A North Little Rock, Arkansas, law firm celebrated Valentine's Day in an unconventional way: Wilson & Haubert, PLLC hosted a contest to win a free divorce (a $985 value). "Are you ready to call it quits?" the firm's Facebook post asked. "Do you know someone that is?" Firm co-founder Brandon Haubert told WIS-TV that the firm had received more than 40 entries in the first day it was offered. [WIS-TV, 2/8/2018]

Ewwwww!

About a week after an 11-year-old boy scraped his elbow while playing in a tidal pool on a California beach, pediatricians treating him for the resulting abscess removed a small, hard object and were surprised to discover a live checkered periwinkle marine snail, according to United Press International. Dr. Albert Khait and his colleagues at Loma Linda University wrote in BMJ Case Reports that a snail's egg had apparently become embedded in the boy's skin when he scraped it. The mollusk later hatched inside the abscess. Dr. Khait said the boy took the snail home as a pet, but it did not survive living outside its former home. [United Press International, 2/12/2018]

Blimey!

Michelle Myers of Buckeye, Arizona, suffers from blinding headaches, but it's what happens afterward that until recently had doctors stumped. Myers, who has never been out of the United States, has awakened from her headaches three times in the last seven years with a different foreign accent. The first time it was Irish; the second was Australian, and both lasted only about a week. But Myers' most recent event, which was two years ago, left her with a British accent that she still has. Doctors have diagnosed her with Foreign Accent Syndrome, a rare condition that usually accompanies a neurological event such as a stroke. Myers told ABC-15 that the loss of her normal accent makes her sad: "I feel like a different person. Everybody only sees or hears Mary Poppins." [ABC-15, 2/12/2018]

New World Order

A new golf course at The Retreat & Links at Silvies Valley Ranch in Seneca, Oregon, will take "the golf experience ... to a new level" in 2018, owner Scott Campbell announced in early February to the website Golf WRX. This summer, golfers will be offered goat caddies to carry clubs, drinks, balls and tees on the resort's short seven-hole challenge course, McVeigh's Gauntlet. "We've been developing an unprecedented caddie training program with our head caddie, Bruce LeGoat," Campbell went on, adding that the professionally trained American Range goats will "work for peanuts." (Rim shot.) [Golf WRX, 2/7/2018]

Update

News of the Weird reported in September on the giant "fatberg" lodged in the sewer system beneath the streets of London. The huge glob of oil, fat, diapers and baby wipes was finally blasted out after nine weeks of work. On Feb. 8, the Museum of London put on display a shoebox-sized chunk of the fatberg, the consistency of which is described by curator Vyki Sparkes as being something like Parmesan cheese crossed with moon rock. "It's disgusting and fascinating," she told the Associated Press. The mini-fatberg is enclosed within three nested transparent boxes to protect visitors from potentially deadly bacteria, the terrible smell -- and the tiny flies that swarm around it. The museum is also selling fatberg fudge and T-shirts in conjunction with the exhibit, which continues until July 1. [Associated Press, 2/8/2018]

Mail Call

The Federal Agency for Environmental Protection in Mexico is investigating a Feb. 7 attempt to express-mail a Bengal tiger cub from Jalisco to Queretaro, reported WDBJ-TV. The cub had been sedated and packed into a plastic container; a dog sniffing for contraband detected it. Wildlife agents said the cub was underweight and dehydrated but otherwise healthy, and its papers were in order. However, because mailing it was considered mistreatment, it was relocated to a wildlife protection center. [WDBJ-TV, 2/9/2018]

Why Not?

Terran Woolley of Hutchinson, Kansas, got a bright idea after he read the bylaws and requirements to become the state's governor. "I was reading some stories about the young teenagers that were entering the governor's race ... and I thought, 'I wonder if ... Angus could run,'" Woolley explained to KWCH-TV. Angus is Woolley's wirehaired vizsla, a four-legged, furry friend of the people who Woolley said would promise soft couches and a "completely anti-squirrel agenda" if elected. Alas, on Feb. 12, the Kansas secretary of state's office dashed Angus' dreams when it declared that despite the fact that there are no specific restrictions against a dog being governor, Angus would be unable to carry out the responsibilities of the office. [KWCH-TV, 2/12/2018]

