Like most states with active trade associations of barbers and beauticians, Iowa strictly regulates those professions, requiring 2,100 hours of training plus continuing education -- but also like many other states, Iowa does not regulate body piercers at all (though it forbids minors from getting tattoos). Thus, the puncturing of body parts and insertion of jewelry or other objects under the skin can be done by anyone, with or without formal training, under no one's watchful eye except the customer's. (A few cities' ordinances require a minimum age to get pierced.) Said one professional piercer to the Des Moines Register for a March report, "The lack of education in this industry is scary." [Des Moines Register, 3-11-2012]

-- Controlling the Waters: (1) A February bill in the Wyoming legislature to prepare the state for possible secession authorized a task force to consider establishing a state army, navy, marine corps and air force, and one amendment added the consideration of purchasing an aircraft carrier. Wyoming is, of course, landlocked, but it does have the 136-square-mile Yellowstone Lake, though that body of water is high up in the Teton mountains. (The aircraft- carrier amendment was defeated even though 27 representatives voted for it.) (2) Texas announced in February that it would deploy six gunboats to patrol the Mexican border's Rio Grande river. Said a state Department of Safety official, "It sends a message: Don't mess with Texas." [Billings Gazette, 2-27-2012] [CNN, 2-29-2012]

-- With a National Institute of Justice grant, the Houston Police Department was able to learn precisely how embarrassingly bad it had been in investigating rape cases. In February it conceded that, as of December, it had on hand 6,663 untested rape kits (some from the 1980s) taken from rape victims at the time of the crime but then apparently ignored. (Not all are significant: In some rapes, a perpetrator has already confessed or been convicted, and still other victims recanted, and in still others, the statute of limitations has run out.) [KPRC-TV, 2-14-2012]

-- After every snowfall in recent years, Doug Rochow of Ottawa, Ontario, has routinely taken his shovel and cleared two paths in a park near his home (since the park is apparently a low priority for municipal snow-clearing), but in March, the city ordered him to stop. Rochow said his aim was to keep people from hurting themselves on uncleared paths (thus perhaps saving the city money on lawsuits). The city's reverse-logic position, according to a Toronto Star report, was that if Rochow cleared the paths, more people would be encouraged to use them, increasing the city's exposure to lawsuits. [Toronto Star, 3-5-2012]

-- It wasn't on a scale with an infinite number of orangutans using an infinite number of iPads, but the conservation group Orangutan Outreach has begun to supply certain zoos with iPads, hoping to encourage apes' creativity and social networking. At the Milwaukee Zoo, a handler holds the device while an orangutan operates a painting app with its fingers. ("Orangutans like to paint, and they're capable of using this (tablet)," he said, adding the benefit that "there's no paint to eat.") At the Memphis Zoo recently, said an Outreach official, the apes seem happy when they recognize images of other apes on the iPad. The Toronto Zoo's iPad is expected soon. [Toronto Star, 2-29-2012]

-- In March came word from Taiwan that the prominent Kaohsiung Museum of Fine Arts had awarded a prize worth the equivalent of $13,500 to student Wong Tin Cheung for creating the face of a man by using the artist's own urine. His piece, "Blood Urine Man," presented to judges in a toilet bowl, used urine of different colors, supposedly to match the pigments of the Marvel Comics superhero Iron Man. [Newser, 3-19-2012]

-- Difficult Fact-Check: According to the Utah Highway Patrol, a one-car crash in February left the following injured in serious condition: Ms. Me Htwe and Mr. Hsar Kpaw Doh and Mr. W.T. Htoo, along with the driver, Mr. Tar Eh. (Ms. Mula Er, 14, died of her injuries.) All were from Heber City, Utah. [Salt Lake Tribune, 2-28-2012]

-- "(E)very single cop in the state has done this. Chiefs on down." That practice, referred to by the unidentified Minnesota law enforcement officer, is the personal use of the police database that is supposedly off-limits for all except official business. According to an imminent lawsuit (reported by the weekly City Pages in Minneapolis), former officer (and apparently still a "hottie") Anne Marie Rasmusson, 37, learned that 104 officers in 18 different agencies in Minnesota had accessed her driver's license record 425 times. Rasmusson's lawyer said the reality is that officers tend to treat the confidential database more like a "Facebook for cops." [City Pages, 2-22-2012]

