DEAR HARRIETTE: I was told by my doctor three months ago that I need to lose weight. I was doing a good job of going to the gym and working out, but recently I have slipped. The cold weather and a lack of motivation have gotten me into a funk. Instead of losing weight, I feel certain I have gained. I am supposed to go back to the doctor for a checkup soon, and I want to cancel. I am embarrassed by my lack of progress. What should I do? -- Off the Wagon

DEAR OFF THE WAGON: Developing healthy eating and exercise habits can be challenging for people who are not disciplined in those areas. Indeed, that’s probably why you are in the predicament where you are under doctor’s orders. Rather than ducking your doctor out of embarrassment, face up to her and admit your struggles. Ask her to help you devise a plan that is actionable on your part. Figure out small steps that you can take toward improving your health.

I know one thing that many people do that works is to think about the future and what it means to you. If you have children, consider how much they will need you to be healthy in years to come. If you have elderly parents, how will you be able to support them if you are unwell? What goals do you have for your life? Write out a vision for your life and how you want to live it. Based on that vision, what do you need to do to get there? By defining goals, you may be able to increase your motivation to succeed. Good luck.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have gotten to know a woman in my neighborhood who is fun, quirky and talkative. She is on the dating scene, whereas I have been married for a long time. Listening to her stories is interesting. She told me that she was celibate, and she tells guys up front that she is not interested in having sex early on in a relationship. She said a lot of guys are turned off by that, but this is her rule. I like that she stands by that.

Recently, she admitted that she has a “maintenance man” -- a go-to guy for sex! She has sex with him whenever she wants, no strings attached, but other men she’s considering as marriage material get denied. This was confusing to me. I felt like a Neanderthal about dating and romance. Is she a hypocrite, or am I hearing something wrong here? -- Dating and Sex

DEAR DATING AND SEX: What may be most unusual about this story is that it is coming from a woman. This woman is attempting to navigate her dating life so she can find a partner while, at the same time, enjoying sex. That sounds like what many would call the stereotypical man. Often, men are not judged if they have casual sex with people and then later marry “the nice girl.”

As someone who has not been on the dating scene for a long time, you should just listen and take it all in. Cut her a break, too. She is doing her best to figure out her life. Be grateful that you don’t have to swim in those waters right now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Now that the government shutdown is over, we are relieved that my husband will be getting paid again, but we really took a hit during that period. It is going to take time to repair our credit and to get on stable footing.

But worse off than my family are the small businesses in our neighborhood that used to service government employees. I feel so sorry for them, and honestly, I didn’t think about them until I noticed what was happening. The guy who runs the hot dog stand near my husband’s job had virtually no customers for weeks. Same for the diner around the corner. Almost all of these businesses' patrons were government workers. I feel so bad for them. All we can do is start patronizing them again, but they will never gain that lost income. How can we show them support? -- After the Shutdown

DEAR AFTER THE SHUTDOWN: You are wise to realize how devastating the government shutdown was for far more individuals and businesses than government employees. I saw an estimate in Time magazine from Standard & Poor’s of $24 billion lost revenue during the shutdown, reflecting $3.1 billion in lost government services and $152 million per day in lost travel spending, $76 million per day because of National Parks being closed and $217 million per day in lost federal and contractor wages in the D.C. area. And that doesn’t even get to the people you mentioned. The devastation is tremendous and will be long-lasting.

Your empathy for those around you who were affected, along with your own family, is palpable. Humanize each of these scenarios. You may not have any significant dollars to send their way right now, but patronize their businesses when you can, and speak to the business owners whenever you see them. Talk about rebuilding. Listen to their stories, as they listen to yours. A healthy dose of humanity can go a long way in challenging times like these.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got a call out of the blue from the guy I dated when I was in college. He said he wanted to get together for coffee or something. My mouth fell on the floor. What? This man was physically abusive to me. He should have gone to jail for beating me up, but I was stupid and didn’t press charges. I did break up with him, and I never intended to speak to him again.

It was incredibly disruptive for him to call me and act like nothing bad ever happened between us. I asked him if he remembered what he did to me years ago. He admitted that he did, but he said that since so much time has passed, he hoped we could be friends again. I did not agree to meet with him. Do you think I made the right decision? -- Stirring Up the Past

DEAR STIRRING UP THE PAST: You have every right to keep that chapter of your life in the past. Whatever redemption this man seeks is not your responsibility. Do know that he may be involved in a 12-step program that requires participants to attempt to make amends with those they have hurt. This could be why he’s reaching out. Still, you do not have to comply. If he calls again, cordially tell him that you will not be able to see him. The end.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is a sophomore in high school. He is a great student and generally a good kid. I discovered the other day that he has been smoking weed after finding one of those vape pens in his jacket pocket.

Now, I am no prude. When I was in high school, my friends and I tried it, too. But as a parent, I need to discourage this behavior. I want my kid to continue to be a good student and not to get distracted. Smoking weed can easily distract him from his studies -- not to mention, it is not legal in our state yet. What can I say to him that he will listen to? -- No More Weed

DEAR NO MORE WEED: Sit down with your son and tell him that you want to share your concerns -- without judgment. Be honest. Tell him that you know that he has been smoking weed -- or at least vaping the oil version of it. Make it clear that you do not think this is a healthy or safe choice for him, especially since he is a good student who needs to focus on his studies. Point out that many people who smoke weed get distracted and often spend less time on their homework. Ask him if he thinks that the consequences are worth it. You should also tell him that you tried weed when you were a teenager. Experimenting is normal, but you want to encourage your son to be mindful of what he might try, let alone continue to use.

Tell him you know that you cannot control his actions, even though you can create consequences if he does things that you do not allow. Make it clear that your intention is to protect and guide him to smart decisions based on all that you have learned. You can also encourage your son to do his own research so that he can understand for himself the pros and cons of his actions.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a fairly large apartment building that, unfortunately, has thin walls. Over the past few months, I have heard my across-the-hall neighbors argue on a regular basis. It is disturbing and disruptive for us, because we can hear every word. Worse, though, the other night it sounded like the couple got into a physical fight. It sounded awful and violent. I heard it, but I didn’t know what to do. I hope nobody got hurt, but I’m not sure when to call the police. I don’t want to be that nosy neighbor who possibly gets somebody arrested, but I’m worried for these people. And I’m tired of having to listen to them. -- Violent Neighbors

DEAR VIOLENT NEIGHBORS: If you believe you hear or witness a crime, it is your duty to report it to the authorities. That includes calling the police if you believe that your neighbors are physically fighting. You can submit your complaint anonymously if that will make you feel more comfortable. But think about it for a moment -- you would be sick with grief if you didn’t speak up and either person ended up terribly hurt or even dead. Report it, even if it makes you uncomfortable.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)