As Americans' fascination with guns grows, so, too, does the market for protection against all those flying bullets. Texan John Adrain has introduced an upscale sofa whose cushions can stop up to a .44 Magnum fired at close range, and is now at work on bullet-resistant window blinds. Another company, BulletSafe, recently touted its $129 baseball caps (with protection against the same bullets, but only in front) -- though the company admits the cap won't prevent concussions. The Colombian suit and vest designer Miguel Caballero offers an array of bullet- and knife-resistant selections, made with Kevlar and Dyneema, which are also used by clothiers BladeRunner and Aspetto (maker of "ballistic tuxedos"). [Bloomberg Business Week, 3-28-2016] [Forbes magazine, 6-15-2016]

-- Notorious French derivatives trader Jerome Kerviel was fired in 2010 after his employer (Societe Generale bank) discovered that he had made unauthorized trades worth about $55 billion and then, by forgery and fraud, covered them up. In June, however, Kerviel won a wrongful-discharge case when France's Court of Cassation concluded the bank had "no real and serious" reason to fire him. Actually, the court ordered the bank to pay Kerviel about $500,000 in "performance" bonuses, based on the profit that his rogue trades eventually earned. Even though the bank had spent the equivalent of $5.5 billion unwinding Kerviel's trades, they still made money (because, before the world economy collapsed in 2008, the derivatives business was very good). [New York Times, 6-8-2016]

-- Ronnie Music Jr., 45, won a scratch-off lottery prize last year of $3 million in Waycross, Georgia, and must surely have thought he was on a roll -- because he soon flipped the money into a Georgia methamphetamine gang. The "bet" went sour, and he now faces decades in prison, as he pleaded guilty in July to drug trafficking and firearms violations after his associates were found with $1 million worth of meth and a load of guns. [Atlanta Journal- Constitution, 7-26-2016]

-- Montpelier, Vermont, has one solution to America's well-known problem of ignoring infrastructure maintenance (and the high cost of asphalt). While other cities and states merely delay needed road work (though with harsh consequences to drivers), Montpelier has begun to unpave some of its roads, converting them back to cheaper, annoying gravel and dirt (and inevitably, dust). A recent report by Montana State University researchers expressed surprise that so many governments are choosing this option. [Wired, 7-12-2016]

-- Phoenix's KTAR-TV reported in July that the local sheriff (the notorious "tough on crime" Joe Arpaio) has already cost the government $10.4 million in attorneys' fees for successful lawsuits filed against him by illegally profiled Hispanics. A judge found months ago (awarding $4.5 million) that Arpaio was deliberately violating the court's orders, and lawyers have demanded another $5.9 million to bring Arpaio's resistances up to date. (Unless the court rules otherwise, the $5.9 million will ultimately come from taxpayers.) [KTAR-TV, 7-26-2016]

-- No Wonder ISIS Is So Steamed: Last year, 3 million Muslims made the sacred pilgrimage to Mecca for the hajj and another 5 million for the slightly less sacred umrah, but awaiting them in the Saudi holy city would hardly have been the reverence many imagined: massive modern buildings; housing construction with worksites brightly lit around the clock; glittery, multistory shopping malls featuring familiar brands peddling opulence -- capped by high-rise views of the city's entire amusement-park-like setting from four- and five-star hotel rooms, where suites during hajj can go for $10,000 a night. (The malls, like the rest of Mecca, come to a standstill -- or kneel-still -- for prayers.) [New York Times, 6-12-2016]

-- A Fargo, North Dakota, fire official said in July his crew had responded at least twice to alarmed-citizen phone calls to go help a man obviously homeless, covered in a blanket on a park bench, who seemed not to be moving. The First Lutheran Church later explained that the "man" was just a statue -- their idea of Jesus as a homeless man -- and its Canadian designer said versions of the statue had been placed in several cities, including Toronto and Detroit. [WDAY-TV (Fargo), 7-5-2016]

Almost half of all produce raised by U.S. farmers is thrown out before it reaches a consumer's plate, and though there are several contributing explanations, the most striking is American eaters' "cult of perfection." "It's about blemish-free produce," said one farmer, e.g., "sunburnt cauliflower" or table grapes not quite "wedge-shaped" enough. America's "unyielding cosmetic standards," according to a July report in The Guardian of London, even means that much of the annual $160 billion worth of imperfect food is simply left to rot on the vine, or sent directly to a landfill, because farmers anticipate retailers' reluctance to stock it. [The Guardian, 7-13-2016]

