 minutes while a fellow passenger on a Ural Airlines flight from Antalya, Turkey, to Moscow used the air vent above her seat to dry a pair of underwear. Witnesses reported that the woman showed no shame and that "everybody was looking with interest and confusion." Debate raged later, however, after video of the woman was posted online, with one commenter speculating that "maybe the takeoff was sort of extreme, so now she has to dry those." [Metro News, 2/20/2018]

Least Competent Criminals

-- Shanghai, China, police posted a video on social media of two men trying to break into a business on Feb. 14 by using bricks to shatter the glass storefront. But as United Press International reported, when Suspect A's brick bounced off the glass, he bent to retrieve it and ended up squarely in the path of Suspect B's brick, which struck him in the head and apparently knocked him out. In the video, Suspect B can be seen dragging Suspect A away from the store. Police remarked: "If all burglars were like this, we wouldn't need to work overtime." [United Press International, 2/19/2018]

-- A drug smuggler from Brazil apparently didn't know he was under investigation by the National Anti-Narcotics Trafficking Unit in Portugal when he arrived on a flight Feb. 12 wearing a set of false butt cheeks, filled with 2.2 pounds of cocaine, reported United Press International. The 32-year-old unidentified man was detained at the Tax and Customs Authority and searched, where his unusual derriere aroused suspicion. An accomplice, waiting for him at a Lisbon train station, was also arrested and charged with drug trafficking. [United Press International, 2/14/2018]

The Litigious Society

Crestline, California, resident Claudia Ackley, 46, has teamed with "Discovering Bigfoot" filmmaker Todd Standing to sue the state of California, requesting on Jan. 18 that state agencies acknowledge the existence of a Sasquatch species. Ackley and her daughters, 11 and 14, say they were hiking a trail at Lake Arrowhead in March 2017 when they spotted a large figure braced in a pine tree. "I ran into a Sasquatch -- a Bigfoot. We were face to face," Ackley told the San Bernardino Sun. Forest rangers insisted at the time that Ackley and her daughters had seen a bear, and Ackley fears that by not acknowledging the presence of the legendary creatures, the state is putting the public at risk. "People have to be warned about these things," she said. "They are big."

[San Bernardino Sun, 2/14/2018]

Inexplicable

Firefighter Constantinos "Danny" Filippidis, 49, from Toronto, was the subject of a weeklong search by more than 250 people using drones, dogs and helicopters starting Feb. 7, when he disappeared from Whiteface Mountain ski resort in New York's Adirondacks. When he finally turned up in California at the Sacramento International Airport on Feb. 13, he was still dressed in his ski pants and ski boots, and he still had his helmet, along with a new iPhone and a recent haircut. But, according to the Syracuse Post-Standard, Filippidis couldn't tell officers anything about how he had traveled across the country, other than he rode in a "big-rig-style truck" and "slept a lot." The truck dropped him off in downtown Sacramento, but he was unable to explain how he got to the airport. He was taken to an area hospital. [The Syracuse Post-Standard, 2/14/2018]

Compelling Explanation

A woman claiming to be on a mission from God led a Kentucky State Police trooper on a chase at speeds up to 120 mph on Feb. 10, stopping only when another trooper pulled in front of her car. According to the Elizabethtown (Kentucky) News-Enterprise, Connie Lynn Allen, 52, of Goodlettsville, Tennessee, told officers that she was Mother Mary, en route to pick up Baby Jesus, and that God had given her permission to speed. She also said that she had died six years ago. She was charged with several offenses and is being held in Hardin County. [News-Enterprise, 2/12/2018]

Awesome!

Staffers at a Bangor, Maine, day care called Watch Me Shine were happy to receive Valentine's cookies made by a parent -- until those who ate them started to feel high. "Within 15 minutes, teachers were reporting they had concerns about those cookies," Tiffany Nowicki, director of the center, told the Bangor Daily News. About 12 staff members felt the effects of the treats, which were confiscated by the police and are being tested. "If they find something that shouldn't be in those cookies," Nowicki said, "that's a big problem and we'll make sure it's addressed." The day care has instituted a new policy that no outside food can be brought in for the children or staff. [Bangor Daily News, 2/16/2018]