(1) In January, police in Bridgeville, Pa., investigated a series of vehicle break-ins, including one of a car belonging to Kathy Saunoras, who reported that only her dentures were taken. (2) Two weeks later, health worker Marlene Dupert, 44, was charged with yanking dentures out of the mouth of one of her charges at a nursing home in Selinsgrove, Pa. (3) Also in February, Evelyn Fuller, 49, was charged with robbing the First National Bank in Waynesburg, Pa. -- a crime necessitated, she told a police officer, because she needed money for new dentures. [Associated Press via WPVI-TV (Philadelphia), 1-26-2012] [Daily Item (Sunbury, Pa.), 2-18-2012] [Observer-Reporter (Washington, Pa.), 2-1-2012]

Only the Lonely: Adrian Baltierra, 51, was charged with solicitation in February in Bradenton, Fla., after, according to police, he approached an undercover female officer, who was posing as a prostitute, and agreed to a transaction. In exchange for $15, Baltierra would be accorded the opportunity to take a whiff of the "prostitute's" genital aroma (although street slang was used in the negotiation). [The Smoking Gun, 2-27-2012]

(1) Didn't See It Coming: Canadian Jasmin Klair pleaded guilty in federal court in Seattle in March to smuggling nearly 11kg of cocaine into the U.S. She had been arrested upon arrival at a bed and breakfast called the Smuggler's Inn, located about 100 feet from the border in Blaine, Wash. (2) Greedy: According to police in Lake Ariel, Pa., alleged burglar Christopher Wallace had loaded his van with goodies from a home's first floor, but instead of calling it a night, he re-entered to check out the second floor. Wallace was later rushed to the hospital after accidentally falling out a second-floor window, resulting in a broken back, hip and arm. [News Tribune (Tacoma, Wash.), 3-20-2012] [Wayne Independent (Honesdale, Pa.), 3-19-2012]

Fathers of Our Country: News of the Weird has reported on several prolific men who sell their sperm to sperm banks, to be selected from catalogs by multiple mothers-to-be seeking high-quality breeding (and also one case of a middle-aged physician who collected women's money to find donors but then decided to self-supply his clients). Fremont, Calif., computer-security worker Trent Arsenault, 36, is America's most notorious "rogue" donor, offering his output absolutely free to same-sex and low-income clients who have difficulty procuring through sperm banks. He is so far the father of at least 15 children. Since 2010, the federal Food and Drug Administration has been trying to shut him down as an unregistered "manufacturer" of body tissue who must therefore adhere to federal safety regulations. Arsenault, according to a profile in New York magazine in February, is the son of disapproving parents (father, a Pentecostal minister), and in addition, is a virgin. [New York Daily News, 12-9-2011; New York magazine, 2-13-2012]

On March 3, police in Kantale, Sri Lanka, found the body of Janaka Basnayake, 24, who with the help of friends had buried himself in a 10-foot-deep trench for an attempt to set a "world record" for the longest time buried alive. Clearly, his 6 1/2 hours underground was too ambitious. An Associated Press report noted that it was "unclear" whether an "official" record exists in this category. [Associated Press via Huffington Post, 3-5-2012] 

Thanks This Week to John Cohen, Steve Dunn, Brian Bjolin, Gary Locke, John Connell, Pete Randall, Skip Mendler, and John Votel, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

In a world of advancing technology and declining map-reading skills, some GPS navigator users blindly over-rely on the devices, and News of the Weird has reported enough of their predicaments to mark the category "no longer weird." However, three Japanese students on holiday near Brisbane, Australia, in March created a new standard for ignoring common sense. Bound for North Stradbroke Island (about eight miles offshore), the driver (according to authorities cited by the local Bayside Bulletin) apparently put maps and eyesight aside, in favor of the all-powerful Navigator, which had instructed him to proceed. As news spread on the Internet, photographers rushed to capture the car, half-buried in sand. (In the students' defense, the beach seemed to extend to the horizon at low tide -- although the word "island" might have deserved more respect.) [Bayside Bulletin (Cleveland, Australia), 3-15-2012]