(1) In July, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service announced plans to keep black-footed ferrets in northeastern Montana from dying out -- with drones that shoot peanut butter M&Ms (coated with a vaccine). Before the drones, there were too few ferrets to justify, economically, hand-delivering the candy. (2) A Japanese researcher (working out of the University of Illinois at Chicago) recently announced a health-improving computer app that would require men to ejaculate on their cellphones. (The researcher's sophisticated microscope lens would be capable of transmitting a highly detailed photo, able to be examined in a lab, thus freeing shy men from having to visit a doctor's office.) [Newsweek, 7-13-2016] [New Scientist, 7-15-2016]

-- Anyone's Fault but Mine: Lawyer Andrew Schmuhl, 32, ordered to trial in Fairfax County, Virginia, in May, declared that he was not responsible in 2014 when he invaded the home of a man who had recently fired Schmuhl's wife. Using a Taser, he had held the man and his wife hostage for three hours and ultimately slashed the man's throat and stabbed the woman repeatedly. However, Schmuhl claimed he should be found not guilty because he was "involuntarily" intoxicated at the time -- cluelessly on pain medication that made him oblivious of his actions. (He was convicted.) [Washington Post, 5-13-2016, 6-16-2016]

-- Unclear on the Concept: (1) The membership of the Westerly (Rhode Island) Yacht Club voted in June to retain the club's men-only admission policy, which some members told a Providence Journal reporter was necessary to preserve the club's "family atmosphere." Apparently, according to the report, they feared being tempted at social events by having unmarried women around (as "full" female members, instead of the currently allowed "spousal" members). (2) The Chessington (England) World of Adventures theme park, after upgrading its authentic jungle experience, nonetheless had to post a noise restriction in July because some patrons apparently cannot resist the urge to do loud Tarzan impressions, which officials said "confuse" the monkeys. [Providence Journal, 6-23-2016] [Surrey Comet, 7-14-2016]

(1) Christopher Wade, 55, was arrested in Nashville, Tennessee, in July after police tracked him to his home, where he was found already in bed with a female mannequin shortly after stealing it from the Hollywood Hustler store. The mannequin was wearing a brown wig, a pink spandex dress and rhinestone stilettos. (2) As part of the Taste of Buffalo (New York) food festival in July, competitors from the Major League Eating organization were offered a shot at the Kale Cup, with a $2,000 prize for the most kale eaten in eight minutes. The very healthy Gideon "The Truth" Oji won, downing 25.5 bowls. [The Tennessean, 7-6-2016] [WIVB-TV (Buffalo), 7-9-2016]

Brazil has a robust democracy but with very few controls on what candidates may call themselves on ballots. Among those running for offices this time, according to a September (2012) New York Times dispatch from Rio de Janeiro: "John Kennedy Abreu Sousa," "Jimmi Carter Santarem Barroso," "Ladi Gaga," "Christ of Jerusalem," five "Batmans," two "James Bonds," and 16 people whose name contains "Obama." "It's a marketing strategy," said city council candidate Geraldo Custodio, who apparently liked his chances better with the ballot name "Geraldo Wolverine." [New York Times, 9-16-2012]

A conservation biologist at Australia's University of New South Wales said in July that his team was headed to Botswana to paint eyeballs on cows' rear ends. It's a solution to the problem of farmers who are now forced to kill endangered lions to keep them away from their cows. However, the researchers hypothesize, since lions hunt by stealth and tend to pass up kills if the prey spots them, painting on eyeballs might trick the lions to choose other prey. (For the same reason, woodcutters in India wear masks painted with faces -- backward -- for protection against tigers.) [Sydney Morning Herald, 7-6-2016]

(1) In June, the online mega-website Pornhub announced a program to help blind pornography consumers by adding 50 "described videos" to its catalog, with a narrator doing play-by-play of the setting, the actors, clothing (if any) and the action. Said a Pornhub vice president, "It's our way of giving back." (2) Later in June, another pornography website (with a frisky name -- see bit.ly/29O4G9UURL) inaugurated a plan to donate a penny to women's health or abuse prevention organizations every time a user reached a successful "ending" while viewing its videos (maximum two per person per day). Its first day's haul was $39, or $13 for each of three charities (including the Mariska Hargitay-supported Joyful Heart Foundation). [Huffington Post, 6-15-2016] [Huffington Post, 6-30-2016]