The Continuing Crisis

Donna Walker of Linthwaite, England, just wanted a nice night out to celebrate her 50th birthday; she wasn't anticipating a trip to the emergency room. Walker, along with her husband, Carlton, 45, and their two sons, was waiting for takeout food at the Atlantis restaurant in Holmfirth, West Yorkshire, early on Feb. 18 when a brawl broke out. The Walkers don't know what started the fight, but Carlton told Metro News: "When the fight spilled out of the takeaway, I said to Donna to stay inside. When I turned round my wife was at the doorway being attacked and was covered in blood. My son was being strangled." Donna sustained a 2-inch gash on her forehead and was bitten on the arm by the young woman who attacked her, calling for a tetanus shot and antibiotics. "I wiped my eye and saw all the blood," Donna said. "I had no idea I had been struck." Police were still looking for the attackers at press time. [Metro News, 2/19/2018]

Weird History

Union College in Schenectady, New York, excitedly announced on Feb. 13 that a librarian flipping through the brown pages of a 1793 almanac found a real historical treasure: a lock of President George Washington's hair. Librarian John Myers came upon an envelope with "Washington's hair" written in script on it, and inside, tied with a thread, were several strands of grayish hair. Keith Beutler, associate professor of history at Missouri Baptist University and the author of a book called "Washington's Hair," told The New York Times that in Washington's day, it was not uncommon to exchange locks of hair as remembrances. "Exchanging locks of hair were like the selfies of the day," Beutler said. Experts are examining the almanac and its provenance to determine whether the hair likely belongs to our first president, but in the meantime, college officials are learning how to preserve it. [The New York Times, 2/18/2018]

Animal Antics

At 10 Downing Street in London, Larry the cat is an institution, charged with chasing away mice and offering pet therapy to any willing caressers. Meanwhile, at the Foreign Office, Palmerston the cat serves the same purpose. But Larry and Palmerston have a long-running feud, according to The Telegraph, and on Feb. 16, they went at it again. Jezebel reported that fur was ripped and a collar torn off as the two cats duked it out in the street. Nick Dixon of "Good Morning Britain" said it appeared that Palmerston won this round: "Palmerston seemed to strut out of Downing Street. Larry seemed a bit dazed and confused after the fight." [Jezebel, 2/16/2018]

A North Little Rock, Arkansas, law firm celebrated Valentine's Day in an unconventional way: Wilson & Haubert, PLLC hosted a contest to win a free divorce (a $985 value). "Are you ready to call it quits?" the firm's Facebook post asked. "Do you know someone that is?" Firm co-founder Brandon Haubert told WIS-TV that the firm had received more than 40 entries in the first day it was offered. [WIS-TV, 2/8/2018]

Ewwwww!

About a week after an 11-year-old boy scraped his elbow while playing in a tidal pool on a California beach, pediatricians treating him for the resulting abscess removed a small, hard object and were surprised to discover a live checkered periwinkle marine snail, according to United Press International. Dr. Albert Khait and his colleagues at Loma Linda University wrote in BMJ Case Reports that a snail's egg had apparently become embedded in the boy's skin when he scraped it. The mollusk later hatched inside the abscess. Dr. Khait said the boy took the snail home as a pet, but it did not survive living outside its former home. [United Press International, 2/12/2018]

Blimey!

Michelle Myers of Buckeye, Arizona, suffers from blinding headaches, but it's what happens afterward that until recently had doctors stumped. Myers, who has never been out of the United States, has awakened from her headaches three times in the last seven years with a different foreign accent. The first time it was Irish; the second was Australian, and both lasted only about a week. But Myers' most recent event, which was two years ago, left her with a British accent that she still has. Doctors have diagnosed her with Foreign Accent Syndrome, a rare condition that usually accompanies a neurological event such as a stroke. Myers told ABC-15 that the loss of her normal accent makes her sad: "I feel like a different person. Everybody only sees or hears Mary Poppins." [ABC-15, 2/12/2018]

