DEAR READERS: Today is Veterans Day. Too often we notice these holidays on the calendar, but they take on meaning only when they affect us directly. It is worth pointing out that we live in relative safety thanks to the sacrifices that our men and women in the armed forces offer in order to keep our country and its citizens safe.

Recently, I have been talking to high school and college students who are contemplating what’s next for their lives. One young man, who immigrated to our country with his family when he was a baby, told me that as soon as he finishes college, he intends to go into the Air Force officers training school, if is he fortunate enough to be selected, because he wants to build a career in the military. “Why?” I wanted to know. He answered that he was inspired by his grandfather, who had fought in World War II back in his home country. His grandfather’s stories of valor stirred up something within him that set him on this course.

If you listen to young people, you will hear similar stories time and again. Yes, it can be dangerous to enter into the military, but there are also amazing benefits. The myriad educational opportunities seem endless. The areas of concentration are vast. And not every job is on the front line of a conflict.

But even for those jobs that are in direct combat, the preparation to be able to master a weapon or maneuver is top-notch. In other words, each person on the front line is prepared to be there.

I am not going into all this detail as an ad for the armed services -- not at all. More, I wanted to shine a light on the fact that for those people who decided to take that step, the arm of the military that they choose will do its best to keep that person out of harm’s way.

On Veterans Day, our attention really should be on what happens when they return. After serving, when our veterans rejoin society, they often need an extra dose of TLC from family members and, sometimes, from mental health professionals. In order to participate in some of the activities that keep our country safe, members of our military have had to learn how to approach situations in a way that is different from what is acceptable in civilian circumstances. The transition can be rocky at best.

The argument for more support of veterans is not a new one, but it wages on. To ensure that the care that veterans need at home is offered to them, we need to raise our voices and demand that Congress adequately fund the programs that will support their full rehabilitation. This is a topic that deserves loud voices speaking out on behalf of the men and women who come home with the various emotional and physical challenges that commonly plague veterans.

To learn more about what the Veterans Administration does for veterans, go to va.org. If you have a veteran in your life who needs more support, call 800-827-1000.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father died a few years ago, and my mother told me that she has met someone who has been taking her to dinner. She wanted to make sure my sister and I would be OK with that. She and my father were married for 35 years, but he is gone. We miss him, but I don’t think she should be restricted from dating. She is still vivacious but also lonely. My sister doesn’t agree. She says my mother should never date again. She had one love, and that’s enough. I think it’s none of my sister’s business. How can I referee this? -- Widow Ready to Date

DEAR WIDOW READY TO DATE: Get tough with your sister. She needs a reality check. Your mother deserves to have some joy in her life. Who knows if she will ever get married again? That’s not the point right now. What is at stake is your mother’s happiness. Help your sister to understand that your mother’s happiness is linked to how you react to her new life. Encourage your sister to welcome your mother’s new beau or to back off. She should not pass judgement as she has no idea how challenging it is to walk in your mother’s shoes.

If your sister is concerned about this man or any man running away with your mother’s wealth or your father’s legacy, suggest that she address those things. She can do so independent of your mother’s date. She can point out that it is wise for your mother to protect herself. Talking to an attorney to set up her affairs is a wise idea. Your mother will hear her better if she is not judgmental.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was looking at social media and noticed that a friend of mine had a huge party and didn’t invite me. As I looked at the photos, I got really sad. I knew everybody I saw in the photos. It made me wonder why she wouldn’t have included me. It wasn’t like the party was for a particular cause or that it had a high price. It looked like it was just a really special get-together. What should I do? Part of me wants to write on her page to say, “Why didn’t you invite me?” I know that seems sad and desperate. But I feel sad. Would it be OK to say, “Looks like a lot of fun,” or, “Wow, what a great event!” At least then I would let her know that I see the party, and she will obviously know that I wasn’t invited. What should I do? -- Not Invited

DEAR NOT INVITED: I like your idea of graciously writing on your friend’s social media page. By acknowledging how great the event seemed, you will let her know that you saw it and that you thought it was great. You should avoid being catty. Do not say that you are sad you weren’t invited.

Even more, don’t be sad. You cannot be invited to everything. So you missed this one. If you want to be invited to more events, get out there and network more. The invites will follow.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been friends with a female corporate executive for some years now. She is lovely and smart, and our relationship is always warm. I saw her after not seeing her for about six months, and it was obvious to me that she had had plastic surgery. I’m sorry, but she looked crazy to me. Yes, she is getting older and a bit overweight, but what she did to her face makes her look totally fake.

I feel like I should say something to her. I guess she is trying to keep up with the young people in her world, but it is not working. I think it would be so much better if she just accepted herself as she is. Should I say something to her? -- Too Much Plastic Surgery

DEAR TOO MUCH PLASTIC SURGERY: This is a time when I recommend that you keep your comments to yourself. Your friend has made choices that you may not have made, but they are made. For you to tell her you think she made a bad decision about something that is largely irreversible is not helpful. Clearly, your friend was feeling the urge to modernize herself or at least to make herself seem younger. Occasionally, plastic surgery does that effectively. Often, the job is too glaringly different from where you started.

That is not your problem. Your challenge is to be a friend to her by accepting her as she is. If she ever brings up her plastic surgery, you can tell her, gently, that you choose not to refresh in that way. If she asks more, you can give her your thoughts in general about the pros and cons of plastic surgery, but steer clear of what she has done until and unless she asks you directly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father used to say, “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” I tell it to my kids, but they don’t have a clue. I feel like my wife and I are spoiling our kids too much by letting them have a comfortable life. I struggled for every dollar, and it worked out for me -- when it was time for me to work as an adult, I knew I had to hustle. I worry that my kids have it too easy. They don’t understand what it means for the lights to go out because their parents didn’t have money to pay the electric bill. I need to do something to get them to appreciate what they have. Any ideas? -- Wake Up My Kids

DEAR WAKE UP MY KIDS: Privilege can trick young people into believing that they will always enjoy the fruits of their parents’ labor and influence. I have talked to a number of wealthy parents who have shared their down-to-earth stories. One celebrity mom told me that her well-to-do father told her that while she lives in his house, it is his. She can enjoy the fruits of his labor for as long as HE decides, not her. This motivated her to make her own money and figure out her life as an independent person.

Can you encourage your kids to step into responsibility? Stay in conversation with them so that they can imagine what it means to be independent and what they can do to get there. Changing the narrative from your children asking for money to them asking about how to invest what they have and, in other ways, thinking about how to plan for the future will be a tremendous win!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)