-- A Government Program That Actually Works: A motorist in Regina, Saskatchewan, was issued a $175 traffic ticket on June 8 after he pulled over to ask if he could assist a homeless beggar on the sidewalk. According to the police report cited by CTV News, the "beggar" was actually a cop on stakeout looking for drivers not wearing seat belts (who would thus pay the city $175). Driver Dane Rusk said he had unbuckled his belt to lean over in the seat to give the "beggar" $3 -- and moments later, the cop's partner stopped Rusk (thus earning Regina a total of $178!). [CTV News, 6-10-2016]

-- One of America's major concerns, according to a U.S. congressman, should be the risk that if an apocalyptic event occurs and we are forced to abandon Earth with only a few species to provide for humanity's survival, NASA might unwisely populate the space "ark" with same-sex couples instead of procreative male-female pairs. This warning was conveyed during the U.S. House session on May 26 by Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert (who seemed not to be aware that gay males might contribute sperm to lesbians for species-continuation). [New York Daily News, 5-27-2016]

(1) In May, the Times of India reported the death of a man known only as Urjaram, in Rajasthan, India, when, while hosting a party, he forgot that while he was enjoying himself, he had left his camel in the sun all day (during a historic heat wave) with its legs tied together. When Urjaram finally went outside, the enraged camel "lifted him by the neck," "threw him to the ground" and "chewed on his body," severing his head. (2) The thief who ransacked a community greenhouse in County Durham, England, in July got away, but, according to residents, among his bounty was a bottle of rum that is usually offered only as a constipation remedy, in that it contained a heavy dose of the aggressive laxative "lactulose." Said one resident, "Maybe (the thief has) left a trail" for the police. [The Times of India, 5-23-2016] [The Northern Echo (High Wycombe, England), 7-15-2016]

Many website and app users are suspected of "agreeing" to privacy policies and "terms of service" without comprehending them (or even reading them), though most judges routinely assume the user to have consented to be bound by them. In a controlled-test report released in July, researchers from York University and University of Connecticut found that 74 percent skipped the privacy policy altogether, but, of the "readers," the average time spent was 73 seconds (for wordage that should have taken 30 minutes), and time "reading" terms of service was 51 seconds when it should have taken 16 minutes. (If users had read closely, they might have noticed that they had agreed to share all their personal data with the National Security Agency and that terms of service included giving up their first-born child.) [ArsTechnica.com, 7-12-2016]

Air Force Col. Eugene Caughey is scheduled for court-martial in August in Colorado Springs, Colorado, charged with six counts of adultery (a violation of the Uniform Code of Military Justice) -- which he alleges constitutes illegal discrimination because he is heterosexual. That is, only heterosexuals can have the "sexual intercourse" required for adultery since the UCMJ defines the term as between a man and a woman; same-sex pairs cannot have "sexual intercourse." (Even if Caughey prevails on the discrimination issue, he faces other, more serious charges that may bring him life in prison.) [The Gazette (Colorado Springs), 6-29-2016]

-- Update: News of the Weird reported in 2007 and 2014 that, despite the abundant desert, Middle East developers were buying plenty of beach sand from around the world (because the massive concrete construction in Dubai and Saudi Arabia, among other places, requires coarser sand than the desert grains tempered for centuries by sun and wind). The need has now grown such that London's The Independent reported in June that black market gangs, some violent, are stealing beach sand -- and that two dozen entire islands in Indonesia have virtually disappeared since 2005 because of sand-mining. [The Independent, 6-23-2016]

-- Farmers high in Nepal's Himalayas are heavily dependent on harvesting a fungus which, when consumed by humans, supposedly produces effects similar to Viagra's -- but the region's rising temperatures and diminished rainfall (thought to result from global climate change) threaten the output, according to a June New York Times dispatch. Wealthy Chinese men in Hong Kong and Shanghai may pay the equivalent of $50,000 a pound for the "caterpillar fungus," and about a million Nepalese are involved in the industry, producing about 135 tons a year. (The fungus is from the head of ghost moth larvae living in soil at altitudes of more than 10,000 feet.) [New York Times, 6-27-2016]