New World Order

A new golf course at The Retreat & Links at Silvies Valley Ranch in Seneca, Oregon, will take "the golf experience ... to a new level" in 2018, owner Scott Campbell announced in early February to the website Golf WRX. This summer, golfers will be offered goat caddies to carry clubs, drinks, balls and tees on the resort's short seven-hole challenge course, McVeigh's Gauntlet. "We've been developing an unprecedented caddie training program with our head caddie, Bruce LeGoat," Campbell went on, adding that the professionally trained American Range goats will "work for peanuts." (Rim shot.) [Golf WRX, 2/7/2018]

Update

News of the Weird reported in September on the giant "fatberg" lodged in the sewer system beneath the streets of London. The huge glob of oil, fat, diapers and baby wipes was finally blasted out after nine weeks of work. On Feb. 8, the Museum of London put on display a shoebox-sized chunk of the fatberg, the consistency of which is described by curator Vyki Sparkes as being something like Parmesan cheese crossed with moon rock. "It's disgusting and fascinating," she told the Associated Press. The mini-fatberg is enclosed within three nested transparent boxes to protect visitors from potentially deadly bacteria, the terrible smell -- and the tiny flies that swarm around it. The museum is also selling fatberg fudge and T-shirts in conjunction with the exhibit, which continues until July 1. [Associated Press, 2/8/2018]

Mail Call

The Federal Agency for Environmental Protection in Mexico is investigating a Feb. 7 attempt to express-mail a Bengal tiger cub from Jalisco to Queretaro, reported WDBJ-TV. The cub had been sedated and packed into a plastic container; a dog sniffing for contraband detected it. Wildlife agents said the cub was underweight and dehydrated but otherwise healthy, and its papers were in order. However, because mailing it was considered mistreatment, it was relocated to a wildlife protection center. [WDBJ-TV, 2/9/2018]

Why Not?

Terran Woolley of Hutchinson, Kansas, got a bright idea after he read the bylaws and requirements to become the state's governor. "I was reading some stories about the young teenagers that were entering the governor's race ... and I thought, 'I wonder if ... Angus could run,'" Woolley explained to KWCH-TV. Angus is Woolley's wirehaired vizsla, a four-legged, furry friend of the people who Woolley said would promise soft couches and a "completely anti-squirrel agenda" if elected. Alas, on Feb. 12, the Kansas secretary of state's office dashed Angus' dreams when it declared that despite the fact that there are no specific restrictions against a dog being governor, Angus would be unable to carry out the responsibilities of the office. [KWCH-TV, 2/12/2018]

Least Competent Criminals

-- Kenneth R. Shutes Jr. of New Richmond, Wisconsin, bolted from a midnight traffic stop on Feb. 6, but he didn't make it far before having to call 911 for help. The Twin Cities Pioneer Press reported that Shutes got stuck in a frozen swamp in rural Star Prairie and, after about an hour, became unable to walk as temperatures dipped to minus 8 degrees. Fire and rescue workers removed Shutes from the wooded area, and he was later charged in St. Croix County Circuit Court for failing to obey an officer, marijuana possession and obstructing an officer. Shutes told a deputy he "needed an incident like this because he was making poor decisions in his life." [Twin Cities Pioneer Press, 2/13/2018]

-- Marion County (Florida) sheriff's officials were surprised to get a text from David W. Romig, 52, on Jan. 30 about a murder scene at his home in Dunnellon. The Ocala Star Banner reported that detectives were called to the home after Romig reported an intruder had killed his girlfriend, 64-year-old Sally Kaufmann-Ruff. Some of the evidence they found didn't match Romig's story, and their suspicions were confirmed later in the day when Romig texted a detective, saying, "I think they are going to arrest me" -- a text he meant to send to his wife. On Feb. 12, Romig admitted he may have killed Kaufmann-Ruff. He was charged with homicide, making a false report and tampering with evidence. [Ocala Star Banner, 2/14/2018]

Freak Animal Accident

A helicopter crew contracted by the Utah Division of Wildlife Resources in Wasatch County to track and capture an elk hit a snag of sorts on Feb. 12, according to KUTV. As the crew lowered the aircraft to less than 10 feet above the ground to cast a net over the elk, the animal jumped and hit the tail rotor of the helicopter, causing it to crash. Mike Hadley with DWR said helicopters are used to "capture and collar hundreds of animals every winter and we've never had this happen before." The two crewmen walked away with just scratches and bruises, but the elk was killed. [KUTV, 2/12/2018]

