Catch-22 Catches Disabled Veteran: David Henderson, a Korean War veteran long suffering from paranoid schizophrenia, applied 15 days past the deadline for enhanced care under a 2001 veterans-benefits law and thus was, as required by the statute, disqualified from the additional benefits. Henderson's doctor pointed out that major disorders such as Henderson's often leave victims unable to understand concepts like "deadlines." As U.S. Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer asked, during argument on the case in December, did Congress (which wrote the statute) really intend to deprive Henderson of care because of the very disability for which he sought help? (A decision is expected in the spring.)

-- Swinging bachelors often try to impress potential mates with their fancy cars, houses and jewelry, and it appears that male bowerbirds of Papua New Guinea employ a similar mating strategy by building elaborate tree homes. National Geographic magazine noted in July that the birds can "build a hut that looks like a doll's house" or "arrange flowers, leaves and mushrooms in such an artistic manner" that researchers liken them to the craftsmanship of humans. Biologists observed females gravitating to males who had such structures as a three-foot tower of twigs, nuts and beetles, decorated with "garlands of caterpillar feces glistening with dew."

-- Best Not to Ask Why: Fredrik Hjelmqvist, 45, owner of an audio shop in Stockholm, demonstrated in November his system of broadcasting music from his stomach. He swallowed a plastic capsule containing a battery-operated audio set-up, then connected an amplifier to a stethoscope and held it against his belly, and began playing recorded music, including the Village People's "YMCA," until the battery died three hours later. Hjelmqvist admitted that the audio quality was poor but still hopes to sell the system for the equivalent of about $17,000.

-- Do They Know? (1) An October Houston Chronicle review of "authorities" on animal "consciousness" suggested that perhaps dogs are embarrassed when their owners dress them in tacky Halloween costumes. "Pet Psychic" maven Sonya Fitzpatrick said she was certain that some feel shame at their owners' poor fashion sense, but another practitioner said dogs' reactions were probably only to their physical discomfort with the clothing itself. (2) A conservation organization in China's Sichuan province routinely dresses caregivers in panda suits to socialize baby pandas that have lost their mothers so that the babies do not become accustomed to humans. However, as London's Daily Telegraph reported in a December dispatch, experts acknowledge that they have no idea whether the babies are fooled.

-- The American Veterinary Chiropractic Association announced recently that it is seeking 400 dachshunds for experiments in which a chiropractic vet will "crack the backs" of dogs for an unspecified research project. Test subjects are preferred that have "uneven leg length that is influenced with neck flexion" but which have not been under the care of a chiropractor within the previous 60 days.

-- Gloria Clark, 62, was charged in the death of her 98-year-old mother in St. George, S.C., in December after the mother's body was found among squalid conditions at her home. Though Clark denied she had been neglectful, the mother's pet parrot might have disagreed. According to the police report, the parrot, in the mother's bedroom, continually squawked -- mimicking "Help me! Help me!" followed by the sound of laughter.

Life Imitates a Monty Python Sketch: An unnamed Danish man traveled to Vienna, Austria, in July for a trial on his lawsuit against the man who had sold him a defective cockatoo for the equivalent of about $15,000. In a demonstration for the judge in the courtroom's hallway, the bird flew "lopsided," with the probable cause (according to the purchaser) chronic gout. The judge's decision was not reported.

(1) An official release of San Francisco's Department of the Environment in July apparently cleared up a matter of controversy (according to a report in SF Weekly): Human semen is one organic waste product not required to be disposed of in special "compost" bags under the city's mandatory composting law. (However, "snot" must be properly bagged.) (2) The Green Party is occasionally criticized for its overrepresentation of whites and upper-income people, who are less likely to flinch at the added costs of environmental protections. In October, the Green Party candidate for governor of Illinois, Rich Whitney, was shocked to see that the sample ballot for the November election mistakenly displayed his name as "Rich Whitey." (Corrections were made in time for election day.)