Joshua Long, 26, was arrested in Carlisle, Pennsylvania, in June for possession of a suspected-stolen human brain (which he allegedly kept in a shopping bag under the porch at his aunt's trailer home). Police believe that the brain had been a medical teaching aid, but that Long was lacing his marijuana with the brain's embalming fluid. (Long and a former resident of the trailer home called the brain "Freddy.") [PennLive.com (Mechanicsburg, Pa.), 7-15-2016]

(1) Large-schnozzed people from all over Europe squared off in June for the World Nose Championship in Langenbruck, Germany (held every five years since 1961). After judges applied precision calipers (adding length plus width), Hans Roest was declared the winner. (Also reported: Contestants believe snuff tobacco and beer to be size-enhancing substances.) (2) An unnamed man, 55, and woman, 40, were arrested near Joplin, Missouri, in July, after being spotted riding a stolen lawn mower at 8:45 a.m. -- naked. They told police that someone had stolen their clothes while they were skinny-dipping and that the mower was their best option to make it home. [The Local (Berlin), 6-20-2016] [Joplin Globe, 7-14-2016]

A centuries-old practice of China's upper class continues today, reported Slate.com in August (2012), except with a bit more circumspection. Rich or powerful people convicted of crimes can still hire replacements to serve their sentences -- but because of ubiquitous Internet videos, only if the replacements facially resemble them. Since the convict winds up paying something for his crime (though a relatively small price), Slate called the practice (known as "ding zui") sort of a "cap-and-trade" policy for crime. [Slate.com, 8-2-2012]

A 28-year-old woman, unnamed in news reports, veered off the road and into a house in the Florida panhandle town of Mary Esther on July 7. She apparently was free of drug or alcohol influence, but readily explained to police that she must have gone through a stop sign and left the road when she closed her eyes to pray as she drove. (The house was damaged, but no one was injured.) [Daily News of Northwest Florida, 7-11-2016]

-- The Transportation Security Administration announced in May that it had collected $765,000 in loose change left behind in airport scanner trays during 2015 -- an average "haul" for the agency of $2,100 a day (numbers assuming, of course, that TSA personnel turn in all of the money they find). Los Angeles and Miami airports contributed $106,000 of the total. [WTOP Radio (Washington, D.C.), 5-17-2016]

-- Take Your Word for It: Scientists at the University of Cambridge, writing in May in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, claimed to have figured out how to construct a "motor" a "million times" smaller than an ant. (It apparently involves lasers, gold particles and "van der Waals forces," and the object is to bind the gold particles and then cause them to automatically "snap" apart with, according to author Jeremy Baumberg, "10 to a hundred times more force per unit than any known other machine.") [Washington Post, 5-3-2016]

-- CEO Michael Pearson told a Senate committee in April that he "regret(s)" the business model he instituted in 2015 for Valeant Pharmaceuticals -- the one that, for example, allowed a drug (Cuprimine) that treats liver failure and formerly cost a typical user out-of-pocket about $3 a pill (120 per month, $366) to, overnight, cost the user $15 a pill. (The insurance company's and Medicare's cost went overnight from about $5,000 per 100 tablets to $26,000.) (A Deutsche Bank analysis of the industry tallied Valeant's all-drug average price spike at more than five times the average of any competitor's.) Pearson told the senators he had no idea that such a pricing strategy would turn out to be so controversial. [New York Times, 4-28-2016, 10-4-2015]

-- Neck and Back Support: The Japanese branch of the intimate apparel maker Genie is currently advertising, in Japanese and English, a handy guide for bras that emphasizes the hardship women bear by having to lug around breasts of certain sizes in ill-fitting garments. The Genie chart reveals weight in ounces of typical A-cup chests (11.5 ounces) through F-cup (41.7 ounces, or 2.6 pounds). To assist any innumerate Japanese shoppers, the chart also shows practical comparisons, such as A-cup pairs weighing as much as "two chipmunks," C-cups as "one newborn polar bear cub," and F-cups as "one 3-month-old Persian kitten." [Genie's press release via RocketNews24.com, 7-6-2016]