Least Competent Criminals

-- Kenneth R. Shutes Jr. of New Richmond, Wisconsin, bolted from a midnight traffic stop on Feb. 6, but he didn't make it far before having to call 911 for help. The Twin Cities Pioneer Press reported that Shutes got stuck in a frozen swamp in rural Star Prairie and, after about an hour, became unable to walk as temperatures dipped to minus 8 degrees. Fire and rescue workers removed Shutes from the wooded area, and he was later charged in St. Croix County Circuit Court for failing to obey an officer, marijuana possession and obstructing an officer. Shutes told a deputy he "needed an incident like this because he was making poor decisions in his life." [Twin Cities Pioneer Press, 2/13/2018]

-- Marion County (Florida) sheriff's officials were surprised to get a text from David W. Romig, 52, on Jan. 30 about a murder scene at his home in Dunnellon. The Ocala Star Banner reported that detectives were called to the home after Romig reported an intruder had killed his girlfriend, 64-year-old Sally Kaufmann-Ruff. Some of the evidence they found didn't match Romig's story, and their suspicions were confirmed later in the day when Romig texted a detective, saying, "I think they are going to arrest me" -- a text he meant to send to his wife. On Feb. 12, Romig admitted he may have killed Kaufmann-Ruff. He was charged with homicide, making a false report and tampering with evidence. [Ocala Star Banner, 2/14/2018]

Freak Animal Accident

A helicopter crew contracted by the Utah Division of Wildlife Resources in Wasatch County to track and capture an elk hit a snag of sorts on Feb. 12, according to KUTV. As the crew lowered the aircraft to less than 10 feet above the ground to cast a net over the elk, the animal jumped and hit the tail rotor of the helicopter, causing it to crash. Mike Hadley with DWR said helicopters are used to "capture and collar hundreds of animals every winter and we've never had this happen before." The two crewmen walked away with just scratches and bruises, but the elk was killed. [KUTV, 2/12/2018]

The Stuff of Nightmares

Frank Lyko is a biologist at the German Cancer Research Center in Heidelberg with a narrow field of study: the marbled crayfish. But as Dr. Lyko and his colleagues report in a study published Feb. 5, there's more to the 6-inch crustacean than meets the eye. Until about 25 years ago, this species didn't exist, The New York Times explains. One single, drastic mutation created a whole new species of crayfish -- one that could clone itself. Since then, it has spread across Europe and to other continents and threatened native varieties. The eggs of the crayfish all produce females, which do not need to mate to produce more eggs. Dr. Lyko's DNA research offers new insights into why most animals have sex, because there are so few examples of sex-free species (they don't last long). He admits that the marbled crayfish may last only 100,000 years. "That would be a long time for me personally, but in evolution it would just be a blip on the radar," he said. [The New York Times, 2/5/2018]

A Canada goose got its final revenge on Feb. 1 when, after being shot out of the sky by a hunter in Easton, Maryland, it struck Robert Meilhammer, 51, of Crapo, Maryland, seriously injuring the waterfowler. NPR reported that Meilhammer was hunting with a group when one of the large geese flying overhead was killed and fell about 90 feet, landing on Meilhammer's head and knocking him out. It also dislodged two of Meilhammer's teeth. Adult Canada geese weigh about 12 to 14 pounds and can have a wingspan of 6 feet. At press time, Meilhammer was in stable condition after being airlifted to a hospital. [NPR, 2/4/2018]

Crime Report

-- When the city gets to be too much for Jo and Lonnie Harrison of Houston, they escape to their pre-fab vacation cabin, nestled on a 10-acre plot in Madisonville, Texas. Having last visited the property in November, Lonnie set out on Feb. 2 to check on it. But when he arrived, he told KTRK-TV, "I didn't see the house. All I saw were blocks and pipes sticking out. The whole house gone." Sgt. Larry Shiver of the Madison County Sheriff's Department later said, "I've never had a house reported stolen in my career yet." (Update: The house was found a few days later, having been repossessed from the previous owner.) [KTRK-TV, 2/5/2018]

-- Aaron Meininger, 29, of Hernando Beach, Florida, was arrested on Feb. 2 after Hernando County deputies caught him stealing items from the Demarco Family Funeral Home in Spring Hill. When officers arrived, Meininger was carrying a tub of formaldehyde out of the building. They also found makeup, nail polish, electric clippers, soap and other items used in funeral preparation in Meininger's car. Curiously, the Tampa Bay Times reported, Meininger told deputies that he was "bored" and "messed up" and didn't even know what kind of business he was burgling. He said he probably would have just thrown the stolen items away. [Tampa Bay Times, 2/2/2018]

