DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter recently had a baby -- my first grandchild. The problem is that she lives out of state, and she's now living in close proximity to her mother-in-law. They spend a lot of time together, and the mother-in-law is getting to know my granddaughter well. I cannot move closer to my daughter, nor can I take much time off work to see her. How can I be just as involved in my granddaughter’s life as my daughter’s mother-in-law? I don't want to be bitter about their new relationship, but I am. -- Missing Out

DEAR MISSING OUT: One of the downsides of living far away from family is exactly what you are experiencing. I want to caution you to work hard not to be jealous of your daughter’s mother-in-law. Consider it a blessing that she is there and can support your daughter and her young baby. As you know, tending to a newborn is time-consuming, and it is invaluable to have support from your family.

Instead of being bitter, figure out creative ways to engage. Invest in a device that will allow you and your daughter and family to have video chats on a bigger screen. We got the Alexa Echo device in order to see and talk to my mother who is in an assisted living facility. It is easy to use and to see, and it creates an opportunity for us to feel close, even from a distance. Talk to each other daily so your grandbaby gets to know your voice and your face. Plan visits when you can, and accept that you are all doing your best. Resist resenting the mother-in-law. Instead, thank her for giving amazing support.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m an empty-nester. My husband wants me to work with him 24/7 now that my kids are out of the house. We live together, work together and share a car, so when I need to go anywhere, he’s the one taking me. How can I tell my husband that I need a break from him without hurting his feelings? -- Need Space

DEAR NEED SPACE: Your story reminds me of my mother when my father retired. He followed her everywhere for about a year, even going with her to the hairdresser once. That’s when she drew the line and explained that she needed some alone time. It hurt his feelings at first, but eventually he came to accept it.

Talk to your husband about your new reality. As empty-nesters, you need to reset the rules. Express how much you love him AND your space. Make it clear that sometimes you need time alone. Pick a place in your house that can be your sanctuary, off-limits to him. Establish times when you can use the car without him, even if it’s just to go to the store or visit a friend. Suggest that he carve out time and space for himself, too. Your lives have changed dramatically, and you need to figure out how to be comfortable with a new rhythm.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently signed to a prestigious modeling agency in Los Angeles. This feels like my big break because I've been wanting to get signed for such a long time. The other day, my manager told me that I would book more gigs if I got a certain type of plastic surgery. I don't think there's anything wrong with me, and I'm not necessarily ready to make such a huge change to myself. I don't even think that I believe in getting plastic surgery. Other people within the agency have agreed with my manager and said that getting this procedure done would help my career a lot. What do I do? -- L.A. Model

DEAR L.A. MODEL: In the world of beauty, you will find that there are many enhancements that will be recommended to aid in your potential success. What’s most important for you to not lose your way is to figure out what you value -- and what you don’t. Do some research and learn about the particular procedure in question. Read as much as you can. Speak to people who have had the procedure and consult with a plastic surgeon about the risks and benefits.

You can decide to do nothing right now and see how your career unfolds. If, over time, you don’t seem to be getting the bookings that you want, you may reconsider the surgery. In this day and age, models of all stripes are being hired for jobs. That includes models with all kinds of “flaws.” Rather than reshaping some area of your body, you may want to embrace it and choose to make it part of your brand. Whatever you choose, do it with confidence. Your confidence in yourself will help your agency to be inspired by the uniqueness of you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Without sounding superficial, how do I tell my boyfriend that I want him to do nice things for me?

My love language definitely involves receiving gifts, yet I haven't received anything from him. It isn't necessarily about the gifts; I would just appreciate the gesture. For me, receiving a gift is a huge sign of love and appreciation. I'm wondering why he doesn't even offer. He has a really good job. Am I right to be a little upset about this? -- Bare Minimum

DEAR BARE MINIMUM: Your boyfriend is not a mind reader. We make the mistake of assuming that people want what we want, the way we want it. That simply isn’t true. Your boyfriend may have grown up in a household where his parents didn’t give each other gifts -- or perhaps his parents weren’t together. He may not have witnessed the joy of giving and receiving, so he may be oblivious to what you crave.

Talk to him. Tell him what makes you happy. Also, be sure to give him gifts so that he has a chance to experience what you like. But know that his love language may be different. Observe him so you can learn what makes him happy.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: I want to take a moment to talk to you directly about the things that have been going on in our world for the past year. Many of us have been quarantined due to the COVID-19 pandemic, only now being able to move about freely. The year been fraught with challenges. Because the world shut down, many of our jobs evaporated. Countless businesses -- especially the small businesses that are the backbone of our country -- did not survive. Many more continue to limp along in hopes that soon they will experience a full comeback.

The murder of George Floyd by a police officer compelled thousands of people across our country and throughout the world to take to the streets to protest violence against Black people. In response to this growing awareness of the need to look at each other differently and figure out ways to be more respectful and conscious about how we engage others, a nationwide introspection began in families, businesses and communities. Rather than the focus on this tragedy lasting for one news cycle, it has lasted for an entire year, and many have taken action. Corporations have donated millions of dollars to protecting and uplifting Black, brown, Asian, LGBTQ and other underrepresented people as they have also looked to strengthen their business practices from the lens of diversity, equity and inclusion.

And then there was one of the most contentious elections in American history that nearly tore our citizenry down the middle, gutting much of the trust that had already been eroding over recent years. That historic election followed by the insurrection on Jan. 6 and the murders of innocent Asian women two months later, only to be exacerbated by a spate of mass murders week by week for nearly two months and counting, has sent our country reeling.

We are in crisis today on so many levels. Surely we are experiencing moral, political, economic, philosophical and racial emergencies. This is a historic time. Because we have been paused, we have started to collectively think a little harder about where we are and what it all means.

This year we began to ask ourselves, “Who are we?,” “What do we value?” and “Do we care about our fellow man and woman?” Further contemplation of how we can be fully engaged members of humanity rather than individuals standing in our separate corners rallying for our own rights to the exclusion of others has caused fiery dialogue and calls for action.

And then there was the trial of Derek Chauvin for the murder of George Floyd, in which Chauvin was found guilty of murdering Floyd. Many were shocked; it is rare for police officers to be held accountable for these behaviors. As President Biden, Vice President Harris and so many others have said, we have to do more. Our country desperately needs reform on so many levels. We need to choose to create systems and checks and balances that will support every member of our national family -- that will make it more likely that we will SEE each other, HEAR each other and choose to RESPECT each other, especially in those tender, challenging moments.

Now is a time for us to come together, to figure out ways forward that allow us to disagree and still care about each other. I wish we could all take an empathy pill and open our eyes to a new understanding of the importance of each individual in our world. What we can do is consciously choose to be thoughtful, kind, inclusive and fair in all of our interactions. As we reenter our beautiful world, let’s do so with a renewed commitment to love each other and look for the greatness that connects us all. It is possible. Let’s do it -- together.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)