DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently started a new job, and I am the only African American person in the entire workplace. I don't know how to feel or what to expect because this is the first time I've been the only minority at my place of work. I'm not sure if I should even pay attention to it or if I should keep my guard up. While I don't want to be at work with a negative perspective, I can tell that most of the employees are a little shocked that I got this position. Some are masking it by being overly nice. Can you give me some tips on how to be comfortable in an environment where no one looks like me? -- Stand Out

DEAR STAND OUT: Even today, in 2019, there are many work environments that are not diverse. As in your case, believe it or not, there are still workplaces where someone can be the “first” person to diversify the workforce. Naturally, that can feel awkward -- for you and for the other employees. Rather than being self-conscious, hunker down and do your job. Figure out what success looks like in your company. Find out what the markers are for being a stellar employee and fulfilling the requirements of your job, and do your best to be excellent.

You will also need to build rapport with your co-workers. Go slowly on this front. Be a keen observer. Notice what my mother calls “the bright lights in the room.” Who stands out for you as a friendly, welcoming person? Befriend those people first. Also, take note of anyone who seems to dislike you. Keep those people in your peripheral vision so that you are aware of any efforts they might make to derail you. Stay the course. Believe in yourself. Hone your skills when needed. Ask questions of your supervisor. Demonstrate that you have the abilities and desire to be in that role.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just found out that a good friend of mine that I thought I was getting to know better was lying to me about certain aspects of his life. We talked every day, and I felt he was becoming someone I could open up to. While the topic he lied about is juvenile and I understand that he did it to make himself look better, he broke my trust. My No. 1 rule is having no liars around me, but this is how I've lost friends in the past. I simply cut off individuals who break my trust, even if it is for the first time.

I'm debating whether I'm too harsh and should give people more chances, or am I right to cut people off? I don't want to lose my friend, but I wonder if he was a real friend at all or if he lied about other things? -- Rejecting Liars

DEAR REJECTING LIARS: Your hard line about lying may be too rigid. It may be best to look at each relationship individually to assess whether you can forgive a person for a particular behavior, or if the person went too far.

In this case, you say that the lie was juvenile and seemingly insignificant. Perhaps you can talk to your friend about what happened, let him know how you feel about people who lie to you and explain to him that you are reluctant to remain his friend. Admit that you are now worried about whether he has lied about other things or if he will lie to you in the future. Talk it out to see if forgiveness has a place in this friendship.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: We recently went on a family vacation, and our overall time was great. However, there were some uncomfortable moments. My father invited some of his family from Florida and South Carolina, and instead of exhibiting Southern charm, they were pretty rude. Our family welcomed them with open arms and tried to show them a good time, but they seemed ungrateful.

One 15-year-old kept making rude comments about my sisters and me, and when we had had enough, we confronted him about it. My dad was upset with us because he believed that since he is a minor, his mother should have been made aware of his behavior. My sisters and I are in our early 20s. What would you have done if you were in our situation? -- Family Reunion Blues

DEAR FAMILY REUNION BLUES: Your father wanted to be a gracious host. Despite whatever squabbles occurred, he wanted to stay above the fray. That is a noble philosophy, but it doesn’t take into account what happens in the moment.

As young adults, I understand why you felt you should have the agency to speak up for yourselves when your teenage cousin had gone too far with his rude comments. You haven’t detailed exactly what transpired to provoke your reaction nor specifically what you said to your cousin, but in general I can say that it can be helpful for people to work out their differences face to face if it can be done civilly. It is also true that the parent of a minor can and should be informed if that child is behaving inappropriately. In that case, the protocol would have been for you to report the behavior to your father and have him speak to the parent.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother is a single parent. This summer he unexpectedly dropped off his 4-year-old at our mom's house. He said he feels overwhelmed by being a single parent and needs some time to himself to recalibrate. I live close to our mom, so I’ve been helping her out, but it's quite an imposition on both of us to care for our niece for the whole summer. I love my niece, but she’s not our responsibility. How can I find the balance between helping out my brother and maintaining my own life balance? -- Drawing the Line

DEAR DRAWING THE LINE: Clear lines of communication are needed here. Being a single parent can feel overwhelming at times, and as the saying goes, it does take a village to raise a child. But the village needs to be aware and willing. Dropping off a child without warning is irresponsible, even if the drop-off is to Mom’s house.

A plan should have been designed that everyone signed off on regarding time for taking the child, shared responsibilities, along with any quirks or peculiarities about the child that the family should know. It is not too late to call your brother and come to a meeting of the minds about what’s happening now. He may need to pick up his daughter early if the visit is too much of an imposition.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a woman with a husband and a 19-year-old son, and recently I’ve been finding it difficult to be the only woman in the household. Sometimes it feels like I can be heard only when I raise my voice. What course of action can I take to convey these feelings to my husband and my son in a healthier manner? -- Mother's Voice

DEAR MOTHER’S VOICE: Start by talking to your husband. Remind him that this is an important time for you both to have a good rapport with your child, and you need his support. Tell him that you have noticed that the two of them often exclude you and that you find it necessary to shout in order to be heard. Ask your husband to help the family dynamics by noticing when each of them needs to stop and give you the floor, or at least welcome you into the conversation.

Next, talk to your son. Tell him about the importance of having meaningful conversation. Ask for his support. Be mindful not to ask too many questions. Teenagers don’t like that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Occasionally, I have difficulty with bouts of loneliness. I have good friends and a good support system around me; however, sometimes it feels that I cannot express feelings that I internalize. I’ve been going to therapy to deal with this, but I’m having difficulty opening up to the therapist, and it seems like the therapy will not be beneficial to me. Is there any way for me become more comfortable expressing to others the thoughts that I’ve been internalizing for so long? -- Mr. Lonely

DEAR MR. LONELY: It is difficult to open up and share what’s going on inside for you. That is normal. In order to get past that, you need to convince yourself that getting support from a professional may help you to be free of your challenging feelings. You have to be committed to your mental health and to allowing yourself to be vulnerable so that you can sort through your feelings and come to a place of peace. Tell yourself that your mental health professional is there to help you reach your goals. If you don’t trust the professional you are using, find someone else. You must be able to trust your therapist.

Tell your therapist about your trepidation. Ask this professional to help guide you into a calmer, more trusting space. The relationship that you develop with your therapist is key to your ability to recognize your issues and tackle them.

As you have pointed out, you are the most important person in this equation. You have to want it bad enough to have the courage to do the work to reveal your true self. Have patience as you keep showing up. By sticking to this course of therapy, you may be able to work through why you are experiencing this type of loneliness and how you can climb out of it. Good luck!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)