Darren Suchon, 42 and unemployed (and usually home all day), was charged in October with reckless driving and assault, among other things, for allegedly running his girlfriend off the road in his zeal to catch her after she drove away with his Sony PlayStation console. She had just left for work, and Suchon weaved through traffic in Palmerton, Pa., then bumped her car when he caught up with her at a traffic light, forcing her off the road. According to witnesses, Suchon rushed the car, "clawing" at it, screaming that he would "break the (expletive) window" if he didn't get his game back.

(1) In December, Mr. Alkis Gerd'son moved out of student housing at Canada's University of Victoria, which had been his home since 1991 (even though he long ago obtained his degree and had not taken a class in 13 years). Gerd'son claims various stress disorders (over, perhaps, finding a job?) and had until now stymied efforts to evict him by filing claims before human rights tribunals. (2) Ricardo West, a professional Michael Jackson impersonator (who staged "Michael Lives! The Michael Jackson Tribute Concert") was charged in August in Allen Park, Mich., with 12 counts of child molestation.

Kids Law: (1) In July, a 5-year-old boy in Dublin, Ireland, was awarded the equivalent of about $9,900 from a shopkeeper who had grabbed his arm and accused him, erroneously, of being a thief. Under the law, the boy had to prove that he has, at age 5, a "reputation in the community" for truth-telling and that his reputation had been damaged. (2) A New York City judge ruled in October that an 87-year-old woman who was accidentally knocked down by several kids racing bicycles on the sidewalk could sue the kids, including one who was 4 years old (and who is thus legally presumed to understand the difference between "reasonable" and "unreasonable" behavior).

Thank Goodness for Narcissists: (1) Murder suspect Earle Barranco, 24, was arrested in Charlotte, N.C., in November, three weeks after allegedly killing a man in a New York City diner. Barranco was spotted at a Charlotte Bobcats basketball game, mugging for the arena's JumboTron while decked out in the distinctive jewelry he wore during the alleged murder. At the next Bobcats game a few days later, with police monitoring that same seat, Barranco was arrested. (2) Dennis Davis, 40, and his wife were convicted in October in Britain's Staines Magistrates' Court of manufacturing a line of pirated music CDs. Davis initially denied ownership of the pirated stash but was unable to explain why the CDs bore his company's label with his own photo on it.

In August (2001), Naples (Fla.) City Councilman Fred Tarrant demanded that local artist Ted Lay's "Famous Tongue Mona Al Monica" painting (side-by-side impressions of Mona Lisa, Albert Einstein and Monica Lewinsky sticking their tongues out) be removed from its place at a Naples municipal art center because he thinks Lewinsky's "tongue" too much resembled a penis (which Lay denied). According to a Naples Daily News report, Tarrant is in fact blind but said various "advisers" assured him that the tongue resembled a penis.

Biologists Studying Rare Species Have to Be Quick: Researchers learned from reports in early 2010 of a new monkey species in Myanmar, with a nose so recessed that it habitually collects rainfall and constantly sneezes. However, according to an October National Geographic dispatch, by the time scientists arrived to investigate, natives had eaten the monkey. (The sneezing makes them easy for hunters to detect.) (Researchers studying a rare species of Vietnamese lizard had an easier time in November. After learning of the species and rushing to Ba Ria-Vung Tau province, a two-man team from La Sierra University in Riverside, Calif., found the lizards being routinely served in several restaurants' lunch buffets.)

-- Parents of the 450 pupils (aged 3 to 11) at Applecroft primary school in Welwyn Garden City, England, were given individualized yearbooks recently with all the children's faces obscured by black bars over the eyes (except for photos of the recipient's own children, which had no obstructions). The precautions (described by one parent as "creepy," like kids were "prisoner(s)") were ordered by headmistress Vicky Parsley, who feared that clear photos of children would inevitably wind up in child pornography. Last year, Parsley famously prohibited parents from taking photographs during school plays -- of their kids or any others -- for the same fear.

-- Among the few commercially successful enterprises in North Korea is its General Federation of Science and Technology's video game unit, which has produced such popular programs as a bowling game based on the American cult classic movie "The Big Lebowski," and another based on the "Men in Black" film series. Bloomberg News revealed in September that a major international partner of the federation's marketing arm Nosotek is the News Corporation -- the umbrella company of Rupert Murdoch's vast enterprises that include the conservative Fox News (which is generally provocative toward the North Korean government).

