DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend and I recently got into a fight because she put me in an uncomfortable situation. I am a fairly reserved person, and she is very extroverted, so this can cause us to have conflicting reactions to certain scenarios. She pushed for me to enter this situation, and I went ahead with it because I didn’t want to disappoint my friend and I am not great at setting boundaries. Things ended up reaching a point where I finally told my friend that we needed to leave. I am upset at her and myself for not putting a stop to everything sooner. I want to blame her for everything that happened, but she says it’s unfair that I blame her because she would have left if I had asked. She was just so adamant and loud about wanting to go to the event that I went with her.
We’ve talked it over, but I wouldn’t say everything is resolved because whenever she says it's unfair for me to blame her for everything that happened, I just stare at her -- I don’t know how to respond. I don’t blame her for the actions of others, but I do blame her for putting me in the situation. I don’t know if I’ll ever look at her the same way. How should I move forward with the relationship? -- Lack of Trust
DEAR LACK OF TRUST: First, you cannot blame your friend for everything that happened. You made the decision to go with her. You may have felt coerced, but you could have said no. Eventually, you did draw the line. What you must realize is that you cannot trust yourself to make a smart decision when you are being pressured by this person. Perhaps you should distance yourself from her, at least for a while. Know that this is not a punishment for her. Instead, it is an acceptance on your part that you don’t seem to be strong enough right now to make smart decisions when you are in her company. Rather than testing yourself, you can choose to surround yourself with people who share your values.