The Stuff of Nightmares

Frank Lyko is a biologist at the German Cancer Research Center in Heidelberg with a narrow field of study: the marbled crayfish. But as Dr. Lyko and his colleagues report in a study published Feb. 5, there's more to the 6-inch crustacean than meets the eye. Until about 25 years ago, this species didn't exist, The New York Times explains. One single, drastic mutation created a whole new species of crayfish -- one that could clone itself. Since then, it has spread across Europe and to other continents and threatened native varieties. The eggs of the crayfish all produce females, which do not need to mate to produce more eggs. Dr. Lyko's DNA research offers new insights into why most animals have sex, because there are so few examples of sex-free species (they don't last long). He admits that the marbled crayfish may last only 100,000 years. "That would be a long time for me personally, but in evolution it would just be a blip on the radar," he said. [The New York Times, 2/5/2018]

A Canada goose got its final revenge on Feb. 1 when, after being shot out of the sky by a hunter in Easton, Maryland, it struck Robert Meilhammer, 51, of Crapo, Maryland, seriously injuring the waterfowler. NPR reported that Meilhammer was hunting with a group when one of the large geese flying overhead was killed and fell about 90 feet, landing on Meilhammer's head and knocking him out. It also dislodged two of Meilhammer's teeth. Adult Canada geese weigh about 12 to 14 pounds and can have a wingspan of 6 feet. At press time, Meilhammer was in stable condition after being airlifted to a hospital. [NPR, 2/4/2018]

Crime Report

-- When the city gets to be too much for Jo and Lonnie Harrison of Houston, they escape to their pre-fab vacation cabin, nestled on a 10-acre plot in Madisonville, Texas. Having last visited the property in November, Lonnie set out on Feb. 2 to check on it. But when he arrived, he told KTRK-TV, "I didn't see the house. All I saw were blocks and pipes sticking out. The whole house gone." Sgt. Larry Shiver of the Madison County Sheriff's Department later said, "I've never had a house reported stolen in my career yet." (Update: The house was found a few days later, having been repossessed from the previous owner.) [KTRK-TV, 2/5/2018]

-- Aaron Meininger, 29, of Hernando Beach, Florida, was arrested on Feb. 2 after Hernando County deputies caught him stealing items from the Demarco Family Funeral Home in Spring Hill. When officers arrived, Meininger was carrying a tub of formaldehyde out of the building. They also found makeup, nail polish, electric clippers, soap and other items used in funeral preparation in Meininger's car. Curiously, the Tampa Bay Times reported, Meininger told deputies that he was "bored" and "messed up" and didn't even know what kind of business he was burgling. He said he probably would have just thrown the stolen items away. [Tampa Bay Times, 2/2/2018]

Inexplicable

SOMEBODY in Muskegon, Michigan, didn't want the Philadelphia Eagles to win Super Bowl LII. Immediately following the Eagles' victory over the New England Patriots on Feb. 4, Subaru of Muskegon ran an ad on local NBC affiliate WOOD-TV that featured 30 seconds of silence and a written message: "Congratulations Patriots!" WOOD-TV reported via Twitter that the business had submitted only one version of the ad and had specified that it run regardless of the game's outcome. [United Press International, 2/5/2018]

Precocious

When a Texas stripper arrived at her 11:30 a.m. gig on Feb. 1, she smelled a rat: Her destination turned out to be Noel Grisham Middle School in Round Rock, Texas. Rather than going inside, the performer called the school and reported a prank. Jenny LaCoste-Caputo, a district spokesperson, told the Austin American-Statesman the student jokester had used his cellphone to order the stripper and paid for it with his parents' credit card. He is now facing disciplinary action. [2/1/2018]

The Entrepreneurial Spirit

-- Houston Realtor Nicole Lopez is sporting a new nickname these days: The Taco Lady. Since late 2017, Lopez has incorporated a novel incentive for buyers of homes she's listed: $250 in free tacos with the purchase of a home. "Let's be honest, everyone in Texas loves tacos," Lopez told KHOU-TV. "And so, it's really been this 'taco the town,'" she laughed. Lopez cited as proof of her success a $170,000 home that's under contract "and they are super excited for their taco party at the end of this month." [KHOU, 1/29/2018]