-- Joy of Democracy! (1) The women's group Femen is growing in popularity in Ukraine (according to a November Reuters dispatch), helped in large part by its members' willingness, during the group's ubiquitous street protests, to remove their tops. (2) The Socialist Party in Spain's Catalonia region offered an election video in November on the joy of voting, in which an attractive, increasingly excited woman simulates an orgasm as she fills out her ballot, climaxing at the moment she drops it into the slot. (3) The nativist Danish People's Party called in November for an anti-immigration film that featured bare-breasted women sunbathing, as one way to convince religious fundamentalists abroad not to immigrate to Denmark.

-- Nicholas Hodge, 31, was arrested in Winona County, Minn., in November after he entered the home of an acquaintance at 2:40 a.m. and refused to leave, complaining that a person who lived there owed him something. According to the deputy's report, Hodge was cuffed while sitting on a toilet "in the kitchen." The deputy added, "I'm not sure why they had a toilet in the kitchen."

-- "Sex strikes" (the withholding of favors) are employed from time to time, especially in underdeveloped countries, to influence political leaders' decisions. However, these almost always appear in patriarchies in which females have little influence beyond the power of sexual denial. In December, Stanley Kalembaye of Uganda's National Resistance Movement, battling to unseat the ruling party, publicly called for the nation's men to withhold sex from their wives unless the wives promise to vote for the Resistance.

-- In November, outgoing Florida Gov. Charlie Crist initiated pardon proceedings (granted in December) excusing now-deceased singer Jim Morrison of The Doors for his 1969 indecent-exposure conviction in Miami Beach. However, Crist has ignored petitions from still-living, still-incarcerated convicts who almost certainly suffered unfair prosecutions. Orlando Sentinel crusader Scott Maxwell has reported on several dozen people convicted in part by trainer Bill Preston's dogs, who supposedly tracked crime-scene scents through water and other obstacles, sometimes months later and despite much site contamination, directly to the defendant on trial. Judge after judge permitted Preston's "expert" testimony until one demanded a live courtroom test, which Preston's dog utterly failed. In 2009 two convicts were released after DNA tests proved the dog's sniffs were erroneous, but as many as 60 similar convictions still stand.

-- News That Sounds Like a Joke: The good news for investigators covering the November shooting of a 53-year-old man in Fort Bend County, Texas, is that there were several witnesses who helped an artist sketch the shooter's face. The bad news was that the shooter was wearing a full-face "Halloween" mask the whole time. Nonetheless, the sketch of a man's head, with the face fully covered by the indistinct mask, was distributed to the media by the Fort Bend Sheriff's Office.

-- Glenn Crawley, 55, who describes himself as a "man of the water," flipped his catamaran off the coast of Newquay, England, in September for the 13th time and had to be rescued, running the costs of attending to his miscues to the equivalent of nearly $50,000. Although officials have pleaded with him to give up sailing (terming him "Captain Calamity"), Crawley said: "I do what no one else is doing. So I'd appreciate it if people would get off my case and give me some support."

Not Ready for Prime Time: (1) Bonnie Usher, 43, was arrested in Manchester, N.H., in November and charged with robbing a Rite Aid pharmacy after being spotted in her car fleeing the store's parking lot. The robber's easy-to-remember license plate: "B-USHER." (2) Walter Allen Jr. was arrested in Houston in November after attempting to purchase two Bentley cars at the Post Oak Motor Cars company. Allen, using his own driver's license, presented a check for $500,000 from the Federal Reserve Bank of Atlanta (which was, of course, bogus since the Federal Reserve does not bank with checks).