-- The entire village (almost!) of Sodeto, Spain, shared the grand prize in the country's huge Christmas lottery in December, earning each of the 70 households the equivalent of at least $130,000. The joint buy-in of tickets is a town ritual, but one resident missed the canvassing: filmmaker Costis Mitsotakis, who said he was happy that everyone else was happy. (The dark side of winning: Hucksters flooded the town from all over the country.) [New York Times, 1-31-2012]

-- The town of Betws-y-Coed, Wales, holds the distinction of having its name likely butchered by more misspellings on Internet search inquiries than any other. Website managers told BBC News in February that they have compiled a list of 364 different spellings from people ostensibly looking for the town. The most common references were to "Bwtsy Code" and "Betsy Cowed." [BBC News, 2-16-2012]

-- Anthony McDaniel, 47, voluntarily returned to North Carolina from his new home in Texas in February after being charged with embezzlement by his old employer. The owner of Fayetteville's Skibo Skillet (now out of business) accused McDaniel of having pocketed meatballs, corn on the cob and anchovy dip while he worked there. [Greensboro News-Record, 2-23-2012]

-- Make Yourselves at Home: (1) Keith Davis, 46, was caught red-handed in Ashley Murray's house in South Bend, Ind., in February and charged with burglary. Murray, though, said she had mixed feelings because, while there, Davis had folded Murray's clothes and vacuumed the house. (Police said that some drug or other had made Davis believe he was in his own home.) (2) Officials at the county courthouse in Charlotte, N.C., were startled to learn in January that Paul Frizzell, 30, had commandeered a vacant office in the building and for two months had been running his business out of it (with telephone, copy machine and bulletin board, among other trappings). [WNDU-TV (South Bend), 2-10-2012] [Gaston Gazette, 1-12-2012]

-- What Christmas gift would be appropriate for the 7-year-old daughter of Britain's notorious specimen of plastic surgery known as the "Human Barbie"? For little "Poppy" Burge, it was a gift certificate worth the equivalent of about $11,000 for future liposuction (redeemable beginning at age 18). Mom Sarah had already given her a voucher for breast augmentation. (Poppy, developing her early-onset need for attention: "I can't wait to be like Mummy with big boobs. They're pretty.") Mom, who recently turned 51, celebrated with about $80,000 worth of additional plastic surgery to run her lifetime total to the equivalent of (depending on source consulted) $800,000 to $1 million. [Daily Mail (London), 1-4-2012]

-- Sheriff's detectives told the Everett, Wash., Daily Herald in January that they had recently tracked down a 21-year-old man who confessed to stealing checks from the Money Tree store in Lynnwood, Wash., and forging signatures. According to the detectives, the man was clear about his motive: "I don't have an addiction. I don't need to use drugs. I (was) doing this to show my parents that I can make it on my own, without them." [Daily Herald, 1-25-2012]

In October, Robbie Suhr, 48, of Pleasant Prairie, Wis., sought the affections of the young exchange student living with Suhr and his wife and children, but she had so far declined. According to police, a disguised Suhr snatched the woman one night, intending to tie her up, leave, and then return undisguised to "rescue" her. However, she fought back, sending the masked man fleeing. (Suhr got off easier than Jordan Cardella, 20, of Milwaukee did several months earlier. To win back his girlfriend, Cardella convinced a buddy to shoot him, hoping for the girlfriend's sympathy and a change of heart. Although he requested three shots in the back, he wisely settled for one in the arm. Alas, the girlfriend continued to ignore him.) [WTMJ-TV (Milwaukee), 10-30-2011] [Journal Sentinel (Milwaukee), 7-26-2011]

(1) Two ministers in the Indian state of Karnataka were pressured into resigning in February after allegedly being spotted watching pornography on a cellphone in the state legislature. Minister Laxman Savadi said he was actually doing research on the dangers of "rave" parties. (2) A 54-year-old court clerk at Inner London Crown Court was caught by his judge looking at pornography during the victim's testimony at a notorious rape trial. He said he was just "bored" and admitted previously browsing porn in court. [BBC News, 2-8-2012] [Daily Mail, 2-7-2012]

