DEAR READERS: I received a lot of mail about my column about videoconferences and the fact that I think it is smart for everyone to show their faces at least once during these calls as a way to create better connections. The following letters give a sense of the range of comments that you had -- all of which are valid.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a woman who videoconferences using audio only. I do this because my husband is an essential worker, and I have three children. So while on these calls, I am helping them with schoolwork, helping them in the bathroom, breaking up skirmishes, etc. I am quite certain that watching these goings-on would be incredibly distracting. So rather than all women being so vain they can't bring themselves to be seen on camera, perhaps we could consider that even during a crisis, women do a disproportionate amount of the child-rearing. Perhaps that would allow people to extend more compassion and less judgement. -- Reality Check

DEAR REALITY CHECK: I agree that you should not keep the camera on when you are taking care of your children. I also think it is wise to show your face briefly and, whenever possible, when you are speaking.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good bit of the challenge senior leaders face comes down to how they present themselves in the world and how they communicate. From that perspective, I was intrigued by your reply to the writer exasperated by some female co-workers who choose not to be visible on office videoconferences.

You hit a couple of the points that crossed my mind when reading the letter. What I did not see was mention of two very significant issues I see embedded in the situation: women becoming invisible in the workforce and body language.

I'm sure you would agree that all too often, female employees lack the exposure or platform that enables them to demonstrate their full potential. Among the standard organizational "remedies" for that are some kind of self-esteem or assertiveness training and mentoring programs. Those can be helpful. What is decidedly not helpful is for women to purposefully become less visible on videoconference calls. If participating fully on a videoconference requires making more of an effort to achieve one's standard level of appearance, then I say shame on them for not making it. All the talk about and effort toward empowerment is quickly washed away when an employee's choices sabotage her own interests.

Second, communication occurs on three "frequencies" -- words, tone and body language. When the listener cannot experience the speaker's body language, as in this case, an enormous amount of meaning is lost. That weakens the impact of the speaker's remarks, further exacerbating the problem of being purposefully invisible. -- Professional Coach

DEAR PROFESSIONAL COACH: We live in a world where women are still valued less than men. To counter that, I think women should be as present as possible, even in the virtual workplace. But let me add that my main point about showing your face on video calls is for both men and women. When so many of us are still in quarantine, human interaction is even more important. Being able to see one another during work interactions matters.

I understand that the challenges of being at home are real and may make it impossible to always be on camera. But I recommend that all of us find a way to connect as meaningfully as we can from a distance. I believe that should include showing your face.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don’t know what to say to my son about all of the stuff happening in our country. I am a black mother with a black teenager. I am afraid every time he goes outside. I have actually appreciated the quarantine because I had a reason to keep him inside, but that can’t last. I am at a loss as to how to protect my boy. I know you don’t have any magic words, but can you give any guidance? -- Save My Son

DEAR SAVE MY SON: The unrest happening in our country right now stems from people being fed up with the racial injustice that continues to haunt our nation. It is heart-wrenching to see that in 2020, black and brown people are murdered by law enforcement officials and citizens. Worse still is that it often happens without repercussion.

This tragedy needs to end, yet people have been saying this for generations. It is time for all of us to take a good, hard look at ourselves -- at our thoughts, words and deeds -- so that we can figure out a way forward. Somehow, we have to tap into the humanity of one another and call forth our goodness rather than hatred and rage.

I hate that black families routinely teach their sons, in particular, how to engage the police in order to stay alive. “The talk” for black males is not about sex and how to make smart choices regarding intimacy. The talk is about how to be quiet, follow directions, keep your hands in sight, don’t run, don’t talk back -- or die. Who wants to have that talk with a young person whom you want to grow up to feel strong and free?

Yet, that’s what’s real.

My heart aches for you and your son and for all of the mothers and sons and families who are questioning how to move forward. You are right: There is no easy answer. I wish I could say it’s safer to travel in a group because there’s safety in numbers. Not true. Being in a group is often seen as being in a gang. I wish I could say to go out only in daylight, but I could give you a list of black men who have been murdered in the light of day.

Remind your son to live by the values you have taught him. Make sure he treats everyone with respect. Teach him to trust his intuition. If it feels unsafe to be in a particular place, he should leave immediately. Urge him to stand up for himself, even when that means standing in silence until it is the right time to talk.

Encourage your son to believe that his life matters. Remind him of how much you love him and want him to have a full and glorious life. Require him to vote the moment he is old enough. Tell him that his thoughts, words and deeds must guide his steps. With hard work, your love and God’s grace, tell him you pray that he survives and thrives.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a neighbor who likes to bring candy to my children. He doesn’t have his own kids, so I know he is doing this to connect with children he loves. And my kids do love him. But I don’t give them candy. I told him that the first time he gave it to them, but he hasn’t gotten the message. He has even dropped off packages of candy for them at my door during stay-at-home orders. He’s not creepy or anything, just lonely. How can I get him to change what he gives them without hurting his feelings? -- Candy Man

DEAR CANDY MAN: Wait until the quarantine is over and you feel safe to talk to him face-to-face, if possible. Thank him for being attentive to your children and reset your boundaries. Remind him that you do not allow your children to eat candy, which means they can never enjoy the gifts he brings because you don’t give it to them. Suggest that he come up with another gift or forego giving them anything. You might explain why you don’t give your children sweets so that he is clear about your wishes and your reasons to back them up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a human resources professional, and the recent writer who should have gotten a promotion with a raise had more options than to wait and be patient, especially as it appears her employer has been dragging its feet before the pandemic.

The letter writer needs to have documentation that this is a promotion and there will be a raise. She needs to know the new salary and have information about when or if there are conditions that must be met. She should also ask for back wages for the raise in the form of a bonus. For example, say the raise is $2,000 a year, but it is not issued for six months. The letter writer would be owed $1,000. In short, she needs to speak up for herself.

Even just emailing something like this to her employer would be helpful documentation in case it refuses to provide an offer letter. She can set terms like, “We will evaluate where business is in 90 days/six months/business has recovered to 80% of pre-pandemic levels.” And the letter writer should clearly document both the new responsibilities and how she has been carrying them out. This is needed so if the raise isn’t given or if she is fired, she has written proof that she can share with an attorney. She should send this letter to her manager and HR or someone else in the company and BCC her personal email. If there is no response in a week, email again.

If the company doesn’t respond by email, have a conversation. Afterward, send an email summary and BCC herself. I would also send an email of every conversation I had about this: “Today is June 13, 2020, and I spoke to Manager John. He said he would check with the owner.” -- HR Input

DEAR HR INPUT: Thank you for your clarification. Several people have written to me about this topic. I am grateful to share your professional wisdom on the matter.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)