Inexplicable

SOMEBODY in Muskegon, Michigan, didn't want the Philadelphia Eagles to win Super Bowl LII. Immediately following the Eagles' victory over the New England Patriots on Feb. 4, Subaru of Muskegon ran an ad on local NBC affiliate WOOD-TV that featured 30 seconds of silence and a written message: "Congratulations Patriots!" WOOD-TV reported via Twitter that the business had submitted only one version of the ad and had specified that it run regardless of the game's outcome. [United Press International, 2/5/2018]

Precocious

When a Texas stripper arrived at her 11:30 a.m. gig on Feb. 1, she smelled a rat: Her destination turned out to be Noel Grisham Middle School in Round Rock, Texas. Rather than going inside, the performer called the school and reported a prank. Jenny LaCoste-Caputo, a district spokesperson, told the Austin American-Statesman the student jokester had used his cellphone to order the stripper and paid for it with his parents' credit card. He is now facing disciplinary action. [2/1/2018]

The Entrepreneurial Spirit

-- Houston Realtor Nicole Lopez is sporting a new nickname these days: The Taco Lady. Since late 2017, Lopez has incorporated a novel incentive for buyers of homes she's listed: $250 in free tacos with the purchase of a home. "Let's be honest, everyone in Texas loves tacos," Lopez told KHOU-TV. "And so, it's really been this 'taco the town,'" she laughed. Lopez cited as proof of her success a $170,000 home that's under contract "and they are super excited for their taco party at the end of this month." [KHOU, 1/29/2018]

-- Prason Sukkorn, owner of Coffee on the Day in Chonburi, Thailand, had his marketing idea laid bare after he posted "obscene materials" online -- photos and videos of model/barista Arisa Suwannawong, 22, wearing nothing but an apron while drawing shots and serving customers. Suwannawong, who goes by the nickname "Jaenae with the big boobs," glances down at her breasts in the video while gushing, "The coffee is so good, they use plenty of milk." Police commander Thanachai Usakit from the Sattahip district station told Metro News that Sukkorn "didn't realize it would break the law, because the model in the photos wasn't fully naked." Nevertheless, the owner faces three to five years in jail or a fine of 100,000 Thai baht, or about $3,200. [Metro News, 2/5/2018]

News That Sounds Like a Joke

Staff at an internet cafe in Jiaxing, Zhejiang Province, China, had to call paramedics on Jan. 28 when a gamer lost all feeling in his lower limbs after playing the same game for more than 20 hours straight. Newsweek reported that the unnamed man didn't realize he had become paralyzed until he tried to use the restroom and couldn't move his legs. As he was being carried out on a stretcher, he was heard begging his friends to finish the game for him. [Newsweek, 2/1/2018]

Wrong Place, Wrong Time

A parking lot in Augusta, Georgia, became the scene of a nightmare for an unsuspecting motorcyclist and his 1982 Honda bike on Jan. 31. On his way to exchange some shirts at Target in the Augusta Exchange shopping center, Don Merritt told WJBF-TV, "I was going to go around the back to avoid the speed bumps," but when he did, he and his bike fell into a sinkhole. Firefighters were called to rescue Merritt, who suffered a skull fracture and a loose tooth as a result of the 15-foot fall. The bike was totaled. "It's not good customer relations," Merritt said about the sinkhole. The center property manager reportedly is fixing the hole. [NewsChannel 6, 2/2/2018]

Smooth Reactions

Sonny Donnie Smith, 38, of Clackamas, Oregon, was feeling snubbed in September 2016 when both his father and his brother were invited to a family wedding, but Sonny wasn't. As a perfectly reasonable revenge, Sonny made anonymous phone calls to McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas and the Midland International Air and Space Port in Midland, Texas, claiming that his father and brother were terrorists and would be traveling through the airports. An FBI investigation revealed no terrorist threats, and after interviewing the father and brother, they were both released. On Feb. 1, Sonny Smith pleaded guilty to making the calls, according to The Oregonian, and will be sentenced on May 10. [The Oregonian, 2/1/2018]