Now in its third season, the TLC cable channel's series "My Strange Addiction" continues to raise the bar for News of the Weird stories. This season's highlights include the man sexually attracted to his car, plus women who surround themselves with mothballs or eat cat food or drink nail polish or dig into their ears or eat adhesive tape. In one episode, "Ayanna," 54, who has not cut her fingernails in three decades, reports that she has recently been cultivating her toenails, which are now 4 inches long and hampering her use of shoes. Another episode this season features Sheyla Hershey, mentioned in News of the Weird four weeks ago after she credited her gigantic breast implants with cushioning her body during a recent car crash. [ABC News, 2-10-2012; Daily Mail (London), 3-6- 2012]

One of the largest methamphetamine busts in U.S. history was made in March by police in Palo Alto, Calif., who used the popular Find-My-iPad app. Apparently, someone at the drug house had stolen the iPad, and police turned on the owner's global-positioning "app," pointing to an apartment complex in Santa Clara County. Almost 800 pounds of meth was confiscated, with a street value of about $35 million. Said the father of the iPad owner, "They have $35 million, and they can't go out and buy an iPad?" [Mercury News (San Jose), 3-3-2012]

News of the Weird reported in 2006 and 2008 on precocious 5-year-old boys who, according to their parents, were certain they wanted to live the rest of their lives as girls (that is, were not just "going through a phase"). In Essex, England, recently, Zach Avery, then 4, made British medical history when the National Health Service diagnosed him with gender identity disorder and endorsed his desire to live as a girl. Zach was so unhappy as a boy that he once tried to dismember himself. [Daily Telegraph (London), 2-20-2012]

Arrested recently and awaiting trial for murder: Justin Wayne Green, 30, Clay County, Texas (March). Kenneth Wayne Thompson, 28, Doniphan, Mo. (March) (arrested in Arizona). Gerald Wayne Little, 60, Princeton, W.Va. (March). Michael Wayne Lindsay, 48, Baileyton, Ala. (March). Keith Wayne Johnson, 19, Buna, Texas (February). Ryan Wayne Koebel, 17, Holts Summit, Mo. (January). Derrick Wayne Hunt Jr., 18, San Antonio (October). Ronald Wayne MacDonald, 50, Reno, Nev. (September) (charged in a 33- year-old cold case). Jeremy Wayne Manieri, 31, Baton Rouge, La. (July) (arrested in Florida). Christopher Wayne Dixon, 25, Sanford, N.C. (August). Indicted for murder: Mark Wayne Thibodeaux, 52, Lake Charles, La. (March). Re-sentenced for murder: Carl Wayne Buntion, Houston (March) (once again sentenced to death). Murder conviction overturned on appeal: Michael Wayne Hash, Richmond, Va. (February). Green: [Times Record News (Wichita Falls, Tex.), 3-20-2012] Thompson: [Associated Press via St. Louis Post-Dispatch, 3-17-2012] Little: [Bluefield Daily Telegraph (Bluefield, W.Va.), 3-21-2012] Lindsay: [The Arab Tribune (Arab, Ala.), 3-22-2012] Johnson: [Beaumont Enterprise, 3-20-2012] Koebel: [Associated Press via Columbia Tribune, 1-22-2012] Hunt: [San Antonio Express-News, 10-16-2011] MacDonald: [Sky Valley Chronicle (Monroe, Wash.), 9-24-2011] Manieri: [New York Daily News, 7-13-2011] Dixon: [Fayetteville Observer, 8-7-2011] Thibodeaux: [KPLC-TV (Lake Charles, La.), 3-22-2012] Buntion: [KHOU-TV (Houston), 3-6-2012] Hash: [Associated Press via Washington Post, 2-29-2012]

Thanks This Week to John Connell, Barbara McDonald, Dorothy Rosa Durkee, Steve Ringley, Matt Rushing, Nelson Waller, and Neil Gimon, and to the News of the Weird Senior Advisors (Jenny T. Beatty, Paul Di Filippo, Ginger Katz, Joe Littrell, Matt Mirapaul, Paul Music, Karl Olson, and Jim Sweeney) and Board of Editorial Advisors (Tom Barker, Paul Blumstein, Harry Farkas, Sam Gaines, Herb Jue, Emory Kimbrough, Scott Langill, Steve Miller, Christopher Nalty, Mark Neunder, Bob Pert, Larry Ellis Reed, Rob Snyder, Stephen Taylor, Bruce Townley, and Jerry Whittle).