Recent Playdates: Mary, on a barbershop wall in Bakersfield, Calif. (Finder's reaction: "like a miracle, actually") (November). Jesus in an MRI image in Greer, S.C. ("I don't care what anybody else thinks") (October). Jesus in a cherry tree limb in Midway, N.C. ("(A)m I nuts or not, I don't know") (October). Jesus in a chicken's feathers in Rowley Regis, England (Mom pointed out the "ring of thorns"). Jesus on a stone in the road in Granbury, Texas ("(E)ven the rocks will cry out," Luke 19:40) (July). Jesus on a lifeguard flag in Candia, N.H. (July). Mary on spilled baby lotion in Riohacha, Colombia (July). The final date on the tour is now set for May 21, 2011, according to evangelist Harold Camping, who in July told his followers to prepare.

Alan Patton, 59, of Dublin, Ohio, was arrested again in November -- this time under the state's newly passed "Alan Patton" law (inspired by his earlier arrest) for hanging around men's rooms to collect (and then consume) fresh urine from young boys. Earlier laws afforded insufficient punishment, legislators had said, leading to the new law. Explained one detective, after Patton's 2006 arrest, "Listening to him describe (his fetish), it's like listening to a crack or cocaine addict. He's addicted to children's urine."

September (2002) reports in the New York Post and the Toronto Star, quoting parents' website "reviews" of the Mattel $19.99 Nimbus 2000 plastic-replica riding broomstick from the (then-)latest Harry Potter movie, highlighted its battery-powered special effect -- vibration. Wrote a Texas mother: "I was surprised at how long (my daughter and her friends) can just sit in her room and play with this magic broomstick." Another said her daughter fights her son for it but complains that "the batteries drain too fast." Still another mother, age 32, said she enjoyed it as much as her daughter.

The Cabral Chrysler dealership in Manteca, Calif., was so desperate for a sale in October that one of its employees picked up potential customer Donald Davis, 67, at his nursing home, brought the pajamas-and-slippers-clad, dementia-suffering resident in to sign papers, handed him the keys to his new pickup truck (with the requested chrome wheels!), and sent him on his way (even tossing Davis' wheelchair into the truck's bed as Davis sped away). Shortly afterward, Davis led police on a high-speed chase 50 miles from Manteca. He was stopped and detained (but at a hospital the next morning, he passed away from heart failure). The Cabral salesman said Davis had called him twice the day before, insisting on buying a new truck.

-- At an out-of-the-way Iranian cemetery on the border with Turkmenistan lies an ancient burial ground guarded by a majestic tower and marked with headstones, some of which resemble penises and some of which resemble breasts, supposedly in honor of the prophet Khalid Nabi, who was born a Christian but who became a hero of Islam when his daughter visited the Prophet Muhammad and converted her father. The site is growing in popularity among young Iranians, but officials struggle to embrace it fully as a tourist destination.

-- It sounds like a "demonstration" sport showcased from time to time at international games, but kabaddi is highly competitive -- featured at the recent Asian Games and usually dominated by south Asian teams. According to a November Agence France-Presse dispatch, teams "(join) hands, holding their breath and raiding opponents, chanting 'kabaddi, kabaddi, kabaddi' as they do so." Players tout the sport's benefits to health and happiness (the breath-holding, under stress), claiming it will add years to one's life. India and Iran played for the championship at the Asian Games this year (but the result seems not to have been widely reported).

-- Though the death and injury rates for motorbikers in Nigeria are high, compliance with a helmet law is notoriously bad -- because so many riders fear "juju," which is the presence of supernatural spirits inside head coverings. Juju supposedly captures a person's brain and takes it away, leading most riders to "comply" with the helmet law by wearing only a thin cloth hat that spiritualists assure them will not allow "juju" to take hold (such as Ralph Ibuzo's Original Lapa Guard, which, in addition to preventing brain disappearance also supposedly prevents disease).

-- Imagine the surprise in November when a burglar rummaging through the St. Benno Church in Munich, Germany, was suddenly attacked. He had bent down to open the donation box, and just then, a statue of St. Antonius fell on top of him, momentarily knocking him to the floor and forcing him to flee empty-handed.

