DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that my godson is gay, and it sounds like he is struggling with his sexual identity. His mom says he is drinking heavily and trying to act “straight” when he’s drunk. He is having a tough time.

He has not told me, and we are not particularly close, but I have talked to other young adults about sexual identity over the years, and I think I might be of help. How can I approach him without seeming like a busybody? -- Coming Out

DEAR COMING OUT: Do not approach your godson. Since his mom is the person who told you what he’s facing, talk to her about your idea. Describe to her some of the conversations you have had with other young people surrounding sexual identity. Ask her if she thinks it might be helpful for you to reach out to her son. Additionally, ask if she would like to have a sense from you of what your discussions have been. If she is open, you may want to share some ideas and insights with her to use at her discretion.

She may, on the other hand, think this is a perfect time for her son’s godparent to step up, step in and be of support. Just know it is not up to you. This is a sensitive topic for their family. Be mindful not to be too pushy. Just offer your support, and see what his mom agrees to allow.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I know a woman who sells beauty products through a multilevel marketing company. She is aggressive with her pitching, and recently she focused in on me. I must get three calls or emails a week from her, all pushing me to come to a meeting and sample her products and consider becoming a salesperson. I like this woman, but I am not interested in buying or selling beauty products. I have limited time and resources, and I have already committed to what I spend my free time doing.

I get that she is trying to build her business, but I do not want to get sucked in. This woman won’t take no for an answer. Honestly, she is a bit stalkerish. How can I get her to stop? -- Don't Market to Me

DEAR DON’T MARKET TO ME: The woman in question is doing her job -- being a salesperson. Her pushiness is probably something she learned from her multilevel marketing company's training. What you have described is not unique. It is standard practice for some salespeople.

You do not have to succumb to her pushiness. Stop answering this woman’s calls and emails. Stop engaging her. If you don’t begin a conversation, you can’t have one. If you have already told her you are not interested, let that be the end of it. One of the most powerful things I have heard women leaders say is, “‘No’ is a complete sentence.” You can say and mean no by ending the discussion there.

A problem that many of us face is that we feel guilty for not allowing our compassionate side to lead with salespeople. But you must begin and end with no when no is what you mean.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have gone to the same lawyer for more than 10 years. Today, I find myself in a predicament where I need a specialist to help me with a problem that is beyond my lawyer’s expertise, but I feel like it’s almost like breaking up with a hairdresser. I asked my lawyer for a referral for a specialist, and he got offended and told me he could handle it. When I pressed him on the importance of finding an expert, he said he would find someone but charge me a fee for the referral. I don’t understand that. I have sent people to him over the years and never asked for a cut. Why should I give him a cut of something he cannot handle? -- Lawyer Trouble

DEAR LAWYER TROUBLE: It is true that a long-term relationship with an attorney can feel personal and intimate and, therefore, difficult to leave, even if only for a particular project. You should say as much to your attorney. Let him know how hard it was for you to come to the realization that you needed someone else for the legal challenge that you are facing.

In terms of paying a fee, that depends on how much work your lawyer did to identify this specialist for you. While some attorneys make referrals gratis, others do charge a fee if they vet the new lawyer, introduce him or her and oversee at least the early process to ensure that you are properly cared for. Evaluate what your attorney is doing for you before you complain. If you think he deserves something, negotiate with him on that amount. If not, find another attorney who is completely independent of your guy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A lot of my friends have decided to give blood, and they want to do it together as a sign of solidarity. This was precipitated by a request that was sent out by the American Red Cross. My friends, who are all college students or in the first years of work, say they could use the extra cash they will get. Plus, they will be doing good.

I looked into it, and I don’t think the Red Cross pays for blood. I read that some companies do, but that’s not even my issue. A few years ago, I was infected with hepatitis C. My health is under control now, but I’m sure my blood will be rejected. My friends don’t know my status, and I don’t really want to tell them. I also do not want to join them for their trip to the blood bank. What can I say to them? -- No Blood

DEAR NO BLOOD: Encourage your friends to give blood, as it is true that there is almost always a need for clean blood to be available for injured or ill people. At the same time, tell them that you will not be joining them. You can say that you learned years ago that it doesn’t work for you to give. You can say you tried before and were rejected. You can stop talking about it after that. There is no need for you to share your health status.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: We are having several events to celebrate Black History Month at my job. That’s all OK, I guess, but I don’t really want to participate. This is not because I am racist. I don’t participate in any of the other heritage events during the year, so I’m not discriminating. But these Black History Month events are much higher profile. I feel like I am going to be judged for not attending and possibly even called racist. How can I handle this and maintain a good reputation at work? -- No Celebrating

DEAR NO CELEBRATING: A critical part of being a team player in a work community is participating in the big events -- and often the smaller ones -- that are produced for the staff. The higher-profile events do bring more scrutiny in terms of who attends. Sure, you could tell anyone who asks that you don’t attend any such events. But I recommend that you adopt a more inclusive strategy. Think about the bigger picture.

You can go to events during Black History Month as well as the various other causes and engagements for a few minutes. Pay your respects and go on with the rest of your day. Those few minutes of socializing, preferably at the beginning of the event when the stakeholders are in the room, will be a far more efficient use of your time than explaining away others’ judgment of your absence.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I get the newspaper delivered to my home every weekend. It has always been a bit problematic because I live in an apartment building, and rather than the delivery person bringing it to my door, he leaves all of the papers at the entrance of the building. I would say that about once a month, somebody takes my paper. I go downstairs on a Saturday or a Sunday to get the paper, and there isn't one. I have been tempted to take somebody else’s paper, but that’s not right. I can’t figure out who is stealing the paper, or if sometimes it isn’t delivered. When I ask the delivery person to drop it at my door, he says he can't. What recourse do I have? -- Missing Paper

DEAR MISSING PAPER: This is quite a predicament in that you cannot control the movement or safe arrival of your paper. Contact the newspaper every time yours is missing and ask for a refund. If you do that insistently and regularly enough -- with the success of receiving a refund -- they may change their delivery policy.

Otherwise, you may have to accept that you will lose a few papers or decide to receive the whole thing online. I know the latter is difficult if you are like me and you like to hold the paper in your hands.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)