DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should a new mother respond to overly excited visitors who do not ask permission to hold the baby, and are not careful when doing so? I have just welcomed my third little one, and still have not quite figured this out.
I have certain in-laws that I know will immediately grab the baby and hold him up high in the air, then pass him off to their children, who will fight over who gets to hold him. It has even developed into a tug of war in the past, when my other two were babies, and I was always extremely nervous that they would be dropped.
I could rely on my daughter to start screaming after a few minutes, and then I could rescue her with a made-up excuse, “Oh, she must be hungry!” My son was a sturdy, easygoing baby, and he (and I) put up with it better.
This new babe is extremely small and fragile after a hard labor. I am getting very nervous about the visit. How can I politely head off the baby-grabbing?
GENTLE READER: “I am afraid that this one is a bit delicate and can get fussy, so I am going to hold on to her for now. When she’s bigger and sturdier, I will happily pass her around for gentle hugs and kisses.” The subtle threat of these visitors’ wayward grabs inducing crying and tantrums will likely deter them. If not, they will have been properly forewarned of the consequences.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)