DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriends and I have taken a trip together almost every year since we were in college. Not everybody can go each time, but we try to go because it’s a lot of fun, and it helps us to stay connected. The plan for this year is to go to Costa Rica. I had intended to go, but I was hit by the government shutdown. I should get my back pay, but my credit got dinged when I couldn’t pay my credit card bills. I feel lucky that I have a job where I can recoup the wages, but I feel uncertain about spending extra money on credit when I’m not back on my feet yet. My friends really want me to join them. What do you think? -- Push and Pull

DEAR PUSH AND PULL: Because you and your friends do these trips regularly, if you don’t go this year, it is likely that there will be another trip soon. Before backing out, go over the logistics and costs for this year. Costa Rica can be an affordable destination. Look at the details, and talk it over with your friends. Tell them your predicament, and discuss the plan openly. If you remain concerned about the expense, pass on this trip. You might also suggest hosting a gathering stateside that is affordable and still gets the group together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I take my daughter to ballet class every week, and I have noticed one of the other girls always has unruly hair. She is a black girl, and her mom is white. It is obvious that the mom loves her a lot, but I guess she hasn’t figured out how to do her daughter's hair yet.

My daughter and I are black with curly hair similar to the little girl's. I want to reach out to this mom to tell her what products I use for my daughter, but I don’t want to offend her. I know how prickly moms can be. How should I approach her? -- Unruly Hair

DEAR UNRULY HAIR: I have been in this situation before, and it is tough. Often, there is a heightened sensitivity among mothers of children of different races who are trying to figure it all out.

It is likely that this mom has already gotten her fair share of advice from people, some delivered more lovingly than others. Tread lightly. You can ask her privately if she is open to talking about hair. If she is, tell her the truth about what you have learned about tending to curly hair, what products you use for your daughter and what you think might work for her. If she is open to the discussion, ask her if you can share some samples of product with her. You might make a care package to deliver at the next dance class. Be discreet. This may open the door to a larger conversation that can build trust.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have periodic calls with one of my clients right before we activate a project, and I dread the conversation every time. Like clockwork, she finds a way to berate me right before we start going over details of the project.

This last conversation, I was not able to turn the other cheek. She insinuated that I never follow up on the pointers she shares with me, so it seems like a waste of time for her to give them. That is patently untrue. I take copious notes and do my best to incorporate all the input she shares.

Her blanket comments make it seem like I don’t pay attention and don’t respect her. I stood up for myself this time and said, “I take offense to that statement. I do listen and incorporate your input.” Her immediate response was to tell me I shouldn’t take offense. We went back and forth a few more times until I said, “Let’s just move on,” because she wouldn’t back down.

I’m not sure how to handle this. Constantly being put down and told I do a horrible job when it isn’t true is hard for me. Standing up for myself doesn’t seem to register to her as anything but annoyance. I hate this job, but I also need it. How can I survive? -- Constantly Put Down

DEAR CONSTANTLY PUT DOWN: Being browbeaten over and over again can wear on your spirit. On one hand, it is important to be able to work and earn money to put food on the table. On the other, you have to be careful not to destroy your spirit.

Occasionally standing up for yourself -- as you did -- making it known that you are a professional and that you do follow her guidelines is fine. But you also have to accept that if this is how this woman behaves, you are not going to be able to change it. At some point, you will either need to actively seek another job and leave or find a way to deflect her comments without fighting with her about them. For your spirit’s sake, I suggest that you look for a new gig.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently bought a car. For years, I had been taking public transportation everywhere, which can be tough because I live in a suburban area. My car makes it possible for me to get to work and to other activities much faster than before. I am so grateful. My problem is that my neighbors and family members act like the car is theirs as well. They are constantly asking me to give them rides. A couple of them have asked to borrow my car. I don’t feel comfortable with that. If someone has an accident, I have to pay for the insurance. Also, when I do give people a ride, they rarely offer to chip in for gas. They just act like I’m rich or something. I bought this used car with hard-earned money. I don’t appreciate being taken advantage of. How can I handle this? -- Not Your Chauffeur

DEAR NOT YOUR CHAUFFEUR: Set ground rules for your car. Let your loved ones know that when you can, you will help them out, but you need them to chip in for gas. Make it clear that you will not always be available to drive them, and they need to respect that. Do not let others drive your car. Tell them it’s an insurance issue -- which it is, by the way.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was told by my doctor three months ago that I need to lose weight. I was doing a good job of going to the gym and working out, but recently I have slipped. The cold weather and a lack of motivation have gotten me into a funk. Instead of losing weight, I feel certain I have gained. I am supposed to go back to the doctor for a checkup soon, and I want to cancel. I am embarrassed by my lack of progress. What should I do? -- Off the Wagon

DEAR OFF THE WAGON: Developing healthy eating and exercise habits can be challenging for people who are not disciplined in those areas. Indeed, that’s probably why you are in the predicament where you are under doctor’s orders. Rather than ducking your doctor out of embarrassment, face up to her and admit your struggles. Ask her to help you devise a plan that is actionable on your part. Figure out small steps that you can take toward improving your health.

I know one thing that many people do that works is to think about the future and what it means to you. If you have children, consider how much they will need you to be healthy in years to come. If you have elderly parents, how will you be able to support them if you are unwell? What goals do you have for your life? Write out a vision for your life and how you want to live it. Based on that vision, what do you need to do to get there? By defining goals, you may be able to increase your motivation to succeed. Good luck.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have gotten to know a woman in my neighborhood who is fun, quirky and talkative. She is on the dating scene, whereas I have been married for a long time. Listening to her stories is interesting. She told me that she was celibate, and she tells guys up front that she is not interested in having sex early on in a relationship. She said a lot of guys are turned off by that, but this is her rule. I like that she stands by that.

Recently, she admitted that she has a “maintenance man” -- a go-to guy for sex! She has sex with him whenever she wants, no strings attached, but other men she’s considering as marriage material get denied. This was confusing to me. I felt like a Neanderthal about dating and romance. Is she a hypocrite, or am I hearing something wrong here? -- Dating and Sex

DEAR DATING AND SEX: What may be most unusual about this story is that it is coming from a woman. This woman is attempting to navigate her dating life so she can find a partner while, at the same time, enjoying sex. That sounds like what many would call the stereotypical man. Often, men are not judged if they have casual sex with people and then later marry “the nice girl.”

As someone who has not been on the dating scene for a long time, you should just listen and take it all in. Cut her a break, too. She is doing her best to figure out her life. Be grateful that you don’t have to swim in those waters right now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)