-- Prason Sukkorn, owner of Coffee on the Day in Chonburi, Thailand, had his marketing idea laid bare after he posted "obscene materials" online -- photos and videos of model/barista Arisa Suwannawong, 22, wearing nothing but an apron while drawing shots and serving customers. Suwannawong, who goes by the nickname "Jaenae with the big boobs," glances down at her breasts in the video while gushing, "The coffee is so good, they use plenty of milk." Police commander Thanachai Usakit from the Sattahip district station told Metro News that Sukkorn "didn't realize it would break the law, because the model in the photos wasn't fully naked." Nevertheless, the owner faces three to five years in jail or a fine of 100,000 Thai baht, or about $3,200. [Metro News, 2/5/2018]

News That Sounds Like a Joke

Staff at an internet cafe in Jiaxing, Zhejiang Province, China, had to call paramedics on Jan. 28 when a gamer lost all feeling in his lower limbs after playing the same game for more than 20 hours straight. Newsweek reported that the unnamed man didn't realize he had become paralyzed until he tried to use the restroom and couldn't move his legs. As he was being carried out on a stretcher, he was heard begging his friends to finish the game for him. [Newsweek, 2/1/2018]

Wrong Place, Wrong Time

A parking lot in Augusta, Georgia, became the scene of a nightmare for an unsuspecting motorcyclist and his 1982 Honda bike on Jan. 31. On his way to exchange some shirts at Target in the Augusta Exchange shopping center, Don Merritt told WJBF-TV, "I was going to go around the back to avoid the speed bumps," but when he did, he and his bike fell into a sinkhole. Firefighters were called to rescue Merritt, who suffered a skull fracture and a loose tooth as a result of the 15-foot fall. The bike was totaled. "It's not good customer relations," Merritt said about the sinkhole. The center property manager reportedly is fixing the hole. [NewsChannel 6, 2/2/2018]

Smooth Reactions

Sonny Donnie Smith, 38, of Clackamas, Oregon, was feeling snubbed in September 2016 when both his father and his brother were invited to a family wedding, but Sonny wasn't. As a perfectly reasonable revenge, Sonny made anonymous phone calls to McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas and the Midland International Air and Space Port in Midland, Texas, claiming that his father and brother were terrorists and would be traveling through the airports. An FBI investigation revealed no terrorist threats, and after interviewing the father and brother, they were both released. On Feb. 1, Sonny Smith pleaded guilty to making the calls, according to The Oregonian, and will be sentenced on May 10. [The Oregonian, 2/1/2018]

Redneck Chronicles

Cheryl Merrill, 60, of Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida, was arguing with her boyfriend of five years about who would win Super Bowl LII on Feb. 4 and became so enraged shortly after kickoff that she picked up a wooden shelf and threw it at him. St. Johns County sheriff's deputies were called and found Merrill "extremely intoxicated," according to reporting by WJAX-TV. Merrill was charged with aggravated battery and taken to the St. Johns County Jail. Her boyfriend was unable to sign an affidavit because of the hand injury he sustained in the assault. [FOX 30, 2/5/2018]

False Alarm

A Scottish farmer called Police Scotland after spotting what he believed to be a tiger in his cow shed near Peterhead in Aberdeenshire on Feb. 3. An armed response team scrambled to the farm and within 45 minutes, established that the fierce big cat was in fact a large cuddly toy. "Any call reporting a potential danger to the public has to be taken seriously," Peterhead Inspector George Cordiner told Metro News. "Until you know exactly what you are dealing with, every option has to be considered." [Metro News, 2/6/2018]

Awesome!

Undoubtedly, many records will be set during the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea. But before the events even began, one Winter Games record was in the books: Organizers distributed 110,000 condoms to the 2,925 athletes -- about 37 condoms per competitor. "We hope to aid the athletes visiting from various countries to complete their events successfully and safely," said a spokesperson for Convenience, the South Korea condom manufacturer that supplied most of the prophylactics. The Korea Biomedical Review reported on Feb. 1 that finely conditioned athletes have been notoriously "sexually unrestrained" before, during and after Olympics contests. Free condom distribution began in 1988 when 8,500 were handed out during the Seoul Olympics. [Korea Biomedical Review, 2/1/2018]