Back to the Fundamentals: The multicultural Macquarie University, in suburban Sydney, Australia, said its restroom posters, installed last year, have been successful in instilling toilet etiquette. The lined-through figure of a user squatting on top of a toilet seat was especially helpful, apparently. Complaints of unsanitariness were such that some students were timing their classes to use restrooms in a nearby mall instead. (Lest anyone believe the problem is confined to multicultural institutions, a recent memo by the 785-member Lewis Brisbois law firm in San Francisco instructed employees to clean urine from toilet seats, to always take the farthest stalls or urinals available, to mask sounds by toilet-flushing (if desired), and to not make eye contact in the restroom. [Daily Telegraph (Sydney), 1-12-2012] [Above The Law blog, 2-1-2012]

-- Louis Helmburg III filed a lawsuit in Huntington, W.Va., in February against the Alpha Tau Omega fraternity and its member Travis Hughes for injuries Helmburg suffered in May 2011 when he fell off a deck at the fraternity house. He had been startled and fallen backward off the rail-less deck after Hughes attempted to fire a bottle rocket "out of his anus" -- and the rocket, instead, exploded in place. (The lawsuit does not refer to Hughes' injuries.) [Courthouse News Service, 2-2-2012]

-- U.S. Immigration agents in a $160,000 Chevy Suburban that had been custom-designed and -armored specifically to protect agents from roadside kidnappings became sitting ducks last year when kidnappers forced the vehicle off the road near San Luis Potosi, Mexico, and got the door open briefly, enabling them to fire 100 rounds and kill one of the two agents inside. According to a February Washington Post report, the Department of Homeland Security had failed to modify the vehicle's factory setting that popped open the door locks automatically whenever the driver shifts into "Park." [Washington Post, 2-13-2012]

-- When Rose Marks and her extended family of Romanian-Gypsy "psychics" were indicted last year for a 20-year-run of duping South Floridians out of as much as $40 million, victims of the clan were elated that justice might be at hand. (A typical scam, according to prosecutors, was to take a client's cash, "to pray over it," promising its return but somehow figuring out how to keep it.) However, in December, the Markses' attorneys reported that "several" of the so-called victims had begun to work with them to help clear the family, including one who reportedly paid Rose over time $150,000. According to the lawyers, these "victims" call the Markses "friends," "life coaches" and "confidants," rather than swindlers. [Miami Herald, 12-26-2011; 2-20-2012]

David Myrland, an anti-government "sovereign" now serving three years in federal prison for threatening the mayor of Kirkland, Wash., filed a federal lawsuit in February accusing various officials of conspiracy -- by the manipulation of bad grammar, i.e., "backwards-correct-syntaxing-modification fraud." Each word of the original complaint, coded by Myrland as to part of speech, "proves" to him that the complaint was "fraudulent" and "handicapping." (Random sentence from Myrland's filing: "For the WORDS OF an ADVERB-SYNTAX-GRAMMAR-MODIFICATIONS ARE with an USE of the SYNTAX-GRAMMAR with the VOID of the POSITIONAL-LODIAL-FACT-PHRASE with the SINGLE-WORD-MODIFIER AS THE: A, AS, AT, AM, BECAUSE (many words omitted) FACT by the VASSALEES.") ("Sovereigns" generally reject the federal government, and Myrland did not explain why he expected a federal judge would have authority to help him.) [Seattle Weekly, 2-14-2012] [Scribd.com, 1-23-2012]

-- Jason Bacon, 41, was arrested in Eureka, Calif., in March after responding to a classified ad for a used motorcycle by offering to trade about $8,000 worth of his home-grown marijuana for it. According to an officer on the scene, Bacon told a deputy, "I know you can't sell it, but I thought it was OK to trade it." [Times-Standard (Eureka), 3-7-2012]

-- Kathleen Mathews was outraged that the local community could turn on her 26-year-old son, Jesse, who had been charged with capital murder for killing a Chattanooga, Tenn., police officer. She told the judge in a letter that Jesse is a "good man," and lamented, "You do one little thing that pisses people off, and they want to hold it against you forever." [Chattanooga Times Free Press, 2-12-2012] 