Redneck Chronicles

Cheryl Merrill, 60, of Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida, was arguing with her boyfriend of five years about who would win Super Bowl LII on Feb. 4 and became so enraged shortly after kickoff that she picked up a wooden shelf and threw it at him. St. Johns County sheriff's deputies were called and found Merrill "extremely intoxicated," according to reporting by WJAX-TV. Merrill was charged with aggravated battery and taken to the St. Johns County Jail. Her boyfriend was unable to sign an affidavit because of the hand injury he sustained in the assault. [FOX 30, 2/5/2018]

False Alarm

A Scottish farmer called Police Scotland after spotting what he believed to be a tiger in his cow shed near Peterhead in Aberdeenshire on Feb. 3. An armed response team scrambled to the farm and within 45 minutes, established that the fierce big cat was in fact a large cuddly toy. "Any call reporting a potential danger to the public has to be taken seriously," Peterhead Inspector George Cordiner told Metro News. "Until you know exactly what you are dealing with, every option has to be considered." [Metro News, 2/6/2018]

Awesome!

Undoubtedly, many records will be set during the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea. But before the events even began, one Winter Games record was in the books: Organizers distributed 110,000 condoms to the 2,925 athletes -- about 37 condoms per competitor. "We hope to aid the athletes visiting from various countries to complete their events successfully and safely," said a spokesperson for Convenience, the South Korea condom manufacturer that supplied most of the prophylactics. The Korea Biomedical Review reported on Feb. 1 that finely conditioned athletes have been notoriously "sexually unrestrained" before, during and after Olympics contests. Free condom distribution began in 1988 when 8,500 were handed out during the Seoul Olympics. [Korea Biomedical Review, 2/1/2018]

The Lucerne University of Applied Sciences and Arts in Switzerland has a new course of study for scholars to pursue: a bachelor's or master's in yodeling. Beginning in the 2018-19 academic year, students will be able to major in the traditional form of singing, which was used by Swiss herdsmen to communicate with each other in the mountains. The BBC reported that prize-winning yodeler Nadja Rass will lead the courses, which will also include musical theory and history. "We have long dreamed of offering yodeling at the university," gushed Michael Kaufmann, head of the school's music department. [BBC, 1/30/18]

Names in the News

Police in Logansport, Indiana, finally caught up with the thief who had been targeting churches in the area since Jan. 16: Christian J. Alter, 22, of Kewanna, was charged with breaking into five houses of worship and stealing cash, according to the Logansport Pharos-Tribune. Alter was apprehended Jan. 23 just moments before the fifth burglary, at Rehoboth Christian Church, was discovered by police. He was being held in the Cass County Jail. [Pharos-Tribune, 1/24/2018]

The Continuing Crisis

Birds nesting near natural gas compressors have been found to suffer symptoms similar to PTSD in humans, according to researchers at the Florida Museum of Natural History, and noise pollution has been named the culprit. The Washington Post reported the team studied birds in the Rattlesnake Canyon Habitat Management Area in New Mexico, which is uninhabited by humans but does contain natural gas wells and compression stations that constantly emit a low-frequency hum. The steady noise was linked to abnormal levels of stress hormones, and the usually hardy western bluebirds in the area were found to be smaller and displayed bedraggled feathers. "The body is just starting to break down," explained stress physiologist Christopher Lowry. [The Washington Post, 1/9/2018]

Armed and Naked

In Texas, game wardens came across an arresting sight in Gregg County last November: an unnamed Upshur County man hunting in the nude along a state highway. The Houston Chronicle reported that the hunter, who is a well-known nudist and activist in the area, contested his arrest on charges including hunting without a license, but one look in court at the warden's body cam footage undermined his case. The man then dropped his appeals and settled the citations. [Houston Chronicle, 11/22/2017]

You Have the Right to Remain Silent

Vincente Rodrigues-Ortiz, 22, was arrested on Jan. 24 in Grand Rapids, Michigan, for the assault and murder of Andre Hawkins, 17, the day before. But when Rodrigues-Ortiz appeared in court on Jan. 25 for arraignment, he questioned the judge about his "other murder case." WWMT TV reported that his query led prosecutors to interview and then swiftly charge him with the March 2017 homicide of Laurie Kay Lundeburg, and Rodrigues-Ortiz now awaits arraignment in that case as well. [WWMT TV, 1/25/2018]

Brutally Honest

Kane Blake of Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada, has great things to say about his Springvalley home: "It's a gorgeous neighborhood," and his family loves most things about it. Nevertheless, the Blakes have listed their home for sale, with a sign out front reading: "Home for Sale by owner because neighbor is an ---hole." Blake said a neighbor has been harassing his family for five years, including sending police and bylaws officers to the house for frivolous reasons and taking photos of Blake's house. "My kids won't even walk to school, they're terrified," he told the Kelowna Capital News, adding that he's received several offers on his house. (Update: Kane has since removed the sign.) [Kelowna Capital News, 1/27/2018]

Toilet Ghost

Homeowners in Noosa, Queensland, Australia, were perplexed about why their toilet kept randomly flushing, so on Jan. 28, they looked into the flush mechanism embedded in the wall behind the toilet. Then they summoned Luke Huntley, a local snake catcher. Huntley found a 13-foot brown tree snake in the niche, according to the Daily Mail, resting on the flush mechanism. "Hopefully, he's going to be able to come straight out," Huntley said on a video of the capture, "but he's a little grumpy." [Daily Mail, 1/28/2018]

Bright Idea

A landlord in Cardiff, Wales, was caught in a compromising position when he offered a special rent deal to an ITV Wales reporter with a hidden camera. The unnamed man posted an ad on Craigslist offering a 650-pound-per-month home with the option of a "reduced deposit/rent arrangement" for "alternative payments." When he met reporter Sian Thomas at a restaurant to discuss the property, he said, "I don't know if you have heard of a sort of 'friends with benefits' sort of arrangement," reported Metro News on Jan. 30. He went on to say that if a once-a-week sex arrangement could be struck, "then I wouldn't be interested in any rent from you at all." The ITV Wales report was part of an investigation into "sex for rent" arrangements, which apparently are not uncommon in Wales, judging from other advertisements. [Metro News, 1/30/2018]

Government in Action

-- Saugatuck, Michigan, attorney Michael Haddock's dog, Ryder, probably gave the mail carrier a day off after receiving an unexpected letter on Jan. 27 from the State of Michigan Unemployment Insurance Agency. According to WZZM TV, Haddock opened the envelope addressed to Ryder and found a letter saying that Ryder is eligible for $360 per week in unemployment benefits. "I knew he was clever," Haddock said of Ryder, "but he surprised me this time." The UIA admitted that its computer did send the notice to Ryder, but it was later flagged as suspicious, and the German shepherd won't receive any benefits after all. [WZZM, 1/31/2018]

-- In New Hampshire, the state legislature is considering a bill that would hold owners of poultry responsible for the birds' trespassing. According to the proposal, reported by the Associated Press, "anyone who knowingly, recklessly or negligently allows their domestic fowl to enter someone else's property without permission" can be convicted if the birds damage crops or property. Rep. Michael Moffett, a Loudon Republican, told a committee on Jan. 30 that one man told him his neighbor was using chickens as a "form of harassment and provocation." But Earl Tuson, a local vegetable farmer, opposed the bill, noting, "Everyone loves eating bacon until they move in next to the pig farm." [Associated Press, 1/30/2018]

Smooth Reaction

A Missouri State University freshman identified only as Hayden may have set the perfect stage for a romantic story he'll tell into old age. In January, as he trolled Tinder, he spotted Claudia, also a student at MSU in Springfield. But, as the Springfield News-Leader reported, Hayden accidentally swiped left, rejecting her, so he decided on a bold move to find her. On Jan. 20, he searched the MSU website for every person named Claudia and emailed them all, asking "the" Claudia to email him back. He offered a doughnut date for "the one that got away." Claudia Alley, a freshman from Jefferson City, got Hayden's email and knew she was his target because he referenced a joke she made in her Tinder bio. Alley emailed Hayden, and the two planned to get doughnuts -- and perhaps make history -- later that week. [Springfield News-Leader, 1/20/2018]

Awesome!

Rookie metal detectors Andy Sampson and Paul Adams were out looking for treasure along the Suffolk/Essex border in England when they came across more than 50 gold coins and pottery. Sampson said Adams started "shouting and jumping around and dancing." As for himself, Sampson immediately started figuring out how he would spend the money, which the pair thought might amount to 250,000 pounds or more. Alas, when Sampson showed the coins to his neighbor, he said, "They're not real -- there's something wrong with them." Sure enough, when the treasure hunters made inquiries, they found that the coins and pottery were props for a BBC TV show, "Detectorists." Sampson and Adams told the BBC on Jan. 31 that they have "got over" their huge disappointment and will continue to metal detect. [BBC, 1/31/2018]