-- Mixed Message: Larry Falter, the owner of a Superior, Wis., jewelry store and an elder in a local messianic church, began staging in November a "Second Coming" sale, supposedly to commemorate the Day of the Lord when Jesus returns, triggering the Apocalypse. Among the responses by local residents: Why would anyone planning to be taken away need jewelry anyway, and, especially, why would Falter need to sell his jewelry instead of just giving it away? (Falter said that he owes money to people right now and is obliged to pay them back as best he can before departing.)

-- In November, Singapore's Information Ministry denounced the country's water polo team for wearing swim trunks in a likeness of the nation's flag (stars and a crescent) -- especially since, on the men's trunks, the inch-thick, 5-inch-long crescent is placed vertically on the front in what appears to be an "are you glad to see me?" design. The team's manager denied even the "slightest intention" of insulting the country.

-- An unnamed plumber in Stockholm, Sweden, was arrested in August for attempting to procure sex from an underage girl after he had confronted the girl's father on the telephone. According to the plumber, the girl's sex services were advertised on the Internet, and the plumber paid online and scheduled a session, but the girl failed to show up. The plumber somehow found the girl's home telephone number and demanded a refund from her father, who reported him to police.

"Dr." Berlyn Aussieahshowna, 37, was arrested in Boise, Idaho, in November and charged with practicing medicine without a license after she convinced at least two women to let her fondle their breasts under the guise that she was performing a breast "exam." According to police investigators, Aussieahshowna is neither a doctor nor even Berlyn Aussieahshowna. She is Kristina Ross, and is not even a biological female, although she was identified in a 2004 arrest as a male-to-female transsexual. Authorities were puzzled why the two women were duped since both times, "Dr." Aussieahshowna performed her "consultations," including the exams, in bars.

When News of the Weird reported in 2004 on Disney fanatic George Reiger of Bethlehem, Pa., he was in full glory, with a 5,000-piece collection of Disney character and movie memorabilia and some 2,000 tattoos covering almost all of his body. He said then that he had been married six times, but that each wife had left him, unable to compete with Disney for his affection. In November 2010, Reiger, now 56, opening up to The Philadelphia Inquirer, admitted that he had not been married at all and was in fact extremely lonely in his Disney obsession, but that he had finally found the love of a woman and wanted to end his fanaticism and remove the tattoos.

Robbery Modus Operandi: (1) Caroline Slusher, 32, and two associates were indicted in Willoughby, Ohio, in the November "armed" robbery of a BP gas station convenience store. After a clerk caught Slusher shoplifting, Slusher raised her arm menacingly and threatened to touch the clerk, claiming she was infected with the highly destructive bacteria MRSA. The clerk backed off, and the three fled. (2) Nakita Norman, 44, aided by two distracting associates, was captured on surveillance video stuffing two fur coats down the front of her pants, directly into the crotch area, and departing the Sword Furs store in Westlake, Ohio. Norman was arrested based on informants' tips.

Elderly drivers' recent lapses of concentration, confusing the brake pedal with the gas: A woman, age 83, accidentally plowed into Lickity Split Yogurt in Carmichael, Calif. (August). A man, 89, accidentally drove into the waters off the Dunedin (Fla.) Marina (but was rescued before his car sunk) (August). A man in his 80s accidentally drove through the front window of the Petco store in Chico, Calif. (August). A woman, 89, accidentally backed over her husband while pulling out of her garage in Allentown, Pa. (April). A woman in her 70s accidentally drove into an optometry office in Anaheim, Calif., in March. A woman, 73, accidentally crashed into a Pizza Hut in Houston (March). A woman, 82, arriving for her appointment at Classic Hair Design in Plainfield Township, Mich., accidentally drove through the front window (April).

Autobiography of the Least Interesting Man in America: According to a Seattle Times feature in March (1996), Robert Shields, 77 (since deceased), of Dayton, Wash., was the author of perhaps the longest personal diary in history -- nearly 38 million words on paper stored in 81 cardboard boxes -- covering the previous 24 years in five-minute increments. Example: July 25, 1993, 7 a.m.: "I cleaned out the tub and scraped my feet with my fingernails to remove layers of dead skin." 7:05 a.m.: "Passed a large, firm stool, and a pint of urine. Used 5 sheets of paper."