-- Oklahoma state Sen. Ralph Shortey, a staunch abortion opponent, introduced a bill in January to ban the use of human fetuses in processed food. Although the principal anti-abortion advocacy official in the state said he had never heard of such a practice, Sen. Shortey asserted that it was a problem and that he had been reading up on it on the Internet. [Associated Press via Wichita Eagle, 1-24-2012]

-- Kyle Bower, 19, was elected in November to a seat on the Alburtis (Pa.) Borough Council. Before being sworn in, however, he was sentenced to probation for stalking an ex-girlfriend and tossing a brick through her window. Now that he is seated, he still must answer to 2010 charges in Kutztown, Pa., of resisting arrest for public drunkenness. In both incidents, he also displayed an uncanny ability to slip out of handcuffs and wander away from arresting officers. [Morning Call (Allentown, Pa.), 12-11-2011]

Madeleine Martin, the chief animal protection official for the state government of Hesse, Germany, told a newspaper in Frankfurt in February that among the reasons why the country needed an anti-bestiality law was that she knew of "animal brothels" in Germany (presumably, not animal-animal mating services but human-animal facilities). (Without an anti-bestiality law, authorities usually must prove that the animal has been physically harmed in order to obtain a conviction.) [The Local (Berlin), 2-3-2012]

Law enforcement officers turn to Facebook nowadays to help solve crimes, knowing that some perpetrators cannot resist bragging about or even showing off things they've recently stolen. For example, Steven Mulhall, 21, will be easily prosecuted for stealing the nameplate off the door of Broward County (Fla.) judge Michael Orlando -- since he posted in March a photograph of himself holding it following a courtroom visit. (In other Facebook news, in Tacoma, Wash., in March, corrections officer Alan O'Neill, 41, was charged with bigamy after his long-estranged first wife found out about the second one when Facebook suggested the two be "friends.") [South Florida Sun-Sentinel, 3-9-2012] [KOMO News (Seattle), 3-9-2012]

In February, a 41-year-old man in a pond in Gosport, England, apparently suffered an epileptic seizure while feeding swans in water about three feet deep. Firefighters were called, but the first one to arrive remained on shore, explaining that he had been trained only for "ankle deep" water and would have to await a colleague trained in "chest high" water. In July 2011, a man committed suicide in San Francisco Bay by wading into neck-deep water and remaining until he died of hypothermia. Firefighters from the city of Alameda watched from the shore because they lacked water-rescue "training." (In neither situation was it proved that the victim would have survived if rescued sooner.) [Daily Telegraph, 2-22-2012]

Men (almost never a woman) Who Accidentally Shot Themselves Recently: Lee Miars, 30, Myrtle Creek, Ore., while pointing a gun at his head to illustrate a story for friends (January). A 22-year-old Navy SEAL, San Diego, Calif., while pointing a gun at his head to convince friends it was unloaded (January). Riki Ingram, 18, Baker, La., shot his leg while "holstering" his gun to his pocket following a robbery (December). Ethan Bennett, 36, Monroe, Wash., aiming at a squirrel running up his leg, shot his foot (November). Special Deputy Ted Maze, Bedford, Ind., shot his hand while reloading at a training session (June). Kenneth Fortson, 21, Atlanta, was killed in a police chase following a home invasion (by, apparently, holding a gun as his pickup truck hit a tree and jarred his trigger finger) (October). Larry Godwin, 68, Redfield, Iowa, shot himself twice firing at a raccoon in a live trap (February). [Myrtle Creek: KVAL-TV (Eugene, Ore.), 1-24-2012] [San Diego: KNSD-TV (San Diego), 1-5-2012] [Baker: WAFB-TV (Baton Rouge), 12-20-2011] [Monroe, Wash.: KGW-TV (Portland, Ore.), 11-30-2011] [Bedford: Times-Mail (Bedford), 6-16-2011] [Atlanta: Atlanta Journal Constitution, 10-11-2011] [Redfield: WOI-TV (Des Moines), 2-25-2012]

Thanks This Week to Richard Zehr, Chip Sharpe, Kent Heustess, Sandy Pearlman, Perry Levin, Kathryn Wood, Peter Smagorinsky, Sarah Winter, John Smith, Scott Johnston, Karen Bledsoe, and Shawn Tolliver, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.