DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend and I have been going through it the past few months. We love each other, but we have not been getting along. I am a talker, and I want to work with her to talk things out. The other day, I was having an intense conversation with her about feelings, and in the middle of that conversation, she got a phone call from a friend. She excused herself and got off the phone with me to chitchat with her friend, then didn’t call me back for an hour.

How can I explain what’s wrong with that in a way that she can hear? It’s not about not talking to the friend but about prioritizing the discussion about our relationship. We were right in the middle of a heated conversation when she jumped off. I thought that was incredibly rude. -- Need to Talk

DEAR NEED TO TALK: I wonder how often you and your girlfriend have been having these “intense” conversations. It is odd that she would jump off of your call to “chitchat” with her friend. She knew that would upset you. Chances are, she does not want to talk, is worn out by talking or feels at a standstill about the success of your conversations. Her shifting to “chitchat” with her friend suggests that she did not want to continue to conversation. Your hurt feelings about how long it took for her to call you back further emphasize how unappealing the idea of continuing the conversation is for her.

You need to adopt a different approach. If talking to you about your relationship becomes something she dreads, I fear the talks will stop. You need to figure out what she wants in this relationship. Do your best to get her to tell you what her ideal relationship with you looks like. Then compare notes. If there is a meeting of the minds, you have a chance of success. I highly recommend that you get a professional therapist to help guide your discussions.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a freelance writer, and I have been doing a lot of work for a woman who is developing her social media presence. She is not a great writer, so she trusts me to get her ideas out in a captivating way. I am grateful for the work, but it has gotten a bit dicey. In order for her to get comfortable talking to me about the subjects she wants to address, she gets tipsy first. Just about every time we talk, she has clearly been drinking. Sometimes that means I can’t understand all of her words. Sometimes she is too flirty. It gets awkward if she has had too much to drink. Should I say anything? -- Tipsy Client

DEAR TIPSY CLIENT: Schedule your meetings with this client earlier in the day, when it is likely that she may not have been drinking. During a lucid moment, admit that as much as you want to help her, it is difficult when she is tipsy. Call it what it is -- kindly. Tell her you know it can be daunting to reveal her thoughts to you. Remind her that you support her totally. Tell her, though, that it really is tough for you to do your work when she is not always speaking clearly.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am dating a woman who is “one of the guys.” It’s a long-distance relationship for the two of us, which complicates things to start, but my issue is that she has this group of guys she hangs out with, and she gets all glammed up to hang out with them, drinking all night and laughing it up. Worse still, the guys she tends to hang with I consider to be thuggish. It worries me that this is how she spends her time -- especially since they often go out and get drunk. I am concerned about her safety and even about her choices. I don’t want to sound like the overprotective boyfriend, but her behavior disturbs me. She says I should stop being so jealous and paranoid. How can I get her to see that she might be in danger? -- Not One of the Boys

DEAR NOT ONE OF THE BOYS: For a relationship to work, you need to foster shared values. This is always true, and it's glaringly important when your bond is long-distance. How each of you spends your free time matters. Yes, you should trust each other, but trust is earned. It is fair that you re concerned that your girlfriend is dressed up and drinking with a group of guys on a regular basis. Even the best-behaved people can loosen up under the influence of alcohol.

The thing is, you cannot control her behavior. You probably do sound jealous and paranoid. You believe it is for good reason, while she brushes it off. It is hard for you to make ultimatums from a distance. What you have to decide is what you are willing to accept. Stop badgering her. That never works. If you can’t accept her extracurricular activities, you will have to determine if this is a deal breaker. Or is it time for the two of you to live in the same town? Talk values, and make up your mind.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was married to a man almost 30 years ago. We have spoken only once, for legal purposes, since then, although once I did send him a note of apology about how I had behaved at the end of our marriage. I found a copy of that note recently, and I realize that even then I was blaming him for the demise of our marriage, when it wasn’t that simple. I was wrong, too, and I treated him terribly. I know that now, and I feel like I owe him a true apology. I’m not interested in being friends with him. I just think I should own up to my horrible behavior way back then. Do you think he will appreciate receiving a note of apology from me so many years later? -- Delayed Regrets

DEAR DELAYED REGRETS: The notion of making amends is powerful when it is deeply considered and completely transparent. If you can find your ex’s contact information, write him a letter of apology. Admit your role in the demise of your marriage. Be forthright about how you behaved and how sorry you are for however you hurt him. Tell him that even though many years have passed, you have not forgotten that you were unkind, and you are sincerely sorry for any pain you may have caused him. Express your hope that he has built a good life for himself. Wish him well. Do not ask to re-engage in any way with him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a single friend in her 40s who has a good job and is a solid person. She told me that she is researching adopting a child. She says she loves her job and her life, but she always wanted to have children and doesn’t want to miss that chance. She wants me to support this idea.

I have two children and am a single mom, though I didn’t start out that way. I love my kids, but it is hard to manage my life, work and children. I bet this woman will be a great mom, but she needs to build a network of support. We are not close, and I cannot sign up for childcare. What can I say to her that will be supportive? -- Adopting a Child

DEAR ADOPTING A CHILD: You can be a sounding board without becoming a backup caregiver. This woman has reached out to you probably because you have children and are a single mom. You have firsthand understanding of what it takes to rear children, work and attempt to have a life. Speak honestly with her about your experiences so that she has a clear picture of what she is facing. Encourage her to talk to other moms about theirs. As you know, many women and men succeed at being single parents, despite the challenges.

If she is prepared to navigate this amazing experience, encourage her to identify and cultivate her network of support. Let her know that you do not believe you can be an active part of that network. You are stretched as far as you can go -- for now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has started wearing nail polish. He has always been artistic, but this is a new practice. He is 16 years old and quite independent as he comes close to the end of high school. I know he wants to explore his personality and interests without our intervention, but I am curious about the polish. I know it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is gay, but I do wonder about this choice and what is on his mind. I am open to whoever my son is becoming, and I want him to talk to me. How can I get him to open up? If he is gay or exploring it, I want to know that, too. -- What Nail Polish Means

DEAR WHAT NAIL POLISH MEANS: Stop making assumptions and talk to your son. Ask him why he started wearing nail polish. Listen to see what he says. While most straight men may not wear colored nail polish, polish itself is no clear sign of someone’s sexual orientation. At my nail salon, for example, at least 30 percent of the men coming for manicures and pedicures appear to be straight men who care about their grooming.

If you are curious about your son’s sexual orientation, ask him directly and without judgment. Tell him you want to be able to support him as he becomes a man, so you want to know what is going on in his life. Encourage him to open up to you. Know that nail polish may only be a sign of creative exploration of his personality.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)