DEAR HARRIETTE: I need help saying no to my best friend. She stays over at my house all the time, eats my food and uses my car whenever she gets a chance. She can’t hold a job if she doesn’t “love” it. When we go out, she always has an excuse not to pay, and she orders the most expensive bill while the rest of her friends pay for her.

My friends and I juggle taking care of her, and I am ready to cut off any sort of help. She’s taking it too far, and I'm ready to explode. She’s a mooch, and we aren’t her parents. I don’t want her to fail in life, but she needs to take care of herself. What do we do? -- Mooching Friend

DEAR MOOCHING FRIEND: It’s time for you to rethink what “best friend” means. It should mean that you look out for each other. It should not be a one-way street. You are not doing either her or yourself any favors by bailing her out all the time. You are not responsible for your friend’s survival. She is.

Sit down and talk to her. Tell her how disappointed you are that she still does not take care of herself. Explain that you will no longer be able to support her and that it’s time for her to take care of herself. You may want to stage this as an intervention with your other friends so that she is clear that this is serious and includes your whole friend group. Then -- the tough part -- you have to let her fall and pick herself up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I live with another couple. We moved in, and three months later the other couple started traveling; they haven’t been back to the apartment since August. We had maybe two or three disagreements that required a house meeting, but I didn’t think it was bad enough for them to want to move out.

Last week, one of them texted me and said that they were both off the lease -- just like that. All four of us have been trying to terminate the lease with this landlord for poor upkeep of our home, so I was confused that they took only the other couple off the lease and told us nothing. I contacted the landlord to figure out what was going on, and he said that no one is off the lease and they have not contacted him at all. Now I’m just confused. What is going on? They left for several months, haven’t made contact and now they say they are off the lease. I feel like they are trying to manipulate us, but for what? What do I do from here in this strange situation? -- Lying Couple

DEAR LYING COUPLE: It is time for legal intervention. To get out of your lease, you have to follow certain procedures. Gather your paperwork in support of why you want to leave your home. Gather proof of the other couple's negligence as well as the landlord’s. Hire a lawyer if you can. Go to housing court and file a suit against your landlord, your roommates, or all of the above.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: New York City will be closing indoor-dining restaurants and will be allowing only takeout orders and outdoor dining. It is now winter; outdoor dining is not really something that I imagine people will still want to do, unless they go to places that have heated patios.

Unfortunately, a lot of smaller businesses are afraid that they may face having to go out of business. What are your viewpoints on the pandemic and small businesses this winter? How do you think they will be affected? Do you believe landlords will cut business owners some slack due to the pandemic? I’m thinking about all of my favorite mom-and-pop shops that I know I will be trying to support this winter as much as I can because I do not want them to go away. -- Make It Through the Winter

DEAR MAKE IT THROUGH THE WINTER: The pandemic has dramatically and negatively impacted many small businesses, especially restaurants. This is true in New York City and beyond. The good news is that there is light on the horizon if vaccines reach enough people and have a positive impact.

Yet not all businesses will be able to hold on. What I hope is that landlords and small businesses will get creative and work together to ride this out. Of course, not all will do this -- but the alternative seems particularly grim. When landlords evict tenants today, it’s not so easy to find a replacement. Thousands of small businesses are suffering. So, ideally folks on both sides will work together toward a realistic outcome for all. Sadly, not all businesses will survive. We have already lost hundreds of thousands of businesses across our great country. Those who can get creative along with those who have deeper pockets may be poised to survive.

As consumers, we can do our part by frequenting as many of our favorite businesses as we can during these unprecedented times.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I keep in touch with my first ex-boyfriend. We have both gone on to build families and have great lives. Recently, he asked me to be a guest speaker at one of his classes, and I’m excited to do it. I’m wondering how I should identify myself. We are middle-aged people who have known each other for almost our whole lives, but he also holds a very special place in my heart because he was my first love. His class is a group of high schoolers, the same age we were when we dated. Am I traveling too far down memory lane to want to bring this up when I meet his class? Should I just keep it professional? What is appropriate? -- Who Am I?

DEAR WHO AM I?: Why not take your friend’s lead? Let him introduce you to his students and state who you are and your relationship to him. When you speak, you can say that you two have been friends since high school, but don’t go into the romantic side of it. Stay professional. Stay focused on the lesson that you are imparting. You can add that it is important to maintain relationships over the years with the people you value. You two are a perfect example of that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy New Year! Can you believe that we have crossed from the year 2020 into 2021? For many of us, 2020 was rough. From health challenges due to COVID-19 to political, economic and social unrest, we have been through it. Even for people who have found success during these intense times, it has often seemed overwhelming.

And now we have turned the page. We have the opportunity to reset and to claim what we want for this new year. We can choose the way forward for ourselves if we pay attention and take the right action.

The very notion that we can have some control over our destiny is empowering to me. I have been thinking about a concept that people talk about a lot -- embracing your superpower. Thanks to the rise in superhero comics and movies, we can envision ourselves as beings with the ability to move mountains, change thoughts and even save the world.

What is your superpower? What ability do you have to transform your life and make 2021 a better world for yourself and others? Great questions, huh? Rather than fretting over a New Year’s resolution that you may or may not keep, think about a personal superpower that you can cultivate and grow.

I want to recommend the superpower of embracing stillness. Not what you expected, huh? Think about it. If you take the time every day to sit quietly and listen to the voice inside, chances are, you will be able to tap into your own wisdom. Stillness makes space for your inner intelligence to emerge and show you the way for your life. It doesn’t cost anything other than your time and commitment.

I used to watch my grandmother, Carrie Freeland, who lived to be 101 years old, sit quietly in meditation every day. She would go into her room and sit in her beautiful old wooden rocking chair. She wrapped herself in a soft blanket and closed her eyes. There she sat, sometimes for more than an hour, gently rocking, seemingly transported somewhere else. I would walk in occasionally during this quiet time and try to get her attention, but she did not open her eyes until she was ready. When I asked what she was doing, she answered that she was listening to God. It took many years for me to grasp what that meant. I now know that during that time of stillness, and only then, can we commune with God, with that energy that is greater than ourselves but that dwells within each one of us. How powerful!

Here’s how you can do it: Get up a few minutes early each day. Sit quietly in an area where you will not be disturbed. Choose a special room or even go into your bathroom for a few minutes and close the door. Sit up straight, shoulders back and relaxed. Eyes closed. Take three deep cleansing breaths. Imagine with each inhalation that you are breathing in greatness. With each exhalation, you are releasing tension and discomfort. After three deep breaths, return to your natural breathing. With closed eyes, watch the natural flow of your breath. Notice the thoughts that come and go. Allow them to pass, trusting that whatever message is there for you will show its face. Mediate quietly for a few minutes. Then write down whatever came up for you. Look at your journal each day, and track the messages from within. If you commit to this simple daily meditation, you will begin to notice messages that can guide your life. I receive messages about physical fitness, family and work. Pay attention to learn what your messages are. Follow them, nurture them and watch your resolutions manifest. Here’s to an amazing year!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)