-- The Passing Parade: (1) Mark Herron, 49, of Sunderland, England, was arrested again in May -- his 448th arrest on alcohol-related charges. The year started "well" for Herron, with only 14 collars through March, and he cleaned up briefly before a "family bereavement" sent him spiraling downward again. His current lawyer admitted that his client has been in court more often than he himself has. (2) Austrian Hans Heiland vowed in June to assist a needy family in Oberholz by donating to a charity fundraiser sponsored by the local fire department. He has been collecting bottle tops through the years and figures he could sell his "treasure" now, as scrap metal, to help the family. He has at least 10,000, no, make that 10 million caps, weighing "several tons." [Sunderland Echo, 5-30-2016] [The Local (Vienna), 6-10-2016]

-- Wait, How Many Fell for This? In May, the federal government finally shut down a long-running international scam that had sold psychic assurances (prosperity! winning lottery numbers!) to more than a million Americans. In personalized form letters, two French psychics had guaranteed success and riches to clients if they would only buy their $50 books (and massive upselling usually followed). The Justice Department estimated that during the spree, the sellers earned upward of $180 million on at least 56 million pieces of postal mail. [Reuters, 5-9-2016]

-- In a June verdict still reverberating through the telemarketing industry, a jury in Utah found that three companies run by Forrest Baker III had illegally made 99 million phone calls to consumers on the Do Not Call Registry and an additional 18 million calls telling people they were merely doing surveys when the purpose was hawking their family-friendly movies. Both charges are violations of the Federal Trade Commission's Telemarketing Sales Rule. Although the total fine and damages have not been decided, the law provides that the most serious offenders could be assessed $16,000 per phone call (for a maximum of almost $1.9 trillion). [FTC press release, 6-2-2016] [NetworkWorld.com, 6-2-2016]

-- A recent study by a Harvard University data scientist estimated that the government of China funds the creation of at least 488 million bogus social-media posts a year. The report refers to a rumored government-sponsored arrangement that pays people the equivalent of 8 U.S. cents per post of "news" for the purpose of distracting social-media users and channeling them to subjects preferred by the government (such as successes of the Communist Party). [CNN Money, 5-20-2016]

-- The family of a Virginia Tech student missing since 1998 was notified in March that the man's remains and ID had been found in a wooded ravine 700 feet below the New River Gorge bridge near Beckley, West Virginia -- in an area the man's vehicle tracker had long identified for potential searching. A West Virginia State Police sergeant told reporters that in the years since the student disappeared, the remains of 48 other bodies had been found underneath the bridge. [Roanoke Times, 3-11-2016]

-- Recurring Themes: (1) Fernando Estrella, 41, was arrested in Franklin County, Vermont, in March and charged with making the foolish error of running a stop sign while carrying a heroin haul. Estrella was rectally packing three condoms stuffed with enough heroin, said police, to fill 1,428 street-retail-size baggies. (2) Esteysi Sanchez Izazaga, 29, was arrested for DUI, hit-and-run and vehicular manslaughter in Oceanside, California, in June after driving three-fourths of a mile (3,960 feet) with a pedestrian's corpse firmly lodged in her windshield after she struck the man. (The drive ended up at her home, where her horrified husband noticed the body and called police.) [Fox News, 3-30-2016] [KGTV (San Diego), 6-28-2016]

-- As typical of many pervert suspects in News of the Weird, Roger Marsh, 65, of Cowling, England, was a prodigious collector/hoarder of his indecent images. He was caught with a camera attached to his shoe following skirted women around an Ikea store, and in May was ordered to jail for 18 months by Leeds Crown Court, covering six offenses. However, police had also discovered a trove of 709,376 images and videos at his home, and preliminary perusal of the collection showed 1,600 live files of voyeurism and about 9,000 indecent images of children. [Keighley News, 5-25-2016]

New Mexico is an "open carry" state, with otherwise-law-abiding adults authorized to display loaded handguns in public. However, in the town of Vaughn (pop. 500, about 90 miles east of Albuquerque), perhaps the only people not legally able to carry are the town's two police officers. A June (2012) KOB-TV report revealed that Chief Ernest Armijo had been convicted in 2011 of criminal non-support of a wife and two sons, and was barred from possessing a gun. Deputy Brian Bernal has his own domestic issue: a conviction for family violence that bans him, under federal law, from carrying. (A month after the News of the Weird story, both men resigned, leaving the town's police dog the only active "officer.") [KOB-TV (Albuquerque), 6-28-2012]