DEAR HARRIETTE: I have gone to the same lawyer for more than 10 years. Today, I find myself in a predicament where I need a specialist to help me with a problem that is beyond my lawyer’s expertise, but I feel like it’s almost like breaking up with a hairdresser. I asked my lawyer for a referral for a specialist, and he got offended and told me he could handle it. When I pressed him on the importance of finding an expert, he said he would find someone but charge me a fee for the referral. I don’t understand that. I have sent people to him over the years and never asked for a cut. Why should I give him a cut of something he cannot handle? -- Lawyer Trouble

DEAR LAWYER TROUBLE: It is true that a long-term relationship with an attorney can feel personal and intimate and, therefore, difficult to leave, even if only for a particular project. You should say as much to your attorney. Let him know how hard it was for you to come to the realization that you needed someone else for the legal challenge that you are facing.

In terms of paying a fee, that depends on how much work your lawyer did to identify this specialist for you. While some attorneys make referrals gratis, others do charge a fee if they vet the new lawyer, introduce him or her and oversee at least the early process to ensure that you are properly cared for. Evaluate what your attorney is doing for you before you complain. If you think he deserves something, negotiate with him on that amount. If not, find another attorney who is completely independent of your guy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A lot of my friends have decided to give blood, and they want to do it together as a sign of solidarity. This was precipitated by a request that was sent out by the American Red Cross. My friends, who are all college students or in the first years of work, say they could use the extra cash they will get. Plus, they will be doing good.

I looked into it, and I don’t think the Red Cross pays for blood. I read that some companies do, but that’s not even my issue. A few years ago, I was infected with hepatitis C. My health is under control now, but I’m sure my blood will be rejected. My friends don’t know my status, and I don’t really want to tell them. I also do not want to join them for their trip to the blood bank. What can I say to them? -- No Blood

DEAR NO BLOOD: Encourage your friends to give blood, as it is true that there is almost always a need for clean blood to be available for injured or ill people. At the same time, tell them that you will not be joining them. You can say that you learned years ago that it doesn’t work for you to give. You can say you tried before and were rejected. You can stop talking about it after that. There is no need for you to share your health status.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: We are having several events to celebrate Black History Month at my job. That’s all OK, I guess, but I don’t really want to participate. This is not because I am racist. I don’t participate in any of the other heritage events during the year, so I’m not discriminating. But these Black History Month events are much higher profile. I feel like I am going to be judged for not attending and possibly even called racist. How can I handle this and maintain a good reputation at work? -- No Celebrating

DEAR NO CELEBRATING: A critical part of being a team player in a work community is participating in the big events -- and often the smaller ones -- that are produced for the staff. The higher-profile events do bring more scrutiny in terms of who attends. Sure, you could tell anyone who asks that you don’t attend any such events. But I recommend that you adopt a more inclusive strategy. Think about the bigger picture.

You can go to events during Black History Month as well as the various other causes and engagements for a few minutes. Pay your respects and go on with the rest of your day. Those few minutes of socializing, preferably at the beginning of the event when the stakeholders are in the room, will be a far more efficient use of your time than explaining away others’ judgment of your absence.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I get the newspaper delivered to my home every weekend. It has always been a bit problematic because I live in an apartment building, and rather than the delivery person bringing it to my door, he leaves all of the papers at the entrance of the building. I would say that about once a month, somebody takes my paper. I go downstairs on a Saturday or a Sunday to get the paper, and there isn't one. I have been tempted to take somebody else’s paper, but that’s not right. I can’t figure out who is stealing the paper, or if sometimes it isn’t delivered. When I ask the delivery person to drop it at my door, he says he can't. What recourse do I have? -- Missing Paper

DEAR MISSING PAPER: This is quite a predicament in that you cannot control the movement or safe arrival of your paper. Contact the newspaper every time yours is missing and ask for a refund. If you do that insistently and regularly enough -- with the success of receiving a refund -- they may change their delivery policy.

Otherwise, you may have to accept that you will lose a few papers or decide to receive the whole thing online. I know the latter is difficult if you are like me and you like to hold the paper in your hands.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am cleaning out my closets and trying to make more space in my house. I have accumulated so much over time, including some pretty great clothing. I could give it all to Goodwill or the Salvation Army, but I also like the idea of getting something back for my clothes. I know that some people use websites to offload old stuff. What do you recommend? Part of me is concerned that if I go the route of selling at a discount online, it will just keep the stuff in my house for a lot longer. -- Purging

DEAR PURGING: If you can give yourself a deadline and stick to it, you can potentially earn money selling your old clothing -- and other household goods. Acting like the yard sales of my youth, there are now many websites that allow you to post your gently used items that you feature with photos and discounted pricing. Some popular options are eBay.com, Tradesy.com, MaterialWorld.co, Etsy.com, Poshmark.com, ThredUp.com, Bonanza.com and Shopify.com.

I will add that if your home is bordering on hoarding status, you may want to dump the items on your sidewalk on trash pickup day, call a company like 1-800-GOT-JUNK or take your items to Goodwill or the Salvation Army. If you do that, you can get tax write-off slips that will allow you a bit of relief at tax time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine let me know that my boyfriend from a few years back is homeless and living in a shelter. He lost his job a couple of years ago, one thing led to the next, and he lost his apartment. I feel awful for him. He is a really nice guy with a big heart. I can’t imagine what it’s like for him. My friend told me that he still has the same cellphone number. She encouraged me to call and check in on him. I’m not sure if I should. I do like him, but I don’t have any money to give him, and I’m in a relationship. Do you think it will be misleading to reconnect with him? -- Homeless Ex

DEAR HOMELESS EX: If you care about your ex -- as a person -- definitely give him a call. Tell him that you learned about his misfortune and you wanted to offer moral support. Ask him how he’s doing and what his plans are. Tell him that you are sorry that he has fallen on hard times, but you know he is a good person and you pray that he will be able to be in a better place soon.

Be upfront and let him know that you are reaching out to him as a friend only. Tell him that you are in a relationship now. If you are up for it, allow him to contact you from time to time as he manages